"Today Is The 24th Of May In The Year Of Our Lord 2012."

It Is Now Post Time..
We're Off...How the fuck can 12  grown men, that grew up with me,  went too school with me,  played on every kind of sports team with me, went in the service with me, fought with me, laughed with me, drank with me, grew old with me....LEAVE ME OFF THE FUCKIN TOADS...Don't you think they should have at least asked me to be their caddy.. They have no idea, of the way they have devastated me...I am the only one, that was not asked to be a TOAD (name of their golfing club, very appropro). They think like nothing can hurt me, but I am crushed..Just because the one time I golfed with them I shot a 210...and took 8 hours to finish up the round (as they call it, I always thought a round was a shot and a beer)..they won't let me play...I told them a hundred times that I thought high score won, hell I would have made that 310 yd shot if I knew I was supposed to put it right in the hole...What other fucking game do you know where low score wins..YOU KNOW WHAT!!! THEY CAN BEG ME, THEY CAN PAY ME, THEY CAN DO ANYTHING THEY WANT, I WILL NOT BECOME A TOAD..I CAN'T BECOME A TOAD, YOU CAN'T BECOME SOMETHING IF YOU ALL READY ARE SOMETHING...WHACK ON FUCKERS, I HOPE ALL YOUR BALLS WIND UP IN THAT CLEANIN THING, AND I HOPE YOU MISS ANOTHER TWO INCH PUTT...I AIN'T JOINING SO DON'T EVEN ASK,AND BEGGING WILL NOT WORK ,,WELL,,,,......................................................Uhmmmm. if you all get together and get down on your knees, and tell me how sorry you are for leaving me out of, what is probably part of the last run, I may reconsider joining, but once again only as a caddy, I will not now, not ever play that game, except on the first Monday In May...(Northwest Vets, Scholarship Golf Tournament).....I mean this, from the bottom of my black heart they better plead and beg or I ain't joinin...
Wait till you hear this!!!!! Manahawkin Police call  me...Mr. Simple?? Yes....Officer Dibble here from the Manahawkin Police Dept...What can I do for you Officer Dibble??? We have a couple of guys here from Slovakia, with a parrot, they also had a rabid squirrel with them, who was GRRRRRRRRRRING at us, we shot at him, but I thought I saw him fly into the Pine Barrens...I don't know if he was hit....You shot the squirrel but you did not shoot the parrot. UH HUH UH HUH...Ok stop singing Simple....Mr. Simple!!! Yes..... These beings say they live with you in a menagerie, is that correct?? That is correct Dibble, and why are they in jail? Have they committed a crime against the Great Fourth Reich Of New Jermany?????? UH! not really, the only thing, if they can't prove residency, or SS numbers, they could be determined to be illegals, or vagrants.....No Dibble, they have residency here at the Ville, along with Me, Sammy The Super Squirrel who you tried to kill, but is back with me...The parrot lives here also, but if you want, you can shoot him.. There is also a Meere Kat, and a drunken goat that are permanent residence here, well the goat is a transient, because he makes beer runs.....The two Fred Flintstone lookin guys are exchange students, and I am teaching them the fucked up English language....Now dig this,, for some reason there is silence on the other end of the phone......;.Dibble, Dibble ARE YOU THERE???? AHHH, yeah I am here, let me get this straight, these guys and parrot,  and a rabid super squirrel, along with a Meere Kat and a drunken goat, live with you in a menagerie in The Pine Barrens....Yep!! there you go, you got it...Now when can I come get them?? Uhm...Mr. Simple, with all due respect, do you expect me to believe this nonsense...??? Why not asshole, 23,000 visitors and Me and Plain believe it...I am coming to get them, they committed no crime, and my squirrel is OK, they can be released to my custody....That is the law even in New Jermany.. Oh, you can see if any of the other officers would like an ARKIN parrot they can have him.....Be there shortly...PHEW !!! who reads this shit????????   23,000 strong PLAIN!!!!