Friday, May 20, 2011
"Today Is The 20th Day Of May In The Year Of Our Lord 2011."
Mornin, I have a prophecy, THE WORLD WILL NOT END TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There if the world is still here Sunday, I want some Kudos from all citizens and visitors to The Ville..It was ghostly in here last nite.. I was trying to tell Blat and Slat, there were no such things as ghosts, yeah well the next time you meet somebody from Transylvania try and get that point across to them.. Had, another unwelcome visitor to the Ville last nite. I guess the rain made froggy a little disoriented and he wound up in my bunker.. I chased that son of a bitch for an hour. Finally get him cornered. Now, I have been around long enough to know you don't want to corner a rat. (wait till I try to explain that one to the Slavs), but a frog. This amphibian was about 6 to 7 inches spread out, so there he is in attack mode, and I am going to cut him a break and not put my saber through his ugly ass, so I bend down to grab his leg, and don't this slimy fucker jump right into my face. I think this is Jim Thorpe reincarnated, oh no, the ghost of Jim Thorp..I whack at him and I must have stunned him, DOWN GOES FROGGY!!! So I snatch him up and threw him over to Sammy and the boys.., washed the slime off of my face and hands and finally hit the rack..It is getting tougher and tougher to live here..Slavs, Flying Squirrels, Drunken Goats, ARK!! ARKIN!! Parrots, Plain riding through here on all kinds of vehicles at all kinds of hours. He must think we are on Pacific Coast Time.. Oh, we are! Excuse the Post Toasty...Ok how about some yarns today, about run ins you have had with creatures of the day or night..I got a thousand of these, and I know there are no rules, but lets try and keep it in the civilian context..Those things we came in contact in jungles and shit are aliens to this earth.. So with all the rain and all the critters it has launched on society.. Lets get hoppin, that was a pun about FROGGY!! Strebor should like this one as she once went to battle with a black mouse.. Creepy Crawly Day, get out the swatters, and start swinging. Probably get a comment in about three hours. I'll just play with myself again...WHERE THE FUCK IS TH GENERAL!!! If I don't hear from you today, I will be raiding your domicile tomorrow...WAKE UP PLAIN!! Quit dreamin about JLO and get outta bed, and let me know what you are doing for the Preakness tomorrow...
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Mornin, The world is not going to end tomorrow. It actually is the supposed to be the beginning to the start of the ending. Now saying that the day we are born is the actual beginning to the ending I think...could be wrong but i am confidant in my assumption.(That sounded deep)Ok so what I was reading and yes I read, It said something like 2 or 3 % were going to be saved by the lord Jesus and the rest of us sinners were going to endure major natural disasters over a 3 month period. then God will finish the rest of us off by destroying the Universe..I admit I have been wrong in the past.But I think it should be vodka day every day starting 5/12/12 for all who are left for the show....So just in case I were wrong, I am truly sorry for whatever the fuck I have done and to whomever I did it to.I don't think that's going to put me with the 3 % hanging out in the sky.Hey who knows? Sooooo if were here tomorra I may stop by the ville if there are no floods,quakes,hale storms or brimstone and fires.Peace to all and to all in the Ville a good 5/12/2012.
Hey Earman, what is with 5/12 today is 5/20. What were you hibernating or something of that nature. I know we are on PCT., but most of the time I know what day it is..and no earman you are not going to be on the clouds. I am driving the bus to hell, and you have a reservation in the Baltimore section.. Hey by the way, big time in Old Baltimore tomorrow.. Preakness at Pimlico..Little known fact, Pimlico is in downtown Baltimore..First time there with my Dad, My Uncle Don, and My Uncle Lou, I hit my first trifecta I was twelve.. (RIP) all you fine men I just mentioned...
Never Mind Earman, That's why they call me Simple, I just saw 5/12/12. I accused you of not knowing what day it was, and I don't even know what year it is..LMAO!!!
My magic word is LITIL, these are the kinds of balls PLAIN plays with..
This is why I'm going to hell
Hey Earman, we here at the Ville are trying to give you practice as to what the after life will be like for you...
Hey I actually did kill a spider with a saber once. He was a black ugly motha, well most of them are pretty fuckin ugly.. I never heard anyone say they saw a pretty spider..anyway, he gets into a crack between the rug and the wall and figures he is safe from this Simpleton.. I got a Marine Corps Saber for my 50th Birthday, I grab that baby, and stuck inky binky right through his chubbly little body. I didn't even here a scream..It was swift and painless.I guess back at the web they were saying: guess Old Bill ain't comin home tonight....
It was Mar. 1966, left cold Newport R.I. for a trip to sunny, warm Pensacola Fla., my next duty station. Carol, 5 months preggers, driving to Fla in my 1960Chevy towing eveything we own in a U Haul. Want to live off base, find a nice realtor and settle in. He shows us a beautiful cottage, 2bdr, 1 bath cute little thing. Gave my 150.00 deposit and it was mine. Okey Dokey, thank you. It is about 4 or 5 in the afternoon and we go out to eat. Check out the base and then go back to unload the U -Haul. By now it is dark. Walk in and turn on the lights and I swear it was like a scene out of the Birds, only the birds were Palmetto Roaches flying everywhere. Thousands of them no shit. Needless to say preggers wanted nothing to do with it. Find a motel, lost the Deposit and the (Nice) Asshole Realtor says that his house is 50,000 and he have them too. Fuck you I want my money back. End up finding another place with only a couple of cucaracha's. The people down there learn to live with them. Didn't know they actually fly with a flutter. Scary as shit. Live with them I was told. Not this Yankee................
I was at Danny Crocco's bachelor party in Tampa. A bunch of us drove down from Philly. One night we wind up in a bar and I in all my Simpleness am hitting on the owner when lo and behold she says wait. Go home with me..So, guys see ya in a little bit. They leave that is another unbelievable story.., and I walk out to her car with her. The car is covered with these palmettos she starts whackin at them with her pocketbook and hands. I am just whacking at them with my hands as they are flying all over the place..Some of them fuckers were as big as mice.. I saw one in Key West On Duval Street it was like 5 AM he is in front of me, I am carrying a Captain and Ginger in each hand.. This son of bitch was so big he was wobbling.. I run up and catch up to him and start a conversation, there is only me, him and a few other lost souls laying and stumbling around., so I just walked down Duval Street having a conversation with a Roach..
YO guys those roach stories make my skin crawl. Earman's Mom, my beloved aunt, also spent some time with our dear uncle who was also a sailor in Florida and she had roach stories also. I hate all bugs but roaches make me crazy. Of all the times I have been in Florida I have had the good fortune not to run into any of those dreaded palmettos. Hope I never do! About the black mickey that Simple referred to in the post, thank God I have never had a mouse problem in my house since when we first moved in. I had a problem then but The General took care of it for me. But, about a year and a half ago as I was walking into the kitchen a skitter caught my attention and I said to myself that was either a mouse or a really big bug, neither of which I was happy about. This happened in early afternoon and then nothing else happened that day. The next night I'm sitting on my sofa when all of a sudden who appears sitting on top the chair opposite of the sofa but the black mickey. I nearly had a heart attack; he was just sitting there looking at me like he wanted to have a conversation. I jumped up, got a broom, opened the front door and luckily the critter ran outside. Ewwwwwwwwwwwwww! And, then there was a time I thought I had a gas leak because of a putrid smell; gas company came checked everything out and no gas leak; it turned out to be a dead mouse under the buffet in the dining room. Simple came to my rescue that time; he removed the dead critter while gagging uncontrollably. Ewwwwwwwwwwwww! Thanks Bro! I know all living things have a purpose but I will never know why we have to be tortured by them. If they just stayed outside where they are supposed to I wouldn't care. Looked out my back door today and saw about 5 caterpillars on my lawn mower cover. There are 3 big disgusting white gooey cocoons on the tree next door so I guess that's where they are coming from; I know they turn into beautiful butterflies but they are some ugly mf's while in the caterpillar stage. Ewwwwwwwww!
These conversations really tell you something about the citizens of this place..It takes a bug story to get the most profound of statements from most of them.. Plain will have a good bug story, he bugs everybody..HAHAHAHAA knee slappin OW!!! Gotta stop hurtin myself. I am getting like those Slavs.
OK deep breath...Gotta leave the Ville have an appointment on a pool table with an old friend of mine. One, Phil The Thrill From Cherry Hill.. He is one of the better shooters around, me and him go at it pretty good.. Also, think I am heading to Philly for awhile. Preakness tomorrow.. 7-8-9-10 as easy as boxing them four in a super and a triple. 48.00 investment get half the payout 96.00 investment get it all..Somebody may have to do TAPS tonite, as I don't know if I will be puter bound..Everybody have a great weekend, don't let the bed bugs bite........ WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TWO DOING. YOUR ALL RED BREATH, BREATH FOR GOSH SAKES BREATH..They said I said to take a deep breath.. this language is fucked up....
I haye bugs and anyone that likes them especially spiders. I over kill any of them I see.I rember beating a gray spider with a ballpean hammer for like a half hour my wife said are you crazy you smached that table apart I said well it was a Black widow she said you nut it's gray I said it was an old one but that fuckers dead now!
Another story when I was on okinawa and doing repelling we are on top of this Mountain and the Sgt. says okay guys first time down a mountain once you go over this rock it goes in so there's no coming back,if you don't feel your ready then dont do it because theres nothing but rocks down there no water . We were repelling from towers and helicopetors into the ocean.Well L/cpl Morris always volunteered so here i go down the side of the mountain go over the inclave swing in and there is a spider web the size of Mount Rushmore and a spider in the middle that looked like a fucking Moose. The whole web like moves right at me and this Spider is looking my right in the face as it it going back and forth and hissing, Swear to God the bugs on Okinawa are fucking hugemungous, dragonflies look like helicopters!!!!!! it felt like I was there 4 days I know it was only seconds but I went up that rope like a fucking Monkey the Sgt. couldn't belive I was able to come back up over the incline He was yelling Morris what is it ????? I was white as a fucking Ghost when I told him a Spider bigger than King Kong nO ONE ELSE WOULD GO DOWN. So he goes down and yells up he got rid of the spider no one would go til King Kong was gone
Hey Hey, listen up the numbers in the Preakness are 8-9-10-11. Man, I hate when I mess up like that now the 7 will kill me...
At one Pharmaceutical I worked for we would go over to Research and pick up the boys for lunch and hit the bar. When we would come back if we had a new guy with us we would bring him in to Research and the boys would throw mice all over them., As a matter of fact if you didn't know about it when you walked in to see them they would cover you with mice and rats. Just throw them on you. Never knew what they were being tested for just threw them. Scary as shit.
All's quiet in Plain & Simpleville and the general concensus is that we don't like spiders or snakes, etc.
Good night all - stay out of harm's way - TAPS - Day is done, gone the sun, from the lakes, from the hills, from the sky, all is well, safely rest, God is nigh.
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