"Today Is The 25th Day Of August In The Year Of Our Lord 2011."

Mornin.. August die she must.. Comin to a screeching halt or a wind blown halt either one of the two.. I haven't heard too much about the hurricane a comin, but somebody did say it was heading up this way.. That is all I had too hear..I immediately ran to Buzby's General Store circa 1800's and bought every can of soup, pineapples, coffee in cans only, aspirin for HEADaches, bandages, toilet tissue, or shit paper if you prefer, beans, too go with the shit paper, a 1999 playboy too go with the shit paper..apples sauce too go with the beef jerky, two cans of syrup, to go with the pancakes, never mind put that back, got a box of stick matches non waterproof. A can of nuts (Sammy) Cans (Billy) whatever for the Slavs..crackers (Greeney) and all kinda assorted jerkey for me and Mere.. Let me see, bottled water,,,,,,hmmm.. Hey lady what the fuck you doin that is my stuff.. I'm taking it back to Jenkins Neck for me and Clyde.  No ya ain't, get away from my stuff.. Hey Buzz tell her too get away from my stuff.  Matilda, that is not yours dear, we made a delivery too your house last night, but I want those pineapples.. Yo, dude give her the pineapples and send her on her way.. Hey Ernie you better pay for this shit and get out here comes the Blueberry Crew, they are supposedly going to hold up in Blue Anchor.. OK here is the cash Buzz let's throw it in the truck and let me get outta here.. Is this hurricane going to whack the pines or what?? Don't know Ernie but you are well prepared, but who is going to eat all these nuts and jerky and beans and who the hell is going to use all this shit paper. Hey Buzz you know me my man, I live in a menagerie...I'll bet in the city little old ladies are getting run over in the Acme, people are buying enough water to open a car wash, got their kids shitting themselves, thus shit paper. Panic, may friends panic, something the American Sheople do well.  Well whatever your panic mode remember this a ("kiss is just a kiss." "a smile is just a smile, as time goes by."  that's not what I wanted to write).  Panic mode is measured in tens, one too ten.. If you are a ten, you are a blithering fucking idiot right about now.. If you are a one, you are with me in the bunker, playing black jack with a bottle of Vodka.. One thing about the Good Old Mother Nature, ain't really a whole lot you can do about it.. If you don't like what is a comin, get the fuck outta here.. Me I got work too do.. Yo, tell me some stories about you or people you know in a Mother Nature type of panic situation and how they act..
I remember Hurricane Hazel, I guess mid 1950's, my Dad decides too stay out late with his buddy's, Me, My Mother and Sister are all in the same bed, my Mom has us saying the rosary, when lo and behold I hear. "Cab Driver, drive by Mary's place." blaring down stairs.  Naturally I thought it was somebody from heaven that came too save us from the Hurricane, nah, just The Big E, and his cronies drinking a few dozen rocks and listening too the Mills Brothers.  Well that was a little much for my Mom too take so she booted them all out, and I remember him climbing over a tree with a rolling rock in one hand and yelling.."do you believe she kicked us out in the middle of a hurricane.. Needless too say, at every family gathering from that time till the day he departed this world, he would have to relate that story too anyone that would listen.. The older I got the more I laughed about it.. I could swear sometimes I even saw my Mom put her head down and try to hide her laughter.. R.I.P.  Mom and Dad and Hazel.........................................