"Today Is The 30th And Last Day Of April 2012."

It Is Now Post Time.
We're Off.  Just when  you think maybe we are pulling out of this Depression, you get some more economic news that blows your mind..How about the illegal Mexicans are leaving this country in droves..That's right illegal aliens don't even want to be here. How bad is that Wahington?  Well they found a way to get rid of the illegals,  make the economy so bad that they can't even get jobs..What is next?  The Europeans start going back to their countries..I know, give the country back to the Native Americans, it was a much better place when they ran it anyway....

"Todayy Is The 28th and 29th Days Of April In The Year Of Our Lord 2012."

It Is Now Post Time
We're Off.
And you thought we were going to lose a day..I did but you don't have too.. Let me just say it has been a very festive and well thought out Birth Weekend..As Plain, Plainly said it is the first of about 11 or 12 celebrations we will have in the honor of Simple's hatching..Yep.  I may be that elusive alien they have been looking for all these centuries..Serious moment, Thanks You to my wonderful family and friends for giving me a great HatchDay.. I will be back later.  For all of you that gave me gifts, I will be returning them too you in lieu of cash, for the Kentucky Derby betting party..It is great, that during a depression in the country that they came out with a .10 superfecta..box 4 horses for 2.40...bet a slew of those baby's and get 10% of the 150,000 plus that super is going too pay...

TODAY IS VODKA DAY, THE 27th DAY OF APRIL, 2012 A.D.

Today, is a Day that will go down in Infamy.  66.....The number betweeen 65 and 67.  A famous Route, the Road less Traveled, if you will, A Fifty Cent Piece, a Dime, a Nickel, and a Penny.  66 One 6 short of the Magic Number 666, inscribed into the side of some heads we might know...A day where the Yunk and Eck's, with Floyd driving the bus, should be prepared for a celebration that will probably rank right up there with the Bike Races. 

On this day, 66 years ago, at Memorial Hospital or Home Birthed, into this world was born a small child to accompany a little girl named Strebor.  They decided to call him Ernest, from the Nabisco commercial?  Who knows, but a name that will befall on him, for the rest of his life, a good time.  This little Elf, dropped from heaven or kicked out of Hell, was to brighten the life of Mr. and Mrs. K.....and little Strebor... And that he did.  The YUNK would never be the same....Nor would the lives of many people that this gift from God knows where, be ever changed, for the good.

We could go on and on about the virtues or not, of this Humanoid that was to change many aspects of peoples lifes, but I suppose there is not enough time and paper to reminisce about how the universe, yes universe has been affected by this event.  66 years ago.......2/3rds of the way there.......counting on 100?????? LOL

So if you follow this Blog sign on and say hello and give wishes to someone who deserves congrats.  His menagerie and friends will be gathering later for BLAST to celebrate this precious happening.  Put a few of your own stories on here if you will, perhaps, some good things that this man with the heart of GOLD has done for you or your loved ones and let the Day begin........GOOD LUCK ALL

PLAIN, keep it SIMPLE.........

FINN MC CANDLES (66)

"Today Is The 26th Day Of April In The Year Of Our Lord 2012."

It Is Now Post Time..
We're Off..PLAIN PLAIN, COME BACK PLAIN!!!  Oh never mind, he is probably setting everything up for my surprise party tomorrow at CJECKS,, I figure I should surprise them with my presence around 2 P.M. this will give them enough time too put out all the (Do you believe I don't know how to spell au derves) well you know what I mean, those little hot dogs and that other bullshit they serve at 80,000.00 weddings that people can't afford...I digress...Yes this should be a spectacular event at Pechin and Shurs tomorrow..I am not supposed to know, but I hear there are a lot of celebrities coming to the party...Marty Feldman, will be there along with Forrest Gump and Jackie Gleason, and Louis Armstrong, Jimmy Durante...LOL!! Yo!! and we think we are good..Well, let me put it another way..Chris Morris is a professional, all I do is make him laugh..That kid actually thinks I am funny, he does better impersonations than Danny Gans, just ask his Dad..HEY BY THE WAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY SPEEDMAN!! NUMERO 70!!! YOU OLD FUCK...  I digress..I should probably make my way up to the Yunk by 1, stop and see Dave, he told me he has something for me..(this should be good).  I really want to see Tristan, Phyllis and Rodney, but don't tell Dave..He is the one taking me to the party..I will have to act surprised...Johnny Mc FARLANDS said, I will be surprised when nobody shows up.. Fuckin party pooper....Let the Birthday bash begin...Birthdays A-Z
A-Age.
B-BIRTHDAYS...No , matter what year you are celebrating it is a privilege not granted to everyone..
C-Card...what a fucking waste..
D.
E.E's Birthday tomorrow. , along with Kelly Keenan, Kevin Flaherty, Cy Casper, Kevin and Christopher Cmiel..(they are Speedy and Mimi's, Son-In-Law Bill, and Daughter, Margaret Mary's twins..She had them on my Birthday to spite The Speedman...LOL!!
Alright I am done enough with Birthdays.. You guys take it from here...

"Today Is The 25th Of April In The Year Of Our Lord 2012."

It Is Now Post Time.
We're Off..AHHH ONE AND AHH!! you know what?? I am sick of humping...I know it is hump day, but there are also humpbacks, humpback whales, humps in the road. There are all kinds of humps...I remember when I was a kid..We used to go visit relatives on the Holidays, this was a huge deal, because at Christmas Time, I got to play with my toys, and then when I went to their house, I got to play with their toys, it was like Christmas all over again, if one of them told me to leave their toys alone, there was a battle gone on underneath their Christmas Tree...I wanted that toy and I wasn't going to hear somebody tell me I couldn't have it, not then not ever..Anyway, my one cousin Danny Rose, he always thought he was Roy Rodgers, he had more guns than The 26th Marines...Every Christmas I would go to their house ready to play with his guns, and his dog would attack.. Yep none other than Spotty, a cross between a Chihuahua and a Mosquito, he was known as just Spot to those of us that knew him well...This little fucker (literally) would jump on anybody's leg at anytime, and buff your britches faster than a dry cleaner..I really didn't at the time understand what Spot was doing, I thought it was a gesture of friendship, (HA!! little did I know, the little bastard was a horn toad).. After it was explained to me, (by my Dad) what old Spotty boy was up too, and what that pink thing was sticking out between his legs, I was aghast with displeasure... So, the next time up to the Rose's hacienda on Jamestown Street, I  was prepared for his randiness..Sure enough when we walked in, I was first and here COMES Spotty,,,uh-uh sorry fucker (literally)..I booted that little fuck across the room, he let out a shrill yelp, as I got him right in his little nut sack and sent him on a moon mission, I even went after him to kick him off their back steps, but I was unceremoniously grabbed by Mom, asking, once again what was wrong with me...I told her I was tired of that dog humping me..which immediately got me cuffed behind the head, as I was sulking, I thought I saw the Old Boy laughing...He always did get a kick out of my shenanigans..   It was only later in life when me and him were having a drink at Pecks, and he says..hey kid remember when you kicked that dog Spot..I said yeah, that was some funny shit..He says, yeah it was, but do you remember me telling you what he was doing..I said, yeah that is why I kicked him.. He starts laughing and says, that is why I told you, see I couldn't kick that little humper, your Mom would have been mad at me, but I knew if I told you, you would do the job for me..We both put our heads on the bar laughing...Those were the days my friends we thought they'd never end....Bring all the humps and humpers you want.....See ya later...

"Today Is The 24th Day Of April In The Year Of Our Lord 2012."

It Is Now Post Time.
We're Off.  Or should we say Simon Cowell is off,  look at that fucker run..YEOWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that is what a high colonic enema will do for you, especially one mixed with ajax and cayenne pepper..Man Plain, that wrinkle in his brown eye must really sting...chit ahhaah..you got me going on that one Plain..You know they say (who the fuck are they?) that he puts his pants on one leg at a time just like me.. Well I hope that prick never gets his pants mixed up with mine.. You wanna talk about LIAR, LIAR, PANTS ON FIRE.. OK Simple enough about colonics...although it is an interesting subject, especially if you are an asshole....
Today is Gideon Sundback's Birthday, yep, the guy that took credit for inventing the zipper, when in actuality, he only modified and introduced it into the clothing industry..Little Known Fact...The genius that invented the zipper was Lionel Short...his IQ was one above egg plant, yet he was a tinkerer in the village of East Wadsworth in North Hampshire..He was tinkering one day when he got a piece of cloth caught in his tinker toy..when he yanked on it the cloth and the silver from his tinkler combobulated together to form what looked like a small railroad track..Well when Lionel saw this, he pulled the silver from the cloth and noticed that the cloth split in two..he quickly sewed the little looking railroad track back onto the cloth and noticed it stayed together.. Lionel was ecstatic, if he could do this with a little piece of cloth, what would happen if he tried it with his trousers...So, Lionel quickly, dropped his pants, and slit the seam where the crotch was.. He took his tinker toy and spread out a line of silver the size of the crotch on his pants..he then laid out a line the same size next too it, and attached a small piece of metal that ran up the middle and solidified them together...he had invented the zipper..The next step was to sew it onto his trousers where he had cut out the crotch...Did I say, Lionel was ecstatic.!! When he finally got done stitching and hemming, he was so excited he got a woody, yep, this is noted in the history of the zipper....He did not care.., he flung the pants on one leg at a time, and zipped up, as fast and as hard as he could..YEEEOWOWOOWWWWWWWWWWWW!!! Oh Boy, he got his woody stuck in the new found invention and chopped off the head...Thus his last name SHORT!! You heard it hear first at Plain and Simple....

"Today Is The 23rd Day Of April In The Year Of Our Lord 2012."

It Is Now Post Time.
We're Off..Spider hunt last night..got three of them, rain stirs those baby's up..Phil said, how come it don't stir them down?? I told him if it stirred them down, it wouldn't stir them up...AHHHH!! NO,,I am starting to think like him...OK, the hunt is over until tonight, work on the road, work back here at the Ville..Now, there is a word, that I wonder about all the time..WORK!! why do we call laboring work, or something that we do to accomplish how we want to play.. In other words we work or labor, so we can eat, have shelter, pay bills, pay taxes, have fun, and then work so we can do it all over again... George Orwell anyone??  Wow, I just made myself depressed.., usually I make myself laugh..Hey look if that sounds narcissistic, I apologize, but I really do make myself laugh..What the fuck somebody has to laugh at me..I was gonna do hairdo's today, see, now who in their right mind would think of doing hairdo's.. well think about it you gotta do a hair do..chit haahahhahha.. OOPS.. didn't mean too laugh...OK, everybody remember hair do day,, gone tomorrow..chit ahahah..Stop it Simple, stop it...you are going to be 66 soon (I hope) Yo born in 1946 66 years old.. Look at those last three numbers...oh boy, hope that old Jersey Devil don't come hoofin around here this week.. I will head for the Yunk early...OK Hair Do's
A-
B-Buzz
C-Crew
D-Duck Tail Baby,, remember Elvis and the whole city of Philadelphia had them in the 50's.
E
F.Fro..Plain had a natural one when he had hair...oh chit hahahah
G.
H.Hair Do..
I..I gotto go.. continue on if you fell like it if not have a laugh with me.. Later....

Its April 22nd in the Year Of Our Lord 2012

I guess Simple is still clowning around,or mmmmmmm  maybe his computer  has a virus!And how about those Flyers. Is there a Stanley Cup in are future ?Maybe some of them could help the Phillies out, they could show them how too swing at those low ones they swing at in the dirt.

"Today Is The 21st Day Of April In The Year Of Our Lord 2012."

It Is Now Post Time.
We're Off...Did we do clowns yet... First let me say something to set the facts right...I have to contradict myself sometimes...,(do you believe that shit)..  I have not now, nor ever have been afraid of any fucking clown...They do not now, nor have  they ever frightened me... Please just don't tell them....Thank You..
OK. On to bigger and better things...WHERE THE FUCK IS THE GENERAL!!!!...HEY GENERAL, I AM THROWING A SURPRISE BIRTHDAY PARTY FOR MYSELF AT CJECKS FRIDAY 4/27.. MAYBE YOU CAN FIND IT WITHIN YOUR BUSY SCHEDULE TO STOP IN AND HAVE A VODKA AND CRANBERRY WITH ME...LOL!!!.....Don't worry I will monitor your Cranberry intake...
Alright back to normal, the circus left...The critters and McElephantShitShoveler, are working hard cleaning up the Ville...Me I am heading into Cherry Hill me and The Thrill are in a Trivia Game, he wants too see if we are smarter than fifth graders..I said are you FUCKING KIDDING ME!! OF COURSE WE ARE NOT!!!
Couple questions we got and I must admit the one I got wrong blows my mind..
They asked if Vermont was one of the original 13 colonies..Now, I can go through the thought process and say , they wouldn't ask that if it were..but for some reason I say YEAH,, BURP!! wrong, how the fuck do I get that one wrong, oh yeah I am Simple..
Next one was What Continent is Mt. Kilimanjaro on.. I got this one right...
Next one was What Great Lake Borders Indiana..Got this one right.. Shoulda been 3-3..pissed me off..
Anyway Phil got the middle one right...So now he has a big challenge on for today.. How do I get into this shit..They will probably kick our asses...Let you know later...Bring some Trivia if you are in the mood..If not don't..

"Today Is The 20th Day Of April In The Year Of Our Lord 2012."

"It Is Now Post Time."
We're Off....Anybody visiting please read yesterdays posts, so you will understand the importance of us doing CLOWNS again...Evidently the citizenry is conspiring to bring down the Simpleton, now we all know how Simple I am (blushing), and as Plain so callously remarked "DUMB" na na na na.. like a spoiled little kid.. The man is incorrigable, Streebor chimed in with enough about clowns.. GUESS WHAT PEOPLE, I AM THE POSTER OR AHHHHH HOSTER, WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU CALL ME PLAIN?? BESIDES DUMB  lol!!!   McElephantShitShoveler, is just mumbling something and shoveling shit.. He is the one I have too watch.. He never realizes we give him all the shit duties around here...OK on too Clowns.. Let  me tell you clowns something..We haven't touched on clowns, clowns are probably one of the oldest forms of entertainment known to man kind...Little known fact, Clowns actually got their start in Romania In The Year Of Our Lord 1120..Yep there was this Count Dracula and he loved to be entertained,  nothing entertained him more than a pretty neck or some joker from the village, tumbling around and getting cut up, on the broken glass that Dracula made sure was all over the floor..As these jokers or village idiots tried harder and harder to please the Count and make him laugh, as he was known to be one evil fuck, they started to dress up, first with funny looking hats with tossles hanging down and bells on the end of them, they also started wearing real tight pants and baggy shirts..The Count loved this and would chuckle and make remarks about their various costumes..they became known as Count Jesters, or Court Jesters..These morons would do anything to make this miserable bastard laugh..They started painting their faces and incorporating all kinds of weird ass people from around the land to help them in their quest...They would look far and wide and one of the freaks they found had a size 38 shoe, or socks that they wore in those days with the toes curled up.. They thought it would be hilarious if they would paint his face white and paint his rather bulbous nose red...they dressed him in the most expensive zebra striped outfit they could find and also tied a small goose to his side, so that he could stick his finger up the gooses ass (this is where the term goose her came from), and the goose would HONK!!..Dracula got all fucked up one night and started yelling Clourt Wester are fucking funny.. Look at that Clowt Jest. as he fell over and started grabbing at the jester with the big feet, he stuck his fangs into the foot and the jester screamed and stuck his finger so far up the gooses ass that sound that emanated from that raped gooses ass was CLONK!!! and between the Count's drunkin slurring and the gooses eye popping sound.. The word evolved into CLOWN...You heard it hear first at Plain and Simple...HEY ANYBODY COMING IN TODAY REMEMBER!
Isn't it rich?
Are we a pair?
Me here at last on the ground,
You in mid-air.
Send in the clown.

Isn't it bliss?
Don't you approve?
One who keeps tearing around,
One who can't  move.
Where are the clowns?
Send in the clowns.

Just when I'd stopped opening doors,
Finally knowing the one that I wanted was yours,
Making my entrance again with my usual flair,
Sure my lines,
No one is there.

Don't you love farce?
My fault I fear.
I thought that you'd want what I want,
Sorry, my dear.
But where are the clowns?
Quick send in the clowns.
Don't bother there HERE!!!

Isn't it rich?
Isn't it queer,
Losing my timing this late
In my career?
And where are the clowns?
There ought to be clowns.
Well, maybe next year...

"Today Is The 19th Day Of April In The Year Of Our Lord 2012."

It Is Now Post Time..
We're Off...Man, lots of visitors to The Circus at the Ville..I'm talkin record breaking..NO!! Blat quit smashing little Streebs albums....this language is fucked up...The Circus opened with a bang as the man on the flying trapeze went sailing off of the trapeze with his boys hanging out there, and smashed into Sammy's new tree..His weeping and wailing were heard down in Blue Anchor.. We strapped him on the Goat and sent them too a hospital in Camden..He may need a blood transfusion, he is going in with long black hair and a small dick, and coming out with nappy hair and a rather large member..., at least that is what I have heard...Phew the shit I gotta put up with around here...The show will go on, as the lady on the flying trapeze took over last night and was a big, big hit when she blew out of her spandex uniform..big hit indeed....The clowns as always honked on into the night, the parrot was ARKING along with them till well past midnight..Bridget the Midget was too tired to perform, after her performance with the ring master...and the poodles owner was complaining that I made the jumps too high for, Fifi and Jammar..Fuck him.. I ain't workin for no circus, my whole life is a circus...
Back to the circus later..well after this statement...Plain, on the other hand, should be in a circus, that man is incorrigible, (he doesn't know what that means, and I ain't tellin him).  He should give into his lifes calling and run the whole show..I could see it now...Plain up on a big drum or whatever that thing is the ring master stands on, it would go something like this..LADIESSSSSS AND GENTLEMENNNNNNNNN!!! BOYS AND GIRLS!!!!!!!! WELCOME TO THE GREATEST SHOW ON EARTH...WE HAVE THE GREATEST PERFORMERS......HEY!! HEY!! YOU WITH THE YELLOW SHIRT ON, YOU HEAR ME TALKIN UP HERE, HOW ABOUT SHUTTIN YOUR MOUTH!! WHAT ?? WHAT?? DID YOU JUST SAY???...Now leaping off the drum or whatever that thing is the ring master stands on..grabbing yellow shirt by the shirt dragging him through the saw dust and bootin him out of the tent....LADIESSSSSSSSS AND GENTLEMEN!!!!!!! BOYS AND GIRLSSSSSSSSSSS!! DOES ANYONE ELSE WANT TOO TALK WHILE I AM DOING THE INTRODUCTIONS?? I DIDN'T THINK SO!!!!!   Yeah I could see it now...he would be one great ringmaster......if he wasn't constantly playing with his balls...
Hey the Phils go down 1-0 in 10 another ugly loss. Please hang in, I know they will be ok....Did we do A-Z Clowns...so what if we did,  let's do it again..I will start as usual..I am a born leader...That's why I was a Lance Corporal for four years...
A-
B-BOZO
C-CLARABELLE
D-
E-ERNIE If that guy ain't a clown..who is??? Plain you say...
F-FEET They have rather large ones..
G-
H-HONK!! This is the language they use, it was first heard at the Tower of Babble..
I-
J-JOHN WAYNE GACY  One angry clown..
K-KEEBLER The other half of ERNIE.. Wait a minute Ernie Keebler ain't a clown he is an elf...
L-
M-
N-NOSES They have rather bulbous ones..Sorta like the Drunks of Columbus,, oops, I meant knights.
O-OBUMA
P-POLLYACHI..SANG TO THE TUNE OF POLLYACHI THE SAD CLOWN, WHOSE LOVE HAS  
   LEFT HIM HIGH AND DRUNK...HERE IS THE TUNE...
   NO MORE RICE KRISPIES,
   YES THERE'S RICE KRISPIESSSSSSSSSS..AHHHAH  HAHAAHAA AHHHHHHHH AHHHHH!!
Q-QUENTIN TARANTINO...Now there is a clown..
R-RONALD MCDONALD
S-STUPID. Is what I really think clowns are, I fuckin hate clowns...and I am also afraid of them Plain you    
    know this is true..
T-
U-
V-VIRGINS...Everyone knows female clowns are all virgins...little known fact....never mind...
W-
X-XIANG MAO...The famous 8ft. chinese clown, he roams the Orient in a custom made rick shaw..he is
   one large clown.
Y-Y YOU SAY, Y THE FUCK DOES ANYBODY READ THIS SHIT????
Z-ZEBRA The stripes on Clarabell's skin..or suit.. See that is why I am afraid of them, I don't know if that is
   a clown suit or their skin.....Where is the ball whacker when I need him??
I hope you all enjoy this as much as I enjoyed writing it...(GAG)
 
 

"Today Is The 18th Day Of April In The Year Of Our Lord 2012."

It Is Now Post Time.
We're Off....KNOCK!! KNOCK!! (no this is not a knock, knock joke.), What time is it? Does anybody really care? sounds like a song...KNOCK!! KNOCK!! MR.SIMPLE!! MR. SIMPLE!! Is that you P. T.?? Yes, did you talk to your main man Plain...Hold on a minute, Hold on a minute...trying to pull this T shirt over my head, shit it is stuck, my face is sticking out, opening the door....AHHAAHHAHHAHAHAA...We all knew it!!! What P. T.?? What??  YOU ARE MARTY FELDMAN...AHAHHAHHAHHAH!! SLAM!!! Fuckin assholes...Your dead Plain..(Out Of Character...Yo T!! could you see if I knew how to do pictures on this blog, would that be fucking hilarious.)  OK, I just signed a contract with P. T. Barnum, I will do a skit with Joe Boyle, and Gene Wilder, and play IGOR..., Barnum thinks we can really fleece a lot of suckers...I can still hear him laughing..I personally thought Marty was a really good looking guy, I don't see what the fuck is so funny...It's not everybody that can say they look like Marty Feldman..RIGHT MUSTER!!..(Out of Character again, lol, you know Terry, how long are we going to do this shit..we have over a 1000 visitors already this month, and I can't even put my picture up as Feldman.. It does make me laugh every day.., I am as sick man..) OK, the circus is a raucous bunch, their critters and our critters got fucking loaded last night the goat is walking on nubs, as he wore his hooves down from making runs to the Pic-A-Lilly....Little known fact...Pic-A-Lilly is the most famous bar in the Pine Barrens.  I have people from Philly tell me they have actually been out there for wing night, which is every Wednesday, you cannot get in the place..What people don't realize is that the, corridor between Hammonton Rt. 30. and Trenton...is Rt. 206 and Pic-A-Lilly sits right on Rt. 206...This is the only bar open between the two towns on Rt. 206..That has too be at least a 50 mile stretch...Lot of place went out of business...,but the Pic is a Pine Barrens institution and so is our goat....Back too the circus...Everything is set up and ready to go. Tonite is opening nite, and the ring master got caught with Bridget the Midget,,yep caught, you know, caught...She said he threatened her with his whip and whistle.. Sure everybody is going to believe that Bridget. Everybody knows you got the hots for the big guy, you little skank...Anyway, should be interesting, the man on the flying trapeze already had an accident, and split his tights, yep, his boys are right out there..Should be interesting......

"Today Is The 17th Day Of April In The Year Of Our Lord 2012."

It Is Now Post Time..
We're Off....."BE A CLOWN, BE A CLOWN, BE A CLOWN...!!!!! HE FLYS THROUGH THE AIR WITH THE GREATEST OF EASE THE DARING YOUNG MAN ON THE FLYING TRAPEZE!!!!!!!!...SAMPLE!!!! SAMPLE!!!! HATOONA MATTADA SIMPLE!!!! SIMPLE!!! SIMPLE!!! ARK!! THE CIRCUS IS HERE!!! THE CIRCUS IS HERE!!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!YAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What??? What??? What the fuck??? What is going on out here??? Holy Moley, or Holy Shit or What the fuck!!!  Noise, you wanna talk about noise!! PLAIN where the fuck are YA!!!  stickin my head outta the bunker, blinkin my eyes, this can't be real (of course not you Simple fuck)... Circus Tents up and down the old dirt road...WHOA!!!! ARRARRARRRRHHHGGG...FUCKIN ELEPHANT ALMOST STEPPED ON MY HEAD..(woulda done me a favor).. Clowns running around with giant feet..Bridget the Midget...some guy 9ft. tall..I thought Manute Bol died....monkeys, parrots, and dogs, oh no..men and women in tights. Some fuckin mustachioed dude with a top hat and a whip...This ain't happening (no shit you Simple fuck),, Is that a seal, yep, has a basketball on the end of his nose... Must be Sammy Seals..(had a good fight with him one time, maybe twice).. P.T. BARNUM,,himself..straight from the circus museum in Sarasota Florida, WOW!! This should be a great week for a circus...YO!! is that Tom Thumb, Little known fact,,, Tom was the smallest man ever, yep, 3'2"and he got married to a woman named Dolly that was only 3'6" they had like five kids and they were brought up good and proper, and they never gave anybody the finger, because they were all THUMBS!! AHHH CHIT 911!!!!!!!! Not for me, Sammy is being chased across the high wire by the Flying Walenda..!!

"Today Is The 16th Day Of February In The Year Of Our Lord 2012."

It Is Now Post Time.
We're Off...GET THOSE TAXES DONE, the Gregorian was  nice enought to give you another day..Me and Phil took a Holiday, and will start up again tomorrow..Gotta get ready for the circus...Hey Plain, whack those balls as hard as you can, the circus is doing another performance around Jenkin's Neck, before it hits the Ville...Little known fact..Jenkins Neck is a town that used to be, I looked for Jenkins Neck many times and could never seem to find it.  Finally one day in Buzby's General (WHERE THE FUCK IS THE GENERAL???) Store in Chatswort, I asked Amy the waitress where the hell is Jenkins Neck, well she goes white and tells somebody else to wait on me...That got the Simpleton's attention and I started my investigation..Here is what I found out..Seems old Hezekiah Jenkins was a rowdy old drunk him and Hooter Brown used to hang out together and cause all kinds of havoc in the old Pine Barrens. In fact when I first moved out here they used to say that Simpleton was drunker than Hooter Brown..Anyway I found out that old Hezekiah Jenkins gets all fucked up one night and fell into an old well South Of Chatsworth, when the few people that were around that house drinkin heard him screaming they went and fished him out of the well.. In his delerium he thought they had pushed him in, so he went and got his shotgun and played the old one two.., knocked off about 5 innocent people. Well when the Pineys got word of this they hunted him down like the cur he was, and hung him on  a
Tree that they, nicknamed Jenkins Neck.. There really was  no real town, just  a tree, it took me fourteen years four months, three weeks, two days, and six hours to find this out...THINGS LIKE THIS LADIES AND GENTLEMEN IS WHY THEY CALL  ME THE WALTER CRONKITE OF THE PINE BARRENS..and you all thought I was just some kinda Simpleton.. Carry on Citizens and Critters.. I gotta day off...

Today Is The 15th Day Of April In The Year Of Our Lord 2012.

It Was Post Time.
We're Off again....Look at the date, I have been hiding for 24 hours and find out we have till tomorrow to file those fucking taxes...People actually like saying, oh it is tax day...Haa ahha hah.. you know those fuckers are getting a rebate..I never knew what that meant..I do know one thing for sure, if you make under 100,000.00 a year, you should not pay one cent, not one cent, in taxes..Young people today living in a depression with two children a mortgage a car,  insurances, gas prices, on and on, need every cent of 100.000.00 to have a descent life, which every American citizen deserves.. Why don't one of these doofus fucks trying to run for President, say that, and do it, he would be elected immediatly.. nahh, they will keep fleecing and fucking over the people until they bleed them dry.. Nice guys those politicians I hate them all..
Last night at midnight., I am reading about the killing of Al Alawiki or one of those assholes..and I was like having flash backs, and Phil says, you see the date on that paper (New York Post), oh yeah, yeah I saw it.. That's fuckin old man..Yeah, I know I just was reading up on it...No you didn't, you didn't know it was old...Sure I did.. no you didn't...did so....did not..did,  didn't...Phew the shit I gotta put up with around here.......!!!!Hey did you hear the latest..The circus is coming to town tomorrow, yep, coming to the Ville.. Critters cannot wait to see the hairy lady..In fact Blat said he loves hairy ladies.. I tried to explain to him that this lady has hair everywhere, but he just doesn't get it...Should be interesting..In the meantime.
Stay Out Of Harms Way My Friends.
TAPS...

Today Is The 14th Day Of April In The Year Of Our Lord 2012.

It Is Now Post Time We're Off.. Mornin, summer is coming, and I mean Monday. Did I see 89'? Plain will be a whacking away..Wait till 89' hits those toads Monday. Wait a minute! Babe asked me to be his guest caddy Monday.. NO FUCKIN WAY EDDIE! Will be back gotta get an air conditioner..Happy Saturday..Oh yeah gotta catch Mighty Mouse before I leave...

"Today Is The 13th Day Of April In The Year Of Our Lord 2012."

"It Is Now Post Time."
We're Off..Hey Happy Friday The 13th, and VODKADAY!! Hope you all have some great luck today and change that nasty tradition..Friday the 13th, was always that day where people would say this is a bad luck day..Phil says, any day you have bad luck is a bad luck day..That's why he is PhilOsopher..uhmm, makes sense too me. Don't put much stock in that luck stuff.. There are people that make things happen, people that watch things happen, and people that say what the fuck just happened!!! What I am trying to say is I think more in the logic realm that the luck realm, but if you think you got good luck and bad luck and all luck in between, I can dig that too..I don't want to get to contradictory on what I just said, but in retrospect it does seem some people are luckier than others..It's a tough one too define, because luck is more on the abstract side of logic..I do know one thing for sure, a lot of people really really believe in luck...You know me, I always wonder who the first guy was that came up with that word and concept..Little known fact: I believe luck was first exclaimed at the the Tower of Babble..that was where the ancients were building a tower to the heavens in hope of seeing God and they were very confident they could do this..Well God didn't really feel like seeing these bunch of morons at this time, so in his infinite wisdom came upon a solution.. He would make them all speak different languages (this is how all the different languages started), and this way they would not be able to communicate and therefore would not be able to continue building..There were two masons from Babylon that worked together every day, and they would lay stone and bullshit and shove each other, much like todays masons..Well when the shit hit the proverbial fan, and all the masons and cement guys and architects and bosses and kings and slaves started babbling in different tongues it got UGLY!! Stones were placed in the wrong sectors, cement wasn't mixed right, the tower started to shake and crumble, stones and slaves and bosses started getting tossed off the tower, then to add too this mess, it started pouring rain..Everybody was yelling and screaming out orders, but nobody understood them..Well it just so happened that Luke and Marcus that was the names of the two masons from Babylon were on the fortieth floor when it collapsed and they were sailing and landed on the twenty eight floor, they were both ok and Marcus looked at Luke and said in his new tongue, Luck are you ok? and  Luke looked at him and said, yes I am OK, and from now on I will be known as Lucky...Marcus only understood the word Lucky, because that is what he now called Luke, and the word spread fast that if you were involved in any kind of tragedy and survived it from that day forward you were known to be LUCKY.. You heard it here first at Plain and Simple....PHEW!!!
OK. on too business here at the Ville, broke a record for visitors yesterday, 182 marched through the Ville, if this continues we are going to have to either widen the dirt road or start construction on another road...The critters are up for that as they are all unemployed...
Gotta get on the road... As Phil would say, we ain't on the road the truck is...You know that right E?? Yeah Phil, how many times I gotta tell ya it is just an expression...Hey E, what is that expression shit and where did that come from?? Oh man, not today pal..I have babbled enough...
Have a lucky Friday the 13th.. I am sure the 57 Friday the 13th movies will be on tonight...
I won't be back for awhile...Whack on my main man Plain....Talk to everyone later....

"Today Is The 12th Day Of April In The Year Of Our Lord 2012.

"It Is Now Post Time."
We're Off..Plain, Plain, Plain you hateful little devil, do you really hate it when someone in the movies says,"Did you see that."  Plain, I HATE to say it, but so do I.. I don't know about typing, sometimes I HATE it other times it comes pretty easy..True story, I wanted a skate class junior and senior year at Roman, sooooo I am looking at the classes, and see this typing class,,hmm that should be pretty easy, so I take typing for two years at Roman, and it is amazing I still remember how to do it (type that is)..Many a smacks in the back of the head by one Father Mauser...I had Dave Kilkenny to the right (R.I.P.) and Larry Kelly to my left..Mauser loved that row, he could test out his new karate chops every day..The great part about it was it was last period, and as soon as he wasn't lookin I darted out the door to catch the A Express..Ahhh!! I remember running out the side door at Roman and I would always look back and say, one less day I have to be in that place..Man, what you don't know as a teenager...then when you find out how good those days were it is too late..Yep, I went back to Roman in 1981 and asked them if I could get back in, the priest said you smell of alcohol.. I said, I am old enough to drink..I was just having a flash back and wanted back in, they told me if I wasn't out of there in five minutes they were calling the police..I said what happens if I stay for ten minutes..chit!! call 911!!! haahhah...
OK, Simple calm down, it wasn't that funny...One pet peeve I have here at the Ville, who the hell ever came up with that one, pet peeve,) hey jedi knight Plain explain that one for me will ya...Now, I forgot what my pet peeve was...I guess it wasn't that bad of a pet peeve...What the fuck is a pet peeve? I know whatever it is I got them? Everybody says is that your pet peeve? Fuckin right it is.. Is it your pet peeve?  How about people that say they don't have any pet peeves? That's like saying you don't hate anything...saw what happened to Delores..One last note today. We all know by now, my real name is Simple, but my nickname is Ernie Keebler..Well I remember going out with a girl named Delores, and when I told her how I got teased and bullied (rubbing my eyes and wincing at the horror), about my name..She sympathized and said what about growing up with a name like Delores,, I said what was so bad about that?? You know ryming  with a part of the female anatomy...I was like, oh yeah, Delores,, ahmm  Delores, ahmm Delores...I'm sorry Delores but I don't get it..I DIDN'T THINK YOU WOULD YOU INSENSITIVE SLUG!! HOW ABOUT DELORES THE CLITORIS!!!! OH CHIT!! DELORES THE CLITORIS OF COURSE, HOW COULD I BE SUCH AN INSENSITIVE SLUG!! AHAHAHHA DELORES THE CLITORIS...OH MAN AHAAHHAAHH,  .OK STOP IT YOU SIMPLETON, IT IS NOT THAT FUNNY!!... Simple you OK?? Yeah Phil if I wasn't ok, I wouldn't be ok..oh chit......   

"Today Is The 11th Day Of April In The Year Of Our Lord 2012."

"It Is Now Post Time."
We're Off...All right you all know what to do today..AH ONE AND AH TWO AND AHHH HUMMMPPP!!!!! There bet you feel better.. Hey Phil, do me a favor call my niece Dawn, she is a chiropractor, I just threw my back out..How do you throw your back out?? This language is fucked up..One of my favorite subjects today.."HATE",, Oh yeah, I know you don't hate nothin..I get that a lot when I bring this subject up at social gatherings..Usually like too start it at a wedding table, or a barbecue, you know a setting where everyone is within a pretty close proximity to the conversation..Most of the time they are just elaborating on the weather patterns or what their kids or grandkids invented this month..Then I spring my trap.. I hit so much traffic coming here, that it took me an extra hour and two thousand dollars in gas. I hate that shit...Then here it comes...OH, My hate is such a strong word ,Simple..!!Yes, Yes it is Delores,  but I really do hate those bullshit traffic jams and the price of gas...Oh well, that is just how you are...Personally, I don't hate anything..AH!! right into my trap...! Oh really, Delores you don't hate child molesters??  Well Well, of course I hate child molesters.  Oh, ok then you do hate something..., and how about paying 22.00 a gallon for gas.. Is that ok with you...AH!! no not really, I hate the way these gas prices are out of control.. You know what else, Simple, I hate when I pull into the bank and somebody pulls in right in front of me and takes like twenty minutes to do their bullshit..I also, hate the fact that I gotta get up at five a.m. to go to a job I really HATE!! I hate my sister-in-law, that bitch comes over too the house sits down on the couch don't move all day, her kids run rampant through my house, screaming and yelling, crying. I hate when they come over..I hate the fact that she never cleans up, I hate  my husband for allowing her to do this too me. I hate, I hate....DELORES!! easy honey, easy does it..I didn't mean to get you all riled up (smirking),, you don't have to explain to us..I hate a lot of things also..Somebody please call 911, Delores is in a perpetual sweat, and she is shaking uncontrollably, yelling she HATES, when she gets like this..Here comes the ambulance, here Delores let me help you.. Get the fuck away from me Simple,, I always hated your guts..!!!!  Bring on some Hate...No Rules. but no Obuma Plain, you use him everyday, and I won't say I hate all politicians...!! yeah right..

"Today Is The 10th Day Of April In The Year Of Our Lord 2012."

It Is Now Post Time.
We're Off..What time is it?? Does anybody really care?? Sounds like a song...We are still runnin the roads, you know what that means.. Fill the truck go about 100 miles fill the truck again..Really my friends this is ridiculous. Something is going to happen and it is going to be ugly..You can only fleece sheople so much and they start to bleed, and the bleeding has begun...
Want to say that Fireman Nealy and Sweeney and their families are in my prayers. There are the true heroes in life, these guys go out everyday, and never know if they are going home that night..It only takes one tragedy like this too show how dangerous that job is..
On the other side of the ocean, the queen has given the duchess of cornwall, camille,the highest award a woman can be given, she is a grand dame in some kinda society, you gotta be fuckin kiddin..Here is a bitch that was fuckin prince alfred e. neuman, while he was married to dianna princess of whales..dianna used to call her the rottweiler, now she is a grand dame..fuck you..grand shame, that's what they all are..,and what really kills me is people love these assholes.., I just don't get it...Little known fact the duchess of cornwall used to be known as  the duchess of cornhole, in royal circles , yep, that was her nickname, see all the duchesses have a duty, and there is a pecking order among duchesses..there is the duchess of wales, and the duchess of york, the duchess of berkshire, the duchess of knottinghamshire, all these duchesses are ahead of the duchess of cornwall, whose job in the kingdom was to feed the pigs..yep, that was her job and this is, how she got her nickname.  See, the first duchess of cornwall went right into the pig pen with the slop and the corn feed and legend has it that she tripped and well the pigs went at her with snouts blazing and she was lucky to escape with her crown a little crooked..Soooo the duke of cornwall came up with the idea, that from now on when the tippy duchess went to feed the pigs there would be a hole built in the pen where she could just dump the slop and corn that way she wouldn't have to hang with the pigs anymore (he couldn't have sex with her, he told her she smelled to much like garbage). They called this little hole, the cornhole, thus she got the nick name the duchess of cornhole., The other duchesses would snicker at her whenever she attended one of the royal affairs, and she hated them with a passion..You really can't blame them, as she did kinda stink..Come to think of it maybe that is why the queen bitch gave her the title, she knows the history that goes along with it, oh chit the queen does have a sense of humor, camille is now the duchess of cornhole, long live duchess camille, the slut of cornhole...... None of the peasantry is supposed to know this little known fact so keep it a secret, but you heard it here first at Plain and Simple..

"Today Is The 9th Day Of April In The Year Of Our Lord 2012."

"It Is Now Post Time."
We're Off..I love no rules. I know it is a little late in the day for a Post but so what..We had a down day here at the Ville, the critters are still looking for eggs, they found a bunch of golf balls from Walnut Lane Golf Course, hmmm wonder how they got out here, but I told them that didn't count..Got back from an early morning run and just sorta crashed out, everybody split on a very quite day..Easter Monday was usually like that..Anyway, another Easter down the old bunny trail..So, what do we prepare for next...let's see MY BIRTHDAY!!! Only kidding Plain, he was pissed because I had 12 parties last year..That is because I share it with so many wonderful people..We will now have Mothers Day, every day should be Mothers Day, without Mothers there are no others...We will have Memorial day and be clicking into the summer..Time travel is already here it is not in some sci-fi film...Stop to get gas 3.99 a gallon in Medford NJ..anybody that thinks I'm nuts, is nuts..I honestly wanted to get the tank filled up and take the fuck off..I can see that happening in the near future..I have an idea, how about if all the gas station owners and operators just started giving it away..Now, mind you we would have to pay them a fair price for their gas, but they then tell the suppliers who tell their suppliers this is all we got for the gas...NOW!! you say their suppliers will shut them down..WELL WELCOME TO AMERICA KIDS, BECAUSE IF GASOLINE PRICES STAY AT 4.00 A GALLON, AMERICA IS GOING TO SHUT THE FUCK DOWN ANYWAY.....So, start it now, so it can be shut down by the summer, and let the protesting, occupying and revolution begin....they are going to fleece the sheople during a depression by raising gas prices through the roof...You have to understand, people cannot afford 4.00 a gallon do you know how far 20.00 will get you..Some people will be paying over 100.00 a day for gas..WASHINGTON, OIL BARONS, IMPORTERS, EXPORTERS, RETAILERS, WHOLESALERS, STOP THE FUCKING FLEECING, WE ARE DOWN TO OUR SKIN AFTER 6  YEARS OF DEPRESSION, WE CANNOT AFFORD IT, AND THE NEXT THING YOU WILL SEE IS THEFT, ROBBERY AND KILLING, IT IS ALMOST INEVITABLE!!! What don't these scum bags that rule over us get, what the fuck has too be done before they realize they are killing the very country they suck off of...I will make a prediction, it is going to get real fucking ugly...I saw it yesterday, in other people and I saw it today with me...What will be will be..
On a much lighter but not happier note..Phils looked pretty futile in Pittsburgh over the weekend.. It was the first series of the year, and if they would have played the way they should they would be 3-0, NOT.. When that dude struck out and made first base, I must admit, I said watch them lose this fuckin ball game..Sure enough that came back to get them...Still lovin the Phils, still believe they will be there in the end...I  know right about now a lot of people are down, but give it a chance, and let's see what happens.. As I am talking too you, I don't know what happened with the Phils today, as I said we were on a run most of the day..So, I won't be talking to anybody tonight, as I will catch the replay...I will be back for TAPS in the interim, enjoy what is left of your day and I will talk with you tonight....

"Today Is The 8th Day Of April (EASTER SUNDAY) In The Year Of Our Lord 2012."

"It Is Now Post Time."
We're Off....The most important day on the Christian Calendar..The day Christ rose from the dead...Happy Easter to all..and especially our departed loved ones who now celebrate in Heaven, who we all miss, but if we are believers, then we believe they are in a better place, because of the events that took place today 2012 years ago...I know we all have busy lives, some of us are still raising children and working, some of us are having problems health wise, some in bad relationships, some with financial problems, but for a day just try and relax, enjoy your beliefs, whatever they may be, think about the fun you had as a child, and if you are religiously inclined, just think of the magnitude of this day...
An amazing fact, we tell the little ones about Jesus rising from the dead, and a Giant Rabbit hopping through their house leaving eggs and candy for them to find and eat..I could see Jesus laughing now and saying, they probably believe the rabbit story more than the resurrection, because they get the candy...As I got older I always believed Jesus, to have a sense humor, and I believe it more today than ever..What the heck he made me..I know I have had to make him laugh at some of the things I have done..Of course we won't get into my other, shenanigans on Easter Morning..
OK,,, so in hops this giant rabbit and up hop the kids, estimated time of awakening, anytime between 5 and 7 a.m. depending upon how tired the parents are, and the rampage begins..NO JOHNNY!! he didn't hide the eggs in Daddy's sock drawer get your little mitts outta there before Mommy gets here..NO TRISHA!! he did not hop on the roof, I don't care what you heard...JOHNNY DON'T EAT THAT RABBIT YET!!! Oh hi honey,,!  I TOLD YOU NOT TO LET HIM INTO THAT CANDY UNTIL AFTER BREAKFAST!! JOHNNY PUT THAT BUNNY DOWN.., and down Johnny put it,, right down his gullet as he ran through the closet door and found the golden egg...Trisha starts screaming as the bottoms of eight marshmallow peeps lay at her feet (she only eats the heads), I WANTED TO FIND THAT EGG!! HE FINDS IT EVERY YEAR!!  Trisha honey, you are only 4, he only found it the last 4 years, (Trisha crying) I ain't lookin for no more eggs.., but Trisha there is another golden egg, try and find it....JOHNNY YELLS, HEY GOT ANOTHER GOLDEN EGG..Happy Easter on that one...
Time for a early Phllies check..I guess after the Phils loss last night, there are many Phaitful Phans diving off of bridges..Hey don't forget they are playing the mighty pirates..It is only two games.., but how do you like small ball so far..Pence had a chance to break that thing open, and missed a fat one..That's baseball..Just a take too see what you guys think..I never thought Pence was a cleanup hitter. I know they are hurting, and he will probably hit three homers today, but he didn't produce much there last year..What to do about that, I don't know..Lets not forget they are missing two very good hitters. They will hold it down, they will be fine..Don't want to take too many losses like that though..
Little known fact:  The Easter or Oester, bunny originated in Germany, yep, the most kind hearted and warmest people on earth..just ask anybody in Europe...In the Black Forests of Germany there were known to be a species of rabbits that were over six feet tall, now mind you nobody ever really saw one, (much like the Yeti), but they knew they existed by footprints and rabbit poop the size of elephant turds..The Germans being the scientific whizzes that they were, examined this and proclaimed the tribe of rabbits to exist...Now what they didn't know was that the chief rabbit was known as Oester Bunny, that's right, this is where it gets interesting (gag), it was known in rabbit lore, that every Easter the chief rabbit would load up a giant basket, with figs, and eggs of all colors, and go hopping down the bunny trail.. Where he went the other rabbits didn't know. In actuality he went to the homes bordering his forest and left figs and eggs for the families..You ask why figs and eggs? Come on, after the people ate all those eggs the black forest used to smell like a bathroom down at the Vet..it is a known fact that after you eat eggs, if you eat a fig, the smell will dissipate immediately, thus the legend of the Easter Bunny grew into the present day status, where he no longer delivers figs and eggs, but chocolate and eggs..that is why people spend millions on ham and yams and cakes and other kinds of food,  too get rid of the eggy odor..When in effect they could just buy a can of figs...Go FIGure....!!!   HAPPY EASTER....!!!

"Today Is The 7th Day Of April In The Year Of Our Lord 2012."

"It Is Now Post Time."
We're Off...Holy Saturday, another giant celebration in The Christian Religion..This Mass is about 21/2 hours long. The reason I know the lengths of these Masses during Holy Week, is I served them all as an altar boy at St. John's..Wait till you hear this,, IN LATIN!! Yep, the whole time I was an altar boy the Mass was said in Latin... I looked up the prayers I was saying years later, as all I was doing was PARROTING, I had no idea what I was saying, except maybe for the Confiteor.(that gotta be spelled wrong).  Actually still know the prayers and some songs..I was up on that altar in a cassock and blouse, and a sash and a starched collar and silk bow tie, yelling out Latin, the louder the better..I think McKenna had a hearing problem..While I was sweating and stammering, and marching around with giant books...Plain, McSinger, Floyd and the rest of the choir boys, had a little book in front of them, singing their little hearts out about every fifteen minutes, then could take a seat and wait for the next song..Every now and then I would glance up into the choir loft and see Plain smirking at me as if too say, I told you, you should have practiced your singing..Anyway this is the day when Christ's body lay in state..Tomorrow morning being Easter is the Day that the Disciples and Mary Magdelena found the body missing..and there you have it, The Resurrection Of The Dead...This was the proof they needed to carry on as Christians..and that is the mantra most of us were taught to believe...
Hey Plain, what's with I am doing the Church thing it is Holy Week you heathen...you should be thankful for having me in your life...I am thankful for having you..(gag), something caught in my throat...Kind of a kick back Saturday, this was a big day when the kids were little.. You know the dying of the eggs and the tales of the Easter Bunny coming, man the bullshit we feed our little ones...I remember when Sony came out with the beta max.. Being the Griswold impersonator that I am,, I immediately ran out and bought one..So here it is egg dying night and we got everything set up for the ritual..I guess Carmie was 10 and Ernie was 9 and Joey was 1 or 2. Lynne was her normally conserved self as the dye was spilling on the table and a few eggs were gettting cracked. Lights, Camera, Action... Me, don't worry about the table, the dye will come out....now I got the camera rolling...Lynne, you ain't worried about the table because you ain't gonna clean it... How can I clean it I am the Cameraman..Carmie, Daddy, Ernie took my egg.. Ernie give Carmie back her egg...Why, it is ugly...Because I said to give it back to her...Did I say to throw it, you little..easy the camera is on..He cracked my egg...Lynne: turn the camera off... I ain't turnin the camera off until the eggs are dyed..Joey: Daddy look, got his feet on the table, and is counting his toes.. Wum, Doo, Free.. Joey do the eggs you can show me your mathmatic skills later.. Mind you only one egg is dyed, the camera is getting heavy and I am getting pissed...Daddy, what Ernie, you forgot too write names on the eggs.. GIVE ME THE EGGS...Lynne, hold this camera.. I'm not holding it...Just hold it while I write the names...CARMIE, ERNIE, JOEY, MOM, DAD, NANA, POPPY, JESUS...Ok there, now dye the friggin eggs..Lynne hands me back the camera and there goes the purple dye onto the refrigerator...You satisfied, turn off the camera and help them..Hey Lynnie, I just filmed that murderous face you made at me..How are we going to get purple dye off of the refrigerator...HOW ABOUT SOAP AND WATER!!! Camera is getting heavier...OK, I am putting the camera over here so I can help, SHIT, THERE GOES THE RED DYE!!! Lynne.. that's it I am cleaning up.. WHOA!! we only got CARMIE, ERNIE AND JOEY DONE!!  That is all you are getting done, you are wrecking my kitchen...This is about an hour into to this joyous event at Simples house...OK OK, one more and we call it a wrap....NO, DADDY WE WANT TO DO THEM ALL...fort, fife sixt, seffen, ate, ninet, tent...Da I can cant do tent...I heard it Joe...OK everybody the rabbit is coming time for bed..It is 8 O'clock.. DADDY ME AND E DON';T BELIEVE IN THE EASTER BUNNY.. YES WE DO DADDY..DA!! CARMIE AND ARNIE SAYT DA BUNNY IS NOT REAL DA!! He's real Joey, you two better knock it off man...bed everybody...Lynne says,You oughta go to bed with them.. You know what sweetie not a bad idea.. Good Night......I still have that tape, that is how I know what came down....I should put it on You Tube....You guys got any interesting stories about Holy Thursday, Easter Eve, Egg Dying, Bunny Hopping let us here them.. I will be back..hope you got a laugh out of that..Nobody was laughing that night...Oh yeah one more, the kids find a baby rabbit, guess the little feller was sick and the Mom left him, he was banged up, so in they come with this rabbit...We gotta help him Dad..So I set up a nursery with food, you know lettuce and water, and put him in the box...Well this interested Joey to no end so, when nobody was around he reached in and pulled the rabbit out and must have squeezed a little too hard as the rabbit expired..The other two are screaming JOEY!!! killed the rabbit..Just what a two year old needs too hear..He killed the Easter Bunny's kid...YO!! knock it off don't let him think that...DA!! where ya goin...AHM!! the rabbit is ok Joey I am taking him back to his Mom...THAT RABBIT AIN'T OK YOU KILLED HIM!!!! DA!! CARMMIIEEE ANNNND ARNNNIEEE SAID I KILT THE BABY RABB...NO NO HE IS OK!! I'll talk too you two later....  You should have seen Christmas!!!!LOL!!!.

Today is the 7th Day of mmmmmmm April in the Year Of Our Lord 2012

Here it is Holy Saturday and Father Simple hasn't come in to give us his Blessing yet! I'll bet his Computer has a virus.And yes we gor the Masters and  The Phillies Today , dont get any better than that . Cliff Lee on the mound ole Roy pitched a gem. But  looks  around , shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh  we have to  hit Better, nods yep we  do.And  today  is  open Saturday you  can  speak on  anything you  want, ask  any Question you  want, or  just Plain Bitch about  anything you  want lets  hear  from  ya. I'll be  back.

"Today Is The 6th Day Of April (Good Friday) In The Year Of Our Lord 2012."

"It Is Now Post Time."
We're Off..Happy B'Day Dad..(R.I.P.),,There is just one thing I would like to do here today at the Ville..This is a song I sing and strum on the old guitar...I would play it for people then ask them if they knew what it was about, and 9 out of 10 said no.. Then I would tell them and play it again, and they were like, yeah that's good E..So, here goes...
Was an April night and I was right..
I'd been out on the town.
The show was at the palace, we all went on down.
We all had a ball as I recall, but now it seems absurd.
As the madness raged upon the stage he never said a word..
He was a little weird and we all feared he wasn't one of us.
See he didn't drink and he didn't smoke, he didn't even cuss.
You'd see him now and then with a bunch of men, hanging around the sea.
And I'm sure I would have liked him more if he were a little bit more like me...

Was an April day, the sky was gray, looked like it might rain.
When I thought about what we did last night, I was so ashamed.
When I heard what they had done to him, the stranger I had known.
But we all got so drunk last night it is a wonder we got home..
He was a little weird and we all feared he wasn't one of us.
See he didn't drink and he didn't smoke he didn't even cuss.
You'd see him now and then with a bunch of men hanging around the sea.
And I'm sure I would have liked him more if he were a little bit more like me..

Not too many people got that this song was about the happenings of Holy Thursday and Good Friday, and what they did too Christ...Always thought it was a different take than the songs you normally hear..I heard it first performed by Kenny Rogers back in the 70's...Enjoy your day, in whatever way you choose..I will see you tomorrow...

"Today Is The 5th Day Of April In The Year Of Our Lord 2012."

It Is Now Post Time.

We're Off.....HOLY THURSDAY,,,,,,PHILLIES OPENER.......HOLY MOLEY!!!!!!!

Let's do Holy Thursday, as that is what today is on the Christian Calendar, and the Day The First Mass was celebrated..It was the Last Supper with Jesus and his Disciples..It was his last day as a free man..We all know what happened after that..There are many theories in the Christian and other religions about the Last Supper..When Christ broke the bread and said "This is my body that has been given up for you eat it in memory of me...and when he raised the cup of wine and said "This is my blood the blood of the New Testament drink it in memory of me...was he actually telling them of the transubstantiation, of the bread and wine into his body and blood, or was he being symbolic..and telling them too have dinner in his memory, and share that with all his followers..The truly faithful Christians believe that a priest actually turns the bread and wine into the body and blood of Christ...If that is what they believe, so be it, if others believe it too be symbolic it is just as important.., It has been discussed by many theologians over the course of the centuries, whatever you believe, and I hope you believe something happened.., that is your business.If you attend the Holy Thursday celebration, it is one of the longest and oldest of the Christian Religion. I served it as a boy, and celebrated it as a man...After the Mass the host is shown to the faithful by a procession throughout the church then placed in a setting that (used to be open all night), there the altar boys would have 1 hour watches throughout the night..I remember walking down to St.  Johns at 4 AM, it was kind of cool when you were a kid, I would steal milk and pastries from the homes on the way too Church then go and pray for forgiveness, because I stole..I was always nuts.. Well however you decide to celebrate your Holy Thursday,  is once again your business. Hey, say a prayer for me, I need it..

"OPENING DAY"  HERE IS ANOTHER DAY THAT SHOULD BE A HOLIDAY, Actually around here the last few years it is a Holiday, ROY!!!! and today the good doctor will take the mound against the Pittsburgh  Pirates and throw the first Phillies pitch of the 2012 season...Love it...I looked at the schedule, it is really a grind..Of course lets not forget that it is baseball, and a rightfielder may stand there for nine innings and get two ball hit to him....I digress...This is an exciting time for Philly Baseball, they have a chance every year too make it to the playoffs and then anything can happen good or bad.. I would just like too say, just making the playoffs is quite an accomplishment. I know everybody wants too see a World Series win, I do too, but that is not going too happen unless you  make the playoffs, so one step at a time.. Get in there and like I just said anything can happen.. Let me give you my take..(GAG).. I already doomed Union Rags, as the last time I predicted the next Triple Crown Winner he never even ran in the Derby...Devils Bag..broke down before the race...

OK the Phils start out with, actually this is my lineup. I don't  know the real one yet...

1. Juan Pierre in Left Field.. He actually played pretty well last year and looks like he is ok, I could think of worse scenarios than having a proven veteran presence leading off and playing left field. Onward we go..

2. Placido Polanco on third base..all he has to do is stay healthy and he will hover around 300 all year. I like Polanco, when healthy he is a solid ballplayer, and a great guy on any team...

3. Jimmy, playing ShortStop..that is what they call him, those announcers that know nothing, here comes Jimmy, there goes Jimmy, Jimmy hits a long fly, Jimmy stole second..If you were from out of town, you would be elbowing the guy next too you saying..Who the fuck is Jimmy...Around here JRoll, and I believe he will have a big year, they need it....

4. Jim Thome playing First Base, yep, I think Thome gets a start, I may have too eat this one, maybe Charlie wants too save him for the home opener. We will see...What do we get outta Thome..I think a solid year, he looks to be in good shape. 15 homers...I'll go there..lots of strikeouts also, but that's baseball.. Look, he is good to have around right now, just for the scare factor with Howard and Utley DL'd.. If he doesn't start let's go Mayberry.....He has got too step up..., a big year from him would be awesome.

5. Hunter Pence. in right field.. He will hit 30 or more homers for the first time, and will become the leader of this team.. He is a ballplayer...

6. Shane Victorino...or as Beth Keenan would say..(Spring Training story)...The lovely Mrs. Keenan is tossing a ball up and down and says.. hey Ernie look Vic gave me a ball...I said Vic?? Vic who?? She says Vick Torino...gotta love it..

7. Carlos Ruiz. Catcher..maybe the most valuable piece on this team..

8. Freddy Galvis.. Just catch the ball, anything else will be a bonus....

9. Pitching Staff...I am told the name of the game, 90% of the game is called pitching, and this is where this team excels..I think the Phils have the best staff in the majors...and they are a proven commodity..just go out and do what they do.....

10. SIT BACK RELAX, IT IS BASEBALL TIME.., ENJOY THE RIDE.. IT IS A FUN TIME. I HONESTLY CAN'T BELIEVE IT IS BACK, BUT IT IS..I WILL BE BACK LATER...GIVE ME YOUR TAKE ON OPENING DAY AND REMEMBRANCES OF YEARS GONE BYE....GOTTA RUN, IF I DIDN'T I WOULD BE WALKING OR SITTING........

  

"Today Is The 4th Day Of April In The Year Of Our Lord 2012."

"It Is Now Post Time."
We're Off....Devil begone...In comes Holy Week, and Miss April is showing some beauty today..Today being Spy Wednesday, I gotta try and figure out what was on the mind of Judas...Now Judas, being one of Christ's trusted disciples, new about the revolutionary teachings of this man that he was following..In my convoluted theories on Christianity, everybody that heard Christ, or heard about him also knew that he was preaching against just about everything that the Jews believed in.. He was also calling himself the Messiah, or Savior. The hierarchy of the ruling Jewish regime at that time was known as the Pharisees, they were like modern day Mullahs, and they were in fear of Christ's teachings because a  lot of their followers had bought into his preaching and line of thinking..All of these early Christians were under scrutiny from the ruling class.. The ruling demigods of the Jewish Religion wanted Christ dead, that may be drastic but that is the only choice they thought they had. The main charge they were going to bring against him was the fact that he was a blasphemer, because of his proclamations about being the Son Of God, to them this one fact alone could bring him down..The Jews needed a fall guy, they needed a guy close enough to him to tell them and the Romans (who could really have cared less, as there were many  people in those days that were preaching religious fanaticism), exactly what he was about, as they did not understand him and still don't..Judas was their guy, not a whole lot is known about Judas except for the fact that he supposedly performed the first kiss of death, and took thirty pieces of silver, gave up Christ, and then hung himself..Thirty pieces of silver seems like a pretty low sum for turning in a friend for any kind of charge let alone one that the Jews could carry to the Romans and demand the death penalty.. As we all know the days that followed are the days that all of Christianity is based on, Holy Thursday (The First Mass) Good Friday (The Death Of Jesus), Holy Saturday (The Body In The Tomb) Easter Sunday (The Resurrection Of Christ)....As Christians we all should know that without the belief of the risen Christ, there is no Christianity, this is the main fact that determines that he truly was God...If you are a practicing Christian the events that transpired on this week 2012 years ago is what your religion is based on...Whatever you believe is you business, and is personal to you..I believe in many different facets of the life of Christ, and I do believe he was God...once again that is personal..As for Judas, kinda knowing the way Christ was, I believe he forgave him.. I believe he had already accepted his fate, and had too know that this was going to happen..I have to believe that a man that taught, turn the other cheek, and forgiveness, would have to forgive a friend that betrayed him, because if not, he would be going against his own teachings...I still don't envy the part that Judas had in the outcome of these events...Pretty nasty role he played...I would like to think back at this time and say, Judas was also a priest, because he was at the Last Supper..Interesting material Christianity, it has been discussed, torn apart into thousands of different sects, killed millions of people, started various religions and has had billions of followers over the years, all coming from a man that only preached for three years, was crucified died and was buried, but the caveat is,  true Christians believe he rose on the third day... AMAZING!!!

"Today Is The 3rd Day Of April In The Year Of Our Lord 2012."

"It Is Now Post Time."
We're Off...Don't anybody give me any shit about Union Rags...OH!! never mind, I did that yesterday...that is not a good sign..I know one thing at the first sign of drool, I am heading into the pine barrens, never too be seen again.  I will become the second Jersey Devil.. That's right I will be Devil II...Only this time no more Mister Nice Guy..I have a list of people I will haunt, they will see me in their dreams...I will have my head, (that's enough too scare the shit outta most people), the eyes of the goat, meere kat toes, parrot wings, and a Slovakian accent... I will tell them I am coming and hell's coming with me....There that should do it...No, I am not bringing the  Jersey Devil II into the menagerie. I put up with enough shit around here...Kind of a knock down day, work and work.... Kentucky national champ, with that more than wondrous conceited fucking asshole of a coach..Can't stand that clown...
Let's get back too important business...Devils, Hell, all that kinda Inferno type craziness..Bring on some devil may care stories, should be fun, especially with this crew...YO!! to the eighty people that stomped through here yesterday, leave a devil story...we would like to hear from you...
Devils food cake...
How about Dante's Inferno, the seven stages of hell...WOW!! Dante knew his shit.. In reverse order, Islam has seven stages of Heaven..This is a good subject to get out of the way, before Holy Thursday...
How about those people that worship the devil.. I think they are called devil worshipers, yep, you can look it up..They actually pray too the devil...
OK!! enough, I have a devil may care attitude today and I gotta get too work....Hurry up and get this one over with as tomorrow is Spy Wednesday.. I'll see you later...

"Today Is The 2nd Day Of April In The Year Of Our Lord 2012."

"It Is Now Post Time." April Come She Will...

We're Off...Don't anybody give me a hard time about Union Rags..Watch the race, that jockey got him in more trouble than Charlie Manson...and he still should have won the race...Sour Grapes, yeah....Anyway, bet him in the Derby Exotics 9 (here is a stretch, but that is what I do, HE WILL BE THE NEXT TRIPLE CROWN WINNER)...Onto March Madness, ends in April.. Tonite Kentucky...All my brothers are jumping on Kansas as of right now..and the ones that liked Kentucky are scared too do anything...I might be a moosh, but that Phil The Thrill is the kiss of death.. Little known fact The Kiss Of Death was first uttered on All Fools Day In The Year Of Our Lord 1388..The village idiot, I know a lot of them, was performing magic tricks, now mind you, back  in 1388 there were no dentists, sooooooooooo people sorta kinda had bad breath, actually it reeked..The stench was so bad in some Villages that when people arrived they had to wear veils over their faces...Well the Village Idiot only got laid on All Fools Day, and yep, he had his choice of damsels..Most of the fair maidens would run into the neighboring woods, hoping to get eaten by a werewolf, as his breath was better than The Village Idiots..I heard one story where a Werewold was eating a maiden and she said whats the matter don't you werewolves screw anymore...ahahhahah..bad Simple,,bad Simple..I digress.. The Village Idiot  chose his mate for the day and it was one of the visitors with a veil on her face... When said Idiot drug her off the horse his breath was so bad the horse passed out...Down came the maid and when he ripped her veil off, she had one long tusk like a narwohl, and sunk it into his jester hat and hit his pea (brain).. Down went the idiot, dead as a door nail.. Everyone in the village drew back in horror as she looked at them with her bloody tusk hanging out her mouth and they all exclaimed "The Kiss Of Death."  You heard it here first on Plain and Simple.. I guess Plain is playing with his balls practicing for the annual Viet Nam Veterans Scholarship Tournament, what he and the other toads don't know is this year team Ernie has a ringer.. I will not reveal his name until Golf Day...Well March marched, in and out like a lamb..I just heard something the other day that blew my mind.. Now that doesn't take much.., it may have bee Plain..Somebody said..April Showers Bring May Flowers...How fucking profound is that.  Have you ever heard anything like that before??? Surely I jest...This whole fucking language is cliche' after cliche'....If we are repeating, if we are repeating I don't give a fuck, lets do some of those moribund sayings that you hear all the time...Ready, get set..STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's why I am Simple.. I'm actually laughing right now, what am I 12..

Here we go....well without knowing it, I just did one..Here we go.....

Keep The Pressure On.

Did you get the mail....Retired wife to retired husband or visa versa.

Honey I'm Home.. Butchie Welte after he drove off in the cop car that had pulled him over...

I'm Tired....Go the fuck too sleep, I don't feel like hearing your tired..

I gotta get some rest....don't worry where your going there is plenty of that too be had. You know the one thing we all have in common the dirt nap..

The bigger they are the harder they fall.  Fuckin BULLSHIT!!! The bigger they are the harder they hit....

Doors open come on in, unless you are a Jehovah Witness or one of them other fucks that walks in your house asking for money.....you know the ones I waved the shotgun at....They were some fast back trackin Jehovahs that day.....bring some well known verse and cliche's   CLICHE' DAY!!

   

TODAY IS SUNDAY THE 32nd DAY OF MARCH,@)!@

I think today is the 32nd on my calendar.......March is one of the longest months we have...It follows the shortest month.  What month is the middlest of the year?  If you can get the answer you will win an all expense paid vaction to the Bunker at the Ville.  Simple will be your host and the menagerie will see to your every needs.......So.......lets get crackin.......I heard that the Ville is applying for a Casino license......and they also want a circle put in.   What else am I missing????????  Good luck........Starting a Zoo is a take off of the Ville...Royalities are coming........Golf Course rights are coming, perhaps Plain will be the Pro or at least the Cady Master.......Katie.....the ball girl......Floyd......Golf Shirt Master........Rain in Spain falls mainly on the Plain.......
Damn.......March is almost gone.............