"It Is Now Post Time."
We're Off...Today being the 10th of May. I would like to begin by asking a question..Do the Mexicans celebrate their New Year twice today..Deca DeMayo, or something of that nature...How come there are different New Years Days? Isn't the New Year the New Year. Why is there Mexican New Year, and Chinese New Year, and Bonnobo New Year??...Little known fact: On Bonnobo New Year, all the Bonnobo Monkeys, start screwing at the stroke of midnight, that is not hard, because they had been screwing since the stroke of midnight the night before..Them Bonnobo's are some amazing monkeys..they hardly stop screwing long enough to eat, and yet they eat more wild banana's than any of their other monkey cousins. The reason for this, is the little known fact the banana represents a phallic symbol in Bonnobo society, therefore when they are not screwing, they are eating a phallic symbol...When I finally wrap up the road trips with Phil, I may just pack up my gear, and take me one of them good looking Bonnobo chicks and head into the jungle and become one of them..I would be the Jane Goodall of Bonnobo society. I would go down in history as the greatest fucker of all times. I would no longer be asked if I was the Keebler Elf, nor would my name be ridiculed by the masses.. I would be King Simple...King Of The Bonobo's. I almost just said that I have to be smarter than a Bonnobo, but that is not necessarily true...They ain't out in this fucked up society working every day like us sheople, so we can make money to eat, sleep somewhere, pay bills, have a little fun, then work all over again to do those things all over again...To me, this is not what people were put on earth to do..See Bonnobo society, now them monkeys know how to live...HEY E!! Hey Phil... YOU READY?? (I am afraid to say anything, his answers scare me early in the morning)..uhhmmmm, oh well, ready for what? HA! GOT YA!! WE ARE WORKING AT THE SHOP TODAY, REMEMBER YOU GOT REPS COMING IN FROM DOWN SOUTH?? Yeah, I know we got reps coming in from down south, they called me at six o'clock this morning to tell me they were in Washington...WHAT THE FUCK THEY DOING IN WASHINGTON?? THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO BE IN NEW JERMANY!! Yeah, they are driving here... WELL WHY ARE THEY IN WASHINGTON?? They weren't actually in Washington they were driving.........WHOA YOU SAID THEY WERE IN WASHINGTON, HOW COULD THEY NOT REALLY BE IN WAHSINGTON, IF THEY SAID THEY WERE IN WASHINGTON..IF YOU ARE IN WASHINGTON YOU ARE IN WASHINGTON...head on the desk, shaking uncontrollably, almost in tears...please Phil, I am in the Ville trying to talk to my friends..HOW ARE YOU IN THE VILLE, YOUR HEAR WITH ME...YOUR AS BAD AS THOSE REPS. NONE OF YOU PEOPLE KNOW WHERE THE FUCK YOU ARE AND YOU KEEP TELLING PEOPLE WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS SOCIETY.. I'LL TELL YOU WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT, YOU ARE ALL LOST!!!!!! I KNOW I AM NUTS, BECAUSE I AM NUTS, BUT I AIN'T LOST... NO PHIL, YOU AIN'T FUCKIN LOST BECAUSE WHEREVER YOU GO THERE YOU ARE!! GO SEE IF YOU CAN GET LOST IN THE SHOP FOR ABOUT A DECADE!!! WHY YOU YELLIN SIMPLE, IT IS TO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO YELL..IF YOU YELL EARLY IN THE MORNING YOU CAN BREAK A BLOOD VESSEL IN YOUR NECK AND DIE....Pullllleeezzzze go to work and let me finish my coffee....OWWWWWWWWWW!!! FUCKIN COFFEE ON THE FUCKIN NUTS... Oh hello gentleman, uhhhmmm I am Simple and this is (uh-oh) Phil The Thrill From Cherry Hill....Oh your Phil The Thrill from Cherry Hill, we read Plain and Simple everyday, you are quite an interesting character, let's sit down and chat shall we Phil....SURE GUYS...HEY SIMPLE GET US A COFFEE WILL YA.....grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, no that ain't Sammy........!!!!!! PHEW!! the shit I gotta put up with around here.......this should be quite a meeting......
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Really delving into the minds of the Bonnabo's, they are extremely sexual creatures, they are not only constantly in a sexual act, but they don't care if it is male, female or neuter..I can't be a Bonnabo, ain't no fuckin way, I am hookin up with some hairy ape guy...the hairy ape woman would be alright.. Little known fact, I once met a woman in Key West, she had whiskers, yep, she needed a shave.., she told me she was what they call hirusite, meaning she grew hair where woman don't normally grow hair, like on her face..She had these really beautiful green eyes and had the body of a model..All I was thinking about was Gillete Foamy, and a good razor blade and I had myself a score, and score I did, in fact it was neat shaving her...SURE you knew there had to be a caveat in there somewhere, as I found out early the next day the more they shave the faster and hairier it grows back...I woke and she was laying on my arm...and you wanna talk about the wolfman or woman..well there it was..I don't have enough balls to chew my arm off, so I just knocked the lamp and drinks and food off the table next to the bed..She jumped up and I jumped up and grabbed my pants and ran out the fuckin door..I got half way down Duval Street and remembered it was my room...I went in Rum Runners for about 5 hours trying to figure out what I was going to do...Finally walk back figuring I just gotta tell her to leave as I am not into woman with beards on their faces.., well when I get back to my room she is gone and so are my fucking clothes...not that I had that many...and there was a bottle of Gilette Foamy and Razor and a note that read...You never know where I may turn up, maybe hair today maybe hair tomorrow..Your life will never be the same every beard you see may be me..Maybe I will dress like a guy, maybe I won't..but one of these days I will get even with you in fact, maybe someday you will lose your hair.. How the fuck did she know that...I know one thing, for about five years after that, every time I saw somebody with a beard..I would say real low...gloria, gloria, (that was her name) some guys would look at me and say..what are you saying, and I would be like, oh nothin my man, just talkin to myself...then I saw two guys with beards talkin to each other and they came sauntering over too me together, and say did you call us gloria...Well as fate would have it, I about had it by then, paranoia is a terrible thing so fuck it....YEAH YOU BOTH LOOK LIKE A CHICK I WAS WITH ONE TIME....That's right there goes Simple and two bearded fucks out in the middle of South Street, this took place at Downey's..my man Jack got back to the bar and saw me and them firing at each other..and ran out and me and him did pretty good..Of course I was flagged at Downey's and he went back in, not a normal life man...not a normal life.
OK, leave a comment, wonder why they don't say take a comment..this language is fucked up..Was this really a week? Is tomorrow really Friday? not Vodkaday, not this week..Postponement until Saturday, Little Mikey McFARLANDS nephew joined The Marine Corps, and we are taking him out for a round of cool beverages Saturday..He is going to Parris Island in August, just like this Simpleton, wait till he gets a load of that place in August..Hell would probably describe it, Hell would describe it anytime...Hell don't quite get it in August, it is a little hotter on the Island than it is in Hell..Well maybe about the same temperature...oh yeah, and the sand fleas have their annual get together in August..You can't really explain that to someone, it ain't like you can say bring some off...Good luck to this young fella..Blat and Slat went to Medford Village Golf Course, yep, they just thought you walk on and start hitting stones and twigs, you gotta love those guys. Those Medfordites were probably shitting themselves. I told Blat and Slat to take the whole menagerie with them tomorrow, that was right after I picked them up on Rt. 70.. They were singing and struttin and tellin me how good they are, I know they stink, but I can't say anything, because I really don't know anybody that is worse than me..LOL!! Locking up the Ville, feel better Plain..Here comes Friday damn the 11th of May already..Time sure does fly...
Stay Out Of Harms Way My Friends.
TAPS
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