"Today Is The 14th Day Of June In The Year Of Our Lord 2012."

It Is Now Post Time.
We're Off...Out of the gate they come, oops, one of them it looks like a Plain horse is stuck in the gate..He is throwing his right front leg in an arc, (ARK!! ARK!! DID SOMEBODY SAY ARK!!?? DID SOMEBODY SAY ARK??!!), Phew, this green ball of flying shit has no idea, how short his supposedly 600 year life span is going to be...anyway, I was going to say about that Plain horse...fuck it, I forgot..Ohhh!! he was swingin his right front leg as if he were trying to hit a goof, oops golf ball, and they scratched him..Little known fact, back in The Year Of Our Lord 1680...the first scratching of a horse was recorded...Yep, it was the Duke, Duke, Duke, Duke of Earl's horse, and he was racing against Duke Ellingtons horse..It was a match race and every blue blood across England was there..These two had been at  it for some time, seems the Duke, Duke, Duke, Duke, of Earl was always walking through this world claiming he was the Duke, Duke, Duke, Duke of Earl, and Duke Ellington was sick of it...He called him out in a duel, but beings they were both Dukes the King decided that they should have a race instead...Duke Ellington, had bunyans the size of Paul, and said he couldn't run, but his horse could..Well the Duke, Duke, Duke, Duke of Earl was all for this as he walked through this world thinking him and his high horse were better than anyone that ever lived...Sooooo, the match race was set, but as the horses were nearing the starting position, Ellingtons nag, The Boogie Woogie Bugler Boy, was acting up uncontrollably, throwing his back leg at his nuts much like a dog scratching fleas...The Duke, Duke, Duke, Duke of Earl's horse The Duchess,  The Duchess of Earl..was staring on in disbelief (right about now, like anybody that reads this shit.), The King yelled, HEY ELLINGTON, GO SCRATCH YOUR HORSES NUTS, OR THE RACE IS OFF!!!...Duke Ellington, being a Duke and all that, said he ain't scratchin no horses NUTS!! (or ass for that matter, and that is where, go scratch a horses's ass came from)...Soooo anyway,, The Duke, Duke, Duke, Duke of Earl said fuck this,,,, and  ran over with a rake and started scratching The Boogie, Woogie Bugler Boys nuts, as this is the area where he was really flailing, his now twisted leg...Well all the blue bloods got sick of this shit and started back to their castles..In the interim the King called off the race and told those two, too go ahead a duel it out....Thus, from that day forth whenever a race horse is taken out of a race it is called a scratch.. The Duke, Duke, Duke, Duke of Earl and Duke Ellington, made amends that day..and later, there was actually a song named after The Duke, Duke, Duke, Duke of Earl and the horse that infamously got scratched, The Boogie Woogie Bulgler Boy.....You heard it hear first at Plain and Simple....After that I have scratch my nuts and shower..... PHEW...7 A. M. you are right again General, I need too get well.....any ideas???