Friday, September 2, 2011
"Today Is The 2nd Day Of September In The Year Of Our Lord 2011."
Mornin, Yep, Labor Day Weekend..One of the most dreaded days of the year.. I hate fucking Labor Day, with a passion known only too me. Hey little Simple, do you have your copy books and pencils.. Little Simple, put down the baseball and get your copy books ready..You gotta be shittin me already..I gotta do what the Old Boy does and get a drink, but I'm only 8, me and Floyd waited till we were nine, then I we raided the sacristy and got a bottle of white, drank it and the nun thought we were having seizures, coniptions back then.. We weren't having anything but a good old time we were both loaded..Nine years old, that takes balls man, especially back then in a Catholic School.. I remember humming too the nurse as I tried too see how she got those white stockings on, Floyd he was mumbling something about I got more than him.. I digress.. One more time, back to school, summer over, sneakers get thrown out, homework, nuns, wake up calls, did I say walk up the Manayunk wall for lunch..did I say homework, and the end of summer...WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU CELEBRATING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AM I THE ONLY SANE PERSON LEFT ON THIS PLANET!!!!!!!!THIS HOLIDAY SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!DO YOU HEAR ME!!!!!!!!!!!IT SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Why don't we just celebrate a fucking earthquake or something of that nature..See ya, this is my least favorite holiday....
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12 comments:
TOTALLY AGREE!!!!!!!!!
You need somthing to calm your ass down. He is a little ditty to end the summer with.........LOL
On the FIRST day, God created the Parrot and said, "Sit all day by the door of your bunker and ARK at anyone who comes in. For this, I will give you a life of twenty years.”The Parrot said, "That's a long time to be ARKING. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"God said OK
On the SECOND day, God created the Merecat and said, “Stare at Simple. For this, I'll give you a life of twenty years."
The Merecat said, Staring for twenty years? That's a long time to Stare. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?" God said OK.
On the THIRD day, God created the Goat and said, "You must go into the Pines with Simple, all day long chasing Slav and Blat and give Vodka to Simple. For this, I will give you a life of sixty years. The Goat said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?" God said, OK. On the FOURTH day, God created the Crazy Citizens of the Ville and said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."
But the Villes said, "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the Goat gave back, the ten the Mere gave back, and the ten the Parrot gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"
"Okay," said God, "You asked for it."
So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play with ourselves. For the next forty years, we slave to support our family. For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and ARK at everyone.
Life has now been explained to you.
There is no need to thank me for this little known fact. It’s in the Ville Handbook of Life.
Jimmy Mc, what you just said, and how profound you put it, does not blow my mind.. I don't forget. You were a smart kid.., but I sure would like too see you doing the Monkey tricks..I did love that analogy..I hate that fuckin parrot..Why doesn't Pain, OOPS I mean Plain..Wait a minute, that's what we shoulda named this place, Pain and Simple, largely none fact he is a Pain In The Balls..LOL!!! HI MY MAN, Keep whackin.. Yo, Plain you going to the St. John's reunion Sunday?? Sister Martina sent me an email asking if you were going to be there, so she could pour some hot sauce down your gullet....
J.McC, good take on an old joke! Greenie, Mere and Billy will be arking, staring and naaahing all day long at Simple.
Pain PAIN you say!!!!!Surley you jest Ive been Carrying you for years .Who brought The Parrot to the ville? who told you to never cook Bacon nude?And that you can't kill yourself by holding your Breath ,And if you heat up a rock in a microwave it will explode, and and who Told you barbie Dolls real name was Barabra Millicent Roberts?Me thats who, and this is the Thanks I get, buy ya Books send ya to school shakes my head and walks away.
And no I'm not going to saint Johns reunion I think Jap and Sister Ammoda, and Hose Nose are Looking for me, and it wasn't me that took all the # 2 Pencils and the Candy and Gave them to Uncle Tom, It was Thomas Kernan, but I got Blamed for it.
OH Plain, those nuns, what they did to us and blamed us for - I got blamed a lot of times for things I didn't do! One notable time was in high school - do you remember our wonderful PA system (never knew PA meant public announcement until much later in life). Well one morning after our good morning PA the dear principal nun (think it was Sr. Regis or something like that) did not turn it off so she could hear what was going on in our un-supervised study hall. There were about 12 of us in there and we were just told that we had to buy these horrible beanies that we would need to wear when going to church during school time. Of course, we all hated the idea of wearing the dreaded beanie. So not knowing supernun-spy was listening in on us we were all complaining about the situation. One of the girls and I won't mention her name altho she prolly wouldn't care proceeded to say "I ain't wearing no god-dam beanie". Sr. Rosemary our home room nun comes flying into the classroom and immediately says Miss Keebler stand up. WTF she didn't even consider it could have been someone else. My dear buddies stuck up for me and said she didn't do anything but no one squealed on who really did do it. We all got a week's detention. I hate those nuns!!!!! OMG did I just say I hate those nuns? Simple, make room for me on the bus to hell.
That is why Simple had such a hard time in school....His name preceded him. The Keebler name was written in the hallway of the Convent because of his Angelic Sister Strober..........
Yep, J.McC, that's how it was but I think his shenanigans caused the erasure of my name in the convent hallway to be replaced by the one and only Simple!
I know what you mean Strebor about the Nun's flying in!!!! I never knew they had legs I thought they just hovered and slid up and down those Asiles. I thought that when they threw there Rosary Beads over there shoulder with that Blue Habit it kinda speeded them up.And they were all like 6ft 5 inches tall even Jap who was 3 foot 6 inches tall until she put those mercenary Nun Combat shoes on, they hovered over us beating us with Rulers ,pointers, clickers, I mean who the fuck carries a Yard stick in there pockets or a clicker? They had Captian Kangaroo Pockets!!!!!!!!! One Day Sister Michel Francis pulled out Mr Green Jeans from her Pocket and beat me with him, yelling some language I never heard before calling me a Dirty Kerr, and something about one Ioda and making things crystal clear that the door only swings one way they talked that Nun language so you would look up from ducking like what the fuck are you talking about?????? As your getting hit with Mr. Green Jeans being called names like a dirty Trollop, then they just slide down the asile and pick up a pen and pencil holder with Change in it and Say Mr Morris would you Please Ask Mr Cute On Jamestown street to change this change too Bills for me and God Bless you Son.I was like okayyyyyyyyyy that convent over there is a Nut house they let them out during the Day to scare kids. Its why you never see alot of kids once they say Bring your Parents to the Convent tonite at 7 o'clock Sharp, I never could figure out the sharp shit either!!!! Why Never 7:05 Dull holds up my hands, see they made me crazy too I'll be back.
Yep, blame your craziness on the nuns(the frustrated old bats). I'll be with you all the way on the ride to hell w/Simple.
Well i'm out and about don't forget Taps. Simple is on the run, everyone have fun.God Bless. Poof
Well Simple is on the run and Plain has gone poof and I hope J.Mc and all other citizens of the ville are beginning a great start to a great holiday weekend.
TAPS
Day is done,
gone the sun,
from the hills,
from the lakes,
from the sky,
all is well,
safely rest,
God is nigh.
Have a good night and a better tomorrow!
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