Sunday, July 31, 2011
Today Is The 31 Day Of July In The Year Of Our Lord 2011
Top of the marrin to ye Lads & Lassies And a fine Marrin it tis nods.Well I Lost Simple at 36th and 8TH street somewhere in The Big Apple.he was Last seen with Phil the Thrill from Cherry Hill and Dianna whom Ive met for the first time And her Last name fits here very well, and Her Beauty is only overcome by her Personality nods.Anywho the Night got off on the wrong foot a lil bit when the Natzi Theater Manager tried to Bully us then Picked on me who was innocent of all wrong doings.Alough I was out weighed by 75 Pounds I showed no fear and said we arent moving anywhere and we aren't doing anything wrong but standing here, I was then told to move to the back of the room as I was Blocking the doorway! I stated I was against the wall and the doorway isnt block and if anyone else comes in let them go to the back of the room(The Room was already full) and I said the only one blocking the door was you, and your the one making all the noise, so back off I'm not going anywhere!!!! And the this Theater Nazi Manager said if you dont I am calling the Cops and having you removed!I stated get at least 3 ive been there before. And then to my amazement Simple and Thrill the thrill from cherry Hill pulled me away and said Plain come on it's not worth it.Calm down this thru me in shock a lil as I was never accomised to anything like this being Civil.I looked around the room and saw the whole audience starring I gave a discusted look at the theater Natzi then smirked knowing I could beat the shit out of her around the 11th or 12 Round. so she closes the door or tries to then they announce its time to enter the theater so I pulled the door open and said your in the way and walked in. The Play was a lil sick and kinda dumb in my opinion but every Kid in it was very good with what they had to work with. Nephew Chris was funny as hell as usual and it was a Great night.The only thing I dont know is WHERE THE HELL IS SIMPLE?
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He might be in New York. He might be in New Jersey. He might be Pa. Odds are good he is still in the U.S. Those SHE Nazis are tough, good thing they pulled you away.....
Doesn't Saratoga open Aug 1....?
I do belive Saratoga Opened July 22nd James.And last I heard Simple was in Hoboken lost trying to get to Jersey City.He was figthing with some Cab Driver from the Ivory Coast.Smirks and walks away
PHEW!!! Fuckin almost two hours to get from Manhattan to Jersey City. I told that fuckin cab driver to go back to the Ivory Coast and let me drive the cab..He said.. "Ay mon, how m ah suppused do gu tu Ivory Coast. I said go to Newark Airport take a PLAIN to Germany the Johannesburg, then ride a sheep back for all I give a fuck.. Then I yell into the back of the cab CHRIS YOU AWAKE. Yeah Uncle Ern I just can't believe this is happening. Yeah well when you walked out on the stage in drag, I couldn't believe that was happening..Hey Dianna make me another Vodka, and Phil The Thrill stop laughing at me you know that only makes me worse.. Get too the play in a chariot, yep I wasn't wakin no 10 blocks in Cowboy Boots I looked like John Voight in Midnight Cowboy..Phil was yelllin I'm walkin here, I'm walkin here... Finally get to the bar at the playhouse and they got one Coors Lite left.. There is a God, Plain..Now we are packed in a room.. I have too stop here, as I take a deep breath and stop from pissing myself laughin. Plain is at the door and I see him, what I thought was talking to this rather rotund bitch. When Phil The Thrill comes over and says you better go get him man.. Get who.. Terry.. Terry he's right there talking to that girl.. Ern, he ain't talking he's gonna fuckin kill her. Well I take another look at Plain, and Yep, see that glazed, crazy ass, look and beat red head.. YO T!! come on man, come on over hear. Fuckin Nazi Bitch!! I'm with you T, come on the play is starting. I know I can kick her ass.. Absofuckinlutly, the play is startin T.. Just one fuckin shot right on that bulbous nose.. Nah, come on T aint worth it.. Yes it is. Alright listen get her on the way out. I'll rip her glasses off and you whack her in that trumpet she has in the middle of her face and we'll both vominose out of Manhattan one more time. I said please God let her be gone when this play is over. Chris my man, please get some clothes on.. Anyway the nerve of some people, because I was playing the guit and singing Bobby Magee at 3AM, they wanted to throw us out of the hotel, fuck you I thought this was the city that never sleeps. That's New York asshole this is Jersey City.. Oh yeah, he Yeseff you in the Ivory Coast yet, you stick lookin son-of-a-bitch.. Next time I go too New York, I am taking the ferry, of course that is why I stayed in Jersey City, but no Phil had too take the Subway, Next stop Union. Maybe I'll get a seat now, it gotta be 900' in this mother fucker..next stop Hobokin. What the fuck Phil. I thought you said this was a short ride.. It is, It is, only six more stops, then we get out and walk nine blocks.. I shoulda sent him to The Ivory Coast with stick boy...
Like I Said, " They Did It Theeeeiiiirrrrr Way" . Plain wants to de-flower an usher. Simple wants to export a cab driver, and Phil just wants to go home. That's what you get for trying to get some culture, but it sounds like a good time was had by all........and you are all safe......LOL
USHER!!!!! James this was no Usher this thing look like the Offensive Tackle from the New York Giants, I mean this Broad has to shower at "Sea World" I mean I'm telling you I think it was her Dress Chris had on and it was loose on him, and her High Heels.This Bitch could have her own area code,she had so many chins it looked like she was starring over a pack of pancakes,When I left I told her your lucky the cops didn't come because if they looked behind you , you would get locked up for twoo hundred pounds of Crack, smirks and walks away.
Okay, Okay. Plan B would have been to just plant a big fat french kiss on her lips and that would probably killed her being nice to her. That would have given Simple a real treat. Just another story for all times.
I knew there would be stories. OMG!
Ernie Jr. just told me that instead of going to Florida in October. They should get twelve cages and put us on exhibition at the Philadelphia Zoo. Do you guys realize how old you are?
Yeah, when I was standing on the bar in down town Manhattan impersonating one Adolph Hitler at Midnight, I was about 18.. Why??? I was doing the tango with my cousin in an Irish Bar, and I had Chris doing Rodney Dangerfield. I also told everybody that he was the top rated drag queen in the Apple. Another ROAD TRIP!!!!!!! done. hitting it.., that's what Plain was saying about crack lady..LOL!! Talk too you guys tomorrow.
Start spreading the news their leaving today, their gonna make a brand new start of it PLAIN AND SIMPLE. If they can make it there they can make it anywhere its up too you PLAIN AND SIMPLETON!!!!! DA DA DA DA DA DA PLAIN AND SIMPLETON!!!!! "Stay Out Of Harms Way My Friends." TAPS.............
Thank You God.....
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