It Is Now Post Time.
We're Off...The old song says: Maaaayyyy She Will Staaaayyyyyy!! Yeah right, see ya...Come on man, these months are just all jumbled into one long day...Is that a sign of aging, or the fact that some parts take longer than others to wake up..NO!! not that part Plain...Don't try to appease me Plain, by saying you are putting an application in for me with the Toads..Dude I taught you guys how to be Toads!! OK, so the General did, but he said I could say that..WHERE THE FUCK IS THE GENERAL??? Probably left for Florida already...I almost thought this was VodkaDay, ala McDay. Anyhow, I got nothing going on in my head right now.................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................Still nothing........................................................................................................................................................................................Come on Simple, you are the Poster, and Hoster, and the only one that does anything around this fuckin place..ARK!! Where ya been shit head, Where ya been shit head...Here we go, another country heard from.. Shotgun, where the fuck is the shotgun????
OK, now I got it...Remember back long long time ago, actually not that long ago.. Kadaffy Ducks, regime was under siege, a civil war had erupted in Western Libya, and an hour later, all of Europe and half of America were already bombing the Duck's domiciles...His regime bit it, in about a week, and they fucked the Duck...and his family and anybody that even looked like a Duck...Donald, Daisey, Huey, Dewey and Gooey, were also thrown out of the country, as it now became a Duckless country...Well I may be a little facetious on this musing, but I am getting to my point shortly...Here we go...FUCKIN ASSAD HAS BEEN SLAUGHTERING HIS CIVILIAN POPULATION FOR OVER A YEAR, MAYBE FOR HIS WHOLE REIGN!!!!!! I wonder why no one has done anything about it. Oil you say, black gold, Texas Tea....I don't care what reason they have, as I watched where this jerk offs regime went in and took out a bunch of unarmed children, now that is bravery at its zenith..Still nobody does anything..Just wondering...I could solve this problem today..The United States has a secret weapon, and is ready to really unleash it on the Arab World...IT IS KNOW AS HILLARY!!! Yep, that old king ASSad, will be shaking in his camel hair boots when HILLARY, arrives...I can envision it now...king ASS ad, yes peasant, The Secretary Of State From The United States has arrived...Send him in....AH!! your highn ASS!! WHAT?? WHAT?? YOU FOOL!! uhm, sire, it is a woman named HILLARY..Ahahahhaahhahahhhahahhahahha... Secretary of State get it...Send her in...Here comes HILLARY ALL BEDECKED OUT IN HER ARMANI BUSINESS SUIT... Because she means business...I could see old king ASS ad right now, throwing a note book at her and saying since you are a Secretary take some dictation, then report to the harem quarters where they will give you proper attire to wear in my presence....HILLARY just stares at him, and starts taking dictation..As she is led away, she murmurs, yes, yes, joining a harem, I finally am going to get back at Billy Goat and Monica.....She sends shivers down those bedouin tribesmens backs....She is a good emissary to send to the middle east..Why the fuck don't they just send, Lindsey Lohan, at least she would party with the chieftains.....Can't help it, can't stand her, if she ever becomes President of Our United States Of America...I move..I just probably won her the nomination as the millions of people that read this shit, will now vote for her, just to get rid of me...
Thursday, May 31, 2012
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
"Today Is The 30th Day Of May In The Year Of Our Lord 2012."
It Is Now Post Time.
We're Off...Last Wednesday, I get pulled over in New Eygpt, New Jermany, and am told by the Gestapo Agent, that my licsence is suspended...I boldly blurt out, what the fuck man, it can't be me. I haven't had a ticket in years..He goes back to his wehrmacht vechicle with all kinds of instrumentation on it, and in it..Probably cost about 200.000, of the tax payers money to build this thing.., goose steps back and says, no sir its you..I say, for what...he looks and says, a 25.00 sur charge on an insurance bill..Soooooooo, without further adieu, myself and Phil have to switch places and back to work we go...Friday, I go too Trenton, find out the surcharge is for the last time my licsence was suspended because I never received my new licsence registration..Can't fight city hall, right?? Not yet...but the fuckin day is coming..Anyway 1/2 a day shot, and 200.00 later I am squared away..I ask the lady at the motor vehicles if she wants to marry me, she just starts giggling and says, oh you wouldn't marry me,, I said you got that shit right...Phil is like lets get the fuck out of here.....The reason I brought my situation to light is the fact that, my justice was swift and effective. That is the way it should be...NOW!!! will somebody puleeeezzee!! tell me why Scumdusky, is still having babecues at his house and sitting on his porch reading the paper, when in effect, he fucked a little boy in a shower not once, but many times..Well he is innocent until proven guilty..yeah bullshit...If he has 20 or 25 accusers, that scum bag did it...he is walking around grinning and trying to get a plea deal with his accusers...When somebody, and I don't see it, has enough balls too stand up and actually change this country, they better start with the judicial system, it is outdated, outmoded and a travesty to this land...Every fuckin one of these child molesting bastards is a second and third time offender...They have too tell you if they move into your community, we should have the right to kill them if they want to move into our communities..., they should all go live together and fuck each other..Kill vermin it is the only way to get rid of them.. I myself while coaching in Indian Mills had a very, very bad experience with a child molester, it was one of the most heinious of this genre of crimes I have ever heard of. If I had known at the time, what came out later, locally and in the news, I would be doing Plain and Simple from Rahway State Prison, because there would have been blood. I guarantee you that.. I really don't want to discuss it on Plain and Simple as it is really disturbing..I just know this, not only by my experience, but, all these crimes against children I read about and watch on the news...They live, to rape or kill a child another day...If the people that run our government don't have the balls to do it, let me do it..I would take my job very seriously, no child or parent would have to worry about child molesters, they get caught, they die...I think that is a Plain and Simple way to handle this blight on our society and our children...I know a whole team of guys that would help me out...Just put that fuck face, Scumdusky, in jail today, until this trial starts..What is it about a year now?? Enjoy Jerry, have another hot dog on this fine and upstanding judicial suck system....Off that for a while, didn't mean to upset anyone, it just gauls me, that we as a society WON'T protect the innocent...I just don't get it man..PHEW deep breath Simple...
OK!!! EVERYBODY!!! TODAY LETS SALUTE HUMTPY DUMPTY, BECAUSE WITHOUT THAT EGG SHAPER THERE WOULD BE NO HUMP DAY...THANKS HUMPTY..YOU CRACK ME UP...Phew! that's it Simple deep breath...Hey everybody hitting the road, (there goes Blat and Slat smashing the old dirt road), this place is a fucking menagerie..The country is now just gearing up for work, when in two days it will be Friday or VodkaDay all depending where you hail from.. Not much work getting done this week..Hang in, everybody, summer is here for awhile..If summer emulates winter we should have 200' days in the very near future...
We're Off...Last Wednesday, I get pulled over in New Eygpt, New Jermany, and am told by the Gestapo Agent, that my licsence is suspended...I boldly blurt out, what the fuck man, it can't be me. I haven't had a ticket in years..He goes back to his wehrmacht vechicle with all kinds of instrumentation on it, and in it..Probably cost about 200.000, of the tax payers money to build this thing.., goose steps back and says, no sir its you..I say, for what...he looks and says, a 25.00 sur charge on an insurance bill..Soooooooo, without further adieu, myself and Phil have to switch places and back to work we go...Friday, I go too Trenton, find out the surcharge is for the last time my licsence was suspended because I never received my new licsence registration..Can't fight city hall, right?? Not yet...but the fuckin day is coming..Anyway 1/2 a day shot, and 200.00 later I am squared away..I ask the lady at the motor vehicles if she wants to marry me, she just starts giggling and says, oh you wouldn't marry me,, I said you got that shit right...Phil is like lets get the fuck out of here.....The reason I brought my situation to light is the fact that, my justice was swift and effective. That is the way it should be...NOW!!! will somebody puleeeezzee!! tell me why Scumdusky, is still having babecues at his house and sitting on his porch reading the paper, when in effect, he fucked a little boy in a shower not once, but many times..Well he is innocent until proven guilty..yeah bullshit...If he has 20 or 25 accusers, that scum bag did it...he is walking around grinning and trying to get a plea deal with his accusers...When somebody, and I don't see it, has enough balls too stand up and actually change this country, they better start with the judicial system, it is outdated, outmoded and a travesty to this land...Every fuckin one of these child molesting bastards is a second and third time offender...They have too tell you if they move into your community, we should have the right to kill them if they want to move into our communities..., they should all go live together and fuck each other..Kill vermin it is the only way to get rid of them.. I myself while coaching in Indian Mills had a very, very bad experience with a child molester, it was one of the most heinious of this genre of crimes I have ever heard of. If I had known at the time, what came out later, locally and in the news, I would be doing Plain and Simple from Rahway State Prison, because there would have been blood. I guarantee you that.. I really don't want to discuss it on Plain and Simple as it is really disturbing..I just know this, not only by my experience, but, all these crimes against children I read about and watch on the news...They live, to rape or kill a child another day...If the people that run our government don't have the balls to do it, let me do it..I would take my job very seriously, no child or parent would have to worry about child molesters, they get caught, they die...I think that is a Plain and Simple way to handle this blight on our society and our children...I know a whole team of guys that would help me out...Just put that fuck face, Scumdusky, in jail today, until this trial starts..What is it about a year now?? Enjoy Jerry, have another hot dog on this fine and upstanding judicial suck system....Off that for a while, didn't mean to upset anyone, it just gauls me, that we as a society WON'T protect the innocent...I just don't get it man..PHEW deep breath Simple...
OK!!! EVERYBODY!!! TODAY LETS SALUTE HUMTPY DUMPTY, BECAUSE WITHOUT THAT EGG SHAPER THERE WOULD BE NO HUMP DAY...THANKS HUMPTY..YOU CRACK ME UP...Phew! that's it Simple deep breath...Hey everybody hitting the road, (there goes Blat and Slat smashing the old dirt road), this place is a fucking menagerie..The country is now just gearing up for work, when in two days it will be Friday or VodkaDay all depending where you hail from.. Not much work getting done this week..Hang in, everybody, summer is here for awhile..If summer emulates winter we should have 200' days in the very near future...
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
"Today Is The 29th Day Of May In The Year Of Our Lord 2012."
It Is Now Post Time..
We're Off.....Is there anything worse than a Monday, after a nice weekend???? YEP!! Tuesday, after a nice three day weekend!! Good Morning Jane, Hey Office Clown, why don't you just can it today....Excuse me Jane....I said why don't you just can it today, can't you hear...Well excuse me Jane. Awfully touchy today...TOUCHY, TOUCHY!!! YOU WANT TO SEE TOUCHY!!! HOW ABOUT YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! Yeah, Tough Tuesday, new nickname for the Tuesday after a three day weekend...Me personally, I am in fine form...Worked till about seven PM Friday, and have no idea what the fuck we did..Oh yeah, picked up parts that we put on the shelf to be cleaned and delivered today...Phil said, Yo E, get the parts out of the trunk!!! I said what parts?? The parts we picked up Friday...Their on the shelf dude...OH YEAH!! PHEW the shit I gotta put up with around here...YO, if they threw you outside naked today, and told you, you had to walk to Atlantic City from Philly without water, you would die.....Now, that was the so called good old days..Now, you jump in an SUV, fill it up with a couple of Benjamins, and put the air on and get out in the traffic...Saw all the store owners in Ocean City,(why is it always Ocean City?) They were very happy with the volume of people and the weather at the shore...Hey, helps the economy fine with me...Those days of fighting traffic, getting the keys to check in, getting the cars unpacked, food shopping and beer shopping, making the beds, and getting the kids ready for a burning at the beach, are in the real view mirror....leave that to the new Mamma's and Pappa's...TUESDAY, TUESDAY, SO GOOD TOO ME..sung by the New Mamma's and Pappas.. Alright, you fuckin Simpleton, time for work. Play in the Ville later..Work today consists of thinking of a Villesburgh Address...Yeah, I can see McFinn laughin right now, like what the fuck is he going to say now...Later McFinn..Hey Plain, you and the Toads better have some water bottles with you, and ya better cover them domes, those brains don't need anymore fryin....HOT!! HOT!! HOT!! SHE'S HOT HE'S HOT SAYING HOT HOT HOT,,,,,HOT N TOT...Forget that last line, HOT N TOTS were I believe a tribe in Africa..you know like the Watusi, the Bantu, the Pygmies, the Rulamonga, the Cowabungas, the Moochabaca's, and the ever fabulous Maybushmen.......Hope you have a good Tough Tuesday. Tune in later for the hottest, and most profound musings on the web, Here At Plain And Simple....!!!!
We're Off.....Is there anything worse than a Monday, after a nice weekend???? YEP!! Tuesday, after a nice three day weekend!! Good Morning Jane, Hey Office Clown, why don't you just can it today....Excuse me Jane....I said why don't you just can it today, can't you hear...Well excuse me Jane. Awfully touchy today...TOUCHY, TOUCHY!!! YOU WANT TO SEE TOUCHY!!! HOW ABOUT YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! Yeah, Tough Tuesday, new nickname for the Tuesday after a three day weekend...Me personally, I am in fine form...Worked till about seven PM Friday, and have no idea what the fuck we did..Oh yeah, picked up parts that we put on the shelf to be cleaned and delivered today...Phil said, Yo E, get the parts out of the trunk!!! I said what parts?? The parts we picked up Friday...Their on the shelf dude...OH YEAH!! PHEW the shit I gotta put up with around here...YO, if they threw you outside naked today, and told you, you had to walk to Atlantic City from Philly without water, you would die.....Now, that was the so called good old days..Now, you jump in an SUV, fill it up with a couple of Benjamins, and put the air on and get out in the traffic...Saw all the store owners in Ocean City,(why is it always Ocean City?) They were very happy with the volume of people and the weather at the shore...Hey, helps the economy fine with me...Those days of fighting traffic, getting the keys to check in, getting the cars unpacked, food shopping and beer shopping, making the beds, and getting the kids ready for a burning at the beach, are in the real view mirror....leave that to the new Mamma's and Pappa's...TUESDAY, TUESDAY, SO GOOD TOO ME..sung by the New Mamma's and Pappas.. Alright, you fuckin Simpleton, time for work. Play in the Ville later..Work today consists of thinking of a Villesburgh Address...Yeah, I can see McFinn laughin right now, like what the fuck is he going to say now...Later McFinn..Hey Plain, you and the Toads better have some water bottles with you, and ya better cover them domes, those brains don't need anymore fryin....HOT!! HOT!! HOT!! SHE'S HOT HE'S HOT SAYING HOT HOT HOT,,,,,HOT N TOT...Forget that last line, HOT N TOTS were I believe a tribe in Africa..you know like the Watusi, the Bantu, the Pygmies, the Rulamonga, the Cowabungas, the Moochabaca's, and the ever fabulous Maybushmen.......Hope you have a good Tough Tuesday. Tune in later for the hottest, and most profound musings on the web, Here At Plain And Simple....!!!!
Monday, May 28, 2012
"Today Is "MEMORIAL DAY" In The Year Of Our Lord 2012."
The word itself Memorial, tells us what the day is all about.."In Memory"..This day of all Military Holidays is the most sacred..This day is set aside from all others to honor the ultimate sacrifice, giving your life in the service of your country..Talking about this is difficult for me, for many reasons.. The main reason is the fact that I knew so many of these heroes, and they truly are heroes...There is not a day that goes by that I don't mention their names in prayer. That, is what I do..I pray for them and I pray for our brothers in arms in Afghanistan, and hope they all get back to their loved ones alive, and whole. Once again this post is hard for me, as on this day, I also think about many of the men I served with who didn't die, but were mutilated in one way or another, a long time ago in a land far away..I think back to those days, and know that when they left me, and returned home, they were givin a heroes welcome on the Main Street of whatever City or tiny Town they had hailed from, but after that large and boisteous welcome home, as they were shown their new room, with clean sheets and pictures on the wall, what kind of life did they have? Are they still in that room today, fifty years later? Do the people still visit them? Or did they just live out their lives in that room, with occasional visits from loved ones, with an occassional visit by a doctor...I don't know what happened to the guys that lost their arms and legs during battle, I do know I think about that, and hope and pray that each and every one of them has had some kind of descent life...So, on this most Sacred Day, I want to Thank My God, for the life he has given me. I want to thank Him for the Brothers that I have, that are always there with me, for without them, I don't know what would have become of me, they are a saving grace, with their humor and the total unconditional love that they not only show for me but for each other...In closing I would like to say,"R.I.P."
Mousie,
Sandy,
Sedge,
Joe Wop, and too all the heroes, I served with who didn't get the chance to have the the life I have been blessed with, too all the guys that served our country I wish you a Great Day. I know you will all take a moment to reflect on what the day really means...I hope the rest of the populace joins you...
Thanks guys for always being there...Love and Respect....
Mousie,
Sandy,
Sedge,
Joe Wop, and too all the heroes, I served with who didn't get the chance to have the the life I have been blessed with, too all the guys that served our country I wish you a Great Day. I know you will all take a moment to reflect on what the day really means...I hope the rest of the populace joins you...
Thanks guys for always being there...Love and Respect....
Sunday, May 27, 2012
Today Is The 27th Day Of May In The Year Of Our Lord 2012.
It Is Now Post Time.
We're Off.. Once again McSpeech, The Gettysburgh Address was very appropriate for Memorial Day Weekend..If we read that speech, you can detect a tortured soul.. I believe Lincoln, took this War upon himself, when in actuality, it was bound to happen..On this very continent, so contained in liberty and justice for all, there were two distinctly different societys and cultures. There were two different countries..Lincoln not being, a soothsayer or fortune teller, did not know that from this war between these countries, one country would continue on in this world..This is the Country we know today as The United States Of America, and with a more open mind set, a political system that would actually work for the people, taxes that would help the populace and, laws that would not be so contrite and harsh on the victimless crimes, and ..harsher on the crimes where there are real victims..This could be, the greatest Country ever conceived..Hell, a lot of people, will say that it already is..., and I must concede the fact that, really there are none better..., but I do know it has not reached the potential that is laid out before it.. A Country devoid of wars, and politicians that think only of themselves...they like to talk about change...I would like to tell them how to do it...So, McSpeech you sent old Simple a task..I don't really think about what I say here, at Plain and Simple, just like in real life..NO FILTER...but on trying to do a VillesBurgh Address, I may have to think a little.., and that can be dangerous...Everyone enjoy the Holiday, and I will be back for a small Memorial Day Tribute here on Plain and Simple..If anyone comes on in and wants to comment today, or anyday please do....
Stay Out Of Harms Way My Friends.
TAPS..
We're Off.. Once again McSpeech, The Gettysburgh Address was very appropriate for Memorial Day Weekend..If we read that speech, you can detect a tortured soul.. I believe Lincoln, took this War upon himself, when in actuality, it was bound to happen..On this very continent, so contained in liberty and justice for all, there were two distinctly different societys and cultures. There were two different countries..Lincoln not being, a soothsayer or fortune teller, did not know that from this war between these countries, one country would continue on in this world..This is the Country we know today as The United States Of America, and with a more open mind set, a political system that would actually work for the people, taxes that would help the populace and, laws that would not be so contrite and harsh on the victimless crimes, and ..harsher on the crimes where there are real victims..This could be, the greatest Country ever conceived..Hell, a lot of people, will say that it already is..., and I must concede the fact that, really there are none better..., but I do know it has not reached the potential that is laid out before it.. A Country devoid of wars, and politicians that think only of themselves...they like to talk about change...I would like to tell them how to do it...So, McSpeech you sent old Simple a task..I don't really think about what I say here, at Plain and Simple, just like in real life..NO FILTER...but on trying to do a VillesBurgh Address, I may have to think a little.., and that can be dangerous...Everyone enjoy the Holiday, and I will be back for a small Memorial Day Tribute here on Plain and Simple..If anyone comes on in and wants to comment today, or anyday please do....
Stay Out Of Harms Way My Friends.
TAPS..
Saturday, May 26, 2012
TODAY IS SATURDAY THE 26TH DAY OF MAY, 2012, MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND BEGINS
Today starts the Holiday Festivities for Memorial Day. We all know to thank our Vets for all they have done to keep us free. Monday will be the official day but we should do it all year and many do I suppose. For some reason, I have no idea why, which is nothing new, Abraham Lincoln popped into my head and his Gettysbutg address. It has been forever since I read it because I hated History in school. I hated just about everything for that matter except sneaking smokes in the mens room in between classes...But I digress,(Simple). So we dont lose a Saturday Post, post Vodka Day, here is Abe and his thoughts........
Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.
Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battle-field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.
But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate -- we can not consecrate -- we can not hallow -- this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us -- that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion -- that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain -- that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom -- and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.
I did always like "and that government of the people, by the people, for the people"
Simple, why can't you sit down with Plain and write something inspiring for the Citizens.......The Villesburg Proclamation.........
I guess while I am here TAPS would be in order....Just in case the Grey Goose Boy doesn't come back.......So..................TAPS....stay out of harms way........Until Sunday...........At Least.......
Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.
Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battle-field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.
But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate -- we can not consecrate -- we can not hallow -- this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us -- that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion -- that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain -- that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom -- and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.
I did always like "and that government of the people, by the people, for the people"
Simple, why can't you sit down with Plain and write something inspiring for the Citizens.......The Villesburg Proclamation.........
I guess while I am here TAPS would be in order....Just in case the Grey Goose Boy doesn't come back.......So..................TAPS....stay out of harms way........Until Sunday...........At Least.......
Friday, May 25, 2012
"Today Is The 25th Day Of May VODKADAY In The Year Of Our Lord 2012."
It Is Now Post Time.
We're Off...Number one I would like to say from all of us here at Plain and Simple, Happy Birthday to one of our brothers...Happy Birthday DAVID ARNOLD MORRIS....His middle name is Arthur, but I changed it after the way he golfed at the Tournament...Serious Dave, from all of us have a great Birthday, and I am coming up to see you just to make your special day, real special.....I wonder how I ever saw 66, I wonder more how he ever saw 67...Just not our time...We were meant to be here to spread our warmth..and spread our warmth we will......
You all are wondering how I am doing this post from Jail...Well guess fuckin what, they found out I was Lance Corporal Keebler, the senior Lance Corporal in the good old USMC...and they immediately opened the door and got the fuck out of the way..So, here I am back at the menagerie with the critters (only for a little while) as I have some warmth to spread..I will get back on the case of the DUMPTY'S, only because doing this kinda shit, may be the end of Plain and Simple.. Who would read that shit?? Just for the hell of it, let me go check yesterdays registry....119 visitors, I knew people loved reading this profound material...This being Memorial Day Weekend, I know there will be a lot of parades and Memorial Services...that is a good thing.. Tell the kiddies what Monday is about.....I really don't have a whole lot to say today, because I really don't have a whole lot to say....I wanna just ease everybody about the Phils, they will be there...I wanna ease everybody about Plain and His Toads, I will not be there., I want to tell everyone, that today at ECKS, there is a DJ and guitar playing by, Tommy The Gun, Runnin Joe, and maybe if they treat me real nice...SimplE with a big E...Have a great day, and I will be checking, in later..
We're Off...Number one I would like to say from all of us here at Plain and Simple, Happy Birthday to one of our brothers...Happy Birthday DAVID ARNOLD MORRIS....His middle name is Arthur, but I changed it after the way he golfed at the Tournament...Serious Dave, from all of us have a great Birthday, and I am coming up to see you just to make your special day, real special.....I wonder how I ever saw 66, I wonder more how he ever saw 67...Just not our time...We were meant to be here to spread our warmth..and spread our warmth we will......
You all are wondering how I am doing this post from Jail...Well guess fuckin what, they found out I was Lance Corporal Keebler, the senior Lance Corporal in the good old USMC...and they immediately opened the door and got the fuck out of the way..So, here I am back at the menagerie with the critters (only for a little while) as I have some warmth to spread..I will get back on the case of the DUMPTY'S, only because doing this kinda shit, may be the end of Plain and Simple.. Who would read that shit?? Just for the hell of it, let me go check yesterdays registry....119 visitors, I knew people loved reading this profound material...This being Memorial Day Weekend, I know there will be a lot of parades and Memorial Services...that is a good thing.. Tell the kiddies what Monday is about.....I really don't have a whole lot to say today, because I really don't have a whole lot to say....I wanna just ease everybody about the Phils, they will be there...I wanna ease everybody about Plain and His Toads, I will not be there., I want to tell everyone, that today at ECKS, there is a DJ and guitar playing by, Tommy The Gun, Runnin Joe, and maybe if they treat me real nice...SimplE with a big E...Have a great day, and I will be checking, in later..
Thursday, May 24, 2012
"Today Is The 24th Of May In The Year Of Our Lord 2012."
It Is Now Post Time..
We're Off...How the fuck can 12 grown men, that grew up with me, went too school with me, played on every kind of sports team with me, went in the service with me, fought with me, laughed with me, drank with me, grew old with me....LEAVE ME OFF THE FUCKIN TOADS...Don't you think they should have at least asked me to be their caddy.. They have no idea, of the way they have devastated me...I am the only one, that was not asked to be a TOAD (name of their golfing club, very appropro). They think like nothing can hurt me, but I am crushed..Just because the one time I golfed with them I shot a 210...and took 8 hours to finish up the round (as they call it, I always thought a round was a shot and a beer)..they won't let me play...I told them a hundred times that I thought high score won, hell I would have made that 310 yd shot if I knew I was supposed to put it right in the hole...What other fucking game do you know where low score wins..YOU KNOW WHAT!!! THEY CAN BEG ME, THEY CAN PAY ME, THEY CAN DO ANYTHING THEY WANT, I WILL NOT BECOME A TOAD..I CAN'T BECOME A TOAD, YOU CAN'T BECOME SOMETHING IF YOU ALL READY ARE SOMETHING...WHACK ON FUCKERS, I HOPE ALL YOUR BALLS WIND UP IN THAT CLEANIN THING, AND I HOPE YOU MISS ANOTHER TWO INCH PUTT...I AIN'T JOINING SO DON'T EVEN ASK,AND BEGGING WILL NOT WORK ,,WELL,,,,......................................................Uhmmmm. if you all get together and get down on your knees, and tell me how sorry you are for leaving me out of, what is probably part of the last run, I may reconsider joining, but once again only as a caddy, I will not now, not ever play that game, except on the first Monday In May...(Northwest Vets, Scholarship Golf Tournament).....I mean this, from the bottom of my black heart they better plead and beg or I ain't joinin...
Wait till you hear this!!!!! Manahawkin Police call me...Mr. Simple?? Yes....Officer Dibble here from the Manahawkin Police Dept...What can I do for you Officer Dibble??? We have a couple of guys here from Slovakia, with a parrot, they also had a rabid squirrel with them, who was GRRRRRRRRRRING at us, we shot at him, but I thought I saw him fly into the Pine Barrens...I don't know if he was hit....You shot the squirrel but you did not shoot the parrot. UH HUH UH HUH...Ok stop singing Simple....Mr. Simple!!! Yes..... These beings say they live with you in a menagerie, is that correct?? That is correct Dibble, and why are they in jail? Have they committed a crime against the Great Fourth Reich Of New Jermany?????? UH! not really, the only thing, if they can't prove residency, or SS numbers, they could be determined to be illegals, or vagrants.....No Dibble, they have residency here at the Ville, along with Me, Sammy The Super Squirrel who you tried to kill, but is back with me...The parrot lives here also, but if you want, you can shoot him.. There is also a Meere Kat, and a drunken goat that are permanent residence here, well the goat is a transient, because he makes beer runs.....The two Fred Flintstone lookin guys are exchange students, and I am teaching them the fucked up English language....Now dig this,, for some reason there is silence on the other end of the phone......;.Dibble, Dibble ARE YOU THERE???? AHHH, yeah I am here, let me get this straight, these guys and parrot, and a rabid super squirrel, along with a Meere Kat and a drunken goat, live with you in a menagerie in The Pine Barrens....Yep!! there you go, you got it...Now when can I come get them?? Uhm...Mr. Simple, with all due respect, do you expect me to believe this nonsense...??? Why not asshole, 23,000 visitors and Me and Plain believe it...I am coming to get them, they committed no crime, and my squirrel is OK, they can be released to my custody....That is the law even in New Jermany.. Oh, you can see if any of the other officers would like an ARKIN parrot they can have him.....Be there shortly...PHEW !!! who reads this shit???????? 23,000 strong PLAIN!!!!
We're Off...How the fuck can 12 grown men, that grew up with me, went too school with me, played on every kind of sports team with me, went in the service with me, fought with me, laughed with me, drank with me, grew old with me....LEAVE ME OFF THE FUCKIN TOADS...Don't you think they should have at least asked me to be their caddy.. They have no idea, of the way they have devastated me...I am the only one, that was not asked to be a TOAD (name of their golfing club, very appropro). They think like nothing can hurt me, but I am crushed..Just because the one time I golfed with them I shot a 210...and took 8 hours to finish up the round (as they call it, I always thought a round was a shot and a beer)..they won't let me play...I told them a hundred times that I thought high score won, hell I would have made that 310 yd shot if I knew I was supposed to put it right in the hole...What other fucking game do you know where low score wins..YOU KNOW WHAT!!! THEY CAN BEG ME, THEY CAN PAY ME, THEY CAN DO ANYTHING THEY WANT, I WILL NOT BECOME A TOAD..I CAN'T BECOME A TOAD, YOU CAN'T BECOME SOMETHING IF YOU ALL READY ARE SOMETHING...WHACK ON FUCKERS, I HOPE ALL YOUR BALLS WIND UP IN THAT CLEANIN THING, AND I HOPE YOU MISS ANOTHER TWO INCH PUTT...I AIN'T JOINING SO DON'T EVEN ASK,AND BEGGING WILL NOT WORK ,,WELL,,,,......................................................Uhmmmm. if you all get together and get down on your knees, and tell me how sorry you are for leaving me out of, what is probably part of the last run, I may reconsider joining, but once again only as a caddy, I will not now, not ever play that game, except on the first Monday In May...(Northwest Vets, Scholarship Golf Tournament).....I mean this, from the bottom of my black heart they better plead and beg or I ain't joinin...
Wait till you hear this!!!!! Manahawkin Police call me...Mr. Simple?? Yes....Officer Dibble here from the Manahawkin Police Dept...What can I do for you Officer Dibble??? We have a couple of guys here from Slovakia, with a parrot, they also had a rabid squirrel with them, who was GRRRRRRRRRRING at us, we shot at him, but I thought I saw him fly into the Pine Barrens...I don't know if he was hit....You shot the squirrel but you did not shoot the parrot. UH HUH UH HUH...Ok stop singing Simple....Mr. Simple!!! Yes..... These beings say they live with you in a menagerie, is that correct?? That is correct Dibble, and why are they in jail? Have they committed a crime against the Great Fourth Reich Of New Jermany?????? UH! not really, the only thing, if they can't prove residency, or SS numbers, they could be determined to be illegals, or vagrants.....No Dibble, they have residency here at the Ville, along with Me, Sammy The Super Squirrel who you tried to kill, but is back with me...The parrot lives here also, but if you want, you can shoot him.. There is also a Meere Kat, and a drunken goat that are permanent residence here, well the goat is a transient, because he makes beer runs.....The two Fred Flintstone lookin guys are exchange students, and I am teaching them the fucked up English language....Now dig this,, for some reason there is silence on the other end of the phone......;.Dibble, Dibble ARE YOU THERE???? AHHH, yeah I am here, let me get this straight, these guys and parrot, and a rabid super squirrel, along with a Meere Kat and a drunken goat, live with you in a menagerie in The Pine Barrens....Yep!! there you go, you got it...Now when can I come get them?? Uhm...Mr. Simple, with all due respect, do you expect me to believe this nonsense...??? Why not asshole, 23,000 visitors and Me and Plain believe it...I am coming to get them, they committed no crime, and my squirrel is OK, they can be released to my custody....That is the law even in New Jermany.. Oh, you can see if any of the other officers would like an ARKIN parrot they can have him.....Be there shortly...PHEW !!! who reads this shit???????? 23,000 strong PLAIN!!!!
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
"Today Is The 23rd Day Of May In The Year Of Our Lord 2012."
It Is Now Post Time.
We're Off...Visit last nights post!! See, See what he does to me,, smirks and walks away..I wish Sister Martina, woulda wiped that smirk off his face once and for all...One more time Plain, I know the schedule, I know today is the biggest of all Days A Whacking, tell the rest of those Toads you hang with...I said, I hope they whack their balls real hard today....!!!
OK everybody AHHH ONE AND AHHHH TWO AND AHHHHHHHHHH!!! HUMP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There how does your back feel? Feels better doesn't it? There aint many things in this world to make your back feel better than a good HUMP!!! Oh, did I say today is HUMPDAY!!! Little known, fact HumpDay was originally created back In The Year Of Our Lord 1202...Yep, that was the year and it was on a Wednesday , that HUMPTY DUMPTY had his great fall...It was gloomy black day, back in the Village of HumpShire..that is where Humpty lived..Little known fact inside a little known fact...Humpty wasn't really an egg, he was an egg shaped human..you see them all the time...In reality he was one of the Dumpty children and the one that had the egg shape more than any of the other Dumpty's...Humpty was a lazy egg shaped creature..he never wanted to do anything, but sit on a wall...HURRUMPTHY DUMPTY, AND CARLUMPTY DUMPTY yep, they were his parents, did not know what to do about Humptys laziness..Everyday he would eat his porridge and head down to the wall, and just sit there...all the towns people would walk by and he was a pleasant enough egg shaped fella and said Hi to everyone, the villagers actually liked him..Now what people didn't know back in those days, that the egg shapers as they were called had very brittle bones, much like the shell of an egg.....Humpty was very brittle as he wouldn't eat his peas or any vegetables, to help his calcium, which we all know would then have helped his brittleness...Humpty was also very adventurous for an egg shaper, and everyday he would climb higher and higher on the wall...Well what did this stupid fuck think? Sooner or later he was gonna fall THEN WHAT??? I'll tell ya what HE HAD A GREAT FALL!!!!!!!...Now as legend has it the towns people heard this giant splat, they all went running down to the town square, and everyone was in a tizzy...Here, as eyewitness reports tell us, Humpty after drinking about 6 pints of ale.. started to climb to the highest point of the wall...now as he was climbing up the wall, (people back then wore something like kilts) and as the egg shaped human was climbing the wall his eggs were hanging out of his kilt, showing his family eggs, and the women of the village were aghast..Anyway, Humpty gets to the top of the wall and the women are pointing and laughing and talking and snickering and smirking...When Humpty sees they are pointing to his family eggs...He got so disoriented that he started to wobble on top of the wall, Ahhhs!! and ohhhs! could be heard below..as his now poached pecker was also visible for all eyes to see, if they strained hard enough, because Humpty was not a very well endowed egg shaper...Well, as we all know between the hooting and hollering and the ale that he drank and his oval shaped body, Humpty FELL!!!!!! not only did he fall but he HAD A GREAT FALL!!!! When this fuck hit the ground, he splattered like an egg....The townspeople immediately sent out smoke signals to the King...the smoke was in the shape of 911....All The Kings Horses and All The Kings Men, immediately took off for the village..They scattered the towns people away with whips and those spiked things on the end of a stick....When they saw the condition that the egg shaper was in, they started laughing their armor off.....The townspeople just looked at each other and said...HUMPTY DUMPTY SAT ON THE WALL HUMPTY DUMPTY HAD A GREAT FALL, ALL THE KINGS HORSES AND ALL THE KINGS MEN, COULDN'T PUT HUMPTY DUMPTY BACK TOGETHER AGAIN.... Once the King heard the news, and knowing it was a Wednesday, he made a law throughout the land, that every Wednesday from here on in, in honor of Humptys fall, will be known as HumpDay.. There you have it the sad case of one of the last egg shapers.., and the true beginning of HumpDAy....The moral of the story is, the higher you go, the greater the fall....You heard it here first at Plain and Simple.........Hey bring in some egg stories, I know a lot of them stink but so what......!!!
We're Off...Visit last nights post!! See, See what he does to me,, smirks and walks away..I wish Sister Martina, woulda wiped that smirk off his face once and for all...One more time Plain, I know the schedule, I know today is the biggest of all Days A Whacking, tell the rest of those Toads you hang with...I said, I hope they whack their balls real hard today....!!!
OK everybody AHHH ONE AND AHHHH TWO AND AHHHHHHHHHH!!! HUMP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There how does your back feel? Feels better doesn't it? There aint many things in this world to make your back feel better than a good HUMP!!! Oh, did I say today is HUMPDAY!!! Little known, fact HumpDay was originally created back In The Year Of Our Lord 1202...Yep, that was the year and it was on a Wednesday , that HUMPTY DUMPTY had his great fall...It was gloomy black day, back in the Village of HumpShire..that is where Humpty lived..Little known fact inside a little known fact...Humpty wasn't really an egg, he was an egg shaped human..you see them all the time...In reality he was one of the Dumpty children and the one that had the egg shape more than any of the other Dumpty's...Humpty was a lazy egg shaped creature..he never wanted to do anything, but sit on a wall...HURRUMPTHY DUMPTY, AND CARLUMPTY DUMPTY yep, they were his parents, did not know what to do about Humptys laziness..Everyday he would eat his porridge and head down to the wall, and just sit there...all the towns people would walk by and he was a pleasant enough egg shaped fella and said Hi to everyone, the villagers actually liked him..Now what people didn't know back in those days, that the egg shapers as they were called had very brittle bones, much like the shell of an egg.....Humpty was very brittle as he wouldn't eat his peas or any vegetables, to help his calcium, which we all know would then have helped his brittleness...Humpty was also very adventurous for an egg shaper, and everyday he would climb higher and higher on the wall...Well what did this stupid fuck think? Sooner or later he was gonna fall THEN WHAT??? I'll tell ya what HE HAD A GREAT FALL!!!!!!!...Now as legend has it the towns people heard this giant splat, they all went running down to the town square, and everyone was in a tizzy...Here, as eyewitness reports tell us, Humpty after drinking about 6 pints of ale.. started to climb to the highest point of the wall...now as he was climbing up the wall, (people back then wore something like kilts) and as the egg shaped human was climbing the wall his eggs were hanging out of his kilt, showing his family eggs, and the women of the village were aghast..Anyway, Humpty gets to the top of the wall and the women are pointing and laughing and talking and snickering and smirking...When Humpty sees they are pointing to his family eggs...He got so disoriented that he started to wobble on top of the wall, Ahhhs!! and ohhhs! could be heard below..as his now poached pecker was also visible for all eyes to see, if they strained hard enough, because Humpty was not a very well endowed egg shaper...Well, as we all know between the hooting and hollering and the ale that he drank and his oval shaped body, Humpty FELL!!!!!! not only did he fall but he HAD A GREAT FALL!!!! When this fuck hit the ground, he splattered like an egg....The townspeople immediately sent out smoke signals to the King...the smoke was in the shape of 911....All The Kings Horses and All The Kings Men, immediately took off for the village..They scattered the towns people away with whips and those spiked things on the end of a stick....When they saw the condition that the egg shaper was in, they started laughing their armor off.....The townspeople just looked at each other and said...HUMPTY DUMPTY SAT ON THE WALL HUMPTY DUMPTY HAD A GREAT FALL, ALL THE KINGS HORSES AND ALL THE KINGS MEN, COULDN'T PUT HUMPTY DUMPTY BACK TOGETHER AGAIN.... Once the King heard the news, and knowing it was a Wednesday, he made a law throughout the land, that every Wednesday from here on in, in honor of Humptys fall, will be known as HumpDay.. There you have it the sad case of one of the last egg shapers.., and the true beginning of HumpDAy....The moral of the story is, the higher you go, the greater the fall....You heard it here first at Plain and Simple.........Hey bring in some egg stories, I know a lot of them stink but so what......!!!
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
"Today Is The 22nd Day Of May In The Year Of Our Lord 2012."
"It Is Now Post Time.
We're Off...Yeah, just whack on Plain...Can't even take a vacation day, and come back and maybe read something profound here at the Ville. That would be asking too much from his wackiness..How did I ever let him talk me into building this Ville. I knew he would be out playin while I was working and scalding my balls off, the man is incorrigible..(he doesn't know what that mean, and I ain't tellin him.) Your on my shit list Plain..You have never, and I mean never been on my shit list before...(only about 3 million times)..Just go enjoy yourself with the rest of those toads. I'll take care of everything around here...PHEW!! the shit I gotta put up with around here..I ain't done, everytime I see Plain, he is smirkin and sayin how profound and funny the Ville is, as he goes goofing with his toad friends, then he prances around making bets and tells me,,,I got that one.. Was that the six horse,, yeah Plain,,,I got that one..Did I say the man is incorrigible.. I still loves him...I will be back.....
We're Off...Yeah, just whack on Plain...Can't even take a vacation day, and come back and maybe read something profound here at the Ville. That would be asking too much from his wackiness..How did I ever let him talk me into building this Ville. I knew he would be out playin while I was working and scalding my balls off, the man is incorrigible..(he doesn't know what that mean, and I ain't tellin him.) Your on my shit list Plain..You have never, and I mean never been on my shit list before...(only about 3 million times)..Just go enjoy yourself with the rest of those toads. I'll take care of everything around here...PHEW!! the shit I gotta put up with around here..I ain't done, everytime I see Plain, he is smirkin and sayin how profound and funny the Ville is, as he goes goofing with his toad friends, then he prances around making bets and tells me,,,I got that one.. Was that the six horse,, yeah Plain,,,I got that one..Did I say the man is incorrigible.. I still loves him...I will be back.....
Monday, May 21, 2012
"Today Is The 21st Day Of May In The Year Of Our Lord 2012."
It Is Now Post Time.
We're Off..Vacation Day, yep, the Simple ones first of the year..What was that Phil?? Yeah, the first vacation day of the year for you..I wasn't talkin about me...they listen too everything I say..Anyway, yeah I am sneaking out today..Phil will probably sneak out with me..The critters are in some jail in Manahawkin, they said down by Long Bitch Island..I'll get them out later..
Onto Horse Racing today, yesterday, and tomorrow...OK,,we have a shot at the Triple Crown so once again, Simple is still 1/2 right in his prediction, still have a shot at the Triple Crown, just wrong horse..ain't bad right. gag..First thing that Dave, says to me is, Union Rags will win the Belmont..He better fuckin not..he don't deserve it..I tell you what if that happens, I may never ever make another prediction...
OK a little history for some of our visitors that may not be familiar with horse racing and its Triple Crown..
Number 1 there are three races involved, thus Triple hahah..sorry...
The horses are all three years old...all horses birthdays are the same, January 1...So some of these three year olds can actually be 21/2 year olds, these three races are a true test of speed, stamina, luck...yeah gotta add that freakin luck in there for many reasons..
The first race for the Triple Crown is The Kentucky Derby, It is run on the first Saturday in May at Churchill Downs, and is the most prestigious race in all of Horse Racing, the distance is a mile and a quarter...Now, mind you, none of these horses has ever run a mile and a quarter before..It is a very difficult race to handicap, maybe the most difficult, and is usually a huge payday...
The second race is The Preakness. It is run two weeks after the Kentucky Derby, at Pimlico Race Track in downtown Baltimore Maryland.. The distance is one mile and /3/16, so they now shorten up the run...
The third race is The Belmont Stakes, and it is run three weeks after the Preakness at Belmont Race Track in Elmont, N.Y... The distance is one mile and a half..As you see this is the longest, and deadliest of the three, This is the one that either makes or breaks the Triple Crown..Many horse have come into the Belmont having won the The Kentucky Derby and The Preakness, only to leave New York, with just those two great wins, but not The Triple Crown...
Only Eleven, yep just eleven horses in the Sport Of Kings have ever won a Triple Crown.. That is amazing...
Before I give you these eleven great horses let me tell you a little story about me and my Dad..
He is the one that got me interested in horse racing as he always had them on TV and would make everybody in the house including kids put a quarter up and pick a number out of a hat and whoever had the winning horses number pocketed the change..As I got older my friends and myself always liked horse racing the excitement, the day out the trips to different tracks, we have been to many across the country..I don't think there are ten in the country that Phil The Thrill hasn't been too..I also bought and ran race horses back in the eighties, it was great, lots of fun..maybe even like to buy one again someday..I digress...Anyway when I got home from the service me and my Dad, attended Garden State Race Track at least twice a month, and he was always talking about the great horses and jockeys, and I guess it was about 1970 Kentucky Derby time and he makes a statement that The Triple Crown of Horse Racing is the hardest thing to do in sports.. I said, why you say that?? He said well it is 1970, and the last time a horse won the Triple Crown was 1948.. That was Citation...That was 22 years ago..and before him, there were only 7 horses in all of history that won it..and sure enough, nobody won it in 1970, 1971, 1972 and the years drug on, but on the Horizon, loomed a Horse for all time..we didn't know it yet, but my Dad had not yet seen the greatest, because in 1970, this horse was just being born....People that were really into racing knew that as a two year this horse lost his first race at Aqueduct, but he really had a rough ride..and had an excuse for finishing second..no big deal..Then he won his next five races in a row, before getting disqualified in the Champagne Stakes for interfering with another horse.. Then in the Spring of 1973, Meadow Stable, Lucien Laurin, and Ronny Turcotte, introduced this stud by the name of SECRETARIAT, to the world.....he was over 16 hands high, and that is awfully big for a race horse.., and now a three year old and ready to start his quest to being THE GREATEST RACE HORSE OF ALL TIMES...The Kentucky Derby and Horse Racing History were ready for this breakout race, and racing history was about to be shattered...SECRETARIAT broke dead last but circled the field and won...In the interim, he not only won, but did what no race horse before or after has ever done, he ran a mile and a quarter in under 2 minutes....Amazing...He put too sleep the old Kentucky myth that the Kentucky Derby was the most exciting two minutes of your life with your clothes on....Here comes the Preakness, and once again he broke dead last, and once again circled the field from last to first to win...There was a big mix up at the time the race was run in, and it was only decided later by film that he broke the record for a mile and 3/16 by 3/5 of a second.....My Dad is now on board baby,,but still skeptical of a horse winning this Triple Crown Trophy...Well SECRETARIAT, laid his fears to rest, not only did he win the Belmont Stakes, he crushed it, he took command at the top of the stretch and proceeded to run it out to a 31 LENGTH victory, setting a mile and a half record time of 2:24 flat...There was a crowd of about 70,000 people and everyone of them were standing. I still get the chills thinking about it and now writing about it, it is the single most exciting moment that I have ever seen in sports and too witness it with my father and friends was truly special..
So, as this post progresses, Secretariat is now a Triple Crown winner the year is 1973.. Well 1974, 1975,1976, pass by The Triple Crown Races without too much fanfare, as everyone knows what happened in 1973 will never happen again.., but Horse Racing being the most unpredictable of the sciences (yep, it is a science).. Wouldn't you know that in 1977, a Great and Huge Black Stallion by the name of SEATTLE SLEW, comes off his two year old season and into the Kentucky Derby undefeated...and what does he do..Wins the Triple Crown... AMAZING...He was one of the greatest race horses of all time, and I would say Seattle Slew, Bold Ruler, and Northern Dancer were the three greatest studs of all times....1978 arrives and you got it onto the scene for the Triple Crown Races comes two horses that once again will never be seen...AFFIRMED AND ALLYDAR.... Yes AFFIRMED WON THE TRIPLE CROWN...AND ALLYDAR FINISHED SECOND BY A NOSTRIL EVERY FUCKIN RACE.. They were the three greatest Triple Crown Races I have ever witnessed once again with my Dad and my friends...Well to end this on a rather Simple moment, after SECRETARIAT 1973,, SEATTLE SLEW 1977, AND AFFIRMED 1978,,, I am down Peck's with my Dad, and boldly blurt out, what the fuck is so hard about this? He says so hard about what.?.You know winning this Triple Crown in Horse Racing? It just happened three times int the last six years.......He just smiled and downed his Rolling Rock..............1978 till the present day...NO TRIPLE CROWN WINNERS!!!...REST IN PEACE BIG E...BRING ONE IN FOR THE NEXT GENERATION...LOVE YA AND THANKS FOR MY INTRODUCTION INTO THE SCIENCE OF HORSE RACING....!!!!I'll Have Another...Let's see if he gets capital letters after the Belmont.....Would be kind of appropriate to maybe have a rolling rock ready that day........
We're Off..Vacation Day, yep, the Simple ones first of the year..What was that Phil?? Yeah, the first vacation day of the year for you..I wasn't talkin about me...they listen too everything I say..Anyway, yeah I am sneaking out today..Phil will probably sneak out with me..The critters are in some jail in Manahawkin, they said down by Long Bitch Island..I'll get them out later..
Onto Horse Racing today, yesterday, and tomorrow...OK,,we have a shot at the Triple Crown so once again, Simple is still 1/2 right in his prediction, still have a shot at the Triple Crown, just wrong horse..ain't bad right. gag..First thing that Dave, says to me is, Union Rags will win the Belmont..He better fuckin not..he don't deserve it..I tell you what if that happens, I may never ever make another prediction...
OK a little history for some of our visitors that may not be familiar with horse racing and its Triple Crown..
Number 1 there are three races involved, thus Triple hahah..sorry...
The horses are all three years old...all horses birthdays are the same, January 1...So some of these three year olds can actually be 21/2 year olds, these three races are a true test of speed, stamina, luck...yeah gotta add that freakin luck in there for many reasons..
The first race for the Triple Crown is The Kentucky Derby, It is run on the first Saturday in May at Churchill Downs, and is the most prestigious race in all of Horse Racing, the distance is a mile and a quarter...Now, mind you, none of these horses has ever run a mile and a quarter before..It is a very difficult race to handicap, maybe the most difficult, and is usually a huge payday...
The second race is The Preakness. It is run two weeks after the Kentucky Derby, at Pimlico Race Track in downtown Baltimore Maryland.. The distance is one mile and /3/16, so they now shorten up the run...
The third race is The Belmont Stakes, and it is run three weeks after the Preakness at Belmont Race Track in Elmont, N.Y... The distance is one mile and a half..As you see this is the longest, and deadliest of the three, This is the one that either makes or breaks the Triple Crown..Many horse have come into the Belmont having won the The Kentucky Derby and The Preakness, only to leave New York, with just those two great wins, but not The Triple Crown...
Only Eleven, yep just eleven horses in the Sport Of Kings have ever won a Triple Crown.. That is amazing...
Before I give you these eleven great horses let me tell you a little story about me and my Dad..
He is the one that got me interested in horse racing as he always had them on TV and would make everybody in the house including kids put a quarter up and pick a number out of a hat and whoever had the winning horses number pocketed the change..As I got older my friends and myself always liked horse racing the excitement, the day out the trips to different tracks, we have been to many across the country..I don't think there are ten in the country that Phil The Thrill hasn't been too..I also bought and ran race horses back in the eighties, it was great, lots of fun..maybe even like to buy one again someday..I digress...Anyway when I got home from the service me and my Dad, attended Garden State Race Track at least twice a month, and he was always talking about the great horses and jockeys, and I guess it was about 1970 Kentucky Derby time and he makes a statement that The Triple Crown of Horse Racing is the hardest thing to do in sports.. I said, why you say that?? He said well it is 1970, and the last time a horse won the Triple Crown was 1948.. That was Citation...That was 22 years ago..and before him, there were only 7 horses in all of history that won it..and sure enough, nobody won it in 1970, 1971, 1972 and the years drug on, but on the Horizon, loomed a Horse for all time..we didn't know it yet, but my Dad had not yet seen the greatest, because in 1970, this horse was just being born....People that were really into racing knew that as a two year this horse lost his first race at Aqueduct, but he really had a rough ride..and had an excuse for finishing second..no big deal..Then he won his next five races in a row, before getting disqualified in the Champagne Stakes for interfering with another horse.. Then in the Spring of 1973, Meadow Stable, Lucien Laurin, and Ronny Turcotte, introduced this stud by the name of SECRETARIAT, to the world.....he was over 16 hands high, and that is awfully big for a race horse.., and now a three year old and ready to start his quest to being THE GREATEST RACE HORSE OF ALL TIMES...The Kentucky Derby and Horse Racing History were ready for this breakout race, and racing history was about to be shattered...SECRETARIAT broke dead last but circled the field and won...In the interim, he not only won, but did what no race horse before or after has ever done, he ran a mile and a quarter in under 2 minutes....Amazing...He put too sleep the old Kentucky myth that the Kentucky Derby was the most exciting two minutes of your life with your clothes on....Here comes the Preakness, and once again he broke dead last, and once again circled the field from last to first to win...There was a big mix up at the time the race was run in, and it was only decided later by film that he broke the record for a mile and 3/16 by 3/5 of a second.....My Dad is now on board baby,,but still skeptical of a horse winning this Triple Crown Trophy...Well SECRETARIAT, laid his fears to rest, not only did he win the Belmont Stakes, he crushed it, he took command at the top of the stretch and proceeded to run it out to a 31 LENGTH victory, setting a mile and a half record time of 2:24 flat...There was a crowd of about 70,000 people and everyone of them were standing. I still get the chills thinking about it and now writing about it, it is the single most exciting moment that I have ever seen in sports and too witness it with my father and friends was truly special..
So, as this post progresses, Secretariat is now a Triple Crown winner the year is 1973.. Well 1974, 1975,1976, pass by The Triple Crown Races without too much fanfare, as everyone knows what happened in 1973 will never happen again.., but Horse Racing being the most unpredictable of the sciences (yep, it is a science).. Wouldn't you know that in 1977, a Great and Huge Black Stallion by the name of SEATTLE SLEW, comes off his two year old season and into the Kentucky Derby undefeated...and what does he do..Wins the Triple Crown... AMAZING...He was one of the greatest race horses of all time, and I would say Seattle Slew, Bold Ruler, and Northern Dancer were the three greatest studs of all times....1978 arrives and you got it onto the scene for the Triple Crown Races comes two horses that once again will never be seen...AFFIRMED AND ALLYDAR.... Yes AFFIRMED WON THE TRIPLE CROWN...AND ALLYDAR FINISHED SECOND BY A NOSTRIL EVERY FUCKIN RACE.. They were the three greatest Triple Crown Races I have ever witnessed once again with my Dad and my friends...Well to end this on a rather Simple moment, after SECRETARIAT 1973,, SEATTLE SLEW 1977, AND AFFIRMED 1978,,, I am down Peck's with my Dad, and boldly blurt out, what the fuck is so hard about this? He says so hard about what.?.You know winning this Triple Crown in Horse Racing? It just happened three times int the last six years.......He just smiled and downed his Rolling Rock..............1978 till the present day...NO TRIPLE CROWN WINNERS!!!...REST IN PEACE BIG E...BRING ONE IN FOR THE NEXT GENERATION...LOVE YA AND THANKS FOR MY INTRODUCTION INTO THE SCIENCE OF HORSE RACING....!!!!I'll Have Another...Let's see if he gets capital letters after the Belmont.....Would be kind of appropriate to maybe have a rolling rock ready that day........
Sunday, May 20, 2012
TODAY IS SUNDAY, THE 7th SUNDAY AFTER EASTER, MAY 20th, 2012 A.D.
AHAAAAAAAAAAAA...... I SAY....The best kept secret in the Ville......This years annual trip was to England to honor HER MAJESTY'S 60th on the Throne, Knickers and all....The ranting that went on and on about HER was just a ruse........Simple, leading the way by paying for the round trip airline tickets, if we agreed to pay for his Pub Bill and the fee for a sit down with the QUEEN, because she is going broke and needs the money, was agreed upon by all........We got the short end of that stick OLD BOY........As you can see everyone was ecstatic that SHE was gracing us commoners with HER persence...........Simple could not hold back his excitement, and the QUEEN with HERS, to see him.........Although, SHE does seem to be drawn to Dave and his English-Do. It was a funfilled trip, of which I am sure, will be crossed of many a Bucket List............CHEERIO
I SAY OLD CHAPS AND DAMES FROM THE ORDER OF THE GARTER: Click on the picture to enlarge it and get the full effects of Simples Excitement.......I do believe he is shouting, "HAIL TO THE QUEEN"
That being said..........We have a Triple Crown Threat..........The Queen doesn't have that............As Simple, simply says, it is a great sport and now it gets even better........Will the 1.5 miles help or hinder I'll Have Another.....Will Simples Union Rags upset the apple cart.......Will Strebor be giving out Roses or Black Eyed Susans or Black Eyed Peas.......For a horse to go that many races in a short time is amazing. I hope that on June 9th we have a great race and a Triple Crown winner......I know we will have a Triple Crown Whinner, perhaps, quite a few of them.......but none the less, let's enjoy the ride and have fun..............
Finn McLimey
I SAY OLD CHAPS AND DAMES FROM THE ORDER OF THE GARTER: Click on the picture to enlarge it and get the full effects of Simples Excitement.......I do believe he is shouting, "HAIL TO THE QUEEN"
That being said..........We have a Triple Crown Threat..........The Queen doesn't have that............As Simple, simply says, it is a great sport and now it gets even better........Will the 1.5 miles help or hinder I'll Have Another.....Will Simples Union Rags upset the apple cart.......Will Strebor be giving out Roses or Black Eyed Susans or Black Eyed Peas.......For a horse to go that many races in a short time is amazing. I hope that on June 9th we have a great race and a Triple Crown winner......I know we will have a Triple Crown Whinner, perhaps, quite a few of them.......but none the less, let's enjoy the ride and have fun..............
Finn McLimey
Saturday, May 19, 2012
Today is New Vodka Day, The 19th of May, 2012
Post Time 6:18 Means 6:31.........Teeth of the Dog laughing at everyone:
Trifecta"s Boxed
1-2-3 Look at Mr Lee,
3-4-5 Look at him Jive
6-7-8 Mr Lee, Mr Lee
9-10-11 Oh Mr Lee, Mr Lee
Superfecta Race 12-----4-1-11-
Race 13-----12-4-2-
Oranges for the Ladies.........................
Roses for the winner;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;
Vodka for Simple................................
Good Luck and probably TAPS.........................
Trifecta"s Boxed
1-2-3 Look at Mr Lee,
3-4-5 Look at him Jive
6-7-8 Mr Lee, Mr Lee
9-10-11 Oh Mr Lee, Mr Lee
Superfecta Race 12-----4-1-11-
Race 13-----12-4-2-
Oranges for the Ladies.........................
Roses for the winner;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;
Vodka for Simple................................
Good Luck and probably TAPS.........................
Friday, May 18, 2012
"Today Is The 18th Of May In The Year Of Our Lord 2012."
"It Is Now Post Time..That is what they will be saying tomorrow, at Pimlico, as they play Oh Maryland, My Maryland, sounds eerily similar to Oh Canada..maybe the queen had something to do with that..How sick are you of hearing about that dowdy bitch..WELL!! now you know how I feel every fuckin time I look at her pictures..
We're Off...Yo, I just saw the 10 most powereful celebrity list, compiled by none other than Forbes magazine. You want to see what is wrong with our country, look at this list..Now, when they say powerful, I honestly don't know what that means..I do know that it doesn't mean physically. I'll take a shot and say, name their price for their particular talent, or made more money, than their peers over the course of the year, or years, or draw the biggest crowds of stupid sheople, let's go with that...DRUM ROLL EASY (WHERE THE FUCK IS EASY???).......................
In order from ten on down..sit down now because you don't want to miss this, extremely important list of some of the finest America has too offer..This is actually sickening..Alright Simple, just come out and say it..Anybody that reads this shit, knows how much I fucking hate, so called stars, (they ain't stars, stars are Quasars in the omnipotent universe, that glow almost through eternity. Does that sound like a definition for these dirt bags..!! Please sheople call them what they are actors, singers, dancers, ball players, directors, but not stars.. OK OK on with the list..I hate these fuckers....
10.. Coming in at number ten.....Steven Spielberg......He is a director of movies..Fuck him..because he is like a nothing to me..I know this is going to sound bad, but I can't really think of any of his movies, now don't get me wrong, I know he had some good ones, but I don't really care who directed movies.. HATE METER 10
9. Coming in at number nine...TIME OUT!! I ain't saying Coming in at every number...OH BOY!!l PULEEZEE!!! do I have to do this to myself..(sure Simple Vodkaday is postponed for the Preakness)
tom cruise..excuse me, I will be right back.................................................................just lost my bagel, and coffee.If I had like a wish, that there was one person, before I die that I could really fuck up, yep, him, this scientologist smug little fuck face....please get on the go away bus, please go away before me, so I can watch you soar into outer space to be with your alien god...the epitome of a punk...HATE METER: OFF THE FUCKIN CHARTS....
8. Coming in at ...Wait I ain't saying that at every number....Dig this one katy perry...am I right, she is punk boys cruise's toy..I think she is,,,what the fuck did she ever do????? Maybe my age is starting to show, not now, not ever...go away with your punk, so he can punk you in the outer galaxies of scientology...jerk off..HATE METER: OFF THE CHARTS BY PROXIY.
7. Coming in....Wait a minute I ain't doing that at every number....kim kardashian????????????? this is actually sickening me...this no talent, fuckin spoiled piece of garbage should be in Afghanistan for a year to find out what reality, really is...the whole family are a bunch of morons, and if I offend anyone here at Plain and Simple today, I don't care, if you watch that shit, you are a fucking moron...HATE METER 10
6. OH BOY!!! Sit Down,,,brittany spears...she of her privates showing, and kid in the car and fat ass, and jail, and pubic I mean public drunkenness, a total wreck as a mother, singer I mean screamer..Come on man, she is one of these many goofs that call themselves singers..She puts high black boots on her stinky chubby feet, Rex Ryan is a friend of mine and told me she had chubby feet, and they stink..OK PLAIN, let it go.. then she puts on her tight bathing suit bottom so she has a camel toe showing, then she puts on a micro bra and does her hair up and puts a bunch of half naked guys dancing like robots behind her, and screams shit into the microphone that is undecernable , by even people that can hear..No wonder these foreign countries laugh at us...HATE METER: 7
5. lady gag gag, I think McGag likes her so I am going to cut the freak, a break..she is a multi-millionaire idiot, because we in this country love sensationalism, especially when it has to do with scantily clad women screamers (they are by no means singers) HATE METER 5
4. rihanna, the only time I even heard of this creature, was when she was given birth to her kid, and was awarded the whole top floor of the hospital..Ain't that nice sheople, too bad if you got sick or hurt that night rihanna the rhino was reproducing..Oh yeah, her and her mate, don't think she is married, are any of them married, if they are it is not for long..HATE METER 7
3.justin bieber....every generation has to have their Elvis, actually don't know anything about him, he is a kid he gets a pass...NO HATE METER
2. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCKING OPRAH, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Deep breaths, deep breaths, ow pain, pain..feeling pain Chris....ONE LAST TIME YOUR SERENE EMPRESSSHIP, GET ON THE GO AWAY BUS, AND GET THE FUCK OUT OF HUMANITY, YOU HAVE NO TALENT!!!! NONE!!! LEAVE YOU CAN AFFORD IT....PULLEEEEZZZZZZZE LET THIS BE THE LAST TIME I HAVE TO READ OR WRITE YOUR FUCKED UP NAME..OPRAH!! WHAT KINDA FUCKIN NAME IS THAT...THAT IS AS BAD AS PLAIN!!!!!LOL!! HATE METER JUST FUCKIN BROKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
10 COMING IN AT NUMBER TEN...HAD TO SAY IT FOR THIS ONE...BOW YOUR HEAD PLAIN THEN LATCH ON TO JENNY FROM THE BLOCK YEEAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!, GIVE US ALL A TANGO, AND A PASSIONATE RUB ON THE ASS...YEAH!!!! FINALLY ONE I LIKE..CAN'T HELP MYSELF. NUMBER 1 IT IS PLAINS GIRL, NUMBER 2, SHE IS A HOTTIE, AND HONESTLY SEEMS TO BE A GOOD PERSON, AND NUMBER 3, JUST SOMETHING ABOUT HER I LIKE. I ASKED PLAIN IF I COULD INTERVIEW HER AT PLAIN AND SIMPLE HE HAS NOT REPLIED.., HE KNOWS ONCE SHE GOT A LOAD OF SIMPLES ACT HE WOULD BE DONE.....SORRY J LO, HE WOULD BE HERE BUT HE IS OUT WHACKING HIS BALLS AGAIN WITH THE REST OF MY RETIRED TOAD FRIENDS..SORRY GUYS, I REALLY DIDN'T MEAN THAT,,,(GOTTA SEE THEM ALL TOMORROW FOR THE PREAKNESS AND MOST OF THEM ARE MUCH LARGER THAN ME)
OK, there you have it, is that incredible, give me your take...I know Plain will..Enjoy your friday, I will be back with my Preakness picks and some unworldly observations as usual.....Enjoy your vacation day Phil, because if you don't, you won't...
We're Off...Yo, I just saw the 10 most powereful celebrity list, compiled by none other than Forbes magazine. You want to see what is wrong with our country, look at this list..Now, when they say powerful, I honestly don't know what that means..I do know that it doesn't mean physically. I'll take a shot and say, name their price for their particular talent, or made more money, than their peers over the course of the year, or years, or draw the biggest crowds of stupid sheople, let's go with that...DRUM ROLL EASY (WHERE THE FUCK IS EASY???).......................
In order from ten on down..sit down now because you don't want to miss this, extremely important list of some of the finest America has too offer..This is actually sickening..Alright Simple, just come out and say it..Anybody that reads this shit, knows how much I fucking hate, so called stars, (they ain't stars, stars are Quasars in the omnipotent universe, that glow almost through eternity. Does that sound like a definition for these dirt bags..!! Please sheople call them what they are actors, singers, dancers, ball players, directors, but not stars.. OK OK on with the list..I hate these fuckers....
10.. Coming in at number ten.....Steven Spielberg......He is a director of movies..Fuck him..because he is like a nothing to me..I know this is going to sound bad, but I can't really think of any of his movies, now don't get me wrong, I know he had some good ones, but I don't really care who directed movies.. HATE METER 10
9. Coming in at number nine...TIME OUT!! I ain't saying Coming in at every number...OH BOY!!l PULEEZEE!!! do I have to do this to myself..(sure Simple Vodkaday is postponed for the Preakness)
tom cruise..excuse me, I will be right back.................................................................just lost my bagel, and coffee.If I had like a wish, that there was one person, before I die that I could really fuck up, yep, him, this scientologist smug little fuck face....please get on the go away bus, please go away before me, so I can watch you soar into outer space to be with your alien god...the epitome of a punk...HATE METER: OFF THE FUCKIN CHARTS....
8. Coming in at ...Wait I ain't saying that at every number....Dig this one katy perry...am I right, she is punk boys cruise's toy..I think she is,,,what the fuck did she ever do????? Maybe my age is starting to show, not now, not ever...go away with your punk, so he can punk you in the outer galaxies of scientology...jerk off..HATE METER: OFF THE CHARTS BY PROXIY.
7. Coming in....Wait a minute I ain't doing that at every number....kim kardashian????????????? this is actually sickening me...this no talent, fuckin spoiled piece of garbage should be in Afghanistan for a year to find out what reality, really is...the whole family are a bunch of morons, and if I offend anyone here at Plain and Simple today, I don't care, if you watch that shit, you are a fucking moron...HATE METER 10
6. OH BOY!!! Sit Down,,,brittany spears...she of her privates showing, and kid in the car and fat ass, and jail, and pubic I mean public drunkenness, a total wreck as a mother, singer I mean screamer..Come on man, she is one of these many goofs that call themselves singers..She puts high black boots on her stinky chubby feet, Rex Ryan is a friend of mine and told me she had chubby feet, and they stink..OK PLAIN, let it go.. then she puts on her tight bathing suit bottom so she has a camel toe showing, then she puts on a micro bra and does her hair up and puts a bunch of half naked guys dancing like robots behind her, and screams shit into the microphone that is undecernable , by even people that can hear..No wonder these foreign countries laugh at us...HATE METER: 7
5. lady gag gag, I think McGag likes her so I am going to cut the freak, a break..she is a multi-millionaire idiot, because we in this country love sensationalism, especially when it has to do with scantily clad women screamers (they are by no means singers) HATE METER 5
4. rihanna, the only time I even heard of this creature, was when she was given birth to her kid, and was awarded the whole top floor of the hospital..Ain't that nice sheople, too bad if you got sick or hurt that night rihanna the rhino was reproducing..Oh yeah, her and her mate, don't think she is married, are any of them married, if they are it is not for long..HATE METER 7
3.justin bieber....every generation has to have their Elvis, actually don't know anything about him, he is a kid he gets a pass...NO HATE METER
2. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCKING OPRAH, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Deep breaths, deep breaths, ow pain, pain..feeling pain Chris....ONE LAST TIME YOUR SERENE EMPRESSSHIP, GET ON THE GO AWAY BUS, AND GET THE FUCK OUT OF HUMANITY, YOU HAVE NO TALENT!!!! NONE!!! LEAVE YOU CAN AFFORD IT....PULLEEEEZZZZZZZE LET THIS BE THE LAST TIME I HAVE TO READ OR WRITE YOUR FUCKED UP NAME..OPRAH!! WHAT KINDA FUCKIN NAME IS THAT...THAT IS AS BAD AS PLAIN!!!!!LOL!! HATE METER JUST FUCKIN BROKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
10 COMING IN AT NUMBER TEN...HAD TO SAY IT FOR THIS ONE...BOW YOUR HEAD PLAIN THEN LATCH ON TO JENNY FROM THE BLOCK YEEAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!, GIVE US ALL A TANGO, AND A PASSIONATE RUB ON THE ASS...YEAH!!!! FINALLY ONE I LIKE..CAN'T HELP MYSELF. NUMBER 1 IT IS PLAINS GIRL, NUMBER 2, SHE IS A HOTTIE, AND HONESTLY SEEMS TO BE A GOOD PERSON, AND NUMBER 3, JUST SOMETHING ABOUT HER I LIKE. I ASKED PLAIN IF I COULD INTERVIEW HER AT PLAIN AND SIMPLE HE HAS NOT REPLIED.., HE KNOWS ONCE SHE GOT A LOAD OF SIMPLES ACT HE WOULD BE DONE.....SORRY J LO, HE WOULD BE HERE BUT HE IS OUT WHACKING HIS BALLS AGAIN WITH THE REST OF MY RETIRED TOAD FRIENDS..SORRY GUYS, I REALLY DIDN'T MEAN THAT,,,(GOTTA SEE THEM ALL TOMORROW FOR THE PREAKNESS AND MOST OF THEM ARE MUCH LARGER THAN ME)
OK, there you have it, is that incredible, give me your take...I know Plain will..Enjoy your friday, I will be back with my Preakness picks and some unworldly observations as usual.....Enjoy your vacation day Phil, because if you don't, you won't...
Thursday, May 17, 2012
"Today Is The 17th Day Of May In The Year Of Our Lord 2012."
"It Is Now Post Time."
We're Off...Mornin everybody, not a real peaceful night here at the Ville, must admit, kinda thinkin about the critters marchin through the Pine Barrens, looking for Long Bitch Island. You know they are near and dear to my black heart..(gag).. OW!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Coffee on the nuts!! I hope Plain's balls get whacked with a nine wood, or iron or, wedgie, or whatever the hell it is they use it that fucked up game of goof...YO!! me and George cannot tell a lie, I just had to change the date, I thought it was Wednesday..I fessed up McCalendar..
Watched the Phils pull even last night...19-19...Won their fourth in a row, now a lot of band wagon jumpers, off and on, would say, that is no big deal..but let me throw some names at ya...Galvis, Diekman, Kendrick, Luna, Pierre, Wittington, Fotennot, Valdes (not Wilson). Sound familiar, well Kendrick should, but the rest of them, come on none of them were even here last year and they all had a part in this four game winning streak...That shows you that this team resilient and will compete, and you know me, I am not a homer.. I am a HOMER!! I have a buddy, Hey Ferg!, he looks like Homer Simpson..he just laughs when I say that...what the hell he tells me I look like Hannibal Lector, and now that I haven't had a hair cut in about two months he tells me I look like Jack Nicholson in The Shining, Heeere's Johnny!!!! I digress..I always digress, in the language of Psychology that is called ADD!! My daughter being a teacher said, I don't have ADD, I have ADHD..she added the H which stresses Hyper..ME, ya think so??..I digress....There I go digressing again, every time I think up a profound word, I keep using it, so as to look profound myself. I figure if you use profound words you are profound, sounds like Phil..He tells me yesterday, call me at 6 A.M. we gotta get on the road early...I said the truck is on the road not us..He starts laughing and asks me where I heard that one?? You fuckin kiddin me?? I call him 6 A.M. no answer..call him 6:10 A.M......YO E!! Hey Phil, you up? yeah if I wasn't up, I would be down.., (here we go)..I am eating a sandwich.,..I don't really care that he is eating a sandwich at 6:10 A.M., but I just go along with him...How come you didn't call me a t 6 A.M.?? I did call you at 6A.M. nobody answered.. Musta been takin a shit..YEP, this is how I start my mornings, and usually end my nights. Somebody shittin..except the queen.. did I tell you she hasn't shit in sixty years on the throne..You would think if you were on the throne for sixty fuckin years you would shit..., or at least leave a fart to put a smile on your scrunched up royal face. Man, she is one dowdy bitch..Now, we gotta here about her 60th jubilee. Who gives a fuck!! Kate Middleton is probably all a twit, trying to garnish attention at Buckingham Palace...Little known fact, about these so called royals..lord buckingham, was a lord, yep, he was one of the lords-a-leapin, but he pulled a hanstring, and was hamstrung and confined to his palace,yep, buckingham. He wanted to get back into leapin, so he hired a Tudor, that is what they called tutors back in the Year Of Our Lord 1212..This Tudor happened to be the great, great, great, great, great, great Grandfather of queen frump...He told lord buckingham that he could cure his hamstring, but he would want the castle in return..lord buckingham being the inbred dufus that he was, thought this was a good deal...so he made the document legal by putting his impramatur on it, and sealing it with his ring...So Henry Tudor, started putting balms and oil on old buckinghams, hammy, and told him after a day, that he was cured...buckingham said it still hurt and was a little afraid to start leaping...Tudor said, let's go down to the River Thames, this way you can leap and you won't leap into any tall buildings you will land in the River...Did I say buckingham was a dufus? Down, to the river they went, and Tudor told buckingham, give it all ya got buck !! LEAP!! Fuckin buckingham leaped with all of his might and not only did his hamstring pop, but his achilles ruptured and sure enough he landed in the Thames..Did I mention, that buckingham was a dufus, the fuckin moron forgot he didn't know how to swim, and drowned in the Thames...Tudor was laughing his balls off, took the document to the royal document guy, then Tudor and him and his family claimed Buckinham palace as their own..That is how her majesty's family came to live in buckingham palace..You heard it here first on Plain and Simple..Phew!! let's go!! Phil!!! PHIL?? PHIL!!! Fuck It..Let's Go Phillies!!!....Hey E!! I heard you yellin for the Phillies!! OK Phil let's roll..E, E, why do you say that, we are people, we can't roll!! OH NO, WELL HOW ABOUT THE DAY E JR. WAS ON FIRE AND YOU WERE YELLING ROCK AND ROLL!! Well that is what you should do if you are on fire...For the last fuckin time Phil, it is DROP AND ROLL!!! E come on whoever heard of DROP AND ROLL!! ASK DICK CLARK, IT IS ROCK AND ROLL AND IT IS HERE TO STAY!!!!! OH BOY!!! PHEW the shit I gotta put up with around here..Later....
We're Off...Mornin everybody, not a real peaceful night here at the Ville, must admit, kinda thinkin about the critters marchin through the Pine Barrens, looking for Long Bitch Island. You know they are near and dear to my black heart..(gag).. OW!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Coffee on the nuts!! I hope Plain's balls get whacked with a nine wood, or iron or, wedgie, or whatever the hell it is they use it that fucked up game of goof...YO!! me and George cannot tell a lie, I just had to change the date, I thought it was Wednesday..I fessed up McCalendar..
Watched the Phils pull even last night...19-19...Won their fourth in a row, now a lot of band wagon jumpers, off and on, would say, that is no big deal..but let me throw some names at ya...Galvis, Diekman, Kendrick, Luna, Pierre, Wittington, Fotennot, Valdes (not Wilson). Sound familiar, well Kendrick should, but the rest of them, come on none of them were even here last year and they all had a part in this four game winning streak...That shows you that this team resilient and will compete, and you know me, I am not a homer.. I am a HOMER!! I have a buddy, Hey Ferg!, he looks like Homer Simpson..he just laughs when I say that...what the hell he tells me I look like Hannibal Lector, and now that I haven't had a hair cut in about two months he tells me I look like Jack Nicholson in The Shining, Heeere's Johnny!!!! I digress..I always digress, in the language of Psychology that is called ADD!! My daughter being a teacher said, I don't have ADD, I have ADHD..she added the H which stresses Hyper..ME, ya think so??..I digress....There I go digressing again, every time I think up a profound word, I keep using it, so as to look profound myself. I figure if you use profound words you are profound, sounds like Phil..He tells me yesterday, call me at 6 A.M. we gotta get on the road early...I said the truck is on the road not us..He starts laughing and asks me where I heard that one?? You fuckin kiddin me?? I call him 6 A.M. no answer..call him 6:10 A.M......YO E!! Hey Phil, you up? yeah if I wasn't up, I would be down.., (here we go)..I am eating a sandwich.,..I don't really care that he is eating a sandwich at 6:10 A.M., but I just go along with him...How come you didn't call me a t 6 A.M.?? I did call you at 6A.M. nobody answered.. Musta been takin a shit..YEP, this is how I start my mornings, and usually end my nights. Somebody shittin..except the queen.. did I tell you she hasn't shit in sixty years on the throne..You would think if you were on the throne for sixty fuckin years you would shit..., or at least leave a fart to put a smile on your scrunched up royal face. Man, she is one dowdy bitch..Now, we gotta here about her 60th jubilee. Who gives a fuck!! Kate Middleton is probably all a twit, trying to garnish attention at Buckingham Palace...Little known fact, about these so called royals..lord buckingham, was a lord, yep, he was one of the lords-a-leapin, but he pulled a hanstring, and was hamstrung and confined to his palace,yep, buckingham. He wanted to get back into leapin, so he hired a Tudor, that is what they called tutors back in the Year Of Our Lord 1212..This Tudor happened to be the great, great, great, great, great, great Grandfather of queen frump...He told lord buckingham that he could cure his hamstring, but he would want the castle in return..lord buckingham being the inbred dufus that he was, thought this was a good deal...so he made the document legal by putting his impramatur on it, and sealing it with his ring...So Henry Tudor, started putting balms and oil on old buckinghams, hammy, and told him after a day, that he was cured...buckingham said it still hurt and was a little afraid to start leaping...Tudor said, let's go down to the River Thames, this way you can leap and you won't leap into any tall buildings you will land in the River...Did I say buckingham was a dufus? Down, to the river they went, and Tudor told buckingham, give it all ya got buck !! LEAP!! Fuckin buckingham leaped with all of his might and not only did his hamstring pop, but his achilles ruptured and sure enough he landed in the Thames..Did I mention, that buckingham was a dufus, the fuckin moron forgot he didn't know how to swim, and drowned in the Thames...Tudor was laughing his balls off, took the document to the royal document guy, then Tudor and him and his family claimed Buckinham palace as their own..That is how her majesty's family came to live in buckingham palace..You heard it here first on Plain and Simple..Phew!! let's go!! Phil!!! PHIL?? PHIL!!! Fuck It..Let's Go Phillies!!!....Hey E!! I heard you yellin for the Phillies!! OK Phil let's roll..E, E, why do you say that, we are people, we can't roll!! OH NO, WELL HOW ABOUT THE DAY E JR. WAS ON FIRE AND YOU WERE YELLING ROCK AND ROLL!! Well that is what you should do if you are on fire...For the last fuckin time Phil, it is DROP AND ROLL!!! E come on whoever heard of DROP AND ROLL!! ASK DICK CLARK, IT IS ROCK AND ROLL AND IT IS HERE TO STAY!!!!! OH BOY!!! PHEW the shit I gotta put up with around here..Later....
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
"Today Is The 16th Day Of May In The Year Of Our Lord 2012."
It Is Now Post Time.
We're Off...How about that Wild Colonial Lass, saying they have classy asses, women are so much better than men when it comes to describing asses..We just go WOW! look at that ass!!..Now, you women may be thinking that we are talking about one of your derriere's when if effect we are actually talking about mules. We can really get ourselves in trouble, because men have always been fascinated with asses, meaning mules since the beginning of mules.. So gals the next time you hear a guy say WOW!! look at that ass, he just may be talking about a mule he had seen lately..and by the way if it is me, you know it is a mule I had seen lately, I would never, ever say something like that about a woman's ahh asset.. Alright on too another subject real quick because, I think Simple and the rest of his Simple gender are now in danger of getting shot...Sorry guys, but if I get the girls pissed you may as well join up with them, believe me, I can take it...
Colonials, now there is a word that we just throw out there and kinda move on, as we relate that to the Colonists, or the early Americans that were under British rule..Can we really comprehend the bravado and the daring that these early settlers and their leaders portrayed, as they told the greatest power in the world at that time to basically fuck off..Yeah, England and Georgie Boy, he was the queens great, great, great, great grandfather, and a real prick..all of those kings and queens were pricks, but some were higher up on the prick scale than others..Georgie boy, if he was a girl there would have been a song sung for him..Hey There Georgie Girl!! I digress..These Colonists a rag tag group at best, declared their independence from this tyrant, and we all know what happened..What is really amazing was the fact that their armies and navy's were already here..Yet the Continental Congress and the Continental Army were formed and actually started firing at their old red coats..this rag tag group soon became a formidable army under the guidance, and make no mistake about it, without General George Washington, we are all limeys...For one shining moment in history, the right guy was in the right place..It is kind of amazing that, until he crossed the Delaware on Christmas Eve, and surprised the shit out of the Hessians and the British armies that were sleeping off their load, that the Colonial Army had never won a battle...After he routed the red coats at Trenton, the size of the army doubled as Colonists from all over were signing up to serve with George and Old Nelson,,yep, gotta put George's horse in there, you know the Preakness is storming on us...The British, gave these upstarts no credit, hired mercenaries to fight their war, lost the war, got kicked out of The United States, and were so pissed they stormed on back in 1812, and burnt Washington D.C. to the ground..Once again they brought it down on The United States, and once again, they got their asses handed to them and, headed back across the ocean for good...I know today they are the 51st State, Israel is the 52nd, and we as a Country, like it or not will always be attached to England..Not me, as I am neither English nor do I believe in any kind of royal bullshit...they are by far some of the biggest jerk offs in the world today...Having said that, I have now upped my bid on the queens knickers to 900.00, why, why, you ask?? Can't you just see this Simpleton, walking around the Yunk and the Ville telling everybody in shouting distance..YO!! come on over here and take a gander at her majesty's knickers.. What the fuck is a knicker anyway?? The only knickers I ever heard of was The New York Knickerbockers..Now that is a word for all of you to digest..KNICKERBOCKERS!! take that one on Plain....Me I gotta get on Ebay and see where I stand in the bidding..If I win I will have some knickers with me for the Preakness.., WOW!! what a sight that would be, I may even put them on over my jeans..WOW!! what a beating that would be...LOL!! enjoy your day people...it is the only one we got......
We're Off...How about that Wild Colonial Lass, saying they have classy asses, women are so much better than men when it comes to describing asses..We just go WOW! look at that ass!!..Now, you women may be thinking that we are talking about one of your derriere's when if effect we are actually talking about mules. We can really get ourselves in trouble, because men have always been fascinated with asses, meaning mules since the beginning of mules.. So gals the next time you hear a guy say WOW!! look at that ass, he just may be talking about a mule he had seen lately..and by the way if it is me, you know it is a mule I had seen lately, I would never, ever say something like that about a woman's ahh asset.. Alright on too another subject real quick because, I think Simple and the rest of his Simple gender are now in danger of getting shot...Sorry guys, but if I get the girls pissed you may as well join up with them, believe me, I can take it...
Colonials, now there is a word that we just throw out there and kinda move on, as we relate that to the Colonists, or the early Americans that were under British rule..Can we really comprehend the bravado and the daring that these early settlers and their leaders portrayed, as they told the greatest power in the world at that time to basically fuck off..Yeah, England and Georgie Boy, he was the queens great, great, great, great grandfather, and a real prick..all of those kings and queens were pricks, but some were higher up on the prick scale than others..Georgie boy, if he was a girl there would have been a song sung for him..Hey There Georgie Girl!! I digress..These Colonists a rag tag group at best, declared their independence from this tyrant, and we all know what happened..What is really amazing was the fact that their armies and navy's were already here..Yet the Continental Congress and the Continental Army were formed and actually started firing at their old red coats..this rag tag group soon became a formidable army under the guidance, and make no mistake about it, without General George Washington, we are all limeys...For one shining moment in history, the right guy was in the right place..It is kind of amazing that, until he crossed the Delaware on Christmas Eve, and surprised the shit out of the Hessians and the British armies that were sleeping off their load, that the Colonial Army had never won a battle...After he routed the red coats at Trenton, the size of the army doubled as Colonists from all over were signing up to serve with George and Old Nelson,,yep, gotta put George's horse in there, you know the Preakness is storming on us...The British, gave these upstarts no credit, hired mercenaries to fight their war, lost the war, got kicked out of The United States, and were so pissed they stormed on back in 1812, and burnt Washington D.C. to the ground..Once again they brought it down on The United States, and once again, they got their asses handed to them and, headed back across the ocean for good...I know today they are the 51st State, Israel is the 52nd, and we as a Country, like it or not will always be attached to England..Not me, as I am neither English nor do I believe in any kind of royal bullshit...they are by far some of the biggest jerk offs in the world today...Having said that, I have now upped my bid on the queens knickers to 900.00, why, why, you ask?? Can't you just see this Simpleton, walking around the Yunk and the Ville telling everybody in shouting distance..YO!! come on over here and take a gander at her majesty's knickers.. What the fuck is a knicker anyway?? The only knickers I ever heard of was The New York Knickerbockers..Now that is a word for all of you to digest..KNICKERBOCKERS!! take that one on Plain....Me I gotta get on Ebay and see where I stand in the bidding..If I win I will have some knickers with me for the Preakness.., WOW!! what a sight that would be, I may even put them on over my jeans..WOW!! what a beating that would be...LOL!! enjoy your day people...it is the only one we got......
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
"Today Is The 15th Of May In The Year Of Our Lord 2012."
"It Is Now Post Time."
We're Off. Hey Plain, every now and then, every now then. I may run into a little puter problem where I can't make a post, or the puters may be sick or virused or something of that nature..So, don't break my balls Plain, when you in all your Jedi, Dancin, and Prancin, and Smirkyness, come into the Ville maybe once a month and have to make a post, then want your pay doubled..You will have to see McPay about that as he has taken over financing and just about everything else..I am bad with financing...as we well know...Anyway I see where you alluded to her majesty's celebrating her diamond jubilee, don't worry Plain, I have seen it, and I know you wanted to get my engines revved, but they were already rollin baby....I was trying to get into the Ville yesterday, when I got thrown onto some sale site, and lo and behold what do you think was for sale...DRUM ROLL EASY.....................................................the queens knickers,, you read that right THE QUEEN'S KNICKERS!!!! Now you must understand, she does not have to change her KNICKERS as much as the common women because she hasn't shit in 50 of her 60 years on the throne..Little known fact...the queen did excuse herself from a benefit for Little Lord Fauntleroy, about 45 years ago, as she felt very gassy after having a dinner of mutton and cauliflower, this is one of her favorite dishes, this according to her butler Jeeves...Well, everyone wondered where the queen went as she was not known to ever leave a table before the desert tarts were devoured by the upper class of idiots she dined with...One of the servers a little Plain looking guy snuck into the queens shit house as she was in the royal stall ripping off her knickers and farting a tune heard all across England, the Plain little server, gagged, but grabbed the knickers and ran...These are supposedly the knickers that are for sale, the asking price is a cool 4000.00.. Once again they are clean, as the queen has not shit nor stained in over 50 years...You heard it here first at Plain and Simple.. Phew who reads this shit...Anyway, for all you non believers, this is a true story...Really who reads this shit...Call me Plain...gotta talk....
We're Off. Hey Plain, every now and then, every now then. I may run into a little puter problem where I can't make a post, or the puters may be sick or virused or something of that nature..So, don't break my balls Plain, when you in all your Jedi, Dancin, and Prancin, and Smirkyness, come into the Ville maybe once a month and have to make a post, then want your pay doubled..You will have to see McPay about that as he has taken over financing and just about everything else..I am bad with financing...as we well know...Anyway I see where you alluded to her majesty's celebrating her diamond jubilee, don't worry Plain, I have seen it, and I know you wanted to get my engines revved, but they were already rollin baby....I was trying to get into the Ville yesterday, when I got thrown onto some sale site, and lo and behold what do you think was for sale...DRUM ROLL EASY.....................................................the queens knickers,, you read that right THE QUEEN'S KNICKERS!!!! Now you must understand, she does not have to change her KNICKERS as much as the common women because she hasn't shit in 50 of her 60 years on the throne..Little known fact...the queen did excuse herself from a benefit for Little Lord Fauntleroy, about 45 years ago, as she felt very gassy after having a dinner of mutton and cauliflower, this is one of her favorite dishes, this according to her butler Jeeves...Well, everyone wondered where the queen went as she was not known to ever leave a table before the desert tarts were devoured by the upper class of idiots she dined with...One of the servers a little Plain looking guy snuck into the queens shit house as she was in the royal stall ripping off her knickers and farting a tune heard all across England, the Plain little server, gagged, but grabbed the knickers and ran...These are supposedly the knickers that are for sale, the asking price is a cool 4000.00.. Once again they are clean, as the queen has not shit nor stained in over 50 years...You heard it here first at Plain and Simple.. Phew who reads this shit...Anyway, for all you non believers, this is a true story...Really who reads this shit...Call me Plain...gotta talk....
Monday, May 14, 2012
Today is the 14th Day of May in The Year Of Our Lord 2012
Well Ive been sitting in front of my Computer since 6:30 this morning, waiting for Simple to do a Post.And here it is the Diamond jublie of the Queen mum and nothing said about her.I mean thats 60 years on the Throne. Damn no wonder she is Miserable, I spend 15 minutes on the Throne I get pretty miserable myself.And lets see what else is going on in the world ohhhhh Yea Obuma is going for the Rich white Fag vote instead of the Illegal Mexican vote, prolly because there all leaving because there's no jobs.And now their pissed at JP Morgan for lossing 1 % of there money the last Quater.But there is nothing being said about Him and the 500 Billion they lost on the Solar stupity, or the 70,000 checks they sent out to Dead People and the 17,000 convics who got Tax Rebates!!!!!! Are they going to regulate themselfs?What a joke send in the clowns.Anywho until Simple gets back let us know what makes ya Miserable or pissed, I'm going to go take an Obama on the Throne smirks and walks away.
Sunday, May 13, 2012
TODAY IS SUNDAY, May 13th, 2012 A.D. MOTHERS DAY
HOPE YOU ALL ENJOY YOUR DAY.......................
Friday, May 11, 2012
"Today Is The 11th Day Of May In The Year Of Our Lord 2012."
"It Is Now Post Time"
We're Off..I used a cliche in last nights TAPS and said time really does fly..Blat and Slat came back to the Ville and started throwing the clocks through the Pine Barrens, laughing their balls off..The parrot was flying by and one of the clocks hit him...I told Blat that the parrot got clocked..CHIT HAHAH!!,, OK OK, calm down you Simple fuck,,Blat just stared at me with a blank expression on his face, well come to think of it ,that is his normal look...The parrot was ARKING!!! I'M HIT!! I'M HIT!! What am I ten years old..PHEW!!
Pretty much wrapping things up here at the Ville, calls to make, bills not to be paid, nothing new with that shit...
Just saw where JOHN (VINNY BARBARINO) TRAVOLTA, was hitting on his masseuses, these people DO NOT, AND I MEAN DO NOT, live in the real world...(I do read above), I digress. Here is another fuck that should just go away..he has shot his load, literally...HERE IS THE BIG ONE (literally), HE IS ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE ALIEN BELIEVING SCIENTOLOGISTS..!!!!!! Oh, how I love those idiots. Here is a religion based on the writing of Ron L. Hubbard, the author of one of the only books I ever got about halfway through, and said what the fuck am I reading...It was garbage, it was one mans view, and take on the universe and happenings and how you cannot fail and what you have to do to succeed and how you have to destroy everything you learned and learn his way, you know become a Scientologist.. Let me tell all my friends here at the Ville, as far as I am concerned you can be anything you want, you can worship whoever you want, you can be religious or non religious, I don't care, that is none of my business..but puleeezzzeee don't walk around with smugness that you and your beliefs are better than me and my beliefs, it don't resonate here..I cannot stand these pompous assholes in this scientology bullshit religion., I can't stand the muslim, ayatollahs and their mujaheddin, so called holy warriors, if you ain't with us you are against us philosophies..Leave people alone, let them worship as they see fit. Don't act better than them because they don't believe in aliens and allah.. Without no intention whatsoever of boring you, just let me say, that France sucks I know this, you know this, now you are saying where is this Simpleton going with France..Just for an instant, lets go back to the 5th century A.D., that is the century the Roman Empire finally crumbled, and the lights went out in Europe, yep, the beginning of the dark ages...In the 6th century A.D. the Arabian Peninsula was on fire as Muhammad was raiding up and down the coast and spreading, the religion of Islam, but also uniting the Arab tribes into his nation of islam... Right now you are like what the fuck is Simple doing, ahh just bear with me for a lifetime...The religion spread into Northern Africa and the Moors attacked Europe, right into Southern Spain, and conquered it with not much of a problem. France was next, but the Frankish King, one Henry Martel, or Henry The Hammer...He was the great, great, great, great, great grandfather of Dave Shultz.....defeated the Moors at the Battle of Touren.., and pushed them back into Spain. The reason I stated this little tid-bit of information, is the fact that if the Morrs conquered France at that time, we may all be muslims, there was nothing left to stop them..The barbarians which were mostly Germanic were too busy slaying each other. The towns and countryside were dying by the millions from the bubonic plague, Rome was in shambles...I went off on this tangent just too show you the power that religion holds over the sheople..I could really go on and on about the dark ages, they were some dark ages..and in reality we as mostly European descent, don't really know how lucky we are to even be here..We were about one more catastrophic event from being totally annihilated.. I was using the above historical facts, so as to show how these people, even from the dark ages, try and put their beliefs on other people... There, how you like that Johnny Weiner Travollta..Here is what bothers me about these kinds of predators. They use their fame and their fortune to intimidate a young guy or girl, who is in their employ, or just performing their jobs..How many of these types of individuals did Travollta intimidate into perverted activities before these two came forward (hundreds, thousands), with the threat of them losing their jobs, some people would give into this pressure..Sons-Of-Bitches like him and Sandusky, and these Catholic priests ( I shouldn't even call them that, as they are not priests at all) using their so called celebrity or power to harm other people is more than shameful, it is disgraceful and a reason to hang their asses from the highest bridge.. If this society would just take it upon themselves to castrate these bastards and give them their balls to eat, that just might deter the next one I know some of you may be aghast at that last suggestion, but I learned it in 1964, when the Dominicans raided the U.S. Embassy, killed the killed the 12 Marines on embassy duty then castrated them and yep, sewed them into their mouths...We at Camp Lejeune were on red alert and ready to deploy, and I remember us all talking about what we were going to do.... this Simpleton thinks it would be a much nicer world, def. nicer and brighter than the dark ages...OK, right about now everybody is like, please shut him up today.. See what happens to me on a Friday without Vodka...Come on in, sit right down, baby let your mind roam on...Whack on Plain, you know I will be up home tomorrow..maybe you could hook up with us and help this young fella that is going in The Corps, with all you profound knowledge of things Marine...Going out with, Me, You, Floyd, Johnny McFARLANDS, and anybody else that was crazy enough to join the good old, U.S.M.C. (really means Uncle Sams Misguided Children)...., he will go AWOL before he hits the Island....
We're Off..I used a cliche in last nights TAPS and said time really does fly..Blat and Slat came back to the Ville and started throwing the clocks through the Pine Barrens, laughing their balls off..The parrot was flying by and one of the clocks hit him...I told Blat that the parrot got clocked..CHIT HAHAH!!,, OK OK, calm down you Simple fuck,,Blat just stared at me with a blank expression on his face, well come to think of it ,that is his normal look...The parrot was ARKING!!! I'M HIT!! I'M HIT!! What am I ten years old..PHEW!!
Pretty much wrapping things up here at the Ville, calls to make, bills not to be paid, nothing new with that shit...
Just saw where JOHN (VINNY BARBARINO) TRAVOLTA, was hitting on his masseuses, these people DO NOT, AND I MEAN DO NOT, live in the real world...(I do read above), I digress. Here is another fuck that should just go away..he has shot his load, literally...HERE IS THE BIG ONE (literally), HE IS ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE ALIEN BELIEVING SCIENTOLOGISTS..!!!!!! Oh, how I love those idiots. Here is a religion based on the writing of Ron L. Hubbard, the author of one of the only books I ever got about halfway through, and said what the fuck am I reading...It was garbage, it was one mans view, and take on the universe and happenings and how you cannot fail and what you have to do to succeed and how you have to destroy everything you learned and learn his way, you know become a Scientologist.. Let me tell all my friends here at the Ville, as far as I am concerned you can be anything you want, you can worship whoever you want, you can be religious or non religious, I don't care, that is none of my business..but puleeezzzeee don't walk around with smugness that you and your beliefs are better than me and my beliefs, it don't resonate here..I cannot stand these pompous assholes in this scientology bullshit religion., I can't stand the muslim, ayatollahs and their mujaheddin, so called holy warriors, if you ain't with us you are against us philosophies..Leave people alone, let them worship as they see fit. Don't act better than them because they don't believe in aliens and allah.. Without no intention whatsoever of boring you, just let me say, that France sucks I know this, you know this, now you are saying where is this Simpleton going with France..Just for an instant, lets go back to the 5th century A.D., that is the century the Roman Empire finally crumbled, and the lights went out in Europe, yep, the beginning of the dark ages...In the 6th century A.D. the Arabian Peninsula was on fire as Muhammad was raiding up and down the coast and spreading, the religion of Islam, but also uniting the Arab tribes into his nation of islam... Right now you are like what the fuck is Simple doing, ahh just bear with me for a lifetime...The religion spread into Northern Africa and the Moors attacked Europe, right into Southern Spain, and conquered it with not much of a problem. France was next, but the Frankish King, one Henry Martel, or Henry The Hammer...He was the great, great, great, great, great grandfather of Dave Shultz.....defeated the Moors at the Battle of Touren.., and pushed them back into Spain. The reason I stated this little tid-bit of information, is the fact that if the Morrs conquered France at that time, we may all be muslims, there was nothing left to stop them..The barbarians which were mostly Germanic were too busy slaying each other. The towns and countryside were dying by the millions from the bubonic plague, Rome was in shambles...I went off on this tangent just too show you the power that religion holds over the sheople..I could really go on and on about the dark ages, they were some dark ages..and in reality we as mostly European descent, don't really know how lucky we are to even be here..We were about one more catastrophic event from being totally annihilated.. I was using the above historical facts, so as to show how these people, even from the dark ages, try and put their beliefs on other people... There, how you like that Johnny Weiner Travollta..Here is what bothers me about these kinds of predators. They use their fame and their fortune to intimidate a young guy or girl, who is in their employ, or just performing their jobs..How many of these types of individuals did Travollta intimidate into perverted activities before these two came forward (hundreds, thousands), with the threat of them losing their jobs, some people would give into this pressure..Sons-Of-Bitches like him and Sandusky, and these Catholic priests ( I shouldn't even call them that, as they are not priests at all) using their so called celebrity or power to harm other people is more than shameful, it is disgraceful and a reason to hang their asses from the highest bridge.. If this society would just take it upon themselves to castrate these bastards and give them their balls to eat, that just might deter the next one I know some of you may be aghast at that last suggestion, but I learned it in 1964, when the Dominicans raided the U.S. Embassy, killed the killed the 12 Marines on embassy duty then castrated them and yep, sewed them into their mouths...We at Camp Lejeune were on red alert and ready to deploy, and I remember us all talking about what we were going to do.... this Simpleton thinks it would be a much nicer world, def. nicer and brighter than the dark ages...OK, right about now everybody is like, please shut him up today.. See what happens to me on a Friday without Vodka...Come on in, sit right down, baby let your mind roam on...Whack on Plain, you know I will be up home tomorrow..maybe you could hook up with us and help this young fella that is going in The Corps, with all you profound knowledge of things Marine...Going out with, Me, You, Floyd, Johnny McFARLANDS, and anybody else that was crazy enough to join the good old, U.S.M.C. (really means Uncle Sams Misguided Children)...., he will go AWOL before he hits the Island....
Thursday, May 10, 2012
"Today Is The 10th Day Of May In The Year Of Our Lord 2012."
"It Is Now Post Time."
We're Off...Today being the 10th of May. I would like to begin by asking a question..Do the Mexicans celebrate their New Year twice today..Deca DeMayo, or something of that nature...How come there are different New Years Days? Isn't the New Year the New Year. Why is there Mexican New Year, and Chinese New Year, and Bonnobo New Year??...Little known fact: On Bonnobo New Year, all the Bonnobo Monkeys, start screwing at the stroke of midnight, that is not hard, because they had been screwing since the stroke of midnight the night before..Them Bonnobo's are some amazing monkeys..they hardly stop screwing long enough to eat, and yet they eat more wild banana's than any of their other monkey cousins. The reason for this, is the little known fact the banana represents a phallic symbol in Bonnobo society, therefore when they are not screwing, they are eating a phallic symbol...When I finally wrap up the road trips with Phil, I may just pack up my gear, and take me one of them good looking Bonnobo chicks and head into the jungle and become one of them..I would be the Jane Goodall of Bonnobo society. I would go down in history as the greatest fucker of all times. I would no longer be asked if I was the Keebler Elf, nor would my name be ridiculed by the masses.. I would be King Simple...King Of The Bonobo's. I almost just said that I have to be smarter than a Bonnobo, but that is not necessarily true...They ain't out in this fucked up society working every day like us sheople, so we can make money to eat, sleep somewhere, pay bills, have a little fun, then work all over again to do those things all over again...To me, this is not what people were put on earth to do..See Bonnobo society, now them monkeys know how to live...HEY E!! Hey Phil... YOU READY?? (I am afraid to say anything, his answers scare me early in the morning)..uhhmmmm, oh well, ready for what? HA! GOT YA!! WE ARE WORKING AT THE SHOP TODAY, REMEMBER YOU GOT REPS COMING IN FROM DOWN SOUTH?? Yeah, I know we got reps coming in from down south, they called me at six o'clock this morning to tell me they were in Washington...WHAT THE FUCK THEY DOING IN WASHINGTON?? THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO BE IN NEW JERMANY!! Yeah, they are driving here... WELL WHY ARE THEY IN WASHINGTON?? They weren't actually in Washington they were driving.........WHOA YOU SAID THEY WERE IN WASHINGTON, HOW COULD THEY NOT REALLY BE IN WAHSINGTON, IF THEY SAID THEY WERE IN WASHINGTON..IF YOU ARE IN WASHINGTON YOU ARE IN WASHINGTON...head on the desk, shaking uncontrollably, almost in tears...please Phil, I am in the Ville trying to talk to my friends..HOW ARE YOU IN THE VILLE, YOUR HEAR WITH ME...YOUR AS BAD AS THOSE REPS. NONE OF YOU PEOPLE KNOW WHERE THE FUCK YOU ARE AND YOU KEEP TELLING PEOPLE WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS SOCIETY.. I'LL TELL YOU WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT, YOU ARE ALL LOST!!!!!! I KNOW I AM NUTS, BECAUSE I AM NUTS, BUT I AIN'T LOST... NO PHIL, YOU AIN'T FUCKIN LOST BECAUSE WHEREVER YOU GO THERE YOU ARE!! GO SEE IF YOU CAN GET LOST IN THE SHOP FOR ABOUT A DECADE!!! WHY YOU YELLIN SIMPLE, IT IS TO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO YELL..IF YOU YELL EARLY IN THE MORNING YOU CAN BREAK A BLOOD VESSEL IN YOUR NECK AND DIE....Pullllleeezzzze go to work and let me finish my coffee....OWWWWWWWWWW!!! FUCKIN COFFEE ON THE FUCKIN NUTS... Oh hello gentleman, uhhhmmm I am Simple and this is (uh-oh) Phil The Thrill From Cherry Hill....Oh your Phil The Thrill from Cherry Hill, we read Plain and Simple everyday, you are quite an interesting character, let's sit down and chat shall we Phil....SURE GUYS...HEY SIMPLE GET US A COFFEE WILL YA.....grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, no that ain't Sammy........!!!!!! PHEW!! the shit I gotta put up with around here.......this should be quite a meeting......
We're Off...Today being the 10th of May. I would like to begin by asking a question..Do the Mexicans celebrate their New Year twice today..Deca DeMayo, or something of that nature...How come there are different New Years Days? Isn't the New Year the New Year. Why is there Mexican New Year, and Chinese New Year, and Bonnobo New Year??...Little known fact: On Bonnobo New Year, all the Bonnobo Monkeys, start screwing at the stroke of midnight, that is not hard, because they had been screwing since the stroke of midnight the night before..Them Bonnobo's are some amazing monkeys..they hardly stop screwing long enough to eat, and yet they eat more wild banana's than any of their other monkey cousins. The reason for this, is the little known fact the banana represents a phallic symbol in Bonnobo society, therefore when they are not screwing, they are eating a phallic symbol...When I finally wrap up the road trips with Phil, I may just pack up my gear, and take me one of them good looking Bonnobo chicks and head into the jungle and become one of them..I would be the Jane Goodall of Bonnobo society. I would go down in history as the greatest fucker of all times. I would no longer be asked if I was the Keebler Elf, nor would my name be ridiculed by the masses.. I would be King Simple...King Of The Bonobo's. I almost just said that I have to be smarter than a Bonnobo, but that is not necessarily true...They ain't out in this fucked up society working every day like us sheople, so we can make money to eat, sleep somewhere, pay bills, have a little fun, then work all over again to do those things all over again...To me, this is not what people were put on earth to do..See Bonnobo society, now them monkeys know how to live...HEY E!! Hey Phil... YOU READY?? (I am afraid to say anything, his answers scare me early in the morning)..uhhmmmm, oh well, ready for what? HA! GOT YA!! WE ARE WORKING AT THE SHOP TODAY, REMEMBER YOU GOT REPS COMING IN FROM DOWN SOUTH?? Yeah, I know we got reps coming in from down south, they called me at six o'clock this morning to tell me they were in Washington...WHAT THE FUCK THEY DOING IN WASHINGTON?? THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO BE IN NEW JERMANY!! Yeah, they are driving here... WELL WHY ARE THEY IN WASHINGTON?? They weren't actually in Washington they were driving.........WHOA YOU SAID THEY WERE IN WASHINGTON, HOW COULD THEY NOT REALLY BE IN WAHSINGTON, IF THEY SAID THEY WERE IN WASHINGTON..IF YOU ARE IN WASHINGTON YOU ARE IN WASHINGTON...head on the desk, shaking uncontrollably, almost in tears...please Phil, I am in the Ville trying to talk to my friends..HOW ARE YOU IN THE VILLE, YOUR HEAR WITH ME...YOUR AS BAD AS THOSE REPS. NONE OF YOU PEOPLE KNOW WHERE THE FUCK YOU ARE AND YOU KEEP TELLING PEOPLE WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS SOCIETY.. I'LL TELL YOU WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT, YOU ARE ALL LOST!!!!!! I KNOW I AM NUTS, BECAUSE I AM NUTS, BUT I AIN'T LOST... NO PHIL, YOU AIN'T FUCKIN LOST BECAUSE WHEREVER YOU GO THERE YOU ARE!! GO SEE IF YOU CAN GET LOST IN THE SHOP FOR ABOUT A DECADE!!! WHY YOU YELLIN SIMPLE, IT IS TO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO YELL..IF YOU YELL EARLY IN THE MORNING YOU CAN BREAK A BLOOD VESSEL IN YOUR NECK AND DIE....Pullllleeezzzze go to work and let me finish my coffee....OWWWWWWWWWW!!! FUCKIN COFFEE ON THE FUCKIN NUTS... Oh hello gentleman, uhhhmmm I am Simple and this is (uh-oh) Phil The Thrill From Cherry Hill....Oh your Phil The Thrill from Cherry Hill, we read Plain and Simple everyday, you are quite an interesting character, let's sit down and chat shall we Phil....SURE GUYS...HEY SIMPLE GET US A COFFEE WILL YA.....grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, no that ain't Sammy........!!!!!! PHEW!! the shit I gotta put up with around here.......this should be quite a meeting......
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
"Today Is The 9th Day Of May In The Year Of Our Lord 2012."
It Is Now Post Time.
We're Off....Spoke to a Prince from Poland last night, said he may be commenting at the Ville in the near future, that could prove very interesting...Who was the guy on laugh in that said "HMM VERY INTERESTING.." little dude, I think he wore a soldiers uniform...Somebody better get it quick, because the Simpleton will think of it...I guess the TOADS or RINGERS, aren't whackin their balls today..YO! you shoulda seen that team,,Floyd, and Pat, and Butch and Babe and Monk and and what the fuck!! Kicked me and Dave aside like the trash they put in my golf bag...I don't know where the fuck they kicked Plain too, he was MIA..LOL!!! Me and Dave and Plain and Phil and Ferg and E Jr. are all taking classes in the fine art of ball whacking, well they are, I already am a champion whacker....Seriously the tournament is for a great cause and it was a great day...Proud that I could be there, and help in a small way...I am sure Gary (R.I.P.) was smilin down on us...The General he was roamin around the golf course like he was a General or somethin. Of course he hung with the RINGERS, just about said hello to me. I asked him if something was wrong and he said my salute was a little off to the left..Starting to dislike that General LOL!! I gotta run, hope you are feeling better Plain.. Jimmy Mc there are all kinds of pictures on fb. I will give you a call..lots of visitors..I am down the road with Phil The Thrill that is always a Thrill although I do have to mention my man had a 270 yard drive..all his other drives were pop ups in the infield....See ya later. On the road again, just can't wait to get on the road again, playing music with my friends, I can't wait to get on the road again..........! Be Back....
We're Off....Spoke to a Prince from Poland last night, said he may be commenting at the Ville in the near future, that could prove very interesting...Who was the guy on laugh in that said "HMM VERY INTERESTING.." little dude, I think he wore a soldiers uniform...Somebody better get it quick, because the Simpleton will think of it...I guess the TOADS or RINGERS, aren't whackin their balls today..YO! you shoulda seen that team,,Floyd, and Pat, and Butch and Babe and Monk and and what the fuck!! Kicked me and Dave aside like the trash they put in my golf bag...I don't know where the fuck they kicked Plain too, he was MIA..LOL!!! Me and Dave and Plain and Phil and Ferg and E Jr. are all taking classes in the fine art of ball whacking, well they are, I already am a champion whacker....Seriously the tournament is for a great cause and it was a great day...Proud that I could be there, and help in a small way...I am sure Gary (R.I.P.) was smilin down on us...The General he was roamin around the golf course like he was a General or somethin. Of course he hung with the RINGERS, just about said hello to me. I asked him if something was wrong and he said my salute was a little off to the left..Starting to dislike that General LOL!! I gotta run, hope you are feeling better Plain.. Jimmy Mc there are all kinds of pictures on fb. I will give you a call..lots of visitors..I am down the road with Phil The Thrill that is always a Thrill although I do have to mention my man had a 270 yard drive..all his other drives were pop ups in the infield....See ya later. On the road again, just can't wait to get on the road again, playing music with my friends, I can't wait to get on the road again..........! Be Back....
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
"Today Is The 8th Day Of May In The Year Of Our Lord 2012."
It Is Now Post Time.
We're Off...Way to go McHero, hold the flag up a few more days....Streebs is computer down, computer down...ME!!
OK real quick, because believe it, I am outta here again..Awake tonite, back up the Yunk..R.I.P. Jersey Joe. Yep, back up the old home town tonight..why do they call them Awake, that really is the furthest we will ever be from awake...anyway see below..
BIRTHWEEK. FIRST SURPRISE PARTY OF TEN OR AS PLAIN SAYS AT LEAST TWELVE. HEY GREAT SEEING YA FOR A MINUTE YESTERDAY OH JEDI KNIGHT....I GUESS YOU HAD A GAME AND DIDN'T SEE THE RIDICULE I HAD TO SUFFER..
DERBY DAY: FUCK UNION NAGS....
NORTHWEST VETERANS GOLF TOURNAMENT, AND YOU ALL KNOW I CAN'T BEHAVE, SO IF ANYONE WONDERS WHERE I HAVE BEEN, PLEASE READ ABOVE..
OK, about the ridicule...shhh, after the golf tournament, we had the buffet and gift and 50-50 and chances on all sorts of paraphernalia, well you think after 22 years and 22000 tries I would hit something, well Lo and Behold Floyd calls out a number and everyone says I have it...I look around because one of the girls Danielle that volunteers her time for the event asked me to hold her tickets..I think it may be hers, but now I think she was in on it..well I didn't see her so, I march well more like sauntered, you know yelling that I was always a winner..when I feel my hat being ripped off and Floyd handing me a certificate to go get a fucking haircut..YOU KIDDIN ME..Well that brought a few snickers from the crowd..but as I am walking away he calls out another number and Lo and Behold I got that one too...So I spin around once again yelling I told you all I was always a winner, when he hands me a golf bag, well I had a few vodkas (well maybe more than a few) and don't realize that it may have been used, as there was a little rip in the side and he was wrapping it around my neck from the stage and everybody is yelling speech speech, and I was yelling no fucking way...well I strut back to my spot in the back of the room and little do I know that my empty golf bag is now being filled as I pass each table SMIRKING like Plain..they are throwing empty beer bottles, bad tickets, paper cups and who knows what else in my bag...son-of-a bitch was getting heavy,,I looked at Butchie he was clapping his hands and laughing, he had tears coming down his face...I thought it was for my fuck you speech, but it was for the empty bottle of Vodka somebody threw in my bag...Fun was had by all.
Congrats to the Northwest Vets...Great Job Guys...Wonderful Group Of Great Human Beings...
Proud to be a small part of your organization.....
Hi Plain.. Gotta Go.. Maybe I will see you tonite....
We're Off...Way to go McHero, hold the flag up a few more days....Streebs is computer down, computer down...ME!!
OK real quick, because believe it, I am outta here again..Awake tonite, back up the Yunk..R.I.P. Jersey Joe. Yep, back up the old home town tonight..why do they call them Awake, that really is the furthest we will ever be from awake...anyway see below..
BIRTHWEEK. FIRST SURPRISE PARTY OF TEN OR AS PLAIN SAYS AT LEAST TWELVE. HEY GREAT SEEING YA FOR A MINUTE YESTERDAY OH JEDI KNIGHT....I GUESS YOU HAD A GAME AND DIDN'T SEE THE RIDICULE I HAD TO SUFFER..
DERBY DAY: FUCK UNION NAGS....
NORTHWEST VETERANS GOLF TOURNAMENT, AND YOU ALL KNOW I CAN'T BEHAVE, SO IF ANYONE WONDERS WHERE I HAVE BEEN, PLEASE READ ABOVE..
OK, about the ridicule...shhh, after the golf tournament, we had the buffet and gift and 50-50 and chances on all sorts of paraphernalia, well you think after 22 years and 22000 tries I would hit something, well Lo and Behold Floyd calls out a number and everyone says I have it...I look around because one of the girls Danielle that volunteers her time for the event asked me to hold her tickets..I think it may be hers, but now I think she was in on it..well I didn't see her so, I march well more like sauntered, you know yelling that I was always a winner..when I feel my hat being ripped off and Floyd handing me a certificate to go get a fucking haircut..YOU KIDDIN ME..Well that brought a few snickers from the crowd..but as I am walking away he calls out another number and Lo and Behold I got that one too...So I spin around once again yelling I told you all I was always a winner, when he hands me a golf bag, well I had a few vodkas (well maybe more than a few) and don't realize that it may have been used, as there was a little rip in the side and he was wrapping it around my neck from the stage and everybody is yelling speech speech, and I was yelling no fucking way...well I strut back to my spot in the back of the room and little do I know that my empty golf bag is now being filled as I pass each table SMIRKING like Plain..they are throwing empty beer bottles, bad tickets, paper cups and who knows what else in my bag...son-of-a bitch was getting heavy,,I looked at Butchie he was clapping his hands and laughing, he had tears coming down his face...I thought it was for my fuck you speech, but it was for the empty bottle of Vodka somebody threw in my bag...Fun was had by all.
Congrats to the Northwest Vets...Great Job Guys...Wonderful Group Of Great Human Beings...
Proud to be a small part of your organization.....
Hi Plain.. Gotta Go.. Maybe I will see you tonite....
Monday, May 7, 2012
Today is the 6th and 7th of May, 2012, A. D.
Saturday, May 5, 2012
"Today Is The 5th Day Of May "KENTUCKY DERBY DAY" In The Year Of Our Lord 2012."
COFFEE ON THE NUTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!YEOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Settle Down, no that COFFEE ON THE NUTS is not a horse!!! I thought I solved that problem.......If you solved that problem, then that wouldn't have happened, so you thought you solved the problem but you didn't solve the problem....(head on the desk), right Phil.. Please let me say Hi to everyone at the Ville, so I can run over to the OTB and bet some horses...OK, go ahead because if you don't get started you won't go....WHAT THE FUCK MAN!!! EVERY FUCKIN DAY!!! Sorry, Sorry Phil, I will be right there...I am going to wait outside, because if I wait in here I won't be outside....YES YES!! Please go out and get the critters bets...Phew the shit I gotta put up with around here.....OK DEEP BREATH...
It Is Now Post Time..
We're Off.
They will be off today in the 138th run for the roses, yep, THE KENTUCKY DERBY. I know you are all awaiting my wondrous picks for the day..Well, this may seem like a cop out, but here goes. This is what you want to bet...
Union Rags on top of the Exacta, bet all the other 19 for second..As you see I have no clue..Let me try and give you something..
Union Rags, Bodemeister (serious threat) Creative Cause (Dave's Pick) and he usually gets one out of the four, (I really didn't look at him that much till Dave gave me his picks, and he should be there.) Gemologist, undefeated, you gonna throw him out...see this is what I mean, this is tough and I ain't done yet..That looks like a good Super.... Remember it is a mile and a quarter and if someone is closing from way back and can get a piece of the superfecta, I like Dullahan.. It really would be amiss of me to leave Hansen out of the equation, as me and one Bobby Hansen, who had the original elf nickname, grew up together,joined the Marines together, went through Parris Island together, and were stationed at Lejeune togeter..gotta put him in somewhere..one oddity about this horse is, he is lime white..yep white, you see off white and gray but this horse is white..he might scare the other ones out of his way, just like the real Hansen..LOL, I have a friend, one Joe PainBridge (Who by the way, is President of the Northwest Veterans Association, and may I say one stand up human being..just don't tell him I said that..) who likes, or who says he likes..Daddy Long Legs..If this horse wins, I will have to hide at The Northwest Vets Golf Tournament Monday, PainBridge (oh, sorry, his real name is Bainbridge), I messed up (yeah right) is now costing me money, because I have got to bet something on this stinkin number 1 horse, Daddy fuckin Long Legs.....I know I will get there and put some more supers and tri's together but for now..bet your kids birthdays...LOL!!!
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLAIN AND SIMPLE, CITIZENS, CRITTERS, AND VISITORS TO THE VILLE..GIVE IT UP FOR DON FOGELBERG!!!!!!!
BORN IN THE VALLEY AND RAISED IN THE TREES
OF WESTERN KENTUCKY ON WOBBLY KNEES
WITH MOMMA BESIDE YOU TO HELP YOU ALONG
YOU'LL SOON BE A GROWIN UP STRONGGGGGGG
ALL THE LONG LAZY MORNINGS IN PASTURES OF GREEN
THE SUN ON YOUR WITHERS THE WIND IN YOUR MANE
TO BETTER PREPARE YOU FOR WHAT LIES AHEAD
THE RUN FOR THE ROSES SO RARE.
AND ITS RUN FOR THE ROSES AS FAST AS YOU CAN
YOUR FATE IS DELIVERED YOUR TIME IS AT HAND
IT'S A CHANCE OF A LIFETIME IN A LIFETIME OF CHANCE
AND IT'S HIGH TIME YOU JOINED IN THE DANCE
ITS HIGH TIME YOU JOINED IN THE DANCE!1
FROM SIRE TO SIRE IT'S BORN IN YOUR BLOOD
THE FIRE OF A MARE AND THE STRENGTH OF A STUD
IT'S BREEDING AND IT'S TRAINING AND IT'S SOMETHING UNKNOWN
THAT DRIVES YOU AND CARRIES YOU HOME..
AND IT'S RUN FOR THE ROSES AS FAST AS YOU CAN
YOUR FATE IS DELIVERED YOUR TIME IS AT HAND
IT'S A CHANCE OF A LIFETIME IN A LIFETIME OF CHANCE
AND ITS HIGH TIME YOU JOINED IN THE DANCE.
ITS HIGH TIME YOU JOIN IN THE DANCE......!!
If you have a little get together today or a party or are just going to sit and watch the race, do yourself a favor and google Run For The Roses a great song....
Great tribute song to the Greatest Race of many Great Races...The history, the pageantry and Simple's march to the post....Oh by the way I didn't win the Derby , Foolish Pleasure won the Derby that year..
I'm Off, not to see the wizard but to see the festivities, enjoy the day, enjoy the race, Or The Mexican New Year or whatever it is you enjoy.. Somebody hit this fuckin race please.........POOF!!!
Settle Down, no that COFFEE ON THE NUTS is not a horse!!! I thought I solved that problem.......If you solved that problem, then that wouldn't have happened, so you thought you solved the problem but you didn't solve the problem....(head on the desk), right Phil.. Please let me say Hi to everyone at the Ville, so I can run over to the OTB and bet some horses...OK, go ahead because if you don't get started you won't go....WHAT THE FUCK MAN!!! EVERY FUCKIN DAY!!! Sorry, Sorry Phil, I will be right there...I am going to wait outside, because if I wait in here I won't be outside....YES YES!! Please go out and get the critters bets...Phew the shit I gotta put up with around here.....OK DEEP BREATH...
It Is Now Post Time..
We're Off.
They will be off today in the 138th run for the roses, yep, THE KENTUCKY DERBY. I know you are all awaiting my wondrous picks for the day..Well, this may seem like a cop out, but here goes. This is what you want to bet...
Union Rags on top of the Exacta, bet all the other 19 for second..As you see I have no clue..Let me try and give you something..
Union Rags, Bodemeister (serious threat) Creative Cause (Dave's Pick) and he usually gets one out of the four, (I really didn't look at him that much till Dave gave me his picks, and he should be there.) Gemologist, undefeated, you gonna throw him out...see this is what I mean, this is tough and I ain't done yet..That looks like a good Super.... Remember it is a mile and a quarter and if someone is closing from way back and can get a piece of the superfecta, I like Dullahan.. It really would be amiss of me to leave Hansen out of the equation, as me and one Bobby Hansen, who had the original elf nickname, grew up together,joined the Marines together, went through Parris Island together, and were stationed at Lejeune togeter..gotta put him in somewhere..one oddity about this horse is, he is lime white..yep white, you see off white and gray but this horse is white..he might scare the other ones out of his way, just like the real Hansen..LOL, I have a friend, one Joe PainBridge (Who by the way, is President of the Northwest Veterans Association, and may I say one stand up human being..just don't tell him I said that..) who likes, or who says he likes..Daddy Long Legs..If this horse wins, I will have to hide at The Northwest Vets Golf Tournament Monday, PainBridge (oh, sorry, his real name is Bainbridge), I messed up (yeah right) is now costing me money, because I have got to bet something on this stinkin number 1 horse, Daddy fuckin Long Legs.....I know I will get there and put some more supers and tri's together but for now..bet your kids birthdays...LOL!!!
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLAIN AND SIMPLE, CITIZENS, CRITTERS, AND VISITORS TO THE VILLE..GIVE IT UP FOR DON FOGELBERG!!!!!!!
BORN IN THE VALLEY AND RAISED IN THE TREES
OF WESTERN KENTUCKY ON WOBBLY KNEES
WITH MOMMA BESIDE YOU TO HELP YOU ALONG
YOU'LL SOON BE A GROWIN UP STRONGGGGGGG
ALL THE LONG LAZY MORNINGS IN PASTURES OF GREEN
THE SUN ON YOUR WITHERS THE WIND IN YOUR MANE
TO BETTER PREPARE YOU FOR WHAT LIES AHEAD
THE RUN FOR THE ROSES SO RARE.
AND ITS RUN FOR THE ROSES AS FAST AS YOU CAN
YOUR FATE IS DELIVERED YOUR TIME IS AT HAND
IT'S A CHANCE OF A LIFETIME IN A LIFETIME OF CHANCE
AND IT'S HIGH TIME YOU JOINED IN THE DANCE
ITS HIGH TIME YOU JOINED IN THE DANCE!1
FROM SIRE TO SIRE IT'S BORN IN YOUR BLOOD
THE FIRE OF A MARE AND THE STRENGTH OF A STUD
IT'S BREEDING AND IT'S TRAINING AND IT'S SOMETHING UNKNOWN
THAT DRIVES YOU AND CARRIES YOU HOME..
AND IT'S RUN FOR THE ROSES AS FAST AS YOU CAN
YOUR FATE IS DELIVERED YOUR TIME IS AT HAND
IT'S A CHANCE OF A LIFETIME IN A LIFETIME OF CHANCE
AND ITS HIGH TIME YOU JOINED IN THE DANCE.
ITS HIGH TIME YOU JOIN IN THE DANCE......!!
If you have a little get together today or a party or are just going to sit and watch the race, do yourself a favor and google Run For The Roses a great song....
Great tribute song to the Greatest Race of many Great Races...The history, the pageantry and Simple's march to the post....Oh by the way I didn't win the Derby , Foolish Pleasure won the Derby that year..
I'm Off, not to see the wizard but to see the festivities, enjoy the day, enjoy the race, Or The Mexican New Year or whatever it is you enjoy.. Somebody hit this fuckin race please.........POOF!!!
Friday, May 4, 2012
"Today Is The 4th Day Of May In The Year Of Our Lord 2012."
It Is Now Post Time..
We're Off...Here is one of the songs I sang on the bus.. Actually the first one, because I knew I would captivate the crowd...Well in essence they had no choice they were on a bus to Kentucky and there was no leaving..kind of a captive audience.....Including Frank the bus driver...by the way he hung with me the whole time, and even came too see me in Philly, but once he caught the act in Philly, I kinda never heard from him again..Sorta like that Soldier, Detroit that Butch brought home that time, and we all woke up in the Upper Darby Jail..Detroit could start some shit man...Somebody once told me that back in the day, I started more fights than Stalin.. Well thank you God, for allowing me to change..no more of that shit..339 ass kickins is enough for any Simpleton...LOL!!!
MY OLD KENTUCKY HOME:: BY: STEPHEN F. FOSTER....
The sun shines bright in the old Kentucky home,
Tis summer the people are gay.....(originally it was the darkies are gay)
The corn-top's ripe and the meadow's in the bloom
While birds make music all the day...
The young folks roll on the little cabin floor
All merry, all happy and bright,
By'n by hard times comes a knocking at the door
Then my Old Kentucky home, Good nite
Weep no more my lady, Oh! Weep no more today!!
We will sing one song for my Old Kentucky Home.
For the old Kentucky Home far away.
The author, and lyricist...As Doc Holiday famously said too, Johnny Ringo in Tombstone..., Doc was playing the bar piano and slupin down bourbon after bourbon, when, Ringo leans on the piano and says..Who is that Stephen Fuckin Foster....and Doc looks up and says NO!! Johann Fuckin Bach!!!!! tempers flare and the movie just gets better....
Yes ladies and gentlemen Stephen F. Foster wrote my Old Kentucky Home and I don't believe that F. stands for Fuckin...He also wrote Way Down Upon The Swanny River...Little known fact ....The Swanny River, is located in Northern Kentucky, a stones throw from Rabbit Hash Kentucky, yep that Rabbit Hash, where a dog is the mayor...gotta go live there, has to govern better than humans..the Swanny river was noted for its clear water and the elegant swans that swam there and did various other non swan things.. They may be elegant, but they are nasty fuckin birds..like most birds...birds are by nature nasty (see posts about parrots)..Anyway that is how the Swanny got it's name because there were swans swimming, and fucking and eating and shitting in it constantly...It was just a natural progression that somebody would name it the Swan River, which is its real name, but to make verses rhyme and rhythm rhythm, Stephen Fuckin Foster used Swanny as the rivers name in his song...Cop out man, and I am outta here before the cops take me out...UHMMMM some picks on the Derby Plain...I say there are about ten horses out of the twenty that could win this thing..A descent trip is all Union Rags needs, and I have to stick by my prediction he will be the first Triple Crown winner since Affirmed...uh-oh- Uhmm 1978.. Think that was the last year for a Triple Crown,,Come on in..,Derby Day Approaching, Vodkaday postpones till tomorrow, and Plain's Favorite Holiday Mexican New Year......
We're Off...Here is one of the songs I sang on the bus.. Actually the first one, because I knew I would captivate the crowd...Well in essence they had no choice they were on a bus to Kentucky and there was no leaving..kind of a captive audience.....Including Frank the bus driver...by the way he hung with me the whole time, and even came too see me in Philly, but once he caught the act in Philly, I kinda never heard from him again..Sorta like that Soldier, Detroit that Butch brought home that time, and we all woke up in the Upper Darby Jail..Detroit could start some shit man...Somebody once told me that back in the day, I started more fights than Stalin.. Well thank you God, for allowing me to change..no more of that shit..339 ass kickins is enough for any Simpleton...LOL!!!
MY OLD KENTUCKY HOME:: BY: STEPHEN F. FOSTER....
The sun shines bright in the old Kentucky home,
Tis summer the people are gay.....(originally it was the darkies are gay)
The corn-top's ripe and the meadow's in the bloom
While birds make music all the day...
The young folks roll on the little cabin floor
All merry, all happy and bright,
By'n by hard times comes a knocking at the door
Then my Old Kentucky home, Good nite
Weep no more my lady, Oh! Weep no more today!!
We will sing one song for my Old Kentucky Home.
For the old Kentucky Home far away.
The author, and lyricist...As Doc Holiday famously said too, Johnny Ringo in Tombstone..., Doc was playing the bar piano and slupin down bourbon after bourbon, when, Ringo leans on the piano and says..Who is that Stephen Fuckin Foster....and Doc looks up and says NO!! Johann Fuckin Bach!!!!! tempers flare and the movie just gets better....
Yes ladies and gentlemen Stephen F. Foster wrote my Old Kentucky Home and I don't believe that F. stands for Fuckin...He also wrote Way Down Upon The Swanny River...Little known fact ....The Swanny River, is located in Northern Kentucky, a stones throw from Rabbit Hash Kentucky, yep that Rabbit Hash, where a dog is the mayor...gotta go live there, has to govern better than humans..the Swanny river was noted for its clear water and the elegant swans that swam there and did various other non swan things.. They may be elegant, but they are nasty fuckin birds..like most birds...birds are by nature nasty (see posts about parrots)..Anyway that is how the Swanny got it's name because there were swans swimming, and fucking and eating and shitting in it constantly...It was just a natural progression that somebody would name it the Swan River, which is its real name, but to make verses rhyme and rhythm rhythm, Stephen Fuckin Foster used Swanny as the rivers name in his song...Cop out man, and I am outta here before the cops take me out...UHMMMM some picks on the Derby Plain...I say there are about ten horses out of the twenty that could win this thing..A descent trip is all Union Rags needs, and I have to stick by my prediction he will be the first Triple Crown winner since Affirmed...uh-oh- Uhmm 1978.. Think that was the last year for a Triple Crown,,Come on in..,Derby Day Approaching, Vodkaday postpones till tomorrow, and Plain's Favorite Holiday Mexican New Year......
Thursday, May 3, 2012
"Today Is The 3rd Day Of May In The Year Of Our Lord 2012."
It Is Now Post Time.
We're Off.... Say good-bye today, to an old friend, and a Burgerville icon..Jersey Joe Ferraro, (R.I.P.)..To CJ and Stacey, and the Ferraro, family he is in a better place and is in our prayers...
Little known fact, back in the old days, that is what we used too say before, back in the day became vogue...Jersey joined the Army. Now that I think of it, I think everybody that hung at BurgerVille was in the service Jersey was sent to boot camp at Fort Dix, New Jersey, came home on leave and was sent to his duty station in Clementon, New Jersey..for the next three years he was up BurgerVille more than the civilians..Thus the name Jersey Joe, he was in the Army for three years and never left New Jersey...LOL!! See you on the clouds Jersey..
Marching, into April, and here came Miss May..already rolling along here, for KENTUCKY DERBY DAY!! Doing this today, because I have a little bit of time, which I don't usually have unless I am hiding somewhere..We have 2 days 9 hours and 1 minute till post, so we better get ready....because if you are not ready, you can't be ready.. My favorite bet on Derby Day was the 2.00 Superfecta Box and the 2.00, 4 horse tri-fecta box..let me explain.. When you bet a superfecta you have to pick four horses they have to come in 1,2,3,4.. now you box them that means which ever way they finish you win..that bet for 2.00 is 48.00 you would get the whole payout..Now if you did it for a dollar it would be 24.00 and you would get half the payout..OK, now the caveat..If you bet a four horse superfecta box..you have too take those same 4 horses and bet them in a trifecta box...Why?? what if three of them come in and you don't have it, and it pays 48,000.00 need I say more.. So, what you do is take your four picks and get a 2.00 or 1.00 trifecta box..Both of these bets combines would be either 48.00 or 96.00....48.00 would get you half the payoff...96.00 would get you the whole price.. Not everyone will agree with me on this, but in this particular race the payouts usually justify this type of bet.....I don't know for sure but they may have .10 superfecta's I will find out because in this race they would be justified..I know a lot of my friends are gagging on that one, me talking about .10 superfecta's LOL!! they pay back 10% and only cost 2.40 to box 4 horses, hell I will take 10% of 180,000.00 right about now...They do not have .10 trifecta boxes..
Movin on, I have a picture on the bunker wall of Churchill Downs, the inscription reads, The Kentucky Derby the most exciting two minutes of your life with your clothes on....Now, that is pretty significant because it is certainly exciting, especially if you have those four horse up front in the stretch, but I have to take exception to the two minute theory, as SECRETARIAT!! ran it in under two minutes....!! that is incredible. I don't think that will ever happen again..Remember these horses are three years old, never ran a mile and a quarter, and it is a crowd at 20 horses....Pick some Supers, then invest a little money on your favorite numbers, the Kentucky Derby is the hardest horse race of the year to handicap, better off playing birthdays..LOL!!! Talk too you later....A-Z anything Kentucky...
A.
B.Betting, read above..of course that is one mans theory on betting this race, and don't forget that man is a Simpleton.
C-Churchill Downs, home of the Kentucky Derby, and the second oldest race track in America.. Anybody know the oldest?? Anybody know the third oldest?? Plain anybody...and don't look it up..I didn't get the oldest but I got the next two..2nd. Churchill Downs, 3rd?? where are ya Plain.. whacking off again...
D-Down Under, when I went to the Kentucky Derby, I rode in a bus with 50 other people all friends and family, now this was in the seventies, and I had coolers full of Miller High Life..Well before we even got on the Turnpike I was upfront with the bus driver, I had a guitar and the microphone from the bus..I was slipping him beers and he was singing his heart out with me...Yep, Frank the bus driver...When we finally get to Pittsburgh, his relief driver is trying to get on the bus, but he tells them he is going with us...Yep, took the bus driver too the Derby with us...Get too Cincinnati and it is 6AM they tell me we are stopping for breakfast, so the people start departing the bus when the Simpleton, realizes they will all be in front of him and Frank his new found friend the bus driver and I am starving, so I grab him and off the bus we go, fuckin AIRBORNE,,Hit the ground and a friend of mine who was the head of the largest law firm in New Jersey and a fighter pilot during WW II one Art Montanna. (R.I.P.) my friend, comes running over, Ernie you ok...I got the bus driver on my back, I think I broke my fuckin leg broken beer bottle, and yell, DO I LOOK OK ART!! I digress..anyway Down Under, is the part of Churchill where they laid the bricks to build the original track, it is under the stands (thus down under) well let me tell ya baby that is where the party is...Sooo, I find down under and the ladies with the hats on the mint juleps, in other words I find the Kentucky Derby...Now, we have an owners box with 12 seats that cost 12,000.00 each..I take a look at it sit down and ask Kirk Douglas and John Wayne if they want to go to the real party..then proceed to ask them if they want a taste of my mint julep or do they just want to eat the sprig...Wifey has had it with the Simpleton by then (You believe that) Soooo back under I go...Now, I can't find anybody so I just join the next group of revelers and get a few more juleps, and a few more songs, and and and I hear the call It Is Now Post Time..and everyone down under starts running to wherever they are going to watch the race..Well, and this is a good one, I somehow get turned around and as they are playing my Old Kentucky Home I am surrounded by horses and jockeys and lead ponies, yep I am in the post parade, and don't realize it, until I walk out onto the track.. I start waving and yelling to everybody in the box...Wifey puts her head down, and John Wayne and Kirkie boy are pointing and waving...Ladies and Gentlemen if I am not a lunatic the word does not exist... by the way I met another friend on the bus, one Larry McMullen, reporter from the daily news (R.I.P.) my friend...and he wrote about the Simpletons adventures in the Daily News the next day..LOL!!
We're Off.... Say good-bye today, to an old friend, and a Burgerville icon..Jersey Joe Ferraro, (R.I.P.)..To CJ and Stacey, and the Ferraro, family he is in a better place and is in our prayers...
Little known fact, back in the old days, that is what we used too say before, back in the day became vogue...Jersey joined the Army. Now that I think of it, I think everybody that hung at BurgerVille was in the service Jersey was sent to boot camp at Fort Dix, New Jersey, came home on leave and was sent to his duty station in Clementon, New Jersey..for the next three years he was up BurgerVille more than the civilians..Thus the name Jersey Joe, he was in the Army for three years and never left New Jersey...LOL!! See you on the clouds Jersey..
Marching, into April, and here came Miss May..already rolling along here, for KENTUCKY DERBY DAY!! Doing this today, because I have a little bit of time, which I don't usually have unless I am hiding somewhere..We have 2 days 9 hours and 1 minute till post, so we better get ready....because if you are not ready, you can't be ready.. My favorite bet on Derby Day was the 2.00 Superfecta Box and the 2.00, 4 horse tri-fecta box..let me explain.. When you bet a superfecta you have to pick four horses they have to come in 1,2,3,4.. now you box them that means which ever way they finish you win..that bet for 2.00 is 48.00 you would get the whole payout..Now if you did it for a dollar it would be 24.00 and you would get half the payout..OK, now the caveat..If you bet a four horse superfecta box..you have too take those same 4 horses and bet them in a trifecta box...Why?? what if three of them come in and you don't have it, and it pays 48,000.00 need I say more.. So, what you do is take your four picks and get a 2.00 or 1.00 trifecta box..Both of these bets combines would be either 48.00 or 96.00....48.00 would get you half the payoff...96.00 would get you the whole price.. Not everyone will agree with me on this, but in this particular race the payouts usually justify this type of bet.....I don't know for sure but they may have .10 superfecta's I will find out because in this race they would be justified..I know a lot of my friends are gagging on that one, me talking about .10 superfecta's LOL!! they pay back 10% and only cost 2.40 to box 4 horses, hell I will take 10% of 180,000.00 right about now...They do not have .10 trifecta boxes..
Movin on, I have a picture on the bunker wall of Churchill Downs, the inscription reads, The Kentucky Derby the most exciting two minutes of your life with your clothes on....Now, that is pretty significant because it is certainly exciting, especially if you have those four horse up front in the stretch, but I have to take exception to the two minute theory, as SECRETARIAT!! ran it in under two minutes....!! that is incredible. I don't think that will ever happen again..Remember these horses are three years old, never ran a mile and a quarter, and it is a crowd at 20 horses....Pick some Supers, then invest a little money on your favorite numbers, the Kentucky Derby is the hardest horse race of the year to handicap, better off playing birthdays..LOL!!! Talk too you later....A-Z anything Kentucky...
A.
B.Betting, read above..of course that is one mans theory on betting this race, and don't forget that man is a Simpleton.
C-Churchill Downs, home of the Kentucky Derby, and the second oldest race track in America.. Anybody know the oldest?? Anybody know the third oldest?? Plain anybody...and don't look it up..I didn't get the oldest but I got the next two..2nd. Churchill Downs, 3rd?? where are ya Plain.. whacking off again...
D-Down Under, when I went to the Kentucky Derby, I rode in a bus with 50 other people all friends and family, now this was in the seventies, and I had coolers full of Miller High Life..Well before we even got on the Turnpike I was upfront with the bus driver, I had a guitar and the microphone from the bus..I was slipping him beers and he was singing his heart out with me...Yep, Frank the bus driver...When we finally get to Pittsburgh, his relief driver is trying to get on the bus, but he tells them he is going with us...Yep, took the bus driver too the Derby with us...Get too Cincinnati and it is 6AM they tell me we are stopping for breakfast, so the people start departing the bus when the Simpleton, realizes they will all be in front of him and Frank his new found friend the bus driver and I am starving, so I grab him and off the bus we go, fuckin AIRBORNE,,Hit the ground and a friend of mine who was the head of the largest law firm in New Jersey and a fighter pilot during WW II one Art Montanna. (R.I.P.) my friend, comes running over, Ernie you ok...I got the bus driver on my back, I think I broke my fuckin leg broken beer bottle, and yell, DO I LOOK OK ART!! I digress..anyway Down Under, is the part of Churchill where they laid the bricks to build the original track, it is under the stands (thus down under) well let me tell ya baby that is where the party is...Sooo, I find down under and the ladies with the hats on the mint juleps, in other words I find the Kentucky Derby...Now, we have an owners box with 12 seats that cost 12,000.00 each..I take a look at it sit down and ask Kirk Douglas and John Wayne if they want to go to the real party..then proceed to ask them if they want a taste of my mint julep or do they just want to eat the sprig...Wifey has had it with the Simpleton by then (You believe that) Soooo back under I go...Now, I can't find anybody so I just join the next group of revelers and get a few more juleps, and a few more songs, and and and I hear the call It Is Now Post Time..and everyone down under starts running to wherever they are going to watch the race..Well, and this is a good one, I somehow get turned around and as they are playing my Old Kentucky Home I am surrounded by horses and jockeys and lead ponies, yep I am in the post parade, and don't realize it, until I walk out onto the track.. I start waving and yelling to everybody in the box...Wifey puts her head down, and John Wayne and Kirkie boy are pointing and waving...Ladies and Gentlemen if I am not a lunatic the word does not exist... by the way I met another friend on the bus, one Larry McMullen, reporter from the daily news (R.I.P.) my friend...and he wrote about the Simpletons adventures in the Daily News the next day..LOL!!
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
"Today Is The 2nd Day Of May In The Year Of Our Lord 2012."
It Is Now Post Time.
We're Off....I think when I finally lock up this bunker and run off into some sunset somewhere, I am going too start claiming all of these prizes, I win every day...It is amazing the amount of prizes I am given every day through the internet, and through the mail.. If I start claiming this shit, it would be a full time job..I came into the Ville this morning and there was a big wheel telling me I win whatever prize the needle falls on, so I in all of my Simpleness spin the fucking thing..and it says no money prize this time, but call this number for your free T Shirt, and your annual dues too the spin of fortune club...So I call this number and a sexy voice answers, sorta like Plains voice, GAG!! Hello Mr. Keebler, (how the hell did she know it was me??) fuckin internet is unbelievable.) I see where you signed up for the Spin Of Fortune Club, CONGRATULATIONS, on winning your T Shirt, we will be sending that too two Linda Lane is that correct....Yep...OK, then Mr. Keebler we would like too send one of our techs out to check your phone system and install your new one, when would you be available?? Let's see when would I be available.. AH,, ten o'clock tonite...Oh, I am sorry our techs only work till 5...AH, well,, can I talk too a supervisor...Sure, is there a problem?? Let me talk to a supervisor please...HELLO MR. KEEBLER.. Mr. Keebler is dead, this is Ernie.. Who am I speaking with?? ED ED McGILL!! Hey Eddie, if you or your fucking scam artists call or come into my blog again, I am going to hunt you down like the cur you are...You have wasted an hour and a half of my time, I do that enough I don't need any help...OH,, SORRY YOU FEEL THAT WAY MR. KEEBLER WE WILL REMOVE YOU FROM OUR FILES..You do that Eddie, and don't forget to send me my T Shirt...What the fuck man, no wonder when you try and do a legitimate business transaction the sheople are leery of ya.....I remember when tele marketing was a huge booming business.. Like the first time I got one, I was listening too all the bullshit as to how I was going to make money and this product could not fail and what is my credit card number...Then after about a month or so of these obnoxious phone calls and maxed out credit cards LOL!! I called it quits, but the calls continued, so I just kept ordering on a bad credit card..Then those calls started. This is American Express, NO IT AIN'T, you don't have any Americans working for you, you lying fuck...What do you want?? You have charges here that were not paid on time..I guess you are going to have too put me in jail..SLAM...Yo, you wanna talk about loan sharking, how about them credit cards...they can be dangerous...I am going to give you a little test..because I have done it and am still doing it...Try living your everyday life without one...You can't get a room, you can't get an airline ticket, you can't even rent a truck....If you think I am not serious try it..I actually had a hotel tell me they didn't take cash....I actually had too get a certified check to rent a truck....Check it out!! Enjoy the day everybody and spend baby spend..LOL!!!
We're Off....I think when I finally lock up this bunker and run off into some sunset somewhere, I am going too start claiming all of these prizes, I win every day...It is amazing the amount of prizes I am given every day through the internet, and through the mail.. If I start claiming this shit, it would be a full time job..I came into the Ville this morning and there was a big wheel telling me I win whatever prize the needle falls on, so I in all of my Simpleness spin the fucking thing..and it says no money prize this time, but call this number for your free T Shirt, and your annual dues too the spin of fortune club...So I call this number and a sexy voice answers, sorta like Plains voice, GAG!! Hello Mr. Keebler, (how the hell did she know it was me??) fuckin internet is unbelievable.) I see where you signed up for the Spin Of Fortune Club, CONGRATULATIONS, on winning your T Shirt, we will be sending that too two Linda Lane is that correct....Yep...OK, then Mr. Keebler we would like too send one of our techs out to check your phone system and install your new one, when would you be available?? Let's see when would I be available.. AH,, ten o'clock tonite...Oh, I am sorry our techs only work till 5...AH, well,, can I talk too a supervisor...Sure, is there a problem?? Let me talk to a supervisor please...HELLO MR. KEEBLER.. Mr. Keebler is dead, this is Ernie.. Who am I speaking with?? ED ED McGILL!! Hey Eddie, if you or your fucking scam artists call or come into my blog again, I am going to hunt you down like the cur you are...You have wasted an hour and a half of my time, I do that enough I don't need any help...OH,, SORRY YOU FEEL THAT WAY MR. KEEBLER WE WILL REMOVE YOU FROM OUR FILES..You do that Eddie, and don't forget to send me my T Shirt...What the fuck man, no wonder when you try and do a legitimate business transaction the sheople are leery of ya.....I remember when tele marketing was a huge booming business.. Like the first time I got one, I was listening too all the bullshit as to how I was going to make money and this product could not fail and what is my credit card number...Then after about a month or so of these obnoxious phone calls and maxed out credit cards LOL!! I called it quits, but the calls continued, so I just kept ordering on a bad credit card..Then those calls started. This is American Express, NO IT AIN'T, you don't have any Americans working for you, you lying fuck...What do you want?? You have charges here that were not paid on time..I guess you are going to have too put me in jail..SLAM...Yo, you wanna talk about loan sharking, how about them credit cards...they can be dangerous...I am going to give you a little test..because I have done it and am still doing it...Try living your everyday life without one...You can't get a room, you can't get an airline ticket, you can't even rent a truck....If you think I am not serious try it..I actually had a hotel tell me they didn't take cash....I actually had too get a certified check to rent a truck....Check it out!! Enjoy the day everybody and spend baby spend..LOL!!!
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
"Today Is The 1st Day Of May In The Year Of Our Lord. 2012."
"It Is Now Post Time."
We're Off...Mayyyy Sheee Willl Staayyyy...How about in years past, how bad we would be pining for May, never really left this year. Global Warming or something of that nature?? A little business here this morning as April ended on an uptick here at Plain and Simple, and we scored 2285 visitors, smashing the old record of 1985, set in the first month of the Ville's inception, once again I would like to thank, Plain and Simple, for without one there wouldn't be the other..I would like to thank our citizens, especially, Strebor and McCitizen..and I would like to thank the many visitors that come into the Ville and look around.. In ending I would like too say, Who the fuck reads this shit???LOL!!
OK SWOOOOOOOOOSHHHHHH!! Thereeeeeeee goessssssssss Aprilllllllllll !!!! Wow, they sure do have a way of sneakin past ya when ya ain't a lookin....
Phillie Check: Come on everybody, don't give up the ship it is hard too replace 65 home runs and 200 or more rbi's in a lineup...and with Utley and Howard out, that is what they are doing.., even if they had one of those guys in the lineup it could translate into another 2 or 3 wins and they would be about 2 or 3 games out of first..These guys are doing their best, and I honestly think, they are pressing...they have good ballplayers on this team, and top of the line pitching.. I still say they are World Series Bound, and they will win it...Now, you say, here he goes with his predictions, because he knows if that happens, he is probably the only one saying it right now...YEP,, you caught me, that is the Simpleton's modus operendi., Lay it out there and if it happens he looks like a genius, and if it doesn't, well everybody already knows he is a Simpleton.(or is he muhahhhahh)..The Simpleton Knows......
Movin right along, those Slavs tried to get out of here last night, it was total chaos. Greeny was ARKIN!! Let them go, more room for us..Let them go, more room for us..I hate that parrot...Anyway, I tackled Blat, pulled my oblique, and am on the 15 day DL, right about now everybody at the Ville knows what DL means...but, I digres..I promised them more time in the classroom, yeah right, teaching them this fucked up language..I don't even understand this language..Some dude from Latvia told me and Phil it was an easy language to learn..Phil says, yeah left.. The guy says that would be, yeah right...I said, here it goes....Phil says, if it is left it can't be right..I know that if it is left it can't be right..Well, then there ya go, it is yeah left...Guy is staring in disbelief, then he says..yeah right..and walks away.. Phil is yelling no, yeah left...2285 visitors read this shit...that boggles what little mind I have left....Alright I gotta git....For the first day of May, let's play MayDay. MayDay....anything too do with May, or May, May be in it..git it....
MayDay
MayProcession..Bring flowers of the rarest, bring flowers of the fairest..McSinger and Plain know the rest..
MayPo. What ever happened to MayPo..
May I?? Know you May not...HA!! and you all thought I had no etiquette. Enjoy a rainy MayDay, it is the only one you got......
We're Off...Mayyyy Sheee Willl Staayyyy...How about in years past, how bad we would be pining for May, never really left this year. Global Warming or something of that nature?? A little business here this morning as April ended on an uptick here at Plain and Simple, and we scored 2285 visitors, smashing the old record of 1985, set in the first month of the Ville's inception, once again I would like to thank, Plain and Simple, for without one there wouldn't be the other..I would like to thank our citizens, especially, Strebor and McCitizen..and I would like to thank the many visitors that come into the Ville and look around.. In ending I would like too say, Who the fuck reads this shit???LOL!!
OK SWOOOOOOOOOSHHHHHH!! Thereeeeeeee goessssssssss Aprilllllllllll !!!! Wow, they sure do have a way of sneakin past ya when ya ain't a lookin....
Phillie Check: Come on everybody, don't give up the ship it is hard too replace 65 home runs and 200 or more rbi's in a lineup...and with Utley and Howard out, that is what they are doing.., even if they had one of those guys in the lineup it could translate into another 2 or 3 wins and they would be about 2 or 3 games out of first..These guys are doing their best, and I honestly think, they are pressing...they have good ballplayers on this team, and top of the line pitching.. I still say they are World Series Bound, and they will win it...Now, you say, here he goes with his predictions, because he knows if that happens, he is probably the only one saying it right now...YEP,, you caught me, that is the Simpleton's modus operendi., Lay it out there and if it happens he looks like a genius, and if it doesn't, well everybody already knows he is a Simpleton.(or is he muhahhhahh)..The Simpleton Knows......
Movin right along, those Slavs tried to get out of here last night, it was total chaos. Greeny was ARKIN!! Let them go, more room for us..Let them go, more room for us..I hate that parrot...Anyway, I tackled Blat, pulled my oblique, and am on the 15 day DL, right about now everybody at the Ville knows what DL means...but, I digres..I promised them more time in the classroom, yeah right, teaching them this fucked up language..I don't even understand this language..Some dude from Latvia told me and Phil it was an easy language to learn..Phil says, yeah left.. The guy says that would be, yeah right...I said, here it goes....Phil says, if it is left it can't be right..I know that if it is left it can't be right..Well, then there ya go, it is yeah left...Guy is staring in disbelief, then he says..yeah right..and walks away.. Phil is yelling no, yeah left...2285 visitors read this shit...that boggles what little mind I have left....Alright I gotta git....For the first day of May, let's play MayDay. MayDay....anything too do with May, or May, May be in it..git it....
MayDay
MayProcession..Bring flowers of the rarest, bring flowers of the fairest..McSinger and Plain know the rest..
MayPo. What ever happened to MayPo..
May I?? Know you May not...HA!! and you all thought I had no etiquette. Enjoy a rainy MayDay, it is the only one you got......
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