"Today Is The 25th Of April In The Year Of Our Lord 2012."

It Is Now Post Time.
We're Off..AHHH ONE AND AHH!! you know what?? I am sick of humping...I know it is hump day, but there are also humpbacks, humpback whales, humps in the road. There are all kinds of humps...I remember when I was a kid..We used to go visit relatives on the Holidays, this was a huge deal, because at Christmas Time, I got to play with my toys, and then when I went to their house, I got to play with their toys, it was like Christmas all over again, if one of them told me to leave their toys alone, there was a battle gone on underneath their Christmas Tree...I wanted that toy and I wasn't going to hear somebody tell me I couldn't have it, not then not ever..Anyway, my one cousin Danny Rose, he always thought he was Roy Rodgers, he had more guns than The 26th Marines...Every Christmas I would go to their house ready to play with his guns, and his dog would attack.. Yep none other than Spotty, a cross between a Chihuahua and a Mosquito, he was known as just Spot to those of us that knew him well...This little fucker (literally) would jump on anybody's leg at anytime, and buff your britches faster than a dry cleaner..I really didn't at the time understand what Spot was doing, I thought it was a gesture of friendship, (HA!! little did I know, the little bastard was a horn toad).. After it was explained to me, (by my Dad) what old Spotty boy was up too, and what that pink thing was sticking out between his legs, I was aghast with displeasure... So, the next time up to the Rose's hacienda on Jamestown Street, I  was prepared for his randiness..Sure enough when we walked in, I was first and here COMES Spotty,,,uh-uh sorry fucker (literally)..I booted that little fuck across the room, he let out a shrill yelp, as I got him right in his little nut sack and sent him on a moon mission, I even went after him to kick him off their back steps, but I was unceremoniously grabbed by Mom, asking, once again what was wrong with me...I told her I was tired of that dog humping me..which immediately got me cuffed behind the head, as I was sulking, I thought I saw the Old Boy laughing...He always did get a kick out of my shenanigans..   It was only later in life when me and him were having a drink at Pecks, and he says..hey kid remember when you kicked that dog Spot..I said yeah, that was some funny shit..He says, yeah it was, but do you remember me telling you what he was doing..I said, yeah that is why I kicked him.. He starts laughing and says, that is why I told you, see I couldn't kick that little humper, your Mom would have been mad at me, but I knew if I told you, you would do the job for me..We both put our heads on the bar laughing...Those were the days my friends we thought they'd never end....Bring all the humps and humpers you want.....See ya later...