It Is Now Post Time.
We're Off...How about that Wild Colonial Lass, saying they have classy asses, women are so much better than men when it comes to describing asses..We just go WOW! look at that ass!!..Now, you women may be thinking that we are talking about one of your derriere's when if effect we are actually talking about mules. We can really get ourselves in trouble, because men have always been fascinated with asses, meaning mules since the beginning of mules.. So gals the next time you hear a guy say WOW!! look at that ass, he just may be talking about a mule he had seen lately..and by the way if it is me, you know it is a mule I had seen lately, I would never, ever say something like that about a woman's ahh asset.. Alright on too another subject real quick because, I think Simple and the rest of his Simple gender are now in danger of getting shot...Sorry guys, but if I get the girls pissed you may as well join up with them, believe me, I can take it...
Colonials, now there is a word that we just throw out there and kinda move on, as we relate that to the Colonists, or the early Americans that were under British rule..Can we really comprehend the bravado and the daring that these early settlers and their leaders portrayed, as they told the greatest power in the world at that time to basically fuck off..Yeah, England and Georgie Boy, he was the queens great, great, great, great grandfather, and a real prick..all of those kings and queens were pricks, but some were higher up on the prick scale than others..Georgie boy, if he was a girl there would have been a song sung for him..Hey There Georgie Girl!! I digress..These Colonists a rag tag group at best, declared their independence from this tyrant, and we all know what happened..What is really amazing was the fact that their armies and navy's were already here..Yet the Continental Congress and the Continental Army were formed and actually started firing at their old red coats..this rag tag group soon became a formidable army under the guidance, and make no mistake about it, without General George Washington, we are all limeys...For one shining moment in history, the right guy was in the right place..It is kind of amazing that, until he crossed the Delaware on Christmas Eve, and surprised the shit out of the Hessians and the British armies that were sleeping off their load, that the Colonial Army had never won a battle...After he routed the red coats at Trenton, the size of the army doubled as Colonists from all over were signing up to serve with George and Old Nelson,,yep, gotta put George's horse in there, you know the Preakness is storming on us...The British, gave these upstarts no credit, hired mercenaries to fight their war, lost the war, got kicked out of The United States, and were so pissed they stormed on back in 1812, and burnt Washington D.C. to the ground..Once again they brought it down on The United States, and once again, they got their asses handed to them and, headed back across the ocean for good...I know today they are the 51st State, Israel is the 52nd, and we as a Country, like it or not will always be attached to England..Not me, as I am neither English nor do I believe in any kind of royal bullshit...they are by far some of the biggest jerk offs in the world today...Having said that, I have now upped my bid on the queens knickers to 900.00, why, why, you ask?? Can't you just see this Simpleton, walking around the Yunk and the Ville telling everybody in shouting distance..YO!! come on over here and take a gander at her majesty's knickers.. What the fuck is a knicker anyway?? The only knickers I ever heard of was The New York Knickerbockers..Now that is a word for all of you to digest..KNICKERBOCKERS!! take that one on Plain....Me I gotta get on Ebay and see where I stand in the bidding..If I win I will have some knickers with me for the Preakness.., WOW!! what a sight that would be, I may even put them on over my jeans..WOW!! what a beating that would be...LOL!! enjoy your day people...it is the only one we got......
7 comments:
Simple I hope you win the Bid for the Knickers and if you do. Next Friday on Vodka Day Drive across the Walt Witman and straight up Ridge Ave yelling I hate these Fucking Knickers as you wave them out the window.
And Simple I'm so Glad you ask about the Knickerbockers they weren't only a Basketball team, but wait til ya hear this! It is a lil known fact that Knickerbockers was a surname that Dates back to the early settlers of New netherland yep I know I was astounded when I found out myself.But wait til ya hear this!!!!! The name was Populorized by Washington irving back in 1809 when he published " A History of New York" under the Pseudonym Diedrich Knickerbocker, can't was friggin belive that ? And And I'm not done yep ya better sit down....It was also a term for Manhattans Aristocracy in the early Days and then it became a general term when referring to any New Yorker.......holds out my hands can ya belive it..... I was friggin schocked and ya heard it here first on Plain and Simple shrugs and walks off shaking my head.
Thank You Plain, thank you, once again you have taken a word that probably nobody really knew the true definition of, and not only did you define it, but you did it in such a way as to have a lasting effect on anybody that reads Plain and Simple..I guess you want a raise. Yo!! where the fuck is THE GENERAL, AND WHERE THE FUCK IS MCPAY?? I am tired hunting these critters down..I gotta enough shit to do around here...That word shit is really, really big on our show, as Ed Sullivan would say...KNICKERS DO I HEAR A 1000?? 1000, GOING ONCE , 1000, GOING TWICE...ONE THOUSAND ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS...One Thousand one hundred dollars to the Simpleton in the corner..ONE THOUSAND ONE HUNDRED AND ONE. DO I HEAR ONE THOUSAND TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS?????? Oh Boy, Oh Boy, so close, to the queens knickers, I can see them flappin in the breeze here at the Ville already.......!!
Yes Simple Tell McPay I want a raise! or at least a New Title like mmmmm Chief Executive Officer of the Board of Directors and all Senior management Personal.I mean come on Simple I was Chairman of the Board and President of the Dugout Baseball Academy. And trust me I started from the Bottom and worked my way up. And There were alot of Ball Busters up there. Smirks and walks Away.
I do hereby Knight You Sir Plain of Simple Ville.....You are the Master of all that enter the Ville and Sir Simple of Knickers is bringing up the REAR with his Knickers......He can wear his Jesters Cap (a foule- bordeau)for he is the True Jester of the Ville. I guess the General will be the KING.......If not we shall overthrow His Majesty at the commmand of Sir Plain and Sir Simple of Knickers..... A pay raise of Gold Pieces will be under everyones pillow this evening. They didn't have under the table in the early days it was under the pillow so one could sleep in it. The King would never enter into the Boudoir of a citizen unless invited and if you have money under the pillow you don't wnat him anywhere around......Taxation without representation. Kings Ransom and such........Ye
The auctioneer is a Londoner, and closed the bidding for the day..I told him I was from Liverpool..He said, where the Beatles were from. I said, yep in fact I played with the Beatles once and the bastards bit me..oh chit!! hahah..The General told me he hopes I get well soon..Me too, General..but somehow I don't think so..
HATTOONA MATTADA, HATTONNA MATTADAAAAAAA!! What are you so happy about Meere..JUST ME AND THE PHILLIES AND SIXERS TONITE SIMPLE!! Where are the critters?? THEY ARE ON THEIR WAY TO LONG BITCH ISLAND.. You mean Long Beach Island?? NO I AM CERTAIN BLAT SAID LONG BITCH ISLAND.. OK, OK, uhhmmmm, how ah are they getting to Long Bitch Island, and why?? THEY ARE WALKING THROUGH THE PINES, TO GO AND MEET THEIR MOMS...They are walking to Long Bitch Island through the Pine Barrens to meet their Moms, oh that is rich..Are you fucking kiddin me?? Those assholes will be wandering around in those pine barrens until that old Jersey Devil gets their drunken asses..NO WAY SIMPLE SAM THE MAN IS SHOWING THEM THE WAY!! Oh this just gets better and better, and where may I ask is the parrot??ARK!! RIGHT HERE ASSHOLE, RIGHT HERE ASSHOLE..ARK!! I AIN'T THAT STUPID, I AIN'T THAT STUPID...I know one thing Greeny, it was pretty stupid calling me an asshole again..running for my shotgun..tripping over the fuckin trash..fallin into the bunker..That fuckin parrot, makes me do funny things man...Where the fuck is he Meere..TOOK OFF INTO THE PINES SIMPLE, ARKIN!! HE WAS BETTER OFF WITH SAMMY!! HE WAS BETTER OFF WITH SAMMY!! He got that shit right..
OK Meere grab the popcorn and a beer and lets get the Phils going.. See you everybody tomorrow..
Good day here at Plain and Simple, lots of visitors, glad we can enlighten you to all the facts that are found here on this site...ahem..
Stay Out Of Harms Way My Friends.
TAPS
See you everybody tomorrow.. I have to get well..you are right once again General...lol..
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