"It Is Now Post Time"
We're Off..YO!! I am on to something big, here at the Ville..Before I get started, just let me tell you about these fucking spiders.. I open the bunker door to make a head call, and in runs this fucking spider, I mean fast, right past me into the bunker..you think I could find that bastard. This after killing three of them, really pissed me off, of course it was 1 AM, and I am down on the floor stabbing under a 1904 lb. couch that Goliath couldn't move. Finally just went back to sleep, figured if the bastard bites me there is a 50-50 chance I might wake up..I mean I have woken up in many, many locations around this globe with insect bites all over me, and in some instances I never even woke up, while they were feasting on my exhausted ass.., and the rest of me..OK! as I stated, in my opening comment. I think I am on to something big..Yeah once again the sheople never cease to amaze me with that statement. IT IS GOOD TO BE BACK.. This statement is usually made after coming back to the drudgeries of everyday life, you know alarm clocks (which I don't need anymore as I am up half the fuckin night anyway), and hurrying around either to get the kids ready for school or shovel snow out of the driveway, or in some New Yorkers case sit in traffic for two hours to get to a job they hate.. Most of the time this statement is made when they just got back from a trip to Disney Land, or some Island in the Sun where they got totally ripped the fuck off and won't know it until the credit card comes do..Sometimes they are coming back from some kind of trip they had planned for a couple of years, their skiing adventure in the Alps or a once in a lifetime safari to Africa or whatever.. Why the fuck is it good to be back... I took a one week vacation in South Florida last week, and I didn't hear one guy say IT WAS GOOD TO BE BACK. Now, I am talking about twelve loons that make more sense too me than almost anybody in this fucking universe.. We weren't all that thrilled to get back.. I know I coulda stayed in that local for a few more months.., anyway in my opinion the only time it is really good to get back, is if you have been away doing something that is good to get away from.. You know like being in a fuckin combat zone, or a earthquake damaged city, something of that nature, then sure it is GOOD TO GET BACK!, but come on, good to get back from Disney when your kids are little, you may never get to experience that again..I just can't help it. I personally hate when good times are over..No matter what you say, that time will never occur again in the same manner. You may have similar times on the horizon but no two trips, no two meetings, no reunions are ever the same. Some may be better than others, some may be worse, some may be different locals. You get my drift.. Once you have an experience that you loved, don't try and recapture it, you can't.. You have to make new experiences, and who knows you might like that one better than the one you can't recapture..OK I think that GLAD TO BE BACK, statement when applied to vacations or life time dream trips or in general doing something you really like is a bogus statement..I never used it, and I don't think I ever will...You guys got any more bogus statements, or statements that make no sense whatsoever......, or just statements that irk you for some reason.. Come on in have some fun...Let me hear those wondrous musings about fucked up statements, sheople say...
1. "Lets Have A Beer" get the fuck out of here.. Lets have a beer ain't happening, not around here, why don't you just say lets go to the bar for five hours.. There is no such thing in my realm as lets have a beer..
2. Did you see the way she was dressed? This is usually a woman thing, as I personally could give a shit how anybody dresses..and if she was dressed in a low cut or high cut dress or skirt, your fucking right I saw how she was dressed.
Don't those two make you sick? Not really, if they made me sick I wouldn't be around them. If they make you sick why don't you get the fuck out..
BRING IT!!!! Gotta get some work done....Later..
20 comments:
Can't believe I'm agreeing with you once again, but I am! After a fun time it is never "good to be back" to the everyday happenings. Of course, if you are retired it's not so bad to be back because you can ignore the alarm clocks, the traffic jams, the hated job. I hope some day soon Bro you can join our ranks and maybe go hacking with the crew on your own time, LOL. It's very early for me to be commenting but had to do an early morning favor for a neighbor. Taking a nap and will try to think of some annoying sayings and BBL.
Thought of one before I take my nap:
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To comment deleted - "FU" (one of my fave comments)
AWWWWWWW STRECHESSSSSSSSSS So Good to be Back!!!!!!Kinda missed this place.Be it ever so humble there's no place like Home.
If ya love what your doing Simple you never have to work a Day in your life !So Find something ya love and hang on to it.
Lets see now Can Texas Hold Em? Or is it in the Cards ?Thats kind of a metaphor and I hate metaphors the only thing worse is a metafive, you know the world provider of Bussiness Inteligence, dont ya hate that shit?Well time to do something I really hate Hit Golf Balls I'll be back.
How about when you go to a social function, and you are seated at a table from night of the living dead. This is not a saying this is more like expression and non action. There they sit with this fucking glum ass look on their glum ass faces, these are the so called relatives of the bride, probably haven't seen her in twenty years, but they have to be invited because they are blood. No they don't. I have found out a lot of things in this life and one of them is that you don't have to be related to be brothers. It is nice if you are related and have a good relationship, but more and more in this world I see a disconnection with that premise. Anyway, back to the wedding or birthday or whatever the fuck it is someone is paying out their asshole for, that nobody but the really close people give a shit about. Here is my problem.. If you get invited to someones weddding, you gotta be one miserable prick or prickess to sit there with a bored or indignant look on your face.. Give your gift, thank the people for thinking enough of you to invite you and get the fuck out, or better yet, send the gift and stay the fuck home.. I have been in more than on tift at a table with what I would want to refer to as snobbery.. Just had to express my opinion and asked them why the fuck they couldn't smile during the rendition of Daddy's Little Girl." These kind of people make me sick. They don't know how to have a good time and they try and drag everyone around them down to their level.. Don't sell that shit here asshole you are at the wrong table...
You know who reminds me of one of those pompous assholes that you have to sit with at a social function.. Andy Piggy Reid. Can't you just see him hrummmphing through a pork chop, or a filet, while everybody else is cutting their food or talking about the weather..His tie would probably be too tight and his suit a little stretched sorta like Franenstein's. I could see his puffed up red face with pork chop droll running down onto his plate. While the rest of the table continued talking about the weather. Mrs. Reid "Andy, Andy, Andy dear the bride is going to toss the bouquet." "Hruummmphh, cough, cough, Hrummmmphh.. "Andy, ANDY!! put down the pork chop, there is nothing left of it anyway.." "Hrummmpphhh "What, Hruummppph do, Hruummmpph you Hruuummpphhh mean Hruummmph dear. There is plenty of meat on this bone. In fact the closer to the bone the sweeter the meat.."Andy we are at a wedding, and your place setting looks like the aftermath of a buffalo hunt..Hruummpphhh, whose Hrummpppnhhhh wedding Hruuummmphhh is Hsrummmmmpphh it, BURP!!!!, Phew that felt good.. "You know what fatso, go ahead and eat your pork chop, I hope you chock on the chop, because there ain't a soul in this place that can get their arms around you to perform the heinelick method..you make me sick.. WHACK!!!!!Hrumppmmmphh that bouquet looks good on your head darling..BURP!!! Hruummppphhhh, where's desert.. Hrummmmmphhhhh....
I don't know if you know this Simple but Andy Reid only weighs 280 lbs I checked both scales when he got on them and they both said 280.And your right about his cloths he must buy real short ties they only come down to the third button on his shirt.But he is on a Diet and it's been about 2 months so far he has lost 60 Days.
Hrummmmmphhhh
Hrummmmmphhhh
More, pork chops, more loin of pork, more mashed potatos, more lima beans, more corn on the cobb, more, apple sauce, more potatos a'rotten, more meatballs, more meat, more balls, more rolls, more butter, more soup, more crackers, more salad no, no salad, more cheese balls, more cheese, more balls, more key lime pie, more pudding, more cake, MMMMMM, more, more, more..BURP!!!!!
Ladies and Gentleman, this is Edward R. Murrows reporting. I hate to interrupt this blog at this time but we have breaking news here at Plain and Simple. Andy The Pig Reid has blown up at a wedding he wasn't even invited to. It was the eight time this Henry guy got married, he is a Mormon and known polygimyst.. Andy, read the invitation but it was to his sixth wedding not this one. As Andy started to stagger around the dance floor people started to rampage over the wedding table.. Reid unable to control himself started to lose gas, yep out his ass..One bridesmaid that was to close was blown out the second story windwow, she sustained minor bruises to her arse and a larger bruise to her ego.. It is said, by eyewitness report that as Reid started expelling gas from ass and mouth, his suit began to shrink, when all of a sudden a slimmed down naked Reid started flying all over the ballroom. Screaming and flailing as his head and torso seperated..His torso shot across the dance floor and some drunken wench grabbed the headless hunk and started doing the dirty dog with it.. Her husband attacked the twosome and dislodged her from the torso.. and flung her out the second story window..Reids head is stuck on the chandelier and one onlooker said there was a pork bone hanging out its mouth. We will have a further report later on this blog.. Stay tuned as we will stay live at Aston Manor, as we have now heard there are all kinds of people jumping out the second story window as the stench from the torso is exuding obnoxious gas fumes and people are keeling over.. One man reported an amazing fact, he said the torso looked like it grabbed at the wedding cake before flying around the room like a balloon losing air.. WOW!! what a story....
And, Kadaffy Duck is dead!
Edward, this is Simple, I run the Ville, and I would like to thank you for that in dept reporting of the Reid blow up.. We here at Plain and Simple are always atuned to the news. If there is anymore sightings of either head or torso, or second floor leaping dilerium, please let us know first, so we can naturally get it out to all the other millions of blogs, that have no news connections like ours..
Mrs. Edward R. Murrow just reported Kadaffy Duck is dead. Evidently The Duck was at the wedding reception with the Reids, and Andy asked to have him glazed. Afterwar he took a couple of bites out of said duck and that is when the expulsions and explosions started. Thank you Mrs. Murrow..
See that's what happens when you are a MOre Man nods and walks away.
Hey Plain, he was a More Man, now he is waisted....Anyway, there was a report about Kadaffy Duck quakin up..I gotta check it out. If that wondrous fuck of a human being has really joined Osamma Bin Fuckin with people, the world is rid of another coward.. See ya in hell Duck..I guess he didn't duck fast enough..I hope a drone went through his shrouded head and detached it from his torso, the last thing his torso would be reaching for is something to hurt another human being.. Have a nice flight Duck. If there is any justice in the after life, millions of your victims are waiting to say HI!! Just Ducky!!
How bright could Colonel Kadafey be Simple? He was in charge of a whole Country and only made Himself a Colonel, hell we coulda been Corporals.Everything aint so Ducky anymore for old Kadafy now they should take all his money you know like put it on his Bill,( Duck Bill ) Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaohhhhhh chitttttt
Yo Plain, the first thing I hear about the Duck dying, is America is ready to pay Libya 37 billion dollars in funds that are being held. Sure you FUCKING WASHINGTON BASED MORONS, GO AHEAD AND GIVE THE MONEY TO LIBYA!!!!!!! Which one of the warring tribes are you going to give it too. Are you making sure they are our buddy's or are you just going to be as stupid as you usually are, and turn it over to some fuckin Arab coward, who will be killing some more Americans in the near future. Your do righteous fucking attitude and you world class ass liking, never cease to amaze me. I cannot fucking stand politicians, and their unilateral decisions that affect me and my Countrymen.. Ask us if we want to turn over 37 billion dollars to Libya, you mother fuckers.. My vote says NO!!! Give it to the American Economy, and the people that are in need in this country. Those bastards over in those Arab countries have been raping us for years, and once again you want to get down and be Mister Nice Guy and give them that money. Better watch it Mr. Washington, you don't know who is going to be running that country.. You sicken me..
I meant ass licker in that last comment, because that really is what they are.. Don't worry though Hillary will take care of us. Sleep tight she has everything under control (GAG)
Sir Edmund Hilary is over there ? Holy Chitt i thought that sucker 86'd too, but even a Dead Sir Edmund would do better than that Hilary Clinton you know that one that was married to that Bill that was in the ORAL Office.
Yeah Plain, ole Hillary will scare the chit out of those old beduin chieftans, they fear and treat woman so nice in that society..They laugh at everything she says and does. I saw a picture of her with the victory fingers held up. I had to laugh..Washington just don't get it man, there is only one thing those people understand, and it is a shame, but it comes with a death notice..
Well, Plain and Simple scoured the globe today baby.. From sayings to coaches blow up at weddings. From long ago reporters across time, telling of the death of another butcher..We kinda covered it all. Now, it is time to cover the Ville. The critters and Slavs, have built themselves a pretty neat hooch out in the barrens, right outside the bunker.. They were playing Buffet music and screaming that the duck was dead.. I don't think they really know what is going on, but anything to celebrate means a party for them. They wanted to know why we were'nt invited to the wedding so we could have jumped out he second story window with the other loons.. Phew!! The shit I gotta put up with around here. Come here Mere, time to rack out.. I'm hangin out here tonite Simple. We are partying because a duck died.. That is why you guys are all dancin and drinkin because a duck died.. Yep, look a the TV Simple, people are waving green flags and shootin guns, really a fun night..Simple maybe we should kill a duck everyday.. Mere, I am hitting the rack. Tomorrow I will tell you the real story about KaDaffy Duck. I get it Simple it was a special duck. Yeah Mere it was a special duck OK..Goodnite Mere. Goodnite Simple..
"Stay Out Of Harms Way My Friends."
TAPS
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