Mornin. Let's blow some minds on a Monday, Monday so good to me...
"I learned this, at least, by my experiment; that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours."
Pretty profound material for any morning, let alone a Monday.. OK let's get back to reality. Here Sammy come on boy, come on here is a walnut, come on buddy, you are really startin to piss me off. The little man pops up on my shoulder. Calm down Simple, I don't want to calm down. I am trying to give this little prick a home and he won't cooperate. That's ok Simple do something to relieve your tension. OW!! Simple let me go, let me go, Poof the little man disappears, and I am back to trapping a squirrel.. When I get him, can you imagine the interview. I have to get a person into the Plain and Simple studios that can translate squirellese. Much like when Kadaffy Duck speaks, I heard where most of his cronies, and so called country men and the rest of the Arab speaking world have no idea what he is saying, he speaks some kind of Bedouin dialect that went out with Aramaic.. Is that unbelievable.. I guess they all understand kill. I despise that creep.. OK lighten, WAKE UP PLAIN!!! Smakin them lips together, smashin golf balls 280 yds in HIS DREAMS. You people are in trouble when I go to Fla. I'll guarantee another thing today, he will drive you insane. Look what he has done to me MUHAAA MUHAAA!!! Bring on the madness, we have our own brand of March Madness, it is called anything goes. So bring it, and please sign in..Thanks
46 comments:
March 7, 2011 - Simple, you better listen to the little man; Sammy is nothing but a rat with a furry tail.
Thought for today " You Never Fail until you stop Trying "
Hey, I woke Plain up.. I don't know what that means. Is somebody sleepin down, and you have to wake them up. I don't get it, much like most of this life..Crusin into March Madness, Phillies, Florida, and many VODKADAYS. I don't know about hittin your balls today PLAIN (smirks), little chilly out on the block.. If you can't hit your balls, try and hit some nuts. OH!! for Sammy.. Here boy, heeerrree Sammy, come on you little wretch.. I'm gonna getcha. Hey everybody if you feel like throwin a band on group out there go ahead. Plain thought he ended it with all of Elvis's relatives, but that aint happenin.. P Pearl Jam.......Yo, and don't bitch, there is nobody that feels less like playin anything on a Monday than me....Yo, where are the young Plain and Simples, I am sure they no bands I never heard of..
Good marnin Strebor tips me hat to ya, Hey Simple wat up, points at ya. Your profound point about advancing confidently brought to mind my thought for today.I use it with the team all the time.
Anywho I Know Squirellese, I learned it back when I was a Zulu Fighter Pilot, I lived in the jungle for two years when I went down in South Africa.So if you ever catch that lil nut let me know.I can intergate him, The trick is looks both ways then whispers .......you give him crushed nuts they will spill it all.
Good Morning Plain and Simple,
I enjoy reading your blog but sometimes think I enjoy reading what SIMPLE has to say the most. Plain says some deep things and very thought provoking ideas but Simple, I think you make a lot of sense. I did not leave you, I was out of town but did follow you from my hotel room. Florida was beautiful and I enjoyed some great baseball but am glad to be home.
Ask at the TKKI bar for a free Vodka and Cranberry...I left some money for one on me.
Maybe someday we will meet.
SIGNING OFF: SIMPLE'S SWEETHEART
Sammy Stew
Ingredients:
1 squirrel, quartered
1 cup diced onion
2 large tomatoes or 1 can of tomatoes
Assorted veggies
Preparation:
Sprinkle seasoned salt, pepper, and cayenne pepper (optional) liberally on the meat. Pour some cooking oil into a large pot. Sauté the meat with the onions until well browned. Drain the excess oil, add about 2 cups water, and bring to a boil. Cut up the tomatoes and add. If you use canned tomatoes add them now. Turn down the heat, and let slow cook for at least an hour. Important: older squirrels may require cooking longer than an hour. Check periodically for tenderness. After the meat is tender, add the veggies, carrots, potatoes, banana pepper, whatever you like. Cook until the veggies are done. An is, cook up your favorite pasta and serve over the pasta. (eliminate the potatoes).
Wow!! Sweetheart is back, and here I thought she left me for a sane guy. Welcome back Sweetheart, and I def. will get that Vodka and Cranberry. Wait a minute did I ever tell anyone that lives in Plain and Simple that I drank Vodka with Cranberry? Sweetheart I believe we have already met. You, and that BAC SL., like hidin out in Plain and Simpleville. That's cool.. Hey Strebor quit callin Sammy a rat.., poor fella lost his home and his acorns, he deserves more compassion from you humans, and you PatMc, you want to stew my friend, what is wrong with you people. Sammy sees that recipe I'll never catch him. I can't wait for the interview, now that I know Plain can translate squirllese. I should have known he understood that language, as he has been speakin in tongues since our first drink together
I want to know why I havn't recieved my Kudos for naming the Knotty Pine restaurant and Murry's drug store both on Main St Knotty Pine at main and Rector and Murry's at Main and Grape
A non ee mous........That would be my fault. The Administrators, I am sure made a note of that but here is Cudos to you for them from me. Now, how did one get to the Golf Course that used to be up by the Spice Street that Simple moved to? And was Shawmont Stables there then? And Bryers Stables where was that? And who was the man than lived at the end of Houghton St. and would ride his one horse drawn cart down Houghton, say hi to Jim McCool and down Monestary to the bridle path pass the Old Mean Man McCormick.
Anon. Sorry about no kudo's, but I am the one that cries around here, no one else just me. You know what, Plain is out hitting his balls, or nuts or somethin of that nature, so in his absence. KUDOS my fried.. There ya happy now?? PHEW!! what I gotta do around this place. You all will miss me when I'm gone. Sounds like a country western song. Youuu Alllll weall miss me whan Ahm go annn, yeah, yeall meess meee when AHHH don coome hoome, but y'all remember in the moornnin that lassst nite Ah goat stonnnnned.. Man I can sing.. Hey my word is marubra. As in Marubra, Jamaica, ohhh I wanna take you to Bahmama come on pretty Mama, Key Largo, Montego, there's a place in the Florida keys they call Kokomo that's where I want to go. STOP. Let me tell you a little about that place in the Florida Keys called KoKoMo. It is a beach alongside the Marriot hotel about 11/2 from downtown crazytown.better known as Key West. Oh yeah, it is topless..
Shawmont Stables, were they down the end of Johnny and Danny Hoban's street, they had a horse in there named Apache.. That horse was awesome. He gave me my first hemorrhoid..
Byers or Bryers Stables was on Rector between Henry and Houghton. Mr Smith used to ride his Horse cart past my house. I used to work there for a short time cleaning stalls and learning how to ride. Never did. Although I went to Rock Hill and the infamous horse Turtle threw me on the bridle path right by the Lions Mouth Spring Water Tap. Great water. Never made it to the Golf Course......Somewhere up by the Farm School I think with the ICBS....LOL I remember Old Man McCromick was scary.....Well back to recruiting for the two admins.
ICBM's lol
Haaa,Murrys , knotty Pine,pretzel man there all eazy ones......Who ran the spring water pipe that came out of the wall just off Apple Street it had a tin cup tied to the Wall that evryone drank from (except me)if they didn't bring there own cup or Bottle.But in those Days everyone brought there bottles back to the store for 2 cents or a nickle.
And quit crying Anon. I did the best Judy Garland imatation in the world last nite did I get any kudo's nooooooo but I did get ask out buy 5 guys.
Thats an easy one plain....It was none other than Foxy.....Mr Fox.....King of the spring
Haa Very good Anon. That's what I wanted BACSL to say I would have zeroed in on him. Gives a good hint who you are now.Closing in on both of ya.
Hey Plain, glad to see your back (not really) Did you hit your balls.. HA! Ha! Ha!// Ha! I kinda remember the pipe, on Apple St. but I thought everybody passed it around.. Oh sorry water pipe, (ahem).. There have been many impersonations, many songs, dances and performances of unequaled value here at Plain and Simple's theatre of the arts. The best, the very best by far, was Plain doing a Judy Garland impersonation, if anyone failed to see it, you can purchase a ticket here for the mere price of 200.00 and go to last nights final post. He outdoes himself, once again.. You can owe the 200.00 if you don't have it...
Sorry to repeat myself Simple, but how is your rat with the furry tail? Yesterday's guiz - k-The Kinks, Q-Queen, T-Temptations, R-The Rascals, M-Maroon Five, J-Jackson 5. That's all for now!
Foxy........the operative word Plain. But I feel you are getting close, like horseshoes, leaners then ringers.....
Help me remember here...
Teachers at SJB, by GRADE:
1- Sr. Irene Joseph
2-
3- Miss Knight
4- Sr. Martina
5-
6-
7- Sr. Mary Neumann (JAP)
8-
BAC SL. Your HairPie!!!!!!!!!!! Horseshoes gottchya.. Hey Stebor, I am catching the furry tailed rat, as you so rudely call my furry friend Sr. Samuel Squirrel.. Plain is going to interrogate him.. This should be fun.. Anybody that ain't signed in now, get on board. You think those assholes had it tough at Gitmo, wait till I catch Sammy and Plain interrogates him. Hey he crushed enough nuts in his day now it is his turn to feel what it is like. I just hope Plain wasn't fuckin with me when he said he knows squirllese.. Here boy come on Sammy, come on, here is a macadamia nut, come on I know you like them you twerp. Get the freak under the trap will ya!!!!
Hey Pat
2-Sister Michael Francis
5-Sister Miriam Anthony
6-Sister Rosa Christy
7-Jap Nose
8-Sister Joseph DeLourdes
Nice Simple, there is a clue in there. One of the nuns......and not Hair Pie. you are going to hell.....no purgatory for you....
Damn Simple you really were scarred for life... anyway thanks for the IHM update... now that I see them I remember them all. I hope some of them had restful days in retirement and I hope some of the others had fitful nights of insomnia. I still have a scar from a ruler knuckle rapping cut from Martina and to this day my peripheral vision is excellent thanks to ducking flying erasers.
Just remebered some classrooms had adjacent stationary closets others had "cloak" rooms... you know if anybody ever wore a claok to school, if so I must have been absent that day.
No fear Simple, this tree Rat will be caught I'm Bringing in Inspector Clouseau, and as far as getting answers no problem.Water boarding has never failed, we may had to take him to Gitmo between the water boarding and the crushed nuts the rat will tell us shit we didn't even want to know.
Im heading out to practice, keep up the good work Simple.
I have read 23 comments and now know what its all about. One nut stealing rodent.another nut talking about a nut stealing rodent,Drinking enough Vodka and cranberry to talk Squirellese, a unknown sweetheart who possibly could be a stalker and a hacker on the course.LOL life can't get better than this,Plain next time I come North we need to chase some small white projectiles around the great outdoors and possibly look for Sammy.Hope everyone is well. Ernie Jack says he can make the squirrel talk or he can get rid of him for ya. Peace
Hey BAC SL, you know that I know, that you know that you are not HairPie. In fact I wonder how many in Plain and Simpleville remember that guy. He was about 4'9' and could fire horseshoes.. A hint with one of the nuns, huh?? Hey Pat they scarred me for life also.. I really hated grade school. Used to call it St John's Parachial Prison for Kids. Come on what kid with a d d like me could sit there all day with their hands folded, that was fuckin torture man. Hey Plain, get a good practice in, my man. I know you will do a good job.. I gotta catch a game, or two.. In case anyone is wondering. Plain is none other than the hittin coach at good old Roman Catholic High. so, if they don't hit you know whose fault it is..Nah!! he'll have em hittin. Now, I didn't mind them Roman days, that was at least change classes and have some fun. That went fast, but that grade school seemed to last forever..
Pat, I can give you the girl's nuns:
1. Sr. Thomas Kathleen
2. Sr. Mary Ethel
3. Sr. Celeste
4. Sr. Immaculate (she also taught my mom)
5. Sr. Joanne (new right out of the nunnery - OMG how we tortured her)
6. Sr. Verda (evil incarnate)
7. Sr. Amata (ancient hibernian, who taught my uncle and other relatives)
8. Sr. Marie Raymond
Girl's High School nuns were; Sr. Mary Frances, Sr. Mauricia (another evil incarnate) Sr. Rosemary, Sr. Joseph Loretta, Sr.Marie Crucius, Sr. Delphine, Sr. Maria Lorraine, think I got them all. There are only two Catholic schools operating in the area: Holy Child (Holy Family) and Immaculate Heart of Mary in Andorra. All the St. John's, St. Josephat's, St. Mary's, St. Lucy's and Holy Family kids attend the renamed Holy Child School. Isn't it sad! Couldn't believe when they closed the Boys HS in 1956 and then the Girls HS in 1964, and when they closed the elementary school a few years back it was heartbreaking. Did anyone of you wonder boys on this blog ever attend any classes at the Boy's HS? I know those of you who are Plain & Simple's old schoolmates only went to 8th grade at St. J's.
As Bob Hope, referred to by Simple as Bob Dope, used to say 'thanks for the memorieeeeeeees!
Simple, be careful Samuel Squirrel doesn't bite you, he may be rabid.
MUHAAAAAAAAAAAAA. Plain, stop smirking or you'll get smacked across the knuckles with the yardstick.
Hey Earman, you are correct in all your assumptions.. As for Jack the Lipper, keep his ass and the rest of him in Baltimore. Next time in Philly you want to go golfin with Plain, man I will drive the cart. I will not drink. I promise I will be good and watch as the foursome behind you attacks...You and Plain on a golf course. Ha! that is like giving a monkey a hand grenade. Hey my word is PIXIEAS. Like Peter Pan said to Tinkerbelle after he had his way with her. Get your Pixie as outta here..
I look back on some (not all)of the things from SJB with good memories...yeah I got whacked a few times over the years by the blue hooded Gestapo but all in all they got the basics into me. Made for a pretty easy transition to RCHS where other than a few real asshats for teachers I retained a lot of what they spewed. I had a pretty good career in business and I really do beleive that I owe a lot of my common sense reasoning and logical thought process to problem solving to the nuns and grade/HS teachers I had. Compared to the large percentage of functional idiots being pushed out of most public schools then and now... we were lucky.
Strebor... I do remember some of the girls nuns... some of them were in their 90's... never would have made it to June if they had to dela with us boys.
My Dad used to run all the functions for the Holy Name Society and I used to help him set up and clean up (non-voluntary subscription)... if you recall they used to have some big parties in the gym/lunch room on holidays and as thank yous for the clothing drive or block collection, etc. Msgr. Mc Kenna used to play penny nickel poker in my kitchen. One day I took the left over beer and the empties (everything was in bottles) over to the back step of the convent (my Dad told me that is where the distributor would pick it up) on my second trip back there was a couple of them HS nuns chugging down the cold one... I think I was in 5th or 6th grade... and I was a shock.. not so much that they were drinking but they had their domed hats off and they did have hair.
Strebor... was Amata nicknamed "Mugsy"?
Saint Francis of Assisi
Baltimore,Maryland
(!973 grad)
1.Sister Joseph sumptin
2.Sister Celeste
3.Mrs Baily the wooden eraser thrower
4.Mrs McCleary
5.She liked me so much Mrs McCleary
6.Sister John Patrick
7.Sister I cant remember or I'm to traumatized to remember.
8.Sister Francis Celene
Gym teacher Mr Hession
I think this could be the reason I am so screwed up..
Right you are Amata's nickname was Mugsy.
Hey earman, Mr. Hession your gym teacher. Did he get his ass kicked in Trenton, New Jersey.. Here Sammy come on boy, here is a chestnut, come on fella. That's it, no no no stay under the trap. Fuckin varmint got away again. Scratches my head with my foot, and walk away befuddled..
Simple..."Peanut butter (Skippy Crunchy) is considered the best bait for a squirrel trap". A friend told me this as I am not into trapping tree rats. My encounters with them usually ends up with .22 or a .17 projectile moving downrange in excess of 1250 fps.
Peanut Butter, Hmmm!! Making a WAWA run, skippy it is.. I'll get this little nut crusher..Then me and Plain are interrogatin him. Stick around for that fun. Thanks for signin in Pat..Seems like you are enjoying yourself. That's what it is all about..
Simple, does Plain have to go to 29th and CLearfield for practice? LOL..
No Jim, believe it or not, I asked him the same thing.(that is why I am simple) They have been practicing and playing up the AA Field. John Boyce field for many moons.. Yo, what are you doin about recruitin.. You gotta get these people signin on to Plain and Simple. Man I gotta do everything around this place. OK Sammy, Crunchy Peanut Butter it is. I am gonna get your varmint ass if it takes me until next winter. I'm gonna getca Saammmiieee.. I'm gonna getcha yes I am.. I gotta get him, he's makin me nuts.. Hmmm!! Peanut Butter Crunch is pretty good. Licks some more off my fingers. Hmm.
Sammy is making you NUTS!!!!!!
Yes Strebor, Sammy is makin me nuts... He isn't satisfied huntin for nuts, he isn't satisfied storing nuts, he isn't satisfied cracking nuts, he isn't satisfied eating nuts, he isn't even satisfied shitting little nut seeds. He is only satisfied driving me NUTS!!! Friggin Varmint..HEEERE BOYY, HEEERE SAMMY MY MAN....Gonna getcha, just like BAC SL and Sweetheart and a couple Anon's, we are going to get all of you.. MUHHAAA. Where are you when I need you Plain? I'm losin it man. This nut cracker has me on the ropes...
Waddles in with Inspector Clouseau dressed in are peanut outfits, as Clouseau falls and I trip over him.Rolling towards that friggin Trap Simple put up BAMMMMM BOOM KAPOW what the Frig is BATMAN WORDS DOING IN THIS. HELPPPPPPPPP GET US OUT OF THIS TRAP HOLY SHIT WE WILL BE STUCK HERE ALL NITE.
At least we have some Peanut butter to eat Clouseau, Smacks him in the back of the head anymore Ideas you Bafoon? Sonnnn of a Bitch theres sammy over there laughing rolling on his back. YOUR MINE SAMMY LAUGH NOW YOU LIL TREE RAT YOU JUST MOVED IN FRONT OF BACSL AND ANON YOUR GOING TO GET MORE THAN CRUSHED NUTS YOU VARMIT.
Pulls off Mt Mr. Peanut costume and breaks it in half.Two hals make a w hole puts the Hole up against the cage and crawls out( shut up this is my story) dust my self off and pulls the hole away and leaves Clouseau in there,Dumb ass stay there Let Simple leave you out.I'm outta here.
Here, let me open the trap, before taps. Come on out Plain and that asshole Cleusea that you hang with.. I saw Sammy laughin, must admit, I found it kinda amusing, my damn self. Love this 4th grade humor. Keep Batman out of Plain and Simple we have enough batty people flyin around in this place. Will we get Sammy tomorrow? Will BAC SL finally get caught? What will Sweetheart have to say, to her big brave squirrel hunter? (I just hope he doesnt' run at me or show any kinda aggressive nature, I'll poop..) On that note, let me have a look see up and down the Boulevard in Plain and Simpleville. Looks like the troops and loons have settled in. We had over 100 hits today. Wish they would sign in, so we can get the community rollin. Jump on that will ya Jumpin Jim McCool.. Hey Plain, get some rest, we're gettin that varmint tomorrow, and the interogation could be long and arduos... Stay out of harms way, my friends. TAPS
I agree Simple, if assholes could fly this place could be an Airport. gid nite God Bless, Sammy's ass is mine tomorrow!
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