"It Is Now Post Time."
We're Off..Well, we will be off in 2 days..Thirteen, nice round number heading for either Naples, Fl. or Naples, Italy. The other twelve told me that it is a big surprise for me.. They told me to bring sunscreen, and the one pair of shorts I own. They also told me we will probably, visit Brighthouse Network Field, and there is a beautiful stretch of Gulf Beach right in front of us.. They said the flight is only about 21/2 hours, and that it isn't that far from places we have stayed before.. HA!! who do they think they are messin with, I knew all along we were going to Italy....Doesn't matter too me, it ain't where you go, it is who you are with that really counts..
OK, Philly calm down. This is what makes the post season so exciting.. What else could you ask for, a deciding game five, in the NLDS, and the Doctor in the house.. Let's get it on. I wish it was tonight, but doesn't really matter what I wish..It is Friday night, so be it, have too watch it even though Saturday is an early wake up. I don't know why we have to be the first PLAIN out of Philly whenever we go somewhere, but then again, this Simpleton has nothing to do with the planning, so just shut up and enjoy..
Bring whatever you feel like as usual.. and let's just fly with it.. Get it fly..Little known fact. Flies are one of the most annoying fucking bugs ever created, and believe me I have seen some annoying fucking bugs, in the places my old ass has been stuck at one time or another. There is just something disgusting about a fly. Number one a fly comes from a maggot, kind of disgusting on it's own. Number two they eat shit. Then I heard one of those people that study bugs, I'm taking a shot here, Entomologist, say that when they land on your food they shit.. SHIT!! are you fuckin kiddin me, do you know how many flies land on your food in a life time..If they shit every time they land on our food, we must eat a mountain of fly shit by the time we die..Last night I had one of those bastards in the bunker, every time I was really gettin into the game or munching a pretzel, here he comes a buzzin all around me.. Start swinging a paper like a fucking lunatic, and jump outta the chair flinging my arms around like a chopper..I had to get him on one of those swings as I threw my shoulder out, and knocked the chair over.. Get everything straightened out, buzz buzz buzz..Son of a bitch you gotta be kidding me.. OK, he lands, take a swing like Babe Ruth only to see him fly onto the ceiling. Some people might think this is funny.. This is not funny, I am sweating like one of those slaves in a Roman era movie working in the salt mines of Mesopotamia..I cannot kill this bastard, and it is frustrating the hell out of me..Next time he lands I miss again, hurt my ribs. He buzzes away only to land right on the TV screen. I do not care, if I smash the TV to smithereens. WHACK!!!!! DEAD!! Bottle of Windex and a roll of paper towels later, I got to watch the game, of course it was two innings later...
7 comments:
Struts into the Ville, strut strut strut come fly with me come fly with me.............Sample whats wrong wit you it aint Plain it's Plane we are flying on .Gawd people will think we don't know what we are talking about! And you are the intellegent one,oh fuck we are in trouble.
And you are correct a mundo about fly's shitting on every thing,It is a lil known fact that this is where the saying "Eat shit and die" comes from those flies land on everything. They used to blame the flies and Mosquitoes for getting everyone sick when I was a kid,it couldn't of been the crop dusters flying over the city spraying that bug killer or the trucks that came around everyday spraying every street in the neighborhood we used to hop the trucks because they couldn't see us with all the smoke and spray.When they slowed down we would hop on and hitch a ride.We didn't know where we were going we just rode til they slowed down again. Fuck there was kids on there from China Town and out the North East. They couldn't get off. I Rember dead kids on the Back of those trucks The friggin bug killer killed them cause they didn't get off soon enough.Back in those Days you never saw kids on Milk Cartons there weren't enough to go around, it'sd a lil known fact tis is how they kept the population down, and you heard it here first on Plain and Simple.Nods and walks away
Where the hell is Simple?The man is incorrigible.You wanna know all about fly's huh Simple? Pulls mine up, well it's a lil known fact that a single fly lays nearly 1000 eggs in it's short life span of a few weeks.And they are suspected of transmitting at least 65 diseases to humans including Typhoid,Dipentry,cholera,poliomyelitis,yaws,anthrax,tubaremia,leprosy,and tuberculosis.
Flies costnearly 1 Billion in annual production losses to the U.S. Dairy and Beef industries. They even cost me a Job for a day once. I worked at the Hoilday Inn as a Bartender on the weekends and this Woman walks up to me and says in this real monatone, talking down attitude , like she was all that!!!! And says Bartender there's a dead Fly in my wine! I look and said OHH No I warned that dumb shit about Drinking and trying to swim!!!!!Well how was I suppose to Know it was the oweners wife?And I really didn't give a shit.The owener loved me and said I have to let you go and winked at me as he was trying not to laugh.I told him good I was quitting anyway in about an hour.He called me at home two weeks in a row and even Gave me a raise to come Back he said he was laughing his ass off and his wife went back to Florida.I spent like 8 years at that Place. It was a great Job made more there in two Days than I made at my city Job in a week.Where the hell Is Simple?????????
I am here Plain, don't panic. I won't leave you I promise. I will stay with you till the clouds call, and I gotta get that bus too hell warmed up for the trip.. "Phil The Thrill." is killin me, if I stop for a glass of water he starts shoutin back to work, back to work. Starting too sound like Greeny..Hey Plain, don't be laying that I'm the intelligent one around here, shit on me, we agreed if we ever got intelligent we would quit, and I ain't ready too quit yet.. Too many, people tell me they still get a chuckle out of us.. I can't imagine, but that is what they say..
Little known fact, they call the zipper on mens pants flies, because back in the wild west, the cowboys and their horses used to draw a crowd of flies wherever they went..The horse is the only animal besides a human that can eat and shit at the same time. Thus flies..but I digress. The cowboy, never really wiped his ass that well. Especially while riding the range in the cold. Soooo when him and Dobbin would ride into Dodge, they were a pretty stinky twosome., and when Buckskin Billy would take a piss flies would swarm his crothc area, because of the stench.. At which time some bartender, names two gun Terry said look at the crotch of Buckskins, Buckskins looks like flies.. Yep, and that name stuck around a man's crotch even after they invented zippers, you heard it here first on PLAIN AND SIMPLE.........
Buckskins, Buckskins. get it, his pants were Buckskins like his name. In fact that is how he got his name. Buckskin Billy. That's right people that is how he got his name. Him and Bronco Bronco, Bronco Lane. Down aroudn the old panhandle Texas is where he grew too fame there ain't a horese that he can't handle Bronco Bronco Bronco Lane..
When the Moon hits your eyes like a bigga pizza pie, that Amore......Pretty Soon............When does Strebor come back?
I don't know Jimmy Mc. when I see her in Naples, I'll ask her. Don't worry little Jimmy. Me and Plain will get something rolling across the ocean. We won't leave you in the Ville alone..See that is why I live with a menagerie this way I am never alone. (yeah right).
Guess we can call it a wrap.. Gettin on about TAPS time. Sammy is back from St. Louis, said he enjoyed the game the Phils won, didn't care much for the one they lost. He was asked by Ruben Amaro to replace the Phanatic as the Phils Mascot, but he told him he was already the Mascot at Plain and Simple.. Sam knows his shit..
OK Then. Come fly with me we'll fly we'll fly away, we'll take a trip down to Acapulco Bay. It's perfect for a flying honeymoon they say.. Come fly with me we'll fly, we'll fly away....... Big day tomorrow.. Bigger night..
"Stay Out Of Harms Way My Friends."
TAPS............................
Simple most of those cowboys were a lil Funny ya know,like a lil light in there boots.Thats why they say Texas is nothing but Steers and Queers.The Brokeback Mountain Movie was true.And ya know they started out watching Sheep. I'm not trying to pull the wool over your eyes, the Cowboys out in the field got lonley the ones that stayed in town where men were men and the woman were men too.Thats where the Ramblin Gamblin yee haw Cowboys hung out.The Brokeback Mountain Boys were a lil Sheepish. But there's one thing I learned when I was out in Wyoming Rustling cattle and you prolly will want to rember this Simple cause this is where I learned never to cook Bacon naked.Errrrrrr I mean ahhhhh so Ive been told never to do that.This is just as important looks both ways pssssssst never and I mean never squat with your Spurs on.Makes a ouchie face and walks away.
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