Friday, June 17, 2011
"Today Is The 17th Day Of June In The Year Of Our Lord 2011."
Mornin. Hey Plain, I knew a guy that found a magic lamp on the beach, he rubbed it and a Genie popped out and says you only get one wish, guy says I want a dick that will scrape this sand. POOF!! The Genie gave him one foot legs. Oh my another Shortfellow. Longfellows, Shortfellows, Genies. It is VODKADAY!! Postponement, christening tomorrow, with my Irish Family right from Cookstown Northern Ireland they be. Martin and Alexandra O'Hagen, here too celebrate the birth of their grandson, can't wait too see them tomorrow. Gotta get in Olympic Drinkin mode, Martin can pound them. He did not travel alone, there is a slew of Irishman right from the Emerald Isle in the Yunk right now. Little known fact, about three years ago, I went to Ireland to see the O'Hagen clan. Myself and Martin had a few two many on the bus, so we pulled over too take a leak, there was this huge lake and we were adraining, Martin says, your pissing in the largest lake in Europe. Lake Neigh, I hope that is how you spell it. Funny the most pertinent of things you remember from a fine trip abroad. Also heard about a large wall that was built around the 5th century. It was built too keep The Wild O'Flahertys out. Somehow I find that easy to believe. Well here I am talking about my Irish friends, and I will show them Plain and Simple tomorrow. Soooo come on up with some good Irish sayings, memories, people whatever. Everybody has a little Irish in them.. Gotta love the Irish. Fun loving, free spirited, great senses of humor, musically inclined, love to imbibe, what's not too like.. Give it up for the Emerald Isle. I gave you a few stories come on back with some more. Wait till Plain sees this..
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Damn.....The beach is a very popular spot for wishes and perhaps the best, if you just appreciate and beauty and the power of the Ocean. Carol and I were walking down on Long Beach Island and I saw this well built work out nut walking down toward us. The closer he got I could see he had a sculpted body with this little tiny head. So as we got closer he nodded and I said excuse me but I couldn't help but notice your well built body but you have such a little head....(Too much upper body work I thought). He said "You know, I was walking on the beach and I found this Magic Lamp. So I rubbed it and a Genie popped out and she said I could have one wish. I asked her for a little Head".
Ahhhh! the Emerald Isle...........
Having lunch with my St. J's gal-pals today and most of their ancestors hailed from this beautiful Isle.
1. Christmas in Killarney - (1951)performed by Sister Verda's (you talk about ornery nuns-she was a bitch)6th Grade Girls in the annual St. J's Christmas Extravaganza. Dressed in green outfits we sang the song and danced the
2. Irish Jig
3. The Quiet Man
4. Finian's Rainbow
5. Erin Go Bragh
6. Dublin
7. Potato Famine (sad)
8. Corned Beef or Ham & Cabbage
9. Blarney Stone
10.Richard Harris (a wild Irishman)
11. Leprechauns
And drum roll pleeeeeeeeeeze rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
12.Plain
There are many heroic legends surrounding Finn McCool, comparisons have been drawn between him and the legend of King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table. Finn was reputed as being the leader of the Fianna, the guardians of the King of Ireland. Formed the Fianna from a rough bunch of warriors from the YUNK into an elite group of men who transformed under his command into the manifestation of justice and honour, they were the people's heroes. Finn's famous son James whose mother was the goddess Roxborough, is said to be roaming the streets of Plain and Simple Ville, A county north of Mayo. It is worth noting that many of the great legends of Ireland are based or linked to the north coast of Ulster, There must be some correlation between this and the fact that Whitepark Bay was where man first settled in Ireland. However in this section we will concentrate on his role in building the menagerie with the help of Lord Morris of Plain from the county of Jamestown, north of Cork. The story goes thus:-
Finn a renown warrior was going about his daily duties in the Ville when one of his adversary, a Scottish giant called Benandonner started shouting and ridiculing Finn's fighting prowess. This angered Finn who lifted a mug of Schmidts and pelted it to Scotland as a challenge to this giant. The Scottish giant retaliated with a Coors Light to Finn shouting that if he could get his hand on him, he would make sure that Finn would never fight again adding that unfortunately he could not swim the short distance across the Canal, so Finn would be spared that fate. Finn got enraged by this and tore large pieces from the cliffs, he worked for over a week pushing these into the ocean bed and made a sturdy causeway to West Manayunk, when he had finished he shouted 'Now you'll had no excuse' to come over and do your best. Fearing to lose his own reputation and pride the Scottish giant had no alternative but come over the causeway. Finn was tired, having not slept for the week he worked on the causeway and did not feel ready for fighting. He thought about how he could buy some time and recuperate to face the Scottish giant and came up with an ingenious plan. Quickly he made a large cot and disguised himself as a baby ...... and waited. The Scottish giant arrived at Finn's house shouting, 'Where is that coward McCool', Finn's wife said the he was away but sure sit down and have a sip of Grey Goose, he'll not be long. The Vodka arrived with a stick of Pepperoni in which Finn's wife had placed some re-bar. Benandonner took a bite and broke one of his teeth, and thought to himself, this Finn must be a tough boyo to eat snacks like this, not to be outdone, he finished off the Pepperoni and Schmidts, breaking two more teeth in the process. He noticed the baby cot and the baby inside it and his eyes widened in fear, he thought to himself, my goodness if this is the size of the baby? What size is the Father? He reached his hand in to touch the sleeping baby, half out of curiosity and half as a sign of affection, Finn bit the tip of his finger off. Benandonner was shocked by this and thought to himself, if this is what the baby is capable of, what must the father be capable of and what could he not do! This thought terrified him, the fear got the better of him and took to his heels and ran like he had never ran before, back across the causeway to the Yunk destroying it as he went. Well.....that is one version of the story, there are many more to choose from, including one of love and romance.
Edited and to be continued....
Finn McCool
Welcome to the Ville Finn, Phew Finn has Flipped. While travelling in Ireland, I was always walking along looking for a four leaf clover. Speedy Morris was with me and always watched me walking through the grass and looking down. He says Ernie, are you looking for a four leaf clover, I laughed and said yeah. He says yeah like your going to find a four leaf clover.. He got a little ahead of me and I picked up a three leaf clover and split one of the leaves. I yell Speedman, you ain't going to believe this man, I just found one. He comes running well, walking fast he didn't get that name from running, and I show it too him. Too this day my man still thinks I found a four leaf clover in Ireland.
While I'm at the Ville let me give you the cast of characters that I was in Ireland with.
Me
Marie Eck
Tommy and Sue Flaherty
Dave and Phyllis Morris
Speedy and Mimi Morris
Chris Morris (my bunky)
Fr. Feeney
Also about 100 O'Hagens.
Oh my father was an Ulsterman a protestant was he. Me mother Irish Catholic from County Cork was she. One day by Father Riley I was rushed away by car. Me fathers little orangeman me mothers shining star. I was Christened David Anthony but still in spite of that too me father I was William why me mother called me Pat. Oh it is the biggest mix up that you have ever seen me father he was Orange and me Mother she was Green.
Turaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaa lorrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaa a luraaaaaaaaa A fine subject ya Pick Lad." My Good Luck be with ya all wherever ya go and your Blessing outnumber the Shamrocks that Grow"
And ya think it's easy being Irish tis a curse I tell ya. people want ya to be funny all the time and in a Good mood, and tis even tougher if yer friends are Deaf and cant hear ya, Nods it so it when we were at Simples 12th Birthday this year at CJ & Ecks I said to one Thomas O Flathery. Wow It's hot out today> And he responded no Its Saturday ! And Simple says I dont wanna sit here all Day.Then as we were sitting outside This Pretty Girl walks up to us and says "Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen? we all looked at each other then she saysExcusez moi parlez vous Franeacis and we continued to stare, so She says Palare Italiano I smirked and she goes Hablan Ustedes and then she walks away and Simple looks at me and says maybe we should learn a Forigen Language! I said why she knew 4 and it didn't help her !!!!!
I rember back in the 70's I walked into the bar and there's this guy sitting there so I say can I buy ya a drink ? He says sure, where are ya from ? I said Manayunk , he goes no shit me too let me buy you a drink.Then he goes where did you go to high school I said Roman, he goes holy shit so did I, lets get a drink. I said this is scarey I just got out of the Marines and the guys holy fucks sake so did I Give us a round Bartender!!!!!!!!!!!! Then one Thomas O Flathery walked in and goes what's up guy's? And the Bartender said not much Ernie and Terry are drunk again.
I forgot to mention that my mostly Irish gal-pals and I went to Brittinghams for lunch; can't get much more Irish than that.
Mrs. Finn McCool will be smacking one little Jimmy McCool for that beach joke.
Hey J. McC, Long Beach Island, is my favorite part of the Jersey shore; spent many a summer vacation down there.
Yeah Plain those were the day, back in the 70's when we used to drink together. It is a fucking shame I can't remember any of it. People said we were funny until about 2 AM. Then they new the sirens were coming. Must have been one hell of a decade.
There was this Irish Guy, Italian Guy, and a Jewish Guy, the Irish Guy says to the Italian Guy hey is that guy Italian, he says no he is Jewish. The Irish guy says are you sure. The Italian Guy looks at the Jewish guy, and says hey are you Italian he says no I'm Jewish. The Italian guy says tell this Irishman over here will ya. So the Jewish guy says too the Irish Guy I'm not Italian I'm Jewish. The Irish Guy says Thanks. You gotta read it twice this way you can waste twice as much time. I MADE IT UP!!! ahdhahhaahhahahha!!!!! ahhahahahah!!
Little known fact. Leprechauns are real. Yep, they are real, and they are nasty little bastards. The Irish know they are real I know they are real. It is stated in the Book Of Irish Folk Lore that In The Year Of Our Lord 1210, give or take a decade or two. One Joseph McGonigle, caught a Leprechaun making love to his daughter. Well as legend has it Joseph freaked out but here the daughter and the Leprechaun had fallen in love. Joseph could not believe this and he begged Maggie to break off this sordid affair. It was unheard off for a sweet Irish lass to be in love with a stinky little Leprechaun. Maggie wouldn't hear of it, and she ran off with Lawrence The Leprechaun. No one, ever saw Maggie or Lawrence again, but as legend has it, about 18 years later a waif the size of Oscar Meyer about 4 ft. 1. Walked into the village claiming to be Joseph's grandson Larry. Yep he was the love child of this unholy union, and the first Irish Midget. Now you know Leprechauns are real. You heard it here first on Plain and Simple..
Ahhhhhhhh yes Simple I rember that story about Maggie Mc Gonigle. Her and the Leprechaun got Divorced and she came home like 6 years later. And Joseph Mc Gonigle yelled at the top of his lungs Faith and begorrah cussing and yelling where have ya been ?Why didnt ya write? why the hell didn't ya call ? Do you know what you put your Mum thru ? And Maggie crying and the tears pouring out with her head down said Dad I became a Prostitute.Ye WHAT yelled Joseph ?Get out ya shameless Harlot, ya sinner ur a disgrace to the family!Maggie still crying said okay Daddy, but would ya Give Mum This fur coat, and heres the title to the 10 Room Mansion In york and a savings certificate for 5 million dollars. And this is a membership to the country club for life for you daddy and thats your Mercedes.And Joseph thinks and yells but you you became a you became a and Maggie said yes Daddy a prostitute. And Joseph grabbed his heart and yelled Oh be Jesus ye scarred me half to death Girl. I thought ya said a Protestant ! Cmere and give yer Dad a hug.........only the Irish.......starts doing the Irish jig......singing shake hands with your uncle Max my boy and this is your sister Kate and thats your Uncle Mike swinging down on the Garden gateeeeeee
Little known fact. The Leprechauns all know that there really is gold at the end of the rainbow. They also no it is not a pot of gold, but a section of the earth as big as Fort Knox. In fact the Leprechauns call it Fort Rainbow. Yep, that't what they call it. Anyhow, Men of Irish descent have been searching for this gold since the beginning of time. The Leprechauns little teasers that they are, have the gold hidden over the rainbow. The problem is nobody knows what fuckin rainbow. Only the Leprechauns know what rainbow and they ain't spillin any of those Irish Beans.
There were three Jews conversing on the time when they should die, and they came upon deciding on the place where they shall lye, now Isaac chose Jerusalem, Isaiah chose lands end, but when it came too Moses he said the place where I shall lye, where the River Shannon flows, it's there I will repose, in an Irish cemetery with a Shamrock on my nose. Sure the devil will be looking for me I do suppose, but he'll never think of looking where the River Shannon flows.
Have you ever gone across the sea to Ireland and at the closing of your Dayyyyy you can sit and watch the Moon rise over Cladagh and see the sun go down on Galway Bay.Just to hear the ripple of the trout stream. The woman in the meadow making hay. Just to sit by a turf fire in the cabin, and watch the barefoot Gosoons at there playyyyyyyy. For the breeze's blowin o'er the sea from Ireland are prefumed by the heather as they blow, and the Woman in the uplands diggin praties speak a language that the strangers do not know. Yet the strangers came and tried to change us and scorned us for what we are. But they might as well go chasing moonbeams, or lighting a penny candle from a star.And if there's going to be a life hereafter, and somehow i'm sure there's going to be,I will ask my God to let me make my Heaven, In that land across the Irish Sea
Aye, a wee trip too the old sod today. Never know where the Ville will take you. As Jimmy Mc said, quite informative. We sang we danced, and told some amazing stories about the Emerald Isle. Now, tomorrow I get too hang out with some folk from that far away Island. Will be fun, they are wonderful people.
Gonna close down the thatched hut, calm Greeny down because he has been ARKING!!! all day about his green plumage, making him an Irish parrot. Say goodnight Greeny ARK!! Erin go braless, Erin go braless. I hate this fuckin parrot. And when ye die may ye be dead for three days before the devil knows it.. Love Ya. Stay Out Of Harms Way My Friends. TAPS.....
walks in with my bag pipes doing an Irish gig...........then singsssssssssssssssssss turn out the lightssssssssssssssssss the partysssssssssssssss overrrrrrrrrrr
A quick song for you to lay your head on the pillow. Organ Annie used to make me sing this one too, but I loved to do it. Good night all.
Sure I love the dear silver that shines in your hair
And the brow that's all furrowed and wrinkled with care
I kiss the dear fingers so toil-worn for me
Oh God bless you and keep you Mother machree
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