It Is Now Post Time.
We're Off...Visit last nights post!! See, See what he does to me,, smirks and walks away..I wish Sister Martina, woulda wiped that smirk off his face once and for all...One more time Plain, I know the schedule, I know today is the biggest of all Days A Whacking, tell the rest of those Toads you hang with...I said, I hope they whack their balls real hard today....!!!
OK everybody AHHH ONE AND AHHHH TWO AND AHHHHHHHHHH!!! HUMP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There how does your back feel? Feels better doesn't it? There aint many things in this world to make your back feel better than a good HUMP!!! Oh, did I say today is HUMPDAY!!! Little known, fact HumpDay was originally created back In The Year Of Our Lord 1202...Yep, that was the year and it was on a Wednesday , that HUMPTY DUMPTY had his great fall...It was gloomy black day, back in the Village of HumpShire..that is where Humpty lived..Little known fact inside a little known fact...Humpty wasn't really an egg, he was an egg shaped human..you see them all the time...In reality he was one of the Dumpty children and the one that had the egg shape more than any of the other Dumpty's...Humpty was a lazy egg shaped creature..he never wanted to do anything, but sit on a wall...HURRUMPTHY DUMPTY, AND CARLUMPTY DUMPTY yep, they were his parents, did not know what to do about Humptys laziness..Everyday he would eat his porridge and head down to the wall, and just sit there...all the towns people would walk by and he was a pleasant enough egg shaped fella and said Hi to everyone, the villagers actually liked him..Now what people didn't know back in those days, that the egg shapers as they were called had very brittle bones, much like the shell of an egg.....Humpty was very brittle as he wouldn't eat his peas or any vegetables, to help his calcium, which we all know would then have helped his brittleness...Humpty was also very adventurous for an egg shaper, and everyday he would climb higher and higher on the wall...Well what did this stupid fuck think? Sooner or later he was gonna fall THEN WHAT??? I'll tell ya what HE HAD A GREAT FALL!!!!!!!...Now as legend has it the towns people heard this giant splat, they all went running down to the town square, and everyone was in a tizzy...Here, as eyewitness reports tell us, Humpty after drinking about 6 pints of ale.. started to climb to the highest point of the wall...now as he was climbing up the wall, (people back then wore something like kilts) and as the egg shaped human was climbing the wall his eggs were hanging out of his kilt, showing his family eggs, and the women of the village were aghast..Anyway, Humpty gets to the top of the wall and the women are pointing and laughing and talking and snickering and smirking...When Humpty sees they are pointing to his family eggs...He got so disoriented that he started to wobble on top of the wall, Ahhhs!! and ohhhs! could be heard below..as his now poached pecker was also visible for all eyes to see, if they strained hard enough, because Humpty was not a very well endowed egg shaper...Well, as we all know between the hooting and hollering and the ale that he drank and his oval shaped body, Humpty FELL!!!!!! not only did he fall but he HAD A GREAT FALL!!!! When this fuck hit the ground, he splattered like an egg....The townspeople immediately sent out smoke signals to the King...the smoke was in the shape of 911....All The Kings Horses and All The Kings Men, immediately took off for the village..They scattered the towns people away with whips and those spiked things on the end of a stick....When they saw the condition that the egg shaper was in, they started laughing their armor off.....The townspeople just looked at each other and said...HUMPTY DUMPTY SAT ON THE WALL HUMPTY DUMPTY HAD A GREAT FALL, ALL THE KINGS HORSES AND ALL THE KINGS MEN, COULDN'T PUT HUMPTY DUMPTY BACK TOGETHER AGAIN.... Once the King heard the news, and knowing it was a Wednesday, he made a law throughout the land, that every Wednesday from here on in, in honor of Humptys fall, will be known as HumpDay.. There you have it the sad case of one of the last egg shapers.., and the true beginning of HumpDAy....The moral of the story is, the higher you go, the greater the fall....You heard it here first at Plain and Simple.........Hey bring in some egg stories, I know a lot of them stink but so what......!!!
4 comments:
Yes Humpty had a Great fall....but trust me alot think he was pushed,especially his Brother Joe Dumpty(He's a detective)And he thinks this Case isn't all it's Cracked up to be. There are plenty of suspects in this Scrambled story or cover up. And it Boils Joe Dumpty to no end.One of the suspects is that Lil Miss Muffet and that Cagey Chicken Lil. And that Big Bad Wolf has a rap sheet Longer than those Reagan Cheese lines .But with Joe Dumpty on the case along with Simple they will Crack this case, so stay tuned.
There's a story that Lil Miss Muffet and Humpty were having an affair and Miss Dunphy found out and it just so happens the week before Humphy fell or was Pushed.That Miss Dumphy went off this same wall and it is rumored that Lil Miss Muffet pushed her so everyone could see her crack.
Now is when it really gets interesting because Lil Miss and Humphty had Hatched a Dream of acquiring magic beans to grow a Bean Stalk and climb it to steal the Golden Goose that lays the Golden eggs.
But Lil Miss and Humphy were seperated when Miss Dumphy cracked up after her fall off the Wall.And low and behold Lill Miss is lonley and Hooks up with Lil Red Riding Hood because she was gay and just not happy.This had Humpty fuming when he heard what was going on that Lil Miss betrayed him and ran off with Lil Red Riding Hood.But the Real story is the ending which I will let Simple tell you because he was there. Smirks and walks out.
WOW!! I tried to get in touch with Joe Dumpty, the detective, that has studied this case all these years..I truly wasn't aware of all the heathens involved in the demise of this egg shaper..I know the story of that LiL Red Riding Hood, she always had wolves after her, she was quite the beauty, onw wolf his name, I believe was Lone Wolf..of the McQuaide family, grabbed her and said , Hey there little Red Riding Hood, you sure are looking good, your everything that a big bad wolf could want...then he said I am going to eat you, and The Little Red Bitch says what's the matter wolfie don't ya screw no more....Yeah this story circulated throughout HumpVille for many years..I will continute this saga tomorrow, as I have to get the critters out of Jail..Wait till you hear the conversation I had with the cops..They were saying, we're coming to take you away ho ho he he ha ha,......Who the fuck reads this shit..LOL!!
I gotta head through The Pines out to Manahawkin, cost me 200.00 to get these critters, so I can get tortured a little more than I already am..Cops were fuckin crackin up, wait till you hear this story...It was totally scrambled by the local yocal authorities of New Jermany..It took them hours to unscramble it and tell me to come get the critters as their brains were becoming fried from listening to their musings about some stupid fookin Ville..
Stay Out Of Harms Way My Friends.
TAPS
Post a Comment