Mornin, rough nite here at the Ville, put the Slavs to work cleaning up the Streets, could not get the other two drunken wretches out of their hole to help. Blat and Slat worked till about 2 AM bitchin the whole time. Vat a loussssy Jeb, clinnin op dis chit.. Hey I took them in I am teaching them this wondrous language, a I feed them bagels and butter they can clean up a little shit.. Anyway, the Ville is sparkling again, and ready too roll. I heard some screachin out there last nite I thought maybe Plain skidded on a turd or something, but it was just one of the nasty ass turkey buzzards that live around here. So, we are back to normal. Right, anybody that believes that, read again what I just wrote. Does that read like the musings of a normal man??
Yo, yesterday coming back from the one store that has bagels, I saw a pine snake, not that big, maybe four feet. I ran over one back in the seventies driving a 18 ft. cab over, diesel, thought it was a stick, that fucker must have been 8 foot long. It was on the back roads right outside egg harbor. Another mess in the road..So much for messes, but not snakes. You know all snakes don't crawl on their bellies, a lot of them are actors, politicians and everyday sheople, it just seems like we don't hear too much about the everyday sheople.
The latest one to hit the grille is Weiner, well in fact sooner or later most Weiners do hit the grill. It is a little known fact that this Congressman Weiner is a descendant of none other than that most famous of Weiners, one Oscar Meyer, yes he is. Meyer was Weiners little Great Grandfather on his fathers side. They were of the Oscar Meyer Weiners. His Great Grandfather Oscar used to advertise his Weiners on TV and travel around in a car that was shaped like a Weiner, nobody ever accused him of being a pervert.. This little bastard exploited his Wiener far above sending a picture of it over the internet. He actually wrapped up replicas of his Weiner and sold them in the Acme and such other places. I mean it was a pretty big Weiner for such a small guy, some people actually said he was a midget. I think by making the Weiners bigger than it actually was, he made himself look big. Midgets do that they call it lengthening, and other Midgets don't like it. Anyway, this Congressman Weiner sent a set of his scivvies across the internet and I think, now hold onto your seats, his Wiener was hanging out or sticking out.. If it was anything like Grand Daddy Oscars, he should have just sent a picture of his pinkie.. On that note, what is the difference what I put out here you just go ahead and do what ever you want anyway, but I'll try. Right before Weiner Shnitzel, that is another relative on his fathers side the Shnitzels, there was Ahnold The Spermanator. How many of these morons can you think of, not only present but past that have been in the public eye and then got caught getting in trouble with their private eye, there have been many... See Ya Later.. Scandal and Weiners.
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There are many that come to my mind, but I will go back in History on this one. Old Tommy Jefferson, he of all men are created equal.
Friday night in June around 1877 takes a walk back to examine the Slave quarters.. Knocks on one of the shantys. Hey Luticia you in there, Yes Massa Tom the door is locked from out there. Oh yeah, I just stopped by to see you and give you a sperm donation. OK Massa open the door, what am I supposed to do with little Lucretia, Ah don't worry I'll put her in with Matilda and little Tommy, I will only be a minute. Yes, what you call it Massa a quicky. That's right Luticia, a quicky. See how quick, here let me lock you up again, I'll be seein you soon..I like Tom brilliant mind, great rebel, horny bastard..
How many times did we see that Little Oscar Mobile riding up and down or down and up the Ridge. He used to park it at the Acme and give out freebies. Loved his hat.
Now I thinking there is something amiss in this country but i can't put for finger on it. First I hope that Pat Mc is ok with all those Tornados in Mass. Who would think that the far North East would get hit. They say that Tornados move from May, in te Midwest to the East in June and July. All of the sudden there is mass destruction across the nation. I always felt we were safe from that shit but who knows? Hell all I have is a crawl space. I told Carol that is why the Septic tank was emptied. We could go down there. Her and I and our German Sheperd and Bernese Mountain dog. Just no smoking. Something is up with this weather pattern lets hope that it changes. In 30 secs your life could be changed forever. Something to think about.
Speaking of Mass. we have Chappaquiddick and Mary Jo. Ole Teddy made that long swim and she didn't.
What really happened to Marylin Monroe? Was she Kennedyized?
Locally, we had Maryanne Mitchell and Elmo Smith. Did he keep us on the edge for a while.
Mary Jo and Ted the Red. That is a good one. The Lion Of The Senate, and the girl he let drown. That about sums up him and his family. Yeah, I think Monroe did herself in, when she sang Happy Birthday Mr. President. The word went out this lady is a tramp. Little known fact. Frank Sinatra sang a song about it: "That's Why The Lady Is A Tramp." Yes siree she did herself in, then in retrospect somebody done did in the Kenned's. I know Joltin Joe Dimaggio was not a happy hitter.. Hey Jim you gotta be kiddin me, your gonna take Carol and the Sheppard into a septic tank, I thought we were done with that shit yesterday!!!LOL!!
Oh by the way that was 1777 when Tommy J took his walk.. I was only off by 100 years not bad for a Simpleton
I Rember the Weiner's and the Scnitzels they were from Apple Street !They were related somehow and they were always fighting.The cops would come and everyone be yelling it's the Weiner Shnitzels! There always hot Dogging it.nods yep I rember.
Then that Lil fucker Oscar Meyer always singing " Wish I was an Oscar Meyer weiner everyone be in love with meeeeeeeeee"That lil prick was so concieded! He used to walk around and asked everyone how big is your weiner?Then say thats mine on the truck then laugh.He asked me one day so i said 2 inches he said 2 inches? I said yes below my knee cap then picked him up and threw him like 30 feet this was the Beginging of that great Sport Midget Tossing.
Hey Plain I remember that day you threw Mr. Meyer, he was of the Wiener family, I'm telling you they are all related. The Weiners, Snitzels, Keilbasa is the Polish side, Frank Furter he was part of the clan, They had a dog named Hot..I remember them well. I think Sausages are a distant relative to the Weiners. ahhaah when you threw Oscar I think it was down The Manayunk Wall, it was still cobblestone and he bounced down to Silverwood St. I think it is in the Guiness Book Of World Records for a Midget toss. You better watch out though, I heard the Shnitzels and the Weiners are out to fry your ass..
I'm not worried about no Weiners or Shnitzels I have two Sons that are cops and they will Take them to the Station House and Grill them, they would Relish the thought smirks.
And I Rember when Mr Weiner waled his kid down the Street he was always way ahead of him and yelling KETCH-UP. haaaaaaaaaaa oh chit I did it again........And do you know Simple it is a lil known fact that is you cross a Chili Pepper, steam shovel &and a Chuhuahua you will get Hot Diggity Dog zoom what you do to me omg I on a Roll HOT DOG get it on a roll shit piss call 911 i'm Dying!!!!!!
Hey I got a call today. I says hello, guy says Knock, I say huh? Guy says, Knock, Knock, I says who's there. He says, Knock Knock!! I said I said, (sound like leg horn) who's there?? He say knock. I says fuck you and hang up.. Phone rings two minutes later and I say Yeah, Hey that's my name Knock, I am one of the Wursts's, don't hang up, you been talkin about my relatives all day. I apologize, I didn't know it was one of the Wurst's. I thought when you were saying Knock Knock that you were playing that game.. No, Noooo, It is me. Knock Wurst. My full name was Knockers Wurst, but when that became anonymous with a part of the female body, my parents cut my name back to just Knock. I have a little sister Brat, and man does she live up to her name. I was just checking into this Ville to tell you that you are doing good bringing our family name to the forefront, I also wanted to commend your friend Plain for throwing that little fuck Uncle Oscar down the hill. He exploited the Weiners and made a ton of money off of them, and never shared nothing. If we asked him about it he would give us his middle weiner and drive away in that pornographic truck. One more thing before I hang up, we are all known for our smooth and moist skin, but we have an Italian relative Pepper Ernie, Of the Roni, family in Italy and he has scaly skin. We don't invite him to any of the BBQ's. He is better off in Italy, he has skin like a fucking Lizard.. Nice talking too you. I see you carry on a lot of intelligent conversations here at Plain and Simple.. Yeah nice talkin to you Knock call again, and I'll ask WHO'S THERE???
Simple I knew a Pepper Roni he was married to a Pizza Reia I think they were from St Lucy's Parrish.And that Knock Wourst he was from Tower St as I rember. And those Knockers they were a trip, They lived near me when I first got married on Martin Street it took me two years to figure out why my wife would get pissed off at me Those Knockers would always be fighting and I would shake my head and say look at those Knockers and then the wife would get all mad and say your discusting.I'm like what there nice Knockers especially the young one.But she never looked out the window to see what I was talking about.Woman never pay attention shrugs and walks away.
Hey by the way I know I am Simple, but I meant synonymous, with a woman's body part not anonymous. LOL!! Yeah, I remember them Knockers they got a lot of guys in trouble. They had a cousin Vod Knockers, I think he was from the European Knockers, always liked that name Vod. I wonder if the Slavs know him.. Hey Blat you know a guy named Vod Knockers. Why you showing me your tits? Oh haa haah, not those kinda Knockers, sometimes these (real low voice) Slavs crack me up.. I don't want them too hear that.
Busy day. Beautiful day to work in the yard, which I did. Tired now but got mucho laughs from today's diatribe (how do you like that 50 cent word?). Weiners, Schnitzels, scandalous politicians, tinsel-towners (too many to mention) from our founding fathers, especially ol' Massa TJ and Ms. Sally Hemmings) to the crop of today's shitheads. We could name names forever.
Coney Island Hot Dogs
Nathan's Hot Dogs
Ballpark Hot Dogs
Mild & Hot Italian sausage (not the same as pepperoni of the noted lizard skin)
On a more serious note, where the hell is P. McH?
P Mc, as I told everyone shot himself in the ass!! with a wiener pistol. They are the type of pistola, that fire out pepperoni's and can net you a bullseye in one shot. Also,if you shoot yourself at close range, you could wind up with two assholes. Just like Plain and Simple hahhhahhahhaa
Grille at the Ville. Yes sir a good grilling went on today. I sure am glad that little wiener shnitzel, Oscar Meyer finally got his. Plain gave him one hell of a toss. He deserved it, he boiled all the other Weiners and used to brag about being on a roll. So much for his arrogance. He made me shine his hot dog one time when I was a kid and gave me a package of weiners for a reward. Whoa that didn't sound right, the hot dog on his truck.. ENOUGH!! This place is drivin me nuts. OH NO!!! HERE COMES BLAT WITH A ONE WOOD SWINGIN IT AT MY BALLS!!!!!!!!!YEOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEOW!!!!!!!Get the fuck away from me you crazy ass Slav.. Man oh Man, made it to my bunker with balls still in sack.. Time for me to (say it low)hit the sack.. Let me check out there, yeah he is marching back singing UN WEESTIMEIN POLKA RARARARA!! Phew! close one. ARK!! Simple almost lost his balls!! ARK!! Simple almost lost his balls!!! ARK!! Shut the fuck up Greeny or your gonna lose your fuckin beak!!! Goodnite Simple, don't be nice too me Sammy, Aw come on Simple, Good Night, ok Good night Sammy. Ha you owe me a bottle of Captain Morgan Greeny I told you he would think I really meant for him too have a good night. Fuckin critters I hate them.. Street lights dim. Hope Plain don't come dancin through here tonite. Time to hose down the grill.. Eat the last of the shnitzels and hit the rack.. Stay Out Of Harms Way My Friends. TAPS..
hey Simple Buy Greeny and Sammy a Bottle of Captains you can put it on Greeny's Bill !!!!!!!!!!!! haaaaaaaaa haaaaaaaaaaaaaa chit turn outtttttt the lightsssssssssss the partys overrrrrrrrrrrrr Good Nite God Bless POOFFFFFFFF
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