Wednesday, August 3, 2011
"Today Is The 3rd Day Of August In The Year Of Our Lord 2011."
Mornin, "Give me that old soft shoe and nothing else will do, that's the dance my darling used to do." NO ONE!! NO ONE!! can dance like My Main Man Plain.. Yesterday, he Moon Walked, Soft Shoed, and even threw in TAPS. My brain is a sponge, no not one of those sponges that absorbs everything, but one of those sponges that just leaks all over the place.. Little known fact, Sponges are not only alive, but they are bilingual, yep they speak in tongues..If the point sponge sees a diver coming at his community, he says SMIRSH, SQUIRT, SMEESH!! in Spongese.. Then he yells. GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE, OR YOUR FACE IS GOING TO BE WIPING SLOP OFF OF PLATES AT BOB'S DINER!!!! Yep, I had a diver friend down in Key West one Mel Ficher, he told me all about the elusive sponge. Sponge Bob Square Pants, was on of the few that got away..He is living proof of their language prowess. He is one stupid looking son-of-a-bitch..I'd like to take his face and squirt some chemical on it and clean my hub caps..I don't know why I started talking about sponges, but you gotta admit, not only are they an interesting and bi-lingual creature, but they have many uses.. I just gave you a few, see what you can come up with for usage for a sponge. Now, don't forget, this is a living creature.. Just because he is in your kitchen or in your bucket or in with your toilet cleaning material, he has feelings and speaks in tongues.. Please, and I am imploring you on this point, treat the sponge well. He has been ripped out of his community by what he considers to be alien invaders (divers) thrown into a bag with other captured sponges, and whisked away by boat to some foreign land too be used in some hellish situations.. Treat your sponge or sponges nice, especially if they have little sponges around them.. They have been known to breed in solvents and even clorox bleach.. Anything that can pro create in clorox bleach has my blessing... LONG LIVE THE SPONGE. Let me hear you say, "We did this before," Strebor...
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19 comments:
No you crazy-ass citizen we have not done this one before and I think the reason may be sponges aren't known for doing a lot of things other than cleaning chores. So I think if anyone comes up with other sponge-related duties they should win something. Oh yeah they use a sponge in a cartoon like you said but that'ssssssssssssss all folks! Plain, DO NOT tell me they can dance.
Birth Control LOL
I don't need Plain for this one Strebor..Little known fact. Sponges have been known to square dance with other sponges..they sometimes get stuck together while emulating their mating habit..That's right sponges mate, by coming together (no pun intended), then breaking or being pulled apart by their owners, as they are pulled apart little sponges may appear in the water, and they immediately if not sooner start doing a dance the sponges call the BOB, this is where the BOB around each other in a sink or bucket and when someone puts their hands in the sink or picks up the bucket the sponges really start BOB,BOB BOBBING ALONG. So, as you see Strebor their are many things the Sponge can do. Little known fact it has also been used as a weapon. I myself was once assaulted by a sponge. My ex-wife was performing a cleaning maneuver with a big yellow specimen and when I walked in 6 hours late and yelled hey what the fuck you doing with that sponge. It flew at me about 900 miles an hour and hit me flush in between the eyes, it spit some kind of Ajax or ammonia compound into my eyes, I was all discombobulated and my gyrations resembled the BOBBING dance that the sponges perform...You heard it here first on Plain and Simple...
Yes Jimmy Mc another well known use for the sponge. Just ask Elaine Bennis of Sienfeld fame...LOL!!!!
Good one J. McC! Yours on the other hand Simple is indeed a very little known fact. I can't wait for Plain to slide in on this one!
Strebor, I just want you to realize that it is people like you that give sponges the soaking they do not deserve..That's right, where would this world be without the sponge..They are attached to the end of wooden handles inside a squeegee, that when the trigger is pulled the sponge is not only crushed but bent the fuck in half like a newspaper. What does the ever friendly sponge do?? He sucks up the spill. Whether it is baby juice, milk, water, dirt, bugs or any other environmental disaster. When BP blew the top off the Oil Well, I immediately sent my directive to Obuma, to get giant sponges and cover the area of the spill with them.. They would have sopped up that spill in half the time it took all of those chemicals. Plus they could have wrong them out and saved the oil..AW!! a tribute too the sponge. Long live the sponge..The sponge surely sucks, but that is what it is supposed to do.. Hell most people suck and that is not what they are supposed too do...
I totally agree with you about the cleaning and sopping up contributions given by the sponge but, as I said before, what else does it do? And, don't say birth control, J.McC already got that one.
It does The Bob..It procreates, it acts as a friend or in my case a weapon to be feared..It can sop, fly, swim, float, clean, bend, suck, and reproduce. It can bend but not break, it can soak and dry faster than a speeding bullet. It can stink and, smell good all in seconds. It can beat any old rag, and most of all it can wash bird shit off of your car..Want anymore Strebor...To the Sponge.. Long Live The Sponge..Just keep BOB BOB BOBBING ALONG. When the blue blue sponge comes bob bob bobbing along.....
I'm outta here! Phils are on!
The best ones are those flat 1/8" piece of dry something. When you add water they expand and are given life by the waterer. They then become a full sponges of many sizes and species. They start right away harboring germs, bacteria and other fun little microscopic things. We sit them on our counter tops or next to the spigot and clean everything with them spreading an unknown species. Like Simple said anything that can live and breed in Clorox gets my respect but yet we continue to wipe everything with the mighty sponge. Where did the saying "Sponging off me or him come from"? Because they suck the life out of you. But what would we do without them. They are good for bird shit and hubcaps just don't bring them back to the sink, especially if your wife is around........LOL
Getting off that subject Simple, what years did you guys serve our beloved country.
I myself Jimmy Mc was in The United States Marine Corps from 1964-1968.
Aint sure about Plain, but I think 1965-1968..I believe they had a three year plan.., but he can tell you better than I...
ahhhhhh Simple so Glad you brought this up about Sponges. I get absored in things like this.The Sponge is an animal of the Phylum porifera Family and it is a lil known fact they dont have nervious , diegestive,or circulatory systems! Crazy I know but wait til ya hear this!They rely on constant water flow thru their bodies for food and Oxygen and to remove wastes.And theres 10,000 known speices of these suckers. And they feed on Bacteria. But heres the kicker, wait til ya hear this lil tibit(smacks my Forehead with the plam of my hand)They reproduce by releasing sperm into the water to fertilize, friggin crazy or what? This is where the Saying " Cum into the Water " comes fromand this isn't a lil known fact I don't think any fucking body knew it !!!!
Oh and Jimmy , Pat Renshaw, Monk, Tommy Flaherty, and Myself Enlisted in 1965 we went in in 66 did 2 years active and 4 years inactive, Pat Renshaw did 3 years he shipped over another year. They told me they would make me Cpl. If I did and I told them You couldn't make me a Col. if I stayed another week. smirks and walks away.
LOL Thanks
Oh and here's a lil known tib-it I forgot to mention A sponge is full of holes but can hold water.Those lil sucker's can do some ammazing shit
Plain, little known fact, People that have Hermit Crabs (I had crabs once but I don't know if they were hermits). use sponges on the bottom of the tank. They soak up the water and Herman and the Hermits, use them too drink from.. So all of you out there with Hermit Crabs or any other kinda crabs, go get some sponges of off Jimmy Mc's sink and start using them too your advantage..(This brought too you incognito by the wondrous Danielle)
I just took a:
Sponge Bath.
Had a slice of Sponge cake for dessert.
Sponged a few bucks off my SS card.
Going Sponging in N. Wildwood and Dave's and Tommy's over the weekend.
Can't beat sponging....
Well the Phillies just sponged their third straight for the month of August - yep 3 straight on the
1st, 2nd and 3rd. Applauds and says good-night to P & S. Yo, Simple how are the critters, you haven't mentioned them in a while; still sponging off you I suppose.
hmmmmm Very good Simple the only thing you forgot was to mention Spongey from Apple Street, he would Sponge nickles outside Church, which was quite a Task as it took him 3 hours to walk from Pensdale and Apple to Cresson and Rector.Some people wouldn't even give him a penny, the cheap bastards were tighter than a Hippo's ass in water! Throws up my hands and walks away.
Cleaning out my sink, this sponge stinks, look at this thing it is having baby sponges right before my eyes..AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! What the fuck Mere, Hatoona Mattadda Simple fuck you..Why do you sneak up on me like that?? It is rack time is it not Simple and I heard you say right before your eyes. Oh and when you hear eyes you naturally think I am talking about you.. Yes, Oh Simple One. I don't like that kinda talk Mere.. I know Oh Simpleton of the Pines, that is why I do it.. What?? just too get on my last nerve Mere.. Yes, Oh Spongy hands.. OK Mere enough, you in here to rack out.. BLAT SLAT!! fuckin morons bring my fuckin rack back in this bunker.. get the fuck out all of you..You can stay Mere, just quit talking like that.. OK Oh Great Simpleton, Hattoona Mattadaa fuck you, you Simple sponger.. What the fuck did you say Mere.. Goodnite Simple.. Goodnite Mere. Starting too hate this toe walkin, eye ball bulging fucking KAT!!!!!!!! OK Strebor, the critters are fine it is me that is a mess.
Treat your sponges too a bath, and "Stay Out Of Harms Way My Friends."
TAPS............................
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