It Is The 30th Day Of April In The Year Of Our Lord 2011

Good Marnin to ye Lads and Lassies may the roar rise to meet yer feet and all your trips be down Hill, and ye be in Heaven an hour before the Devil Knows yer Dead. Simple is still in Sugar house last I heard Hope he had a few more Jackpots in him. I have to post and be the host and do all the friggin toast so heres to me.Well I guess we all saw the Royal wedding why is it a whole family of wealfare recipents get so much respect ?they live off the taxes of the People and they are a uppity Bunch those inbreads, I rember on  Okinawa we ran into a Bunch of british Royal Marines and we was bantering back and forth and I said to one of them awwwwwww Fuck the Queen, He looked at me and said FUCK THE QUEEN !!!! Why you canr even approach her.
           Anywho it gives me the Idea we can name anyone , thing what ever that has to do with royality Like Duke Ellington, or or something like the duke and the count had a fight  and the duke was down for the Count anything ya wish like the Queen Taking a dump then there will be a royal flush!!!!! The Ball is in your Court smirks for now ya can Count me out.I need some sleep

Today is now tomorrow in Simpleville cause Simple cant fix this!!!!! so it is now the 29th day of April in the Year of Our Lord 2011

Okie dokie Lads and Lasses since we are staying up all night for the Royal Wedding I had to come back and fix this Cause Simple dont know  how, say do anything ya want if ya can this better work cause idol is on.I'll be back

It is the 28th Day of April In the year Of Our Lord 2011

 Well Marnin to ye Lads and Lassies here it is 10 O'clock on the East coast and just 7am out here where Simple put us. I hear here opps thats  chit is over with. Well I hear all the 427'ers are hurtin they have too much Blood in there Alcohol and there Hair hurts right about now. I rember those Days well, waking up with lots of change in your pocket calling people to see if you had fun, finding out some of the dumb assed things ya did. I was lucky I only had two Blackouts the 60's and 70's only problem is then people said he's drunk now they say the Son of a Bitch was always crazy. Shrugs what can ya say! It's crazy knowing there all wrong but anywho til Simple gets back  name some good hangover cures he's going to need em. I'll be back

"Today Is The 27th Day Of April In The Year Of Our Lord 2011."

Mornin, Happy Birthdy to Me, Happy Birthday to me.  That's all I got, all night card game.. Somebody take over.. happy birthday to me...

"Today Is The 26th Day Of April In The Year Of Our Lord 2011."

Mornin... Well, better off than anybody that got a vistit from the Reaper last night.  I think they say about 10,000 a nite cash in the chips. You know, really cash them in. Don't know what happened with the Phightins. It was 4-zip Arizona and Lee had struck out 11 in like seven innings, kind of a contradiction in terms, but I made it that far, that is a fact.  The ville is sparkling today, took me hours to clean up all those flowers.. WAKE UP PLAIN!! or are you already awake and whackin!!  Hey Plain, if your gettin up at four AM to play with your balls, you can go ahead and Post all you want, feel free there, you old one legged Charleston, Rose in Mouth hoofer you..The Question Of The Day?? Drum Roll eze...........................Did The Queen Take A Shit??  NOOOOOOOO!! Damn going on a  decade..Wonder that bitch don't explode.  Hope she ain't savin it to fuck up Katies wedding day.. I hear she is a real bitch when it comes to someone else getting all the attention..On to bigger and better, I did watch the Syrian Army firing on unarmed protestors.  Did Hillary do anything about that yet??  Haven't had time too check.. I'm sure she will take care of it..Did you ever hear people say, " I had a long day." I thought they were all 24 hours.  This language is fucked up.. OK lets get rollin.  Take a card any card.  No wait a minute that ain't it.. Take a word any word, that is spelled different, means something different,  yet is pronounced the same... This should show you how fucked up this language really is..You know like KNOW you are sure of something, or NO You cannot do that.. A few more then I gotta get to work...
Bare- naked, no clothes on.
Bear- Sometimes you bite him or sometimes he bites you.  When is the last time you bit a Bear..

Hair-Some kind of natural head cover that guys usually lose as they get older. hmmmm..
Hare-That would be a bunny

There are a lot of these type word and I know there is a word too define them, can't think of it right now.. I am sure someone will tell me.  Get some time have some fun.  Hey any of our visitors, leave us a word or two, we would be glad too HEAR from you..

HEAR-Something I can't do...
Here-That's where I am..

"Today Is The 25th Day Of April In The Year Of Our Lord 2011."

Mornin.  Warining to Earman and Plain, (read yesterdays comments), I said God had a sense of humor, I ain't sure about St. Peter.  I think he may be one serious kinda guy..
Anyway, start of a new week, the final one in April, I know the last few days have been kinda nice, weather wise, but it ain't been a real nice April, but you know the old saying those showers bring flowers, well we should have a real jungle this year..This should be good, bring anything and everything you know about flowers. Hey Plain  you accused me of being the May Queen,  I can't wat to see what you know about Flowers.  Do you put a rose in your mouth when you Tango with J-Lo. LOL!! WHERE THE FUCK IS THE GENERAL!!! I know you roam around in here you trouble maker, leave me a comment instead of sittin back laughin at us...Seize the day citizens.  I'll get the rest of the egg shells, half eatin rabbits and marshmallow peeps picked up later.  Holy shit, I just saw a wee one runnin through the Ville, his eyes were as wide as saucers and he had chocolate all over his shirt and a half eatin chocolate rabbit in his hand.. Oh Wow!! There goes his mother, eyes hanging out of their sockets and she is right behind him, swingin a broom, yellin NO MORE CHOCOLATE,  must have had a good Easter.. Start the Flowers...
Roses are Red, my love, Violets are Blue, Sugar is sweet  my love but not as sweet as you.
Rose Red
Rose Rose (my aunt, RIP) one of the best names of all times..

"Today Is Easter Sunday, The 24th Day Of April In The Year Of Our Lord 2011"

Mornin.. Happy Easter.. There is a party in Heaven..,There is a party on earth.  Enjoy the ham and his hocks, and enjoy an egg or two.. The reason I am doing an earlier than usual post.  I had a parrot struttin around outside my bunker at the crack of dawn.. ARK!! ARK!! where's my eggs?? Where's my eggs?? ARL!!, Yeah, Greeny mouthin off again.  Sammy was staggerin around behind him, with his jaws almost splitting, he had two eggs stuffed in there, and they were multi-colored.. I really don't need this at 6AM. on Easter morning.  WAKE UP PLAIN!! Man is incorrigible..I'll talk to everybody later, gonna catch some more ZZZ'ZZZ'Z.I stated a small portion of my Religious beliefs at Midnight, so today lets talk about everything Easter, on the more commercialized side.  You know where the little ones are all scorched out on chocolate, and marshmallow and jelly beans.. Let's do Easters, Past, Present, and Future. Lookin to hearing from you. I will talk to you shortly.
"EASTER BUNNY"
"Easter Parade"
"Easter Basket"
"Easter Island"
I took a few off, I got a little carried away with this chocolate rush..
The little citizens are off and running right now baby...
"Hop-A-Long-Cassidy!!

It is the 23rd Day of April In The Year of Our Lord 2011

 Top of the friggin Marnin to ye Lads and Lassie how are all you fine and loveley People out there? I hope ya are all doing good and While I'm at it let me wish you a happy Easter to you and all your Family I know theres a bunch of fine people out there in Plain and  Simple we need ya to get to talkin you don't have to make sense none of us do, well they all do cept Simple and me, but I hope my man Simple gets back soon he is the best Poster and Hoster that ever posted on Plain and Simple.
        Anywho we talked about all you nice people but .............looks around there's plenty of bad guys  out there too nods yep there is!!!!! Like  that Judas bum.......and Hanible Lector, I tell ya there's people out there that would make Gandi or Mother Theresa wanna kick them in the Balls i mean I saw  Sister Irene Joseph mumble you lil fuck about Thomas Kernan nods some people can do that to ya we were in 4th grade and he had ink all over his  hands Sister says look at you Thomas why dont you get a new pen instead of those ciggies you buy? Thomas said you can't smoke Pens!!!!!! Anyway I named two bad guys so It's Bad Guy Day or Girl like Ma Barker or Natural Born Killers, Bonnie and Clyde you got the Idea I'm Headin to bed it's like4:30 and I'm outta here.

It is the 22nd Day of April In The Year Of Our Lord 2011

         Top of the Marrin to ya Lads and Lassie's it is another beautiful day so make the best of it" Carpe Diem "as Horace would say,if ya don't know what that means look it up you will never forget it.Now ya have to be thinkin this is Simple cause Plain wouldn't say this is a beautiful day it's cloudy and murky out only Simple would think that!!!!!! Looks around shhhhhhhhhhhhhI don't admit this  much but nods my head we both think the same way.Look at it  this way if your reading this it means ya woke the fuck up!!!!! Alot of people didn't so be happy and make the best of it Seize the Day peeps(the ones that looked it up are saying the sob coulda told us). And we all did some Great time yesterday, your timing was Beautiful, time in and time out ya can't have a bad time when you have time on your hands. Which leads me to time!!!!!!!!Timeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee is on my side yes it is Timeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee is on my side oppps I'm suppose to be Posting and Hosting where the hell was I?Oh yeah we all did some time yesterday and some of us did some time before I wont mention any names (Blushes a lil). Lets see I know Simple would want me to mention It's Good Friday as Crazy as he acts he belives in a Greater Power and the Lord.So do something nice today give something up for a day give something to a needy person it will make you feel good the way to be happy is to make somone else happy crazy isn't it?Go back to  when you was a yout you were always  happy anything made us happ like even the commercials all those charechters like the bird on coco puffs we didnt like friggin cocopuffs we like the crazy bird, Who Knows his name? Haaaaaaa thats what we will do name the Charechters like Tony the Tiger or mmmmmm Manny , Mo  and Jack,with that I'll be back Have fun and a beautiful Day..........."The Sun will come out tomorrowwwwwwwwwwwww"

It is the 21st Day of April In The Year Of Our Lord 2011

     Top of the Marrin to ye Lads and Lasses, I hope ya all are feelin good as this is a new day and the first and last time  ya will ever see it so lets make the best of it. Again Simple just takes off and sticks poor lil old me who has no time on his hands to do the Post and be the host, he knows I golf everyday and   have practice or games with the youts.And since we are on pacfic coast time I am late for everything.But Time is on are side so we can talk about time anytime you want, why not we have time on are hands !We can talk about the best of times  or the worst of times!Because tough times never last, tough people do.So now it's your time.You can even call time out and then call time back in! I mean time and time again, so when you get time , do your time thing.

"Today Is The Twentieth Day Of April In The Year Of Our Lord 2011."

Mornin, Wow, glad that wolf shit is over, they are some bad dudes..HA!! coffee almost went, but my nuts are spared..Little pleasures in life..Phils got smoked, hey it happens..Long season..The Royals are at it again, they put out a list of, dig this, ROYALTY that will be invited to the wedding.  Did you know Serbia has a "Royal Family" yeah, that Serbia.  Ah! where were the Royal Family when the Serbs were smokin the Croats, and anybody else that was in the way of a greater Serbia.  What, they didn't know anything was going on, like maybe genocide.  What a fuckin joke.. Spain has a few invitees, the Netherlands..Who the fuck would want to live in the Netherlands, that's like saying I live in the Farlands.  You know Far from everybody.. Maybe that's where this Ville is..Plain and Simpleville, in the Farlands..There are a lot more on the list, can't think of them right now, but as I stated yesterday instead of these assholes going shin diggin to a grandiose wedding, paid for by the peoples money they should be investigated by a World Tribunal as too how they got the money to have such a lavish life style..Gotta throw some more hot sauce on these fucks. They always tell you like Harry or whoever and his helicopter rescue team will be there.. WAIT!! WAIT!! isn't our wondrous 51st State Of Great Britain, helping us out in Afghanistan, well why isn't he and his helicopter rescue team out rescuing people.. Fuckin joke..Alright, you can see when it comes to this Royalty bullshit, I am on top of my game.. I FUCKIN HATE IT!!!!!!! Some more tidbits to light my fire.. They are going to have carriages, you know like Cinderella and all that phony shit.. They will have those guys with the real hairy hats that are about 10 foot high marching around, the marching band. The King and Queen will be there in all their splendor.  Hope she takes a shit before the wedding.. Bitch looks like she never shits..You know what her punishment would be if she went to hell.  She would have to read Plain and Simple everyday.. HA!! I think she should have to read it now, maybe I could start sending it to her Majesty.. Fuckin Majesty.. TAKE A SHIT YOUR MAJESTY!!! OK, Phew.. A little known fact today is Actually, on the Christian Calander, Spy Wednesday.  That is the day Judas, exposed and betrayed Christ to the authorities for 30 pieces of Silver..I don't think anyone should ever give their friends up, for any amount of money..Not a good thing on Iscariot's part.. Anyway, back to us, aahhh this should be good.  Ready, Get Set, Go... ROYALTY!!!!! I am wating for the comments...

"Today Is The Nineteenth Day Of April In The Year Of Our Lord 2011."

Mornin, Hey check out last nites TAPS and singing by one McHugh.   He finally put down his weapons and started singin, he can have his loon button next month..He waited until the end too lay that baby out there.  Phightins lose a tough one. Sixers get the old ass handed to them.., and life moves on. 
I want to congratulate Estelle Danbridge, from Yorkshire County in England. Today she has the distinction of being the biggest ASSHOLE!!! on earth.. She braved the pouring rain for four hours to get a glimpse of Kate Middleton, who rode through her town in a limo, and as she was waving and screaming the limo sped by, and splashed water all over her idiotic being..Kate tossed a used tissue out the window that went blowing by her soaking wet moronic face.. These people sicken Simple, so much that I was hopin they said the Limo ran over her stupid ass.. What is with people's obsession with this Royal Bullshit.  Hey Estelle, next time you can't pay your mortgage give Princess Katie and Prince William a call, I am sure they will come right to your rescue.  You stupid fuck.. Obsesssion, I'll give you obsession. I want to know how they got their billions and billions of dollars.  They don't work, their ancestors didn't work.. They raped the land and the people.  They should be put on trial for War Crimes and Atrocities against their own people like Kadaffy Duck.. Wake Up People, at least bring their rich and privileged asses before the World Court and have them tell us why they are Royalty.. Get the fuck out of here.  You are sickening, and those moronic bastards that worship them are worse.. These people have been free loading for centuries.  Put the  money back where it belongs Queen Frump, then go get a job in Ireland, cleanin fuckin floors in the Belfast Pub..As you can see, here in Plain and Simpleville although there are no rules.  There also is not, nor ever will there be any Royalty..I'll keep you posted on the Royal Wedding. I am sure you can't wait to hear the news.  Royal Wedding: Here is my card oh Prince and Princess..Fuck You, and your wedding.. OK!! movin on..restless night in the Ville last nite, there was a lot of howling going on, I looked out about two in the morning and Sammy and Greeny were both shitting themselves, evidently that full moon, brought out the wolves or werewolves or something that scared the shit out of them..Anyway that old werewolf, or lycanthropy legend kinda rings true, I will tell you why at Taps, but right now, lets get started with wolves, werewolves legends of both, and all sorts of HOWLING here at the Ville today..Dentist see you later, I think I will take novacaine this time..

"Today Is The Eighteenth Day Of April In The Year Of Our Lord 2011."

Mornin,  Well here it is another Monkday, they keep comin around faster and faster.  That was sort of a long weekend., but a profitable one.  Always, a good weekend when I get too see my brothers. Kudos too the NorthWest Vets, fine organization, fine men.. Once again, always good to see those guys..WAKE UP PLAIN!!!!!!!!!!  I guess you'll really be whackin you balls hard today.. Ha... Hate that fuckin game..If you read a comment from last nite you will see where I was thinking about something that I thought was hilarious..Now, please try and understand, as I go through this progression of thoughts, that I am Simple, LORD OF THE SIMPLETONS!!  I was thinking what if people had tail feathers, you know like our Parrot Greeny..You know they were kinda like around your ass, you couldn't see anything the feathers covered your privates, but could you imagine the fashion industry..They would have to cut holes in all the suits and dresses that were sold up in the garment area.  There would be a revolution in the clothing industry.  How when you see a really hot woman and say, Man look at her tail feathers.  You know they would be plumin and bloomin like bright orange and green, red and yellow.  Glowing and flowing out the back of her dress or gown.  Guys would make comments like what nice tail feathers, she really takes care of her self..Look at her plumage..Girls would look at guys and say, he has a nice tush full of purple tail feathers.  When you would dance people would say, look at that couple shakin their tail feathers.. It would be neat, you go to the feather shop to get them trimmed and ruffled, and even dyed different colors to match your clothes.  Polly would be a huge girls name, and we all would be eligible to march in the Mummers Parade.. So, you got it use those great imaginations, anything to do with a tail anything that has a  tale, or tail.. Do your thing. Me I'm checkin into the nearest mental health facility.. Tell them to make room for PLAIN also...See ya later..
I kinda already did two:
Shake your tail feathers..
Don't ruffle their tail feathers
"Tale of two Cities.."It was the best of times. it was the worst of times.."It's always the best of times here at Plain and Simpleville, come on in and join the fun.. We are all in 5th grade...lmao

It is the 17th Day of April in The Year Of Our Lord 2011

Marnin to to ye Lads and Lasses whew rough nite  and day for that matter yesterday, God bless the Mothers of the world I was Babysitting for 8 hours yesterday and was going crazy and you Moms do it everyday 24/7 Gawd between the spilling  things and knocking things over then  trying to clean up and   trying to be watching  them as you clean I finally had enough and Yelled Sit the frigggg down will ya Simple!!!!!! The mans Incorigable I tell ya. We had a fine Day with the North West vets yesterday a Great orginazition that helps many and they always do a fantiztic Job not only helping the Vets but everyone in the Area I would like to say Thankyou to them for there great work.
    Okay last I saw Simple he was talking about going to Sugar House and right now I have no Idea where he is . For that  matter He prolly don't know either! But he was in good hands when I left  what worries me  is there was no 4 A.M. phone call.We had fun betting the ponies thou with me it was like  kissing your sister I broke about even for the day which is like a win. So this gives me the idea lets name the greatest Race horse names you  can think of, it dosen't have to be the greatest horse, cause Secretariat was the bestest of the best.
1 I Caress
2 Citation
 3 War Admiral
4 Wouldashouldacoulda
5 Omaha
6 Whrillaway

"Today Is The Sixteenth Day Of April In The Year Of Our Lord 2011."

Mornin, Hope everybody that makes under a 100,000.00 a year is getting a refund!! Glad that shit is over..Let's move on.  YO!! we lost all of the heads that say followers.. I went to Blogington, and there wasn't one asshole there who could tell me what went wrong.  So, I searched on my own, and it evidently is a common problem..PHEW!! I thought everybody abandoned Plain and Me.  That has happened before..I don't know why, but it has..Anyway it is fixable, I just have to find out how to do it.. Ain't messin with it today.  POSTPONED VODKADAY!!! Starts in about 4 hours..Veterans Fund Raiser at Ecks Bar at 1. ETOV That's estimated time of vodka.  1:01.  Unless I have a Bloody Mary Breakfast.  Hey guys good Philly job yesterday..Got a little easier than them thar Parrots..Lighten up it is Saturday, it is Vodkaday.  Talk about anything you feel like..What your doing, what you did.  Nothing specific.  FREEDOM!!!!!! Hey listen up guys, somebody has too sign off and blow TAPS. I wont be back.. I'm AWOL in about another line of typing.. Have a great weekend.  I will see Plain today, he will have to post tomorrow.  Big fuckin deal, he don't do anything else..Talk to you later..Tune to The Wizard of Oz:  IM OFF TO SEE THE BOTTLE THE WONDERFUL BOTTLE OF VODKA, I AM I AM I AM, IF EVER A BOTTLE OF VODKA THERE WAS, BECAUSE, BECAUSE, BECAUSE, BECAUSE, BECAUSE. A WONDERFUL BOTTLE OF VODKA THERE WAS..Holding hands with Plain and Floyd and dancing down a Cobblestone Street in the Yunk Sammy trailin behind.  I gotta get out of here.  How do you people stand me??

"Today Is The Fifteenth Day Of April In The Year Of Our Lord 2011."

Mornin, Nothing like saying Mornin and Posting and the whole thing disappears.  Now, I gotta try and remember what the hell I wrote..Not an easy task..AH!! VODKADAY!! but it has too wait until tomorrow, Veterans Fund Raiser in The Yunk..I really don't want to celebrate anything today anyway, Tax Day. What a farce, taxing people that just barely can make ends meet, and then sending Billions overseas to help so called distraught Countries.  Please, it is so sickening, I ain't saying no more, except anyone that makes under 100,000.00 in this society shouldn't worry about paying any taxes. THEY SHOULD BE EXEMPT!!!! On a lighter note the Phillies are out of the gate and running.  They are lookin good here in the early going..Hope it keeps up they have the whole "City Of Brotherly Loons" rootin for them.  Even if they are in Washington. I think half the fans last night were from Philly.  Talkin about Philly, it seems that anywhere I have ever been in this world, when people asked me where I was from and I said Philly, the next inevitable question was. What Part?? As we all know it is a City of Neighborhoods, and the people of those neighborhoods are bound together by them..Today, for all the cry baby's that thought Parroting was too hard, let's talk about Philly.  I know everyone that comes into the Ville during the course of the day isn't from Philly, but there is nothing wrong about learning about one of the greatest cities in the World.. Talk about neighborhoods or traditions or anything you like.  I am going to start out with a tough one..
'MANAYUNK" Schuylkill Indian named for Place Where We Drink.  I took that literally..
"Brewerytown" Someplace had to brew Schmidt's.
"Roxborough" Manayunk's sister town.  Almost one and the same, what do you think..
"TastyKake" Lives too bake another day.
Lets see what ya got.  Should be a good one..OWWWW!!!! Coffee on the Nuts!!! WAKE UP PLAIN!!!

"Today Is The Fourteenth Day Of April In The Year Of Our Lord 2011."

Mornin,   Hope everybody slept well.  I DIDN'T, some fuckin parrot named Greeny screamin Greeny Wants A Drink all night.. I thought parrots ate crackers and they had names like Polly..what's with the drinkin.  Finally I bring him out some water, and he turns hid head and looks at me with one eye, and says, ARK!! ARK!!!  Greeny wants a RUM!! WAKE UP PLAIN!!! he brought this menace into the ville, now I gotta put up with its shit literally..Shit all over the place ARK ARKIN!! until I finally found some Capt. Morgan and gave him a few shots.  Luckily the armory was locked up, or he woulda got a shot alright.  That aint bad enough.  I look over and Sammy is rollin around laughin his balls off..I didn't think it was funny.  WAKE UP PLAIN!! Your takin care of this parrott.  I got enough to do around here.  Parrots, Goats, Squirrels, Horses, this place is a regular Ark... Where is McHugh when we need him.. WAKE UP ELMER!! Whoa!! the coffee almost went.. OK deep breath, calm down, try and write something profound, yeah right.  I got it lets do Parrots, lets see how far we can get with this.  Anything to do with Parrtos where they live (Plain and Simpleville), movies, names, some of their cousins if you like.. You know like the naggin little fucks that were the scourge of the sixties, everybody had too have a parakeet, and everyone of them was named Tweety. We had one that was the meanest little bastard you ever want to meet.  Lived eighteen years. Never talked just shit, ate and bit the hand that fed him.. MINE!!!  Lets get it on..

"Today Is The Thirteenth Day Of April In The Year Of Our Lord 2011."

Mornin,  Alright, let's get back to normal.. Yeah right!! First thing I have to do............hold on.........there we go coffee spilled on the balls, so I am now officially back to normal and running for a cool wet towel.. Gotta be a better way to start the day. Only kidden today guys, I actually drank it like a human being and so far have not spilled any in my lap.  I thought you would all like to know that, why?  I do not have that more than profound answer.  OK,  last night we got invaded, and we invaded back. No retreat, no surrender.  Once again lots of hits here at the Ville, and April is movin on..I guess everybody is gettin geared up for Tax Day, one of the worst and most vile days of the year..Anyone that makes under a 100,000.00 a year should not have to pay one cent in Taxes.. You need every dollar of that to have a descent life.  How does this government justify taxing anyone making 30,000.00 a year, how?  Don't they feel even a little rotten? If not they should.. That, is just one of the reasons I hate them all..On a lighter note, ahh, almost spilled the coffee!!!! We gotta get somethin goin here on HumpDay..Did you know yesterday was actually the start of the Civil War, the Confederates fired on Fort Sumter..,and you know what happened after that...What is Civil about War anyway?..and after our little adventure in invasions, let's do invasions.  How about the Names, Places, Movies, Books (fiction or fact) you all know the exercise of some of the invasions that occurred throughout history..
"Invasion of the Body Snatchers" Come on you never thought that would be the first one.
"Trojan Horse"  Pats myself on the back.  What the hell everybody want to fry me, I have to give them a reason..
"Sept. 1,1939 Hitler invades Poland"  You know what that started...
Come on in bring some real, bring some whatever you want..Forget yesterday, today is a new one.
See ya soon..

"Today Is The Twelfth Day Of April In The Year Of Our Lord 2011."

Mornin.  There see how fast that night went.  Now, you can get up and do your thing all over again. If ya hate what you are doing, do somethin else.  Easier said than done, right!!  Hey, I hate my fuckin job man.  I'm tired of the boss's shit and the ride in is atracious.  I gotta get outta there.  Why don't you just quit and get another job?? Yeah right, companies are just beggin for people to come in off the streets and work for them.. Advice from Simple, hang in until things get better..Better too have something than nothing..Although I do know it is a tough situation when you wake up everyday and have to go do something you hate.  Man, life is way to short for that kinda living..  I was going to talk about fluctuations in temperatures and here I am talking about hating whatever it is your doing.  Definetly need help!!  I really am getting to the point where I don't think anybody can help me. I Simple Lord Of The Simpletons is beyond help..So, the topic for today, is going to be Cold.  You know why, because yesterday was Hot, so if the weather can change drastically, why can't we. We can, not everybody can, but we can.  That is what is great about livin in this Ville, we can do whatever the fuck we want..No Rules:  Let's do COLD you know the exercise, let the comments begin..Change is good Dollars are better.!!!

"Today Is The Eleventh Day Of April In The Year of Our Lord 2011."

Mornin.  84', 84', did I hear that weather guy right.  The sheople will be headin for the beach.. That ain't normal, then again what it normal.. I don't think there is any such thing as a normal life.  There is just life.  Look at Plain and Simpleville we got over 3000 hits, you think that is normal.  9 out of 10 people I talk to think I'm nuts.  Now, that is normal.  Did you notice one of Plains comments that the real golfin starts today at 8AM, him and the other stooges are in some kinda golf league, I think it is called "Bombs Away", so with his referrence to the day and time of the start meant, that he wanted me to put a Post up before 8.  Yeah, right Plain we will now operate an entire Ville around your fuckin golf schedule.  Man is incorrigable..  I gotta go up and drive the cart for them one day. I will be like a roving reporter, you could only guess what would be in the next days post.  Well, here it is the first MONKDAY, at the Ville.  Don't worry my predictions will come true, we will have a name for each of our own days...Holdidays, Birthweeks you name it, by the time the Ville gets blown up, we will have redown society in our own manner politically, socially, religiously.  What the fuck am I talkin about..I know, no coffee on the nuts yet, so I don't know what I am talking about.  OK, Let's do HOT!!! Yeah anything hot, come on 84' in April, that is pretty hot..And as the Great One Would Say.."And Away We Go."
"Hot Toddy"
"Hot Mamma"
"OWW Hot Coffee right on the nuts, I just did it."
One Song "Hot, Hot Hot"

"Today Is April Tenth In The Year Of Our Lord 2011." I Really Ain' Sure."

Mornin.  And I really do mean mornin!!!  It is now 12:30 AM right time, and this Simple Ass just woke up from a 5:30 nap.  Yeah got a cab out of Slophouse Casino (Sugarhouse my Ass) what a pit.  Yeah I hit and, I looked around and I was the only one there.  I think everybody was tired of me farting around.  They are paying me my money and there are 10 brutha's starin at me.  I'm thinkin this isn't a good situation.. Then of all things from hell, they close the fuckin bar!!! I tell the guy payin me, dude bring me a six pack I'll give you 50.00, thank God, he couldn't get it, I would still be there.  So, I wait inside till I see a cop pull up, then go out and get a cab, and up the Expressay I go, I guess it is 5 AM, so now I decide to start callin everybody and share my good fortune.  Well, you know how that went over.  Get too Dave's wander into a bedroom, still callin people, and get about 3 hrs. sleep.  SSS (shit, shower, shave), then people start calllin me, then it is cheese steak time, then it is 3PM, then back to the Pine Barrens and lay it down about 5PM, and you got it!!!!Just woke the fuck up and it is midnight here in Plain and Simpleville.  Now, I wonder if my dumb ass can get back to sleep. Plus I have 10 missed phone calls, people probably think I am dead.  Nah!!! there would be a celebration outside.  I looked out it is awfully quite.. I am doing a post now.........................................................I was thinkin........................well I am doing a post now... BECAUSE I CAN"T SLEEP!!!!!!! Maybe I'll give Plain a call and see if he is up.. I better leave well enough alone.  Well once again I left Manayunk with everyone hatein me.  That's somethin new.. Great job yesterday, I was on administrative leave.. Me and some Admiral.. I thought he was a door man.. You guys had some good stuff goin.  Strebor sand TAPS that was awesome, and Jim called them.  Once again everybody great time, of course I wouldn't know.  Strebor, I will answer your question, with a question, do we act like we are in our sixties?? I honestly don't know how to act, this is all real..Jim, I went to that extravaganza with Floyd. He doesn't get out of them.  He is worse than me, when I was leavin yesterday, I had to get my suit out of his car, that is another story.. I met him up Dalessandro's and he says, why you goin home there's a beef and beer tonite.  I ran to my car and floored it across Henry Ave.  He isn't made out of the same substance as the rest of us...I can run, but when it comes to him, he can fly...OK, I am going to get a bowl of cheerios, watch some cartoons, and read yesterdays Daily News.. Then I will, lay there with monkey mind for an hour and nod off.. I already had a nights sleep. See how thoughts come to my wondrous mind  (GAG. CHOKE, GAG) , how about anything to do with Cereals,  Names, Places, Songs, you all know the deal. Then we can bring the comments.  I can't beleive I am doing this shit at 1AM!!!!! WHERE THE FUCK IS THE GENERAL!!!!  We found an Admiral..
Cherrio!!
All the Bowl Games.
Snap Crackle and Poop, I mean Pop
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"IT IS THE 9TH DAY OF APRIL IN THE YEAR OF OUR LORD 2011" I THINK

 Well this is Slain and I just left Pimple, what a friggin nite !!!! I gotta do this post because are host is toast. First we were in Church right and we got Flagged(this is a first) from Church mind ya. For Farting around and I mean littterly. he had bean soup and it had to be more than 239 beans because it was  two Farty. Any way we were Ushers or I should say we were Ushered out of Church!!!! Pimple was smached and was yelling it's the PEWS not us!!!!So we go to the reception anyway because we dont hold grudges against anyone smirks.All was having a great time til Simple or Pimple I forget whichstarts Farting around again. well we were in the mummers Museum and the Quaker City band was  there he's yelling I LOVE Hog Island there all PIGS so low and behold they aren't like us they hold grudges, and we get kicked out of there, so not to be Foiled we go to Sugar house to make are Fortune we dont even get in the place there is an Admiral standing outside and Simple says when we come out get us a Cab dude here's 20 bucks the Guy says I happen to be an Admiral In the United States Navy, well not to be foiled again Simple tells him better yet get us a friggin battleship we will blow the shit out of that Mummers place......yep with this Security comes out and we are flagged before we get in (another first) usually we get in places before we get thrown out so not only did we strike out o for 3 we didnt get are fortune well I went  home and Simple said he was going to get a few Cocktails. Now for you peeps that find this hard to belive mmmmmmm I don't blame ya,but people that know  us well just shake there heads.
    Okay ya wanna play, whatta  ya say do a sign off like someone on T.V. or from a Movie ...like.....Good nite Misses Calabash , whereever ya are ! Or here's lookin at you Kid .I'm going to bed Good  Night or Good Morning and God Bless.........Jimmy Mc  take over til Pimple or Slain get back

"Today Is The Eight Day Of April In The Year Of Our Lord 2011."

Mornin.  You have no idea what I do for this place.  Already did a post, and it didn't take. Plus I was up till 2AM in a Online Poker Tournament.  I finished second, what the fuck couldn't I have been around 19th so I could have dropped out..HAPPY VODKADAY!!! Of course I had some last nite.  Have a Mass and Reception for a Priest tonite 25 years in the Priesthood.  You don't see much of that anymore. Yeah and all the guys are invited.  I am going to sit next to WAKE THE FUCK UP PLAIN!!!! you gotta prop me up.. You got Simple watch tonite.. Wait until you hear him.. I cannot lie (me and George) we have 2993 hits. That is amazing. Plus my son told me yesterday that I can post this to my face book page, and anyone of my facebook friends can read it and comment..The ville is about to be invaded.  McHugh you got Point.. I did all this already, what the fuck.. Nothin is easy when your born in a row home..Ok talkin about a milestone number.  Let's do numbers.  Now, I know there are no rules, but there has to be restrictions on this one, because we could start and 2 Street and go up to 181 St. and Rt., 1 , 95, So lets keep it to Songs, Books, Movies, Sayings, TV. Names.  That's enough.  I'll start with one and if you come on in use a one or a two and look at the nut over top and see what he used and go to the next one.  Now that sounds like a rule, but you do not have to adhere to it.  See that is the difference here.  You wouldn't adhere to it anyway.  We were going A-Z one day and Teacher Strebor went all the way down to Z and said he or (I think she), wouldn't be around later. McCool I ain't sure who Strebor is but I know this it ain't Sweetheart.  I'm startin.
"ONE is the loneliest number."
"ONE for the road."  No more!!!
"One and done."
"ONE, two, three. (how about me.  blows on knuckles rubs on my crotch, cause it was itchy...) Come on In!!!! This better fuckin post!!!

"Today Is The Seventh Day Of April In The Year Of Our Lord 2011."

MORNIN!!!! Scalded Nuts!!! Yeah, your probably saying he is either kiddin, lyin or just fucked up.. WELL Remember my name.  They don't call me SIMPLE because I'm a genius..So I aint kiddin, I aint lyin, so I guess..Well you figure it out..WAK UP PLAIN!!!!! I did the wak on purpose.. Haa Haaaa Haaaa..He thinks he is funny...AWW, looks a little wet out there today, guess you can just send the stooge signal out and all three of ya turn over at once and go ZZZZZZZ PHEWWWW WEEWEEEWEEE.. As for me I gotta get on the road with all those lovely women drivin mini vans and puttin on make up and those left over drunks, and the dudes that are late, can't wait man, let the drive begin.  As for here at the ville today, when all of you villagers decide to start walkin around, and all our visitors (according to the stats there are a lot of them) start visiting.. Lets do some commentary on the ROAD.. Movies, books, names, songs.  You know the deal anything that has to do with the Road.  As for me, I'll be back sometime this afternoon.  Enjoy, lets see what ya got.  Actually the theme or whatever you call it is just a catalyst, we never really adhere too it, too long.  We play along, but sooner than later it gets nuts.. Enjoy.  As for me:
"On The Road Again" If you don't know who sang it. I ain't tellin ya.
Have a great time Plain and Simpletons.
Oh yeah one last thing:  WAKE UP PLAIN!!!!!!!!!!
"Blue Highways" by William Least Heat Moon.  (Great Read)

"Today Is The Sixth Day Of April In The Year Of Our Lord 2011." Happy Birthday Dad (RIP)

Mornin.  Yeah I knew the date today.. One of my Dad's more famous sayings, and he had many, was about Manayunk.  He told me his theory when I was a little kid.  He says "You know kid, they should build a wall around this town, and don't let anybody in, and don't let anybody out."  I had no idea what he was talkin about, but I sure know now..Still makes me laugh even today..Our family had moved on up to Fleming St. at this time. the side of Fleming, when you come up the Manayunk Wall you make a right. We were almost at the top.  He used to say we were higher than William Penn.  Anyway, we are getting whacked with a really bad storm, and the TV shows Main St. was flooded (Plain was probably swimmin) So me and him are staning at the door and I mean the rain is coming down, I look up and say, Daddy are we goin to get flooded. He looks at me and says. "Kid if we get flooded everybody else in the World is dead."  Still makes me laugh even today..Big E, you are the Man.
Anyhow, how ya all doin, ready to rock and roll, how about anything that has to do with Birthdays.  Songs, Names, Movies, hey how about some of your experiences.  Whatever, no rules.
Gotta tell you this then I will post.  No, coffee on my nuts, but I wake up wet, the sheets are wet, I say UH-OH so now it starts. Nah!!! I found the empty bottle of water I was sluggin outta, layin in bed with me..Just must of tucked it in like a teddy bear or some shit, and slept with it.  Just when you think Simple maybe coming around to being almost human, I sleep with a bottle of water and come too thinkin I pissed the bed..
Let's Go!!!! Approaching 3000 hits. Unfuckinbelievable..  WAKE UP PLAIN!!!!!

"Today Is The Fifth Day Of April In The Year Of Our Lord 2011." Pretty Sure..

Mornin.  What a mornin me and Sammy put in.  Ape shit all over the streets, banana peels, peanut shells. Shit thrown at windows, nightmare on Plain and Simple Blvd.  Sammy had a scare last night, a bonobo, was chasin him down 1st St. had him by the tail.  Sammy heard him sayin (he is super squirrel he understands bonobese) that he wanted a piece of tail.. Super Sam got a way and some citizens rounded up the wayward apes and put them on an Ark, with some Captain named Noah, and they took off down the Schuykill River. PHEW!! hope we don't see them for awhile.
Alrighty then, In the real world outside Plain and Simpleville.  Hillary Clownton, has made another demand to a head  of State to step down, you go Hillary, wonder when was the last time she fired a rifle or saw someone get wounded or worse yet killed. I know she instills total fear in those Bedouin Warlords.  They must be laughin in their turbans..Shut the fuck up Hillary, you are a NOBODY.  How does a moron like that get to be Secretary of State.  Please get out!!!  Ahhh! This is sad, but what's the difference they just put somebody else's head on that body and the sheople will get the same shit..Sad state of affairs..
Watched the NCAA Championship, WOW.  After all these years, The Butler Didn't Do It. There hasn't been that many bricks laid since John B. Kellly was a contractor..
Well, having said that, and no, I did not yet scald my balls, so I am not fully awake. I saw the end of Gone With The Wind last night.  I had to watch when Rhett finally said: "Frankly My Dear I Don't Give A Damn." about time Rhett.. She treated you like yesterdays Daily News.. OK, lets try great movie lines.  This should be fun, throw one out there and lets see the comments.  Hey all you Plain and Simples lookin in, sign in and start commenting, or don't.  We the people of Plain and Simpleville will continue to serve up all the bullshit we can for as long as we can.  That is our pledge. Now we have a mascot and a pledge.  This is how society's are built.  Uh-Oh we don't want to build a society.  LET ANARCHY REIGN

"Today Is The Fourth Day Of April In The Year Of Our Lord 2011." And Simple Still Don't Give A Shit!

Mornin.  Finally after 100 shirts, scalded balls at least every other day, I have solved the problem.. Don't put a shirt on until I have my coffee,  get the first cup and immeditatly throw it on my balls.  There problem solved no more jumpin around. I took the shock value out of it, something is easier to take if you know it is comin.  Thanks, to Anon, for the Massa info.  but I must ask you did he escape from his cage and kill 16 of the other Great Apes because I know he got life. Did I mention that Bamboo almost killed his ugly ass.  You know what, I wonder what are facination is with these Great Apes we can't seem to get off the subject.  I find them more than interesting.  I mean they have Apes in the Gorilla Society that they call Silver Backs.  Because when they get older the hair on their backs turns DRUM ROLL eze...................SILVER..Is that fuckin amazin or what?  Also, amazin are our cousins the Chimpanzee.  Study that word for a minute................................You know that is not derived from English.  I think it comes from a remote Pygmy language, one of the Pygmy tribes that mated with the Chimpanzee's The Shortadobabe Tribe, they produced the Gary Colemans of life.., they have since gone extict. Chimps, (that's their nickname) are still around.  I think there are a lot more than they say, if they want more they should just let them breed, believe me their population will explode in no time..What the fuck, am I doin talkin about Monkeys on a Monday mornin?? Maybe because they both begin with MON..Alright let's get the wisdon flowin.  Yeah you got it fire anything to do with Monkeys Gorillas any of the Great Apes.  Movies, books, names, and Today here at Plain and Simple is now Monkday..We will have Plain and Simple names for all the days, before this empire comes crashin down... WAKE UP PLAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Today Is The Third Day Of April In The Year Of Our Lord 2011." I Think!!!

Mornin.  WAKE UP PLAIN!!!!  You got me so screwed up on dates and time, I have no idea where I am, nor do I care.  There, got that out of the way..I honestly have brain cramp for the first time in my life.  I was gonna write about monkeys, but I sick of those chiselin bastards and their oooo ahhhh, oooo ahhhhh. I'm sick of their non stop sexual antics, I am sick of their violent nature, and I was one of those kids that got hit with a piece of Bamboos shit.  Bamboo was like 90 when we were kids he was the oldest Gorilla in captivity. He was one mean motha. Oh!! I was tired of monkeys. I forgot.. Bows and asked for forgiveness. I aint got much today, and it doesn't really matter that PLAIN fella (WAKE UP) just might decide to throw a Post out there on his own.  That is if he ever got down from Germany Hill.  If he is still up there and anybody is headin to Marchiano's for some breads or tomato pies, give him a wave..He has a giant Marine Corps Flag with him, he told me if he hears anybody yellin his name he will wave it back and forth..(Ha!! I would love to be in that nut house they call the Yunk today, I KNOW somebody from Plain and Simple will be standing at the bottom of Germany Hill screamin, YO WAKE UP PLAIN!!!!)  Phils again today.  Oswalt keep rollin Phightins.. Butler and Conneticut for the NCAA championship.. Go home Caliperi, you fuckin jerk off... On that note if ya feel like playin a little give me about 5 names with the same letter first and second name.  I got one for ya that will blow your mind.  I coached a kid, whose first name was Chris.  His parents Mr. and Mrs. Crossin should have been flogged in the village square.  Yep!! Cris Crossin..I naturally have to use another, Chris but spelled a different was, Kris Kristofferson.  Try it have some fun, enjoy the Phils. I'll be back.......WHERE THE FUCK IS TH GENERAL???????????????? Oh, he might be pickin horses...

"It's the Third Day of April In the year of Our Lord 2011" and Simple dont give a shit

        I don't know where Simple is and no Post again.......he's going to come on saying how great the sports weekend it was and Im glad it's almost over so we can talk about the Royal Wedding. Until he gets here that Simple Ass I mean  talk about anything you want I have a Game .....IBB.....

"It is the 2nd day of April(again)In the Year Of Our Lord 2011"

 Good Marin to ye Lads  and Lassies, and a fine Marnin it tis, I don't know where the hell Simple is, last I saw him he was going crazy Cause  the General Gave him his only winner yesterday in the horse Racing and the General never bets on them. Now mind ya Simple used to own Race horses he even brought one his own he had a Horse in the kentucky Derby who was winning until it got hit by a full beer can right in the nose, this is all true Simpletons just look up Bombay Duck. Anywho like I was saying Simple knows everything there is to know about horses except picking a winner, he can tell you the next time the horse has to shit.But  the General on his first Pick hits the Race and when Simple says pick another one the General says no this is too easy I want a challenge!Well thats the last I saw of Simple he was screaming shit I never heard worst than  the excorsist and running around the bar Faster than Forrest Gump.So that was the last I saw of Simple, it's why once again I have to do the Post......throws up my hands..........Okay peeps what a great  game yesterday and since this is April 2nd again today  we should have a repeat with the Phils again I am Sending sammy out to look for Simple he loves looking for NUTS

"Today Is The Second Day Of April In The Year Of Our Lord 2011."

Mornin.  What the fuck Plain, ask you one time in 58 years to do a post, and the streets are empty.  You saw the condition I was in yesterday, have you know feelings for your Simple brother. Man is inrorrigable.  What happened to April Simpletons Day.  Don't anybody worry I lived up to my name.  I don't think I can go back to the Yunk for years..Missed 4 Exacta's by less than a nose.  This whole universe is against me.  For I am Simple Lord of the Idiots. WAKE UP PLAIN!!! Well the Fightin's came out Fightin, I love that team..Sixers made the playoffs, and Please Beetlejuice Lurie and Arnold Stang Banner take your billions and Andy Greid and get the fuck out of Philly.. I love life but I ain't feelin it right now..Plain and Simple is on a roll. I had a lot of people say we read that blog everyday.  I said, "Man that is cool, thank you." Oh Ernie I love it.  "Cool" and as they walk away, I think what the fuck is wrong with them.. Anyway you know you are all welcome, sign in, and give us some comments.  That would give us more fire power.  Timmy especially you, with the Tombstone material.  We could have a Tombstone Day.  OK, that was everything I had.. What do we do today.. How about this, something we can always discuss. Give me your top ten all time greatest baseball players.  We are probably all going to have about the same seven, then it gets rougher..
1.Cobb
2.Rose
3.Ruth
4.Williams (Ted)
5.Gehrig
6.Mays
I got to six and having a little trouble.
7.Aaron
8.Mantle
9Dimaggio
10.Clemente, Fox,
Give it a shot.  All you young dudes fire them out there.  This is Simple, I gotta go nurse myself back to health. A day out up there is like a month out anywhere else..

"Today Is The 2nd Day Of April In The Year Of Our Lord 2011." APRIL SIMPLETON. I know it is the first!!!

Mornin.  My scalded nuts say Hi to everyone in Plain and Simpleville.  Yep, coffee on the shirt, coffee on the nuts.  Now, I know why they named coffee chock full of nuts.  My nuts are constantly chock full of it. This should be a National Holiday in Plain and Simpleville, April Fools Day. Come on. We could call it April Simpletons Day.  APRIL SIMPLETON, (not April Fool, for those of you that didn't get it.) Gotcha!! I didn't spill coffee on my nuts. LOL!!!!  This is a huge day.
1. ARPIL SIMPLETON DAY
2. VODKADAY
3. PHILLIES OPENING DAY (Maybe0
APRIL SIMPLETON gotcha again,
1.VODKADAY
2. PHILLIES OPENING DAY (Maybe)
3. APRIL SIMPLETON DAY
For those of you that don't get it, and I know there are many, they were out of order the first time.
APRIL SIMPLETON. I know I don't have to explain myself..
No this is not rehearsed. I am just Simple.
OWWW!! Coffee on the nuts this time!!! APRIL SIMPLE no, can't do it this was real..
Tell  me I don't deserve my name..
OK, this day started out as All Fools Day, they would get the village idiot, (Don't go there Plain), and have him perform in the town square.  In the Yunk or in this Ville that could be any number of idiots.. They would then play practical jokes on each other.  Like setting the idiot on fire and throw him in the fountain, or watch him melt.. I can think of a lot of idiots I would like to throw some gasoline and a match on.. Enough.
Fightin's Opening Day: Simples Predictions.
NL East Champs.
NL Pennant
World Series Win.
I am going for it all baby.
This prediction will be here. When the season ends, and you can all come back and congratulate me.  Give me your take.
Also, I will be VODKADUP,  and with Plain most of the day, so the Plain and Simples can run rampant through the ville.
I did my job, give me anything that you can think of : names. movies, stories, real and imagined. That has to do with something foolish or idiotic.
One other always comes to mind.  This has to do with millions.  What are those idiots doing on New Year's Eve, in times square, waiting for a ball to drop, they are freezin their nuts and tushes off, and if you leave your 1 foot by 1 foot space to try and urinate, you can't get back. Is that fun?? For who for what??  Have some fun everybody.  HAPPY APRIL SIMPLETON DAY!!!!!!!