"It Is Now Post Time."
We're Off. Def. off in New Jermany.. Christie wants to pass a bill where you can bet horses in restaurants and bars.. Why not? If it gives the sheople more freedom I am all for it..Some of the places they are talking about are far from any betting venue in the State..Even in the Cherry Hill area (That is where Phil The Thrill From Cherry Hill is from), where the once proud Garden State Race Track was a landmark, you have to drive to Philly for an Off Track Betting Parlor, or to Vineland, or Toms River in New Jersey.. Makes absolutly no sense, they could have and should have put an OTB right where the old track stood, but Nooooooooo not in New Jermany, now they are going to put horse betting in bars througout the State.. Whatever, we have no control over what these assholes do, good or bad, and most of it is bad..Although, anything that will put more people to work is fine with me. There will have to be a lot of technological equipment and groundwork laid to get this moving, New Jermany is the most populated State in the Union per square mile.., and I know one thing there are a lot of bars and restaurants around what once was the Garden State....NOW LEGALIZE SPORT BETTING IN ATLANTIC CITY, YOU STUPID FUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My New Years resolution was to never say FUCK again, it lasted two nano seconds..MY second New Years resolution was to never make another New Years resolution, on New Years, they never work..gotta make your New Years Resolution on Resolution Day.. Yep, little known fact Resolution Day is going to be the first Holiday here at Plain and Simple...What date it will fall on is up to the Citizens, and the Critters..ARK!!!!! I want it to be on a day they celebrate birdery!!! I want it to be on a day they celebrate birdery!!!! NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I THOUGHT YOU WERE WITH THE STRING BANDS (hands over my face, ready to weep), ARK!!!! I am an official Mummers Mascot better than that flying rat!!! I am an officail Mummers Mascot better than that flying rat!!! OK official Mummers Mascot get outta the post before I rip every tail feather outta your parrot shittin ass.... ARK!!! Your jealous Simple!! Your jealous Simple!!! Man, I thought I got rid of that bastard for awhile.. Plain wherever you are, hope you are not at my cousins you might be there until February.. take this fuckin Parrot back to the Green Parrot, Ridge Ave. next to the Baltimoe Market and put him back in his cage.. I see a batlle brewing, he called Sam the Man a flying rat and told me I am jealous of his stature as a Mummers Mascot..His feathers are puffed out like a drunken Mummer (come to think of it that is what he is.), and his beak still wreaks of vodka, and beer..., he is over at the dirt road ARKIN about his new status and the other critters are just glaring at him.. Maybe, one of them will hit him with a shovel, or rake... OH NO!! here comes the goat, I can see his saddle bags are loaded down with beer and vodka, peanuts and seeds, and even some Meere Kat food..(whatever the fuck that is), they all just dropped their clean up tools and headed into the Pines...Maybe I am jealous.......LOL!! Hi everybody, we are back or it looks like I am. Where everybody else is, Good Lord, only knows...Come on in and visit say Hi and get on out...This place is a mess......
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Well here it is 2012 and does anybody really care?? The only difference a New Year makes is we are one year closer to the reaper, or his ugly ass is one year closer to us...
Typical Reaper Story:
This old guy is laying on the couch gasping and spluttering like an old Henry Jay..
The wife she is kneeling by the couch and holding his hand saying. Elmer, Elmer, Elmer please don't die, please I don't know how to write a check. I don't know how to fix the house..I can't live without you...
There is a knock knock on the door.. Sobbing she opnes the door and lo and behold it is none other than THE GRIM REAPER..
She looks at him, steps back and points at her husband and says. DON'T LOOK AT ME MOTHER FUCKER HE IS THE ONE THAT IS SICK!!
I rember when Elmer died, I was at lambeau Field when I met his wife Matilda she was next to me at the green Bay game and next to her was the only empty seat in the Stadium I said is that your seat too ? She responded yep it was my Husbands Elmer but he died. I said oh i'm sorry couldn't you get anyone else in the family to come? She said no there all at the Funeral. Shrugs and walks away.
Well the "Holidays" are over, Santa is cooling it on some beach in the Caribbean, the mummers, including Greenie, have strutted their last strut until next year and everyone I see has asked the same question, "how were your holidays". My answer is "exhausting". My resolution is that next year I'm not going to allow the holidays to exhaust me. No more, finito, the end, etc., etc., etc. Keeping on the Elmer joke, he went to the doctor to see what was wrong with him. The doctor called the wife in to have a consultation without Elmer. Doc said you need to make sure he gets at least 8 hours of sleep a day, three home-cooked meals daily, and sex at least four times a week and he will be fine in no time. Upon leaving the doctor's office Elmer asked the wife what the doctor said, she said "you're going to die".
Boy that Elmer gets around...I remember when I was walking on the beach, at Long Beach Island, and I saw this well built gentleman walking toward me with this great body and this little tiny head. Really out of proportion for him. I said to him as we got closer, Yo, what happened to your head. He said he was walking down by the last Jetty and this bottle washed up on shore. He opened it and a Genie popped out. She said I could have one wish and I asked for for a Little Head...........Ergo.....That Elmer
Who the fuck is this Elmer guy. I just made that name up for the Reaper Joke, and he pops up all over the Ville. I know one thing if he moves in here, he is taking care of the parrot..In retrospect, how can he move in here, he is dead..Isn't he?? Speaking on those terms, my cousin asked me over the weekend, if I believed in ghosts? I said no, do you? He says he never saw one.. I said, do you know anybody that did? Sure enough about ten minutes later his neihgbor, goes by the name of Helen comes in with some kind of pie..Naturally Simple pipes up, now mind you, I have never met this person..I said, hey Helen, you believe in ghosts? She says sure, I saw one in my house.. You did?? Yeah it walked by me like a large dark shadow..I said is that your husband out there? She turns around and looks at this 400 lb. behemoth talking to someone and says, yeah why?? I said it was probably his shadow..now that would be a large dark shadow.. No wonder I am only allowed outta the Ville on Vodkaday....Anyway, found out Helen is from Hungary and they believe in every thing from ghosts to ghouls, to vampires and werewolves and oh yeah, The Jersey Devil as she said that is who I am.. I said Hmmmmm, I have heard that before..Another big party over at the hooch, had to break up a fight between Greeny and Sammy, there were flying feathers and little squirrel fists flying at each other at an alarming rate, trying to decipher who was the best mascot.. PHEW!! the shit I gotta put up with around here..See ya tomorrow..
"Stay Out Of Harms Way My Friends."
TAPS...
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