Mornin, Well here it is another Monkday, they keep comin around faster and faster. That was sort of a long weekend., but a profitable one. Always, a good weekend when I get too see my brothers. Kudos too the NorthWest Vets, fine organization, fine men.. Once again, always good to see those guys..WAKE UP PLAIN!!!!!!!!!! I guess you'll really be whackin you balls hard today.. Ha... Hate that fuckin game..If you read a comment from last nite you will see where I was thinking about something that I thought was hilarious..Now, please try and understand, as I go through this progression of thoughts, that I am Simple, LORD OF THE SIMPLETONS!! I was thinking what if people had tail feathers, you know like our Parrot Greeny..You know they were kinda like around your ass, you couldn't see anything the feathers covered your privates, but could you imagine the fashion industry..They would have to cut holes in all the suits and dresses that were sold up in the garment area. There would be a revolution in the clothing industry. How when you see a really hot woman and say, Man look at her tail feathers. You know they would be plumin and bloomin like bright orange and green, red and yellow. Glowing and flowing out the back of her dress or gown. Guys would make comments like what nice tail feathers, she really takes care of her self..Look at her plumage..Girls would look at guys and say, he has a nice tush full of purple tail feathers. When you would dance people would say, look at that couple shakin their tail feathers.. It would be neat, you go to the feather shop to get them trimmed and ruffled, and even dyed different colors to match your clothes. Polly would be a huge girls name, and we all would be eligible to march in the Mummers Parade.. So, you got it use those great imaginations, anything to do with a tail anything that has a tale, or tail.. Do your thing. Me I'm checkin into the nearest mental health facility.. Tell them to make room for PLAIN also...See ya later..
I kinda already did two:
Shake your tail feathers..
Don't ruffle their tail feathers
"Tale of two Cities.."It was the best of times. it was the worst of times.."It's always the best of times here at Plain and Simpleville, come on in and join the fun.. We are all in 5th grade...lmao
29 comments:
Yo, I tried to change the time and get the heads back.. I am lacking in administrative talent..I'll get it fixed please don't fill my position with that drunken goat..
Just saw we reached another milestone. 1000 hits for April.. Thanks everybody. If you feel like it sign in, maybe that will get our heads back.. If not, come in and look around. Hope you get a laugh or two and leave us a comment. We can use all the help we can get..
It is Patriots Day here in Boston area... a somewhat official holiday where some things close (state government and union jobs) and others don't... also the running of the 115th Boston Marathon, the day those so inclined to be idiots run/walk/crawl/puke their way the 26.2 miles from Hopkington to downtown Boston. I went once to cheer on some co-workers when I first moved up here... never again since it is a freaking zoo along the route and downtown because you cannot drive anywhere close... you either park way out and hoof it for a few miles or you take the subway...(not my milieu) same for the July 4th Pops Concert... looks all nice on TV but it's a massive mess when you are there trying to get in and worse yet when you try to get out of town.
Canterbury Tales
Tale of Despereaux
Tales from the Crypt
Tail Lights
Hey Pat, I have seen some of those Marathons, where people actually do puke and crawl across the finish line.. Not my idea of a good time...
Tall Tales
Rabbit Tail
Tail Gating
Since Bill Rodgers in the early 80's every winner of the Boston Marathon each year has been a foreigner...the last five years or so I think it's been all members of the Obamite tribe from Kenya.
Yellow Tail (Tuna)
Fairy Tales
Folk Tales
Tattle Tail
Does this sound familar,
"We better get our TAILS out of here"
Tailspin, not good when Skydiving.
Tales of Woe
Tiger by the Tail
Sammy by the Tail
Greeny by the Tail
Plains balls are tailing off to the left or right.
Don't get off that winning streak. Congrats. What do you play? Try a couple of bucks on the Lottery., You know it comes in streaks, and when it goes away it stays for a while.
Hollers at myself and smacks myself in the head - where did I come up with Shorty instead of Smarty Jones. It must have been a senior moment. Happy Monkday all.
Yeah it went away for the past five years. I was hittin pretty good until this depression started, then I couldn't hit anythig. The last two weeks were the first jackpots I hit in 5 years. Let the streak begin. You are right about that. We usually have two or three of us, and we play video poker..Jacks or better, Deuces wild. Have a party at the machine. Hasn't been a lot of fun, like I said for about 5 years. In fact I was down to playin maybe 6 times a year vs. 6 times a month..A depression in the country will do that too the best of us..
Tail Along.
Duck Tail (50's haircut)
Duck Tail (Donalds)
Duck Tail (Daisey's)
Tales of the Old West (Zane Grey)
My entrance word is hyphiz.
You have to break that down into modern technological language..
HYP and PHIZ: This is a Pysic if we had tail feathers. If you get sick you have to go to Dr. Plume who parts your tail feathers, sticks a HYPO up your ass, and give you a PHIZ. Within a matter of seconds you are shitting like a goose and you usually feel much better in the morning. There you have it from Plain and Simple
LOL you been hittin that Vodka day on Monkday?
Nah! Jimmy Mc, probably still in my system.. Probably in my system everyday..Probably a good thing. Probably don't really give a shit.. Unless of course I visit Dr. Plume!!!! OK Simple, what are you Simptons? Well Doc sorta have a fever and feel a little constipated..Not a problem Simple, you need a HYP PHIZ.. Oh no, Doc not another one of those needle things in between my tail feathers. I just had that a couple of weeks ago.. Well that's the only thing gonna cure ya. So bend over part the feathers and get ready for another dose of PHIZ. OW!! What the fuck Doc!! All done Simple close your feathers. Close my feathers hell!! Where's the shitter??!!!!!!!!!
cattails (plant)
cat of nine tails
Thank God we do not have tails that hyphiz stuff scared me!
Simple I heard you went back to that Doctor 7 days in a row with flowers and chocolate.
Tail off
Tail or smirks
Ill be back game time i'm in a tail spin
Number 1 tail for me today would be a cocktail Make it a double.
Tail of two cities
A cocktail
cattails the plant
A cocktail
Did I say a cocktail
I need a drink. Peace out to my simple world.
Yeah you said cocktail James about three times.. Go get a drink will ya..
If we had feathers stickin out our ass, that's what the guys would be called. Cocktails.. Ha aha ha aha ha ohhh bent over double. aha aha. What's up Doc another HYP PHIZ. I'm hightailin it out of here. That guys Tailin Me..
Pig Tails
Chasin your tail (Jack Sprat, oh never mind he just chases lips)
Jeeze I forgot a good one Pin the tail on the simpleton.(donkey).
Heads or Tails
The Lost Tails... JRR Tolkein Lord of Rings book.
The Tell Tale Heart... EA Poe (still a scary read- ta thump, ta thump)
Old Wive's Tale... liquor is quicker.
Well Kenyan's won the mens and womens race... prize money for them was 5 times the GNP of Kenya... about $300,000, plus new cars. Always though it had to be that running from lions thing but that auto parts company has white people doing that in their commercial, and no white guy has won a marathon in quite a few years. So it must be that loot, shoot and scoot skills are genetically inbred, just like basketball.
Hey James, you aint pinnin nothin on me..That Doctor is after my tail. Kiss Jack for me..
Fairy Tales. (Thats what gay guys would be called if humans had feathers shootin out their asses)
Some of you are not paying attention and using tails or tales that have already been used. Are you all having a Monkvodkaday?
Pat, I'm still waiting for someone to tell me where the pleasure is in running a marathon. I'm completely baffled as to why anyone would think it was any kind of fun.
Teacher Strebor, I haven't seen one Simpleton pay attention, since the ville opened. They use whatever they want. Give up on that paying attention, it don't work. Plain put down five horses yesterday and the very next post I used three of them. Now that is what you call paying attention..James go get a cocktail!!! nobody used that yet
Simple student - PAY ATTENTION!!!!
White-tail deer
tail bone
tail pipe
Lobster tails
put a tail on him (cop talk)
That's it, done for the day, I'm going to hightail it outta here.
That was good Strebor: Wait till you see these.
White tail deer
tail bone
tail pipe
Lobster tail, that's it put a tail on Stebor, we can't find her, she's rippin her PONY TAIL out!!!!ahaa hhaaa haaa haa ahhaaa.
Tailin along here, Phils time, Sixers time and still gotta make a WaWa run. See ya all later.
Strebor... choosing to run a marathon has to be some form of self flaggelation penance for the truly disturberd nerds of the world. Those who think they are mystically honoring some ancient Greek soldier who ran from Marathon to Athens with news of a battle and then dropped dead immediately after arriving.
I knew people who ran marathons and other road races... my one question to them was why? Their answers varied but all were based on their perception of health and fitness... I told them they all looked like emaciated assholes.
Couldn't have said it better myself, Pat.
"Gotta a whale of a tale to tell ye lads".
Good night Plain & Simpleville, as always it's been a blast.
Marathons ran them things daily in the Corps. They called them double time or force marches.. No thanks..
Whale of a tale to tell you lads a whale of a tale or two about Gilligan, The Professor, and Maryanne here on Gilligans Island. I'm sorry Pat, that is one TV song I don't know all the words too, but I thought Strebor might have appreciated it..
It is a lil known fact that there are 12 million people that are on the Planet with Tails!!!!!They are called vesligial Tails they are long boneless extentions of the spine. I'm going to send Out Maxwell to Tail a few of these people I belive they are called Tailors and the female ones are called Tailes.
"Got a whale of a tale to tell ye lads, got a whale of a tale or two" was sung by none other than Kirk Douglas in "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea". Thanks Simple for your little ditty "Gilligan's Island". I'm sure Mary Ann would have appreciated it.
There is a bad moon risin. I see trouble on the way, looks like we're in for nasty weather. Well don't look around tonite it's bound to take your life. There's a bad moon on the right..
Yeah Baby, The First Full Moon After The First Day Of Spring!! That means that Easter is the next Sunday, which it is, and which it always has been, and which it always will be.
How about all those tails in Plain and Simpleville today. Lot of tails.., but it is time to tuck your tails in between your feathers and knock down.. That's right boys and girls, full moon or no full moon, the werewolves will howl tonite into tomorrow. Let them howl for now, we close up the streets. Tuck in Sammy and that fuckin Parrot. Say goodnight Greeny. ARK!! ARK!! Fuck you Simple ARK!! ARK!! You can't tell me what to do ARK!! Fuckin Parrot is incorrigible..Stay out of harm's way my friends, and stay out of my way Greeny.. TAPS
Tell me a tale of wine and gin,
Tell me a tale of fighting!
With warriors dread and blood of red and arrows swift as lightning!
Tell me a tale of wine and gin
Tell me a tale of a lady!
With heart of sin and dress filled in and morals rather hazy!
Tell me a tale of wine and gin
Tell me a tale of a dragon!
A sailor bright got drunk one night
and found him in his flagon!
Tell me a tale of wine and gin
Tell me a tale of a warrior!
He was so strong he feared no one
except a clever lawyer!
Tell me a tale of wine and gin
Tell me a tale of sailing!
I tried it once and lost my lunch
over the starboard railing!
Tell me a tale of wine and gin
Tell me a tale of religion!
Its all for nuts and greedy guts
and men holed up in prison!
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