"Today Is The 21st Day Of August In The Year Of Our Lord 2012."

It Is Now Post Time.
We're Off...Lookin around the Ville, thinkin it is Monday, but it is Tuesday, and what happened to Sunday and Monday, but who cares, I don't like those days anyway...See, this is where my problem comes to light...WHERE THE FUCK IS PLAIN???? WHERE THE FUCK IS THE GENERAL?? WHERE THE FUCK IS MCWHATEVERTHEFUCKHISNAMEIS?????? Nowhere, that's where, nowhere to be found...They know this Simpleton is liable to be missing, especially on one of his forays to the Yunk..., so will they help out here at the Ville...No fuckin way, go goofin, go do whatever it is that retired old people do and leave me.. stranded in those fuckin hills....Rough weekend,, it is very rare that Simple does not answer the bell for work.., yesterday was one of those days, I honestly wished I was a toad, then I could have really fucked over them, because I would have missed tee off...should be called jerk off time..OK, guys everybody line up their balls and get out their clubs..we are going to whack our balls as hard as we can, until they fall in a hole..Game is downright pornographic...They carry their balls and their putters in a bag..They have to put their balls in a hole..what the fuck man, doesn't anyone else get the connotations of this pornographic bullshit they call golf..Golf..GONADS ON LARGE FELLOWS...Yep. Little known fact, that is how golf started in The Year Of Our Lord 1102...It was in a Village in Scotland, called St. Andrews..The McFarland's Clan, from Ireland, came over to the Scottish Town and challenged the Scots to a new game..It was called GOLF...The rules read like this.....
1. Four of the biggest fellows in the village, had to line up on a flat piece of ground, bend over, pick up their kilts and get hit on their balls by the McFarlands swinging their various shillelaghs...

2. After the Scots were hit in their nuts,  and flew down the meadow as far as the shot and screaming would take them, the Irishmen would walk up to that point and whack their sack again...

3. These shots and shouts could be heard across Scotland...Once the Scots landed on the Green, as they called it, it was a really neat piece of sod that had a hole in it the size of a fox hole..the Irishman then hit their nuts lightly, until they fell in the hole...

Well, you could imagine the effect this game had on these big Scots..Now it was their turn to swing..,but the McFarlands told them that, they won and they didn't have to hit them in the nuts..They thanked them for their hospitality and picked up their shillelaghs and their beers and headed off to catch the next boat back to Ireland...The Scots who were now laying in the fox hole screamin..YU IRRISHH FOOKS WE ALL WANNA HIT YOU IN YERR BALLLS!!! The McFarlands skipped away singing..If you ever go back again to Ireland, just to whack your balls away or sit beside your young lassie, just to watch the sun go down  in Gal way Bay.. Sooo, as we all know goof was founded in Scotland, but what you didn't know was the Irish invented it, and why the Scots still wear kilts, their swollen balls were handed down from generation to generation..., and trousers do make them SCREAM!!!! You heard it hear first on Plain and Simple...