Tuesday, July 12, 2011
"Today Is The 12th Day Of July In The Year Of Our Lord 2011."
Mornin, Well Old John B. Kelly got my wise ass last nite. Yep, about 4 AM I went sliding into the head at the Ville, scivvies just about clear and got the Old John B's. Seems like what we talk about happens. Maybe we should name this the Twi Light Ville.. I am getting sick of Mere staring at me, he says Hatoona Matada everyday, but then I think I detect a garbled fuck you. I think they are planning a revolt against my Simple Ass. Last night my Simple John B, Kelly sliding Ass.. Even Sammy Grr's a lot more than before, and the Slavs do whatever they want. Billy don't matter he is smashed all of the time, and just says NAHHHHH NAHHHHH to everything. I told the Slavs that I was going to be keeping any eye out for anything strange and they tried to tear one of my eyes out.. Last night was bug night at the Ville, man I was doing battle, with spiders, and flying fucks that are only native to this area, the one was a jet bug, he could fly at warp speed. I was gonna call Plain and see if the Old Jedi had any info on how too kill a bug at Warp Speed. Hey I gave you a famous Philadelphian last night one John B. Kelly. How about you guys got any famous Philadelphians and any stories about them. Let us know.. Can't Wait. Be Back...
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I knew one, or both, of you would link John B. Kelly to the term "Kelly-slide". The nearest logical explanation I could find was that John B. was Fairmount Park Commissioner back in the day and built many playgrounds around the city. Thus, the sliding boards were referred to Kelly-slides but truthfully I liked your explanations better. Philly holds the distinction of being the only city that refers to the kelly-slides. However, it is just our generation and maybe our kids because they heard it from us but the grandkids uh, uh!
Simple, I wanted to let you know that the only amusement I find in your menagerie is Mere (or Meerkat). Sammy is still a rat with a furry tail; Greenie is a flying rat; Billy is okay but a bad drunk; and Blat and Slav are neanderthals, and the bugs are well they are just creepy. So Mere keep singing, standing on your toes, peering into the bunker or staring into Simple's eyes and keep me provided with smiles. Comere!
Famous Philadelphians:
Ernie Keebler
Terry Morris
Speedy Morris
Cow-cow
Grace Kelly
Mario Lanza
Frankie Avalon
Fabian
Danny & the Juniors
Bobby Rydell
James Darren
that's all for now!
Kim Delaney..
Simple your old neighbor
Larry Fine....Stooge
Jack Klugman.Odd Cpuple
M. Night Shaymalan.......Next movie about the Ville.
The beautiful Kelly Monico.....GH Google her one time
Gene Crane....Henry Ave.'s Finest
Howard Johnson.......Boxer and froggies friend.
Will Smith.........So far a nice guy and family.
Kevin Bacon.........and his brothers Homefries and eggs
J Lo wishes she was born here for Plain........
Tonight, is Baseballs Mid-Season Classic. The All Star Game. I used too really look forward to the All Star game, no more. Seems too have lost its meaning too me. My favorite all time All Star Game was 1964. Me and all the boys were in my basement on Cinnaminson St. the games were played in the afternoon in those days, and we tapped a keg and got my dog drunk, (not the first time) and we were enjoying the game and don't forget most of us drinking that beer were only around 18. When about 2PM I hear the garage door go up, my Dad, never got home early except that day.. When he walked into the basement, there was total silence, he looked around never said a word, went up got changed, came back down had some beers and watched Callison (the only Philly to ever win an MVP All Star Game Award)along with me and all of my friends, hit the walk off home run that won it for the National League. After that the All Star games were all down hill. How ya gonna top that one....
Hey guys thanks for the famous Philadelphians, but there are many more..
You guys remember the stories about Ben Franklin.
Little Known Fact.
Ben was known to booze and womanize a little too much for a man of his religious beliefs and political stature. Of course, not many people knew about it as he ran the only paper in town, and the Internet had not been discovered yet. Ben, is credited with discovering electricity. Yep, he wrote in his journal about that very night and what happened..
"It is the 12th of July In The Year Of Our Lord 1788." I had a few nips of the finest Scotch that the British left behind when we finally kicked their red coated asses outta Philly. Well let me stop here for a moment. Gerogie, that is my friend George Washington's nickname, never told a lie, so let me rephrase my initial statement.. HA HA I had more than a few nips baby, I drank two quarts of the most aged scotch known too mankind, and I heard the thunder rumble. At that very moment as I drained the last dreg of scotch, a thought occured too me, thunder and lightening go together. If I hooked up something to catch that lightening what a fuckin buzz that would be, but what?? How can I catch lightening?? What can I put up in the sky to catch it?? My Kite, that is what I can use. I stumbled across my oaken floor and grabbed my cloak and kite, jumped in my carriage yelled MUSH!! I mean GIDDYUP!!! and I headed for Buckys Hill.. When I got up there the Thunder was a Thundering and the Lightening was a Lightening and I let my kite go.. Up it soared when out of the darkness a bolt of lightening hit the top of my kite and sent a current of electricity into my body that would have killed anybody that was not totally inebriated. It shot throught my body and I lit up like a Jack-O-Lantern on Halloween. I was shaking so fucking hard as the lightening was coursing through my body that I had a vision of sugar plums dancing in my head...I was stunned to say the least, when as fast as it hit me, it blew out my Captain Toe and blew off my boot.. I had discovered electricity. I survived and had too use a cane for the rest of my days, as my Captain Toe was rendered useless. It always amazed me after that event that the shocked look people got on their faces whenever I touched them.. That is why I had so many liaisons with the opposite sex, they said I was one lit up dude..You heard it hear first at Plain and Simle
Very Good story Simple, I just love History there's another one about those guys, That there John Handcock it is a lil known fact that he was the first Rap singer and his real name was John Hand nods, I know, I know crazy isn't it well Jack (thats his nic name) he would always be rapping and dancing and grabbing his thing! People would Gasp when he did this, so he kinda kept doing it,he just kept it up so to speak.Well he was In Philly one Day when they were all meeting at Independence Hall and there were thousands there and ben Franklin asked Jack Hand to enterain the people Til George Wasgington and a few others got there,So jack gets out there and starts Dancing and singing and grabbing his thing. People were like omg who is that and this one old couple one was very hard of hearing and ask his wife whats his name and she said thats John Hand thats grabbing his cock and the older fella yells back John Handcock ???? and people began to mumble his name is John Handcock.Well when he did this enough it was very easy to see he was getting excited because of the tights they wore in those days. They all looked like fat asses in spandex with there wigs on. whispers I dont wanna start any rumors but this wasn't called the city of Brotherly Love for nothing. pretty soon they were all dancing around grabbing there crotches and rolling on there backs and just marching all over the place, up and down the Streets all the way up Broad Street and back and this was the Start of the Mummers Parade!And ben Franklin ask John Handcock why are you always grabbing your Crotch Jack dont you get embarressed, and Jack told him sometimes Ben It cums in Handy
Yep, those little known facts are what makes Plain and Simple the site it is, and what a site we are.. cough, gag, gag....
Well most people think The Declaration of Independence was Signed July 4th 1776.Leans in Psssssssst looks around whispers it wasn't.It was actually passed July 2nd 1776 thats when they voted on it.John Adams thought that's when America's birthday would be.Well this is when they talked about it and voted on it BUTTTTT the Committee of 5 hadn't finshed it yet. The 5 were Thomas Jefferson, John Adams, Rodger Sherman,Ben Franklin and Robert Livingston.They wrote it and wait til ya hear this it wasn't signed on July 4th either because they weren't all there yeaaaaaa duhhhhhhhh the writers were there nods my head but all the guys from the 13 colonies wern't crazy I know now here's the Kicker looks around It was fully signed until August 2nd 1776.And this can be attributed to the Conastoga wagons not being as fast as the 61 or the Z bus shrugs and walks away.
And I agree with you Simple it's great to just answer things off the cuff. I hate thinking about things when I say stuff I want to be just as supprized and everyone else once it comes out of my mouth.
You got it Plain, I don't think trying too write a script or thinking too hard behooves either of us. Spontaneity is the key too our wondrous success, cough gag cough. Let's keep it up along with John Handcock and the rest of those dudes rolling around in their tights and marchin up Broad Street. We can do it Plain we can do it. I think....
Lot of visitors to the Ville today, usually getting around 40 visits. Today there were 60 people roamin around the streets. I think they wanted too see the critters before I snap on them..Mere just Came Mere and crawled into his rack, he is laying there staring at me, but I think he neck is twisted the other way, you can never tell with him.. He told me today He is no Mere Cat.. He is a Mere Kat, spelled like Kit Kat. I thanked him for that information and wondered how I can choke this bastard.. Staring at me right now. When it is rack time Mere you are supposed to close your eyes. I know Simple. Hattonna Mattadda Simple, fuck you. What was that Mere. Nothing Simple just going to sleep.. Good then shut your fucking eyes...Well we learned a lot about Philadelphia today, and many of its famous citizens, not nearly enough though. We can continue that one tomorrow. Time to rack it... "Stay Out Of Harms Way My Friends." TAPS...........
Shut your eyes Mere..
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