"Today Is The 14th Day Of March In The Year Of Our Lord 2011."

Mornin.  Monday the dread day. Come on admit it. I know by all the self help guru's we are supposed to cherish every minute.  Yeah, right, stop right here a minute.  Without a word of lie there goes the coffee, actually today was a miss, it went onto may chair, and did not, I repeat did not fry my nuts.  HEAR THAT SAMMY!!!!!!! WAKE UP PLAIN!!!!!!!!! These self help guru's are some wondrous individuals, they can tell everybody how to be happy every single second of every single day (more measurements of time, I'm tellin ya time might be bigger than porn). I have found by my ignoble observations throughout the years, that the happy people are the smartest people. If you are not happy what the hell else do you have.  You could have all the money in the world, if you are not happy does it mean anything.  You could have everything you ever wanted if you are not happy, you better get happy on those pills your eatin.  Why don't you happy guru's put it right. Try and be happy as much as possible, because the alternative is sadness, loneliness, and finally depression, believe me I realize this is not any easy emotion to control, there are many things outside our inner selves that can affect our happiness.  Please to all my fellow citizens of a Simpleland, try this.  Just be as happy as you can be most of the time.  If you can just achieve that status, I think it will help you not only in your outlook on life, but I think it can actually help you with your health.  I must admit, I feel no anxiety or unhappiness on VODKADAY, I guess that's why ancient man discovered the sauce, he was tired bein unhappy gettin chased around and devoured by creatures that chomped him into hamburger with one bite..I think we should take happy on the road WAKE UP JIM!!!! Here is your recruitin assignment for today. Go where a lot of sheople congregate, right about now probably your nearest dollar store, and use this as your salutation. Hi!! Have a Happy Day.  90% will naturally look at you, and declare many different declarations, one of them may go as follows:  Why the fuck should I be happy. I caught my wife, having sex with my best friend over the weekend. Jim, as fast as you can get away from this guy, I feel a round going through you at any second.  If something of that nature happens the first time..Persist-ency is the sign of Consistency and Consistency is the sign of Greatness.  Try again, like in Lancaster, those Amish assholes are some cheap ass dudes and they have more money than Hollywood actors can ever dream of, but if you ask them inbreds if they are happy (won't be at a dollar store) probably and open air market, they at least won't shoot you..Let me know how you make out spreading the joy and happiness of Plain and Simpleville.  WAKE UP PLAIN!!!!!!!!! Ok today try and be happy, right about now I feel like punchin my fuckin face in, I'm about as happy as a train wreck.. The little man again, hey Ern you are telling everybody to be happy, you gotta be happy first.  Go away little man. No, I want you to be happy first.  Please little man you are bugging me, go away. No, tell me you are happy.  Grab the little man, throw him on the floor, stomp his naggin fuckin ass into oblivion.. There now I am HAPPY.. Bring the lunacy guys and girls..Continue on with nicknames..There still is a bunch out there..Do 3-4 if you so choose.When Plain WAKES UP!!!! I will be a happy man....