"Today Is The 17th Day Of May In The Year Of Our Lord 2012."

"It Is Now Post Time."
We're Off...Mornin everybody, not a real peaceful night here at the Ville, must admit, kinda thinkin about the critters marchin through the Pine Barrens, looking for Long Bitch Island. You know they are near and dear to my black heart..(gag)..  OW!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Coffee on the nuts!! I hope Plain's balls get whacked with a nine wood,  or iron or, wedgie, or whatever the hell it is they use it that fucked up game of goof...YO!! me and George cannot tell a lie, I just had to change the date, I thought it was Wednesday..I fessed up McCalendar..
Watched the Phils pull even last night...19-19...Won their fourth in a row, now a lot of band wagon jumpers, off and on, would say, that is no big deal..but let me throw some names at ya...Galvis, Diekman, Kendrick, Luna, Pierre, Wittington, Fotennot, Valdes (not Wilson). Sound familiar, well Kendrick should, but the rest of them, come on none of them were even here last year and they all had a part in this four game winning streak...That shows you that this team resilient and will compete, and you know me, I am not a homer.. I am a HOMER!!  I have a buddy, Hey Ferg!, he looks like Homer Simpson..he just laughs when I say that...what the hell he tells me I look like Hannibal Lector, and now that I haven't had a hair cut in about two months he tells me I look like Jack Nicholson in The Shining, Heeere's Johnny!!!!  I digress..I always digress, in the language of Psychology that is called ADD!! My daughter being a teacher said, I don't have ADD, I have ADHD..she added the H which stresses Hyper..ME, ya think so??..I digress....There I go digressing again, every time I think up a profound word, I keep using it, so as to look profound myself. I figure if you use profound words you are profound, sounds like Phil..He tells me yesterday, call me at 6 A.M. we gotta get on the road early...I said the truck is on the road not us..He starts laughing and asks me where I heard that one?? You fuckin kiddin me??  I call him 6 A.M. no answer..call him 6:10 A.M......YO E!! Hey Phil, you up? yeah if I wasn't up, I would be down.., (here we go)..I am eating a sandwich.,..I don't really care that he is eating a sandwich at 6:10 A.M., but I just go along with him...How come you didn't call me a t 6 A.M.?? I did call you at 6A.M. nobody answered..  Musta been takin a shit..YEP, this is how I start my mornings, and usually end my nights. Somebody shittin..except the queen.. did I tell you she hasn't shit in sixty years on the throne..You would think if you were on the throne for sixty fuckin years you would shit..., or at least leave a fart to put a smile on your scrunched up royal face. Man, she is one dowdy bitch..Now, we gotta here about her 60th jubilee. Who gives a fuck!!  Kate Middleton is probably all a twit, trying to garnish attention at Buckingham Palace...Little known fact, about these so called royals..lord buckingham, was a lord, yep, he was one of the lords-a-leapin, but he pulled a hanstring, and was hamstrung and confined to his palace,yep, buckingham.  He wanted to get back into leapin, so he hired a Tudor, that is what they called tutors back in the Year Of Our Lord 1212..This Tudor happened to be the great, great, great, great, great, great Grandfather of queen frump...He told lord buckingham that he could cure his hamstring, but he would want the castle in return..lord buckingham being the inbred dufus that he was, thought this was a good deal...so he made the document legal by putting his impramatur on it,  and sealing it with his ring...So Henry Tudor, started putting balms and oil on old buckinghams, hammy, and told him after a day, that he was cured...buckingham said it still hurt and was a little afraid to start leaping...Tudor said, let's go down to the River Thames, this way you can leap and you won't leap into any tall buildings you will land in the River...Did I say buckingham was a dufus? Down, to the river they went, and Tudor told buckingham, give it all ya got buck !! LEAP!!  Fuckin buckingham leaped with all of his might and not only did his hamstring pop, but his achilles ruptured and sure enough he landed in the Thames..Did I mention, that buckingham was a dufus, the fuckin moron forgot he didn't know how to swim, and drowned in the Thames...Tudor was laughing his balls off, took the document to the royal document guy, then Tudor and him and his family claimed Buckinham palace as their own..That is how her majesty's family came to live in buckingham palace..You heard it here first on Plain and Simple..Phew!! let's go!!  Phil!!! PHIL?? PHIL!!!  Fuck It..Let's Go Phillies!!!....Hey E!! I heard you yellin for the Phillies!! OK Phil let's roll..E, E,  why do you say that, we are people, we can't roll!! OH  NO, WELL HOW ABOUT THE DAY E JR. WAS ON FIRE AND YOU WERE YELLING ROCK AND ROLL!!  Well that is what you should do if you are on fire...For the last fuckin time Phil, it is DROP AND ROLL!!! E come on whoever heard of DROP AND ROLL!! ASK DICK CLARK, IT IS ROCK AND ROLL AND IT IS HERE TO STAY!!!!!  OH BOY!!! PHEW the shit I gotta put up with around here..Later....